My Hair is Full of Secrets

Live Brennan reaction:

ok so i think he’s almost cried plenty of times, y’know that thing he does where his eyes fill with tears but they never actually fall? ilya fucks him so good i can see that happening on a regular basis, but it’s not like he likes him or anything, it’s completely involuntary, ilya’s hitting so deep and that’s just how his body reacts, couldn’t possibly mean anything else….

i’m gonna be boring and say the first time he actually cries during sex is at the cottage, probably after the thing with his parents. there was a really good tumblr fic i read a while ago (i’m annoyed i can’t remember who wrote it) where after they get back to the cottage but before his parents come back over for dinner, all the stress of the day hits shane all at once and he kneels for a while with ilya’s cock in his mouth to settle his nerves. i think that helps get him through dinner, but he’s still feeling shaky after they leave

they fuck nice and slow that night, it’s been an emotional day for both of them, and ilya recognizes how off-kilter shane feels, but shane insists he still wants it, begs for ilya’s cock like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. shane feels so full it’s like he’s going to burst, so full of love for his boyfriend and relief that his parents still love him and they even like ilya too, it’s too much and he’s breathing faster and faster until his face scrunches and the tears come pouring out. ilya panics, asks shane what’s wrong, is he hurting him, tried to pull out but shane sobs and wraps his arms and legs so tight around him and begs him not to go, he’s fine, it’s so good everything’s just too much and he needs ilya to keep fucking him or else he’ll die and the tears just won’t stop. he pulls ilya down on top of him and buries his face in his neck, it’s safe there, he can let everything go and ilya will take care of him. after everything that’s happened over the last decade ilya is still here and they finally have each other and shane is never letting him go again

ilya’s losing his goddamn mind because this shouldn’t be hot, why is this hot? the man he loves is breaking down in tears and is so desperate for him and it’s the hottest thing ilya’s ever seen, and he’ll definitely have a little crisis about it later but for now shane needs him and he has to keep going, has to keep fucking shane until there’s nothing left in him. he wraps his arms around shane’s back and behind his neck and pulls him impossibly closer, “i’ve got you, lyubimyy, shhh it’s ok, let it out for me, good boy…”

…and on that note i have to clock in for work ✌️

Hiii cutie bug! Again sorry to be late to get to his glorious glorious ask omg.

But YES I think this is how it went down if Shane was never to cry during casual era sex. Like Shane had always held held held in the tears when he felt overwhelmed during their hookup era, let them shimmer in his eyes but he was always so unsure how much he could share of himself with Ilya. He never cries- ever- it’s so rare, he has gotten so good at making sure they never fall and who is he to put his tears on his casual fuck Ilya Rozanov.

Adore the idea the Shane knees for a while with Ilya after getting back to the cottage, just using Ilya as his grounding his cock filling his mouth as he tries to re centre. Tries to find his way in the haze of his dad knowing of boyfriends I think so yes probably and his mum knowing and his mum apologising and it’s too much. Too much.

But YESSS yes Shane on his back, Ilya’s cock deep stretching him open, up over him and Shane is gazing up at this man, his man that is fucking him. The hulk of muscle and skin and Shane loves it, loves him. He loves being fucked and he loves men and he loves Ilya- he’s not sure be could live without this. And it’s. It’s alright. His parents know and it’s ok- it’s good even they like Ilya ans it’s so much it’s still still so much in the whole world and whole hockey of it all but his mum and his dad shook Ilya’s hand and had dinner with him and shared vodka with him and his dad had laughed at one of Ilya’s jokes and his mum had insisted Ilya have a second helping and Shane is so horrible in love.

And Shane just shatters, shatters, he takes in a long breath through his nose and there’s a soft keening sound and then he’s sobbing, sobbing and fuck it feels good it feels so good after being so scared today, so scared and happy and nervous and terrified and in love love love. It’s all been so fucking big and new and scary and worse of all, unpredictable. But now, now he feels held, taken care off, owned in the valley of has body, the thick press of his cock.

Ilya is all “Shane? Okay, okay hang on” and he’s starting to pull back and he’s like you said Shane grips him to him, his thighs and arms pinned tight tight around him, pulling him in and gasping “please fuck please no Ilya closer” and Ilya is nodding and petting his hand down the back of Shane’s head, kissing all over his face and crooning soft words, mixes of Russian he doesn’t know and sweet English that makes his heart ache.

Shane is nodding and nails in Ilya’s back and he’s gasping “please Ilya fuck me, fuck me, I need it. Need you” and Ilya nods and kisses him all tongue and open mouthed and then tucking Shane into him, wrapped up to his chest and he’s fucking him deep and aching.

Shane is shaking and sobbing into Ilya’s neck and moaning and Ilya is just cooing “it’s okay, you’re ok, I have you, I’ve got you, my Shane, it’s alright, you can let it go, it’s alright I love you. I’m right here” and it destroys Shane, he’s rubbing his face into Ilya’s neck and nails are digging into his back.

until the dam breaks and he’s incoherent with need, until it’s all escaping, all this emotion and stress and love and fear and desire have nowhere else to go and ilya’s fucking it all out of him, forcing a sob out of shane’s mouth with each hard steady thrust like a metronome, his body lurching upwards but never going far with how tight ilya has him pinned

i feel like most people can be split into two groups: shane coded ilya fuckers, and ilya coded shane fuckers. to be clear that's you identify with shane, and want to fuck ilya. or you identify with ilya, and want to fuck shane.

but then like..... to complicate things....