YOU'RE WELCOME HERE

asked someone at a festival if they minded if I smoked. she said yes. said k. she said why. she thought i said do you have facebook. lotta noise out here. i said oh. can i kiss you. we did. i don’t have facebook. never saw her again. lesbians, keep being dumb and talking nonsense, might not end up married but it’s lotta fun

so it’s summer again and pride month coming but who’s closeted ass is going to pride when tv cameras might make MY closeted ass a show on my family’s screens...?

yo

hung up on the first therapist i’ve called in years, feel like nothing

cousins out there having girlfriends, boyfriends and babies, while all i have is rage and this obviously traumatazing not-sure-if-if-really-experimented-this-rather-not-ask memory in my head. oh hi auntie.

not comfortable feeling anything like this for someone like you

still being lesbian after that much years trying to cancel myself has to be the same disappointment children feel when parents find them despite closing their own eyes

and it’s all starting again

lesbian aunt energy except i have no siblings but insistingly insist i do during family dinners, talking non sense about my “business” without anyone knowing where i am getting that money from, checking my phone going ‘uh, the ministry will soon fall’ and fluently speaking rare languages while commanding in foreign countries

a weird part of growing up wlw is identifying as both the man and the woman in a straight cinematographic relationship, isn’t it? Or maybe I am bi after all, etc, etc

having everyone explain to my little niece how i’m not a man despite my short hair while i’m a comfortably closeted lesbian w/ gender confusion has to be one of the most dissociating experiences i’ve had this far