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feeling extremely feral tonight kinda want to gnaw off my arm or sledgehammer an apartment wall

#there is literally no reason for tagging this post #and yet i will #pacing around like a creature who needs new enrichment in its enclosure #i think im going to get my ear pierced next weekend i cannot stand not having more holes in me

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Silly recent doodles

playing a lot of sts2 which unfortunately is full of single eyed characters that I am predisposed to find cute d/t my fondness for the beheaded

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #sts2 #orobas #personally i am fond of au the beheaded runs a biter rescue and makes youtube videos about it

Silly recent doodles

playing a lot of sts2 which unfortunately is full of single eyed characters that I am predisposed to find cute d/t my fondness for the beheaded

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #sts2 #orobas #personally i am fond of au the beheaded runs a biter rescue and makes youtube videos about it

Kinda wanna do some sort of story that's like dungeon meshi in terms of mashing up fantasy with cooking except fantasy with the modern world of IVF (as i am now super familiar with the world of ART from the inside)

Like some stuff is already so byzantine and convoluted ... Now add multiple humanoid species with varying biologies and etc

Fascinating

#senseless rambling #shrugs dunno what to tag this

I am actually alive and still drawing stupid stuff in the middle of the night

#saroart #dead cells #the collector #the beheaded #the beheaded is not a good role model do not follow their example #buenos dias collector #for anyone who cares (no one lmao) i am still working on a comic and have been writing #but the last year has been hell and everythinng has taken about 10x longer

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woke up at two am in the morning with this idea

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #proceeded to then have insomnia for an hour and a half #haunted by the specter of this dumb joke #the fish probably want them dead too lets be real #i really love dumb shirts and casual mode beheaded #they would wear socks with sandals and loudly patterned button down shirts #because this is my headcanon and i get to make the rules and i like ugly button down shirts from the thrift store

Shit is real goddamn tough right now so ... small Beheaded plus biter

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #its real fucking bad and i am trying to maintain some scrap of hope and sanity #dont know what else to say right now

heinous acts documented (more at 10)

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #the... cryptkeeper?#cant remember sorry!#her. with the lantern and the spider body and the fresh ponytail

6 years huh

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #belated anniversary #2018 to 2024 is 6 right #sometimes the passage of time gets me down #nothing to be done but trudge on #in your stupid party hat

unfortunately i am still not normal about this fucking game

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #dead cells may be dead and gone but not in my heart #anyway theyre gonna drop him in a minute

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saw a lizard

#saroart #rain world #slugcat #do they have fur to poof

officially summer or something

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #🕶️#me when im at work: rabidly want to draw #me at home: drawing? dont know her #also all my creative energy has been gping into writing lately #ive probably written 100k over like 8 versions #thats an exaggeration maybe #but at least 70k for sure #maybe this latest try will work #hopefully because its been a long time and id like to publish something soonish #anyway. beheaded in a guy fieri shirt. got the beach ball back i see.#i wanted to draw a super obnoxious pattern but in the end i was too tired #me with my face pressed up to the window looking at button down shirts with loud prints that i can't afford: i want you

wrote 30k words and decided I didn't like them or the order i put them in and so started over. alright cool great thank you brain 👍👍

#ah the joys of fanfic #writing in general but since i rarely write anything but fanfic its all intrinsically tied up with the fanfic experience for me #wish i could have realized id end up unhappy with it 20k words ago #some of it will get used but the rest goes in the great gdoc trashpit with all the rest of the stuff i wrote and said naaahhh to #on the upside im feeling mildly hopeful about this attempt #god work is bad for creativity #all i wanna do when i get home is play noita and listen to naddpod #but i also like living in a building and food and my medication so #work it is #also people ive helped are now pregnant which is exciting #there will be babies that i had a very very small part in bringing into the world #a kind of funny thought for a person who does not want children personally #but anyway reset the “its been x days since saro scrapped a fanfic” clock

Sometimes you spend Saturday (one of your two free days a week) sitting in the stairwell because your insurance will only fill your specialty meds thru the mail and your doorbell is broken so if you want to get your medication you have to watch for the FedEx truck

By you I mean me

(5 hours and meds still not here)

I am tired of having this body and I deserve a new one after the massive hell this one has put me through

#im sleepy and irritable #didnt want to spend all day in thr stairwell watching for the fedex truck #its cold and i am sore and my teeth hurt because orthodontia #i want a nap #i dont know that a sign would work #i did think about it #but also its my goddamn multiple thousands of dollars worth of medicine #because hellscape where a chronic illness means you have to deal with more bullshit than non chronically ill people #which makes sense punish those sick fucks for being sick they obviously brought it on themselves #anyway point is i dont want to fuck around with it #i literally got married to afford this medication lmao #wish i hadnt now but also what could i have done?#how much after 5 do i wait....

Bow problems (+ other nonsense)

#saroart #dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #they just wanted a nice bow #the collector can do a lot of stuff but i don't think he's good at bows #i was drawing a lot of antagonistic beheaded/collector content so i wanted to do some more cute junk #okay a lot is an exaggeration. still #need some guys being buds content sometimes #weird monster guys doing domestic shit is my favorite genre #i got a bonus at holiday time and im tempted to buy a tablet i can use portably #esp because holy fuck i don't know how to draw anymore #but also i just spent stupid money on tickets to live podcasts so i probably shouldn't #unrelated im very upset today because fucking UPS didn't ring my goddamn doorbell and so “”missed me“” and couldnt deliver my specialty meds #why must i get my meds through ups #because the us is a hellscape and i am beholden to my health insurance company #ups who has literally never managed to get a package to this apartment #tbh im stressed as fuck about having to go through this every goddamn month

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Pretending it's still 2011 and making playlists is a thing that happens

#dead cells #the beheaded #the collector #is the collector actually associated with the moon?#definitely at least superficially #just by general... like... proximity #but tbh at this point sometimes i dont know what is actually supported and what was just something that i thought once and was like yeah #but yeah its a ship playlist that ive spent a stupid amount of time on #shrugs #i think its good #the music is nice anyway #some of it is incredibly on the nose and some is more vibey but i tried to make it flow and have a kind of narrative #enjoy if its your kinda thing #its my kinda thing because back in the day it was one of the only ways i found new music #so im very fond of them #Spotify

sometimes I look at the folders of 2 (3?)-plus years of art that has never been posted (or only posted extremely privately) and think I should try to monetize this somehow to help pay for certain medical procedures that are not covered by insurance

But then remember that there is not a market and so just move on to more reasonable strategies like saving money every month. also it is extremely antithetical to my nature to advertise myself (made getting a new job fuckin loads of fun) even for a cause like being more comfortable in my body so I doubt it would ever go anywhere

Also also I would feel bad about getting money for my dumbass drawings and/or weird written bullshit that isnt good enough for ao3

#already paid 2k out of pocket for orthodontia #if i do ever date again at least i want to have nicer teeth godamnit #dating is already terrifying enough without being incredibly ashamed of my mouth #also they reccomended it for health reasons so #couldnt afford braces as a kid so im 🌟treating myself🌟 now #maybe if i meet my deductible and get a letter theyll pay for surgery #problem is im not dysphoric enough for it to be like A Medical Problem #just like mildly all the time a little upset at having tits #but i anticipate it will probably only get worse esp with continued hormone treatment #ah well whatever ive survived with tits for like 18 years i can probably get by a few more #i hate that i have even a slight motivation to turn what is supposed to be the thing i do to make myself happy into more work #its already hard enough to start drawing these days and im thinking about more pressure?#sigh. maybe i should just take like a deliberate month off and specifically not draw rather than incidentally not draw #and focus on other things. fallow fields and all that #i dunno life is just a lot sometimes #and my goddamn bathtub doesnt seal right so the tub drains and im like come the fuck on i wanted to soak

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