a song for you

Who was it who always looked as if they’re just about to cry? Get them back for the times you’ve been laughed at in your life When you blow them all away, leaving nothing in your wake It won’t be a knife or bomb you use to find your way

Promise me no matter what’s to come in all the days ahead That you’ll tear off the price that’s been placed upon your head Although our day to day is worth no more than waste It’s too early for it to be thrown away

Once again, there’s a trembling silhouette At the station that marks the end The future me of tomorrow is waiting to see If my selfishness and stupid whims will bring with them a pitiful fate

Though I’m sure we’ll see a day when cars will all be taking flight Though I’m sure we’ll see a day machines can speak like you and I What’s with that kind of conscience? Before you cite “convenience” Won’t you heal the open wounds still bleeding from my heart?

So if missiles were to fly through such a distant, clouded sky And I’m meant to find my happiness within that kind of life Then I must hold onto all my kindness Can I be the me I wanted for myself?

They all say to keep your eyes ahead and hold your head up high But there’s nothing to see if there’s never any light If it’s me all on my own, or the two of us alone Loneliness is still lonely without a place to go

“How I want to die” I'm singing such a song, yet Growing sick of it, the looks I get stab through my chest And it’s plain to see Or that’s how I thought it should be My quiet pleas are breaking free, I try to speak — why won’t they reach? The words still escape me

One more day that the me of today will waste Half-awake, lost deep in some game How nice it’d be, if tomorrow were never to come But the final train so loudly shakes me from my daze to take me away

If I hide away the hurt and say that love’s not worth a thing Then I’m sure my heart will suffocate in endless guilt and grief “Hey, how’s it going, you there?” “There’s nothing we can do here” What a pain, how I hate this no-good present self of mine

Grinding away all the same everyday The time I spend by your wayside This tried and true routine is way too easy to fall into

It’s strange and yet I’m resigned to repeat The peace of mind that it brings me These empty words that I've had enough of aren't enough but

I’m simple-minded, plain as can be There’s nothing more I can see here I sit and settle down, as though my legs can walk no longer

If we have come so far from the start There should be nothing to stop me From getting up and going anywhere I want

Gone far away, far on my way Remembering what water tastes like Out in the street, too dizzy to see The blurry night is passing by me Far away, far on my way I’m stuck in place so leave me here to stay and languish away

I wanted to know what I never had known But nothing I learned left me something to show I’m crushed by the sea as I sink ‘til I struggle to breathe Yet I dream of a butterfly’s wings

I wanted to find a thing I could like But nothing I tried made me feel alright Although I had strived to do right, the ideal way of life Was far ahead of me I fell behind with it out of my reach

It should be passing by one and the same The time I spend by your wayside And yet these mindless days Grow longer, dragging on forever

My head is hazy from sleeping away I crawled awake to all the aching Where should I go, when I don’t know how to walk on my own?

I’m pure of heart, naive as can be There's nothing else left to see here I hoped to share with you my self in all its humble wholeness

And yet your shadow is out of my sight I stumbled trying to find it I guess I'll spend yet another sleepless night without you

When I ask you what you'd like to do You answer there's nothing much for you Tell me what you think, anything The silence stretches ever longer

The meal we had shared today, for one And for two, a place to go for fun Nothing new, no matter what I choose What should I have done to please you?

Far away, far on my way Remembering what water tastes like Out in the street, too dizzy to see The blurry night is passing by me Far away, far on my way I’m stuck in place so leave me here to stay and languish away

Your flourishing form seemed so larger than life My withering self quickly fell far behind I want to be saved, though I pray, crying upwards in vain Were my words already worthless as trash?

With thought crimes gone, I’ve no reason to think I know that I won’t ever know what it means Nonsensical talk scrawled across such a flimsy facade Yet my hands can’t seem to tear it away

Just sticking with everything expected of life Is such an ordeal I can’t help but cry I stare in the mirror to see something weak and depraved

It was a shallow thing It was a shallow thing It was a shallow thing It was a shallow reflection of me

Chasing shadows of those distant days Merely a memory of the past Burnt away like a fire set ablaze Leaving me nothing but the ash

I've been running all this time From the days I couldn't help but cry When will I miss them all the same?

As the moments pass on by And the memories lessen with time Could I face them with a smile?

With the time I have remaining in this life I must begin to walk ahead Light the way like a candle in the night Burning until there's nothing left

And I couldn't catch my breath In those stormy days without an end When will I find my own way forth?

As the moments pass on by And the memories lessen with time Could I face them with a smile?

If all the pebbles pile higher up 'til they begin to sway Then my heart left to the wind will set into the night If I'll be found someday so soon If I'm found one day by you I'll be light, pristine, like snow so white

And I've been playing nothing but this game of shadow-stepping tag As I'm searching for a stepping stone to weigh my sins If you come find me in the end If you find me once again I'll be distant, patient, tender-kept

In the looking glass, your image seen In your eyes, what visage do you see of me?

Deep in someone's / Nightmare, you're / All on your own And in fragments / Now you're still / Dreaming on alone But this D/N/A can't be forged or repressed For my bleeding heart is immutable and set Dyed in red Dyed in red

It's not too much for only a lonely and sleepless child knows How it's coded so coldly in love and hatred both Have I found the answer yet? Will I find the answer yet? To the sound I couldn't make aloud

Deep in someone's / Nightmare, you're / All on your own And connected / Now you're still / Dreaming on alone But this D/N/A can't be said or expressed For my endless pain is embedded to the end Dyed in red Dyed in red

The form seen through the mirror's view A curse reversed in D/N/A The formal proof of me and you A warmth immersed in D/N/A

What's with all the stares? Always with that stare It's not the first time I've been there What's with all the stares? Stop it, I swear It's so cute but it tastes unforgivably of sin

It's amiss, it's amiss, it's gone amiss It's a miss, I'm losing my wits My deceit, a secret, is breaking to bits It's come to this, forgive me

So fine, close your eyes, then you'll never see It's blooming forth, fully formed like a flower transformed There's nothing I can try, I can't hide behind Makeup so disgusting making up a disguise

So fine, close your eyes, then you'll never see It's blooming forth fully formed, like a flower transformed I'll never become the bud I used to be

What's with all the stares? Always with that stare If so then why don't you go ahead and disappear? Go and disappear Go and disappear Go and disappear Say you'll stay right here

So fine, close your eyes, then you'll never see It's blooming forth, fully formed like a flower transformed There's nothing I can try, I can't hide behind Makeup so disgusting making up a disguise

If you act on your senseless whims and stab them into me How nice it'd be, how nice it'd be

If you take your pretentious words and stab them into me How nice it'd be, how nice it'd be

Even though I had thrown it away All of my life hid behind my sleeves, where I Never had a chance to burn the remains into ashes, ah

Forget me, just let me fade out and die, 'cause there's nothing left for such a life now I’m dreaming, so deeply, lost in the daze that blossomed from a past I couldn't escape The hurting, ensuring, no one can see, so there's not a single thing to heal me as I bleed It's something I’ve known all along, ah, compose the future full of regret

Pretending I'm alive while living for the day I die Is that my life? That's life, alright

Then for what reason was I born imperfect and weak In a body that can't mature, yet complete With a heart alive and so firmly beating

And I watered it for day after day Thinking that flowers would surely grow But the seeds were never sown in soil so barren and lifeless

So I just ran away forgetting, I’m getting rid of this love, a shallow sickly thing that's just the trend now The worried, assuring voice of a friend is thinner than the nails I’ve bitten away

There's nothing worth knowing, nothing to see, and there's not a single thing in worthless words like these It's something I’ve known all along, ah, compose the future full of regret

Praying that my candle burns out slower Hoping it's enough to carry me over Could the dimly lit remains ahead be Left behind by one who once had fallen astray?

Such is the life we live Such is how we live the life we're given Ah, would it be fine if I was never born? Was my very life a mistake?

Forget me, just let me fade out and die, 'cause there's nothing left for such a life now I’m dreaming, so deeply, lost in the daze that blossomed from a past I couldn't escape The hurting, ensuring, no one can see, so there's not a single thing to heal me as I bleed It's something I’ve known all along, ah, compose the future full of regret Compose the future full of regret

They intersect, line to line

I always try dressing up with the styles that I like

I’m sure it’s right to treasure my identity

The circles meet, sign to sign

They’re growing deep, even more now, face to face

Since when did I get overwhelmed being the minority?

What can I do, here at the end of the road?

Could I still stay with you if I don’t let my secret go?

If we could reach our feelings and let them ring

If we could resonate

Then would we always stay all the same and never lose our way?

A life defined by blind beliefs

I hide my eyes, pretending not to see

If we kept connected, would I have tried to change…

to say I’ll stay or stay in pain?

I always try pulling to tighten the threads

But every time, all my feelings get tangled in my chest

I’ve given up, forever choosing to keep my distance

No end to choose, from the start of the road

I want to stay with you, so I won’t let my secret go

If we could paint our meeting as fateful scenes

If we could resonate

Then would we always stay all the same and never lose our way?

A hide and seek of falling astray

We find relief in melancholic days

If we kept connected, would I have tried to change…

I stitch a stronger seam, I knit another piece

I patch up the rest, what is left for me to do?

Cut the loose ends, and smile

Cut you off with a smile even though

I’d smile, even though… 

The edges blur together, the future unsure

If only I could say, then we would never stay, never stay

If we could try reflecting the self we see 

If we could resonate

Then would we always stay all the same and never lose our way?

A life defined by blind beliefs

I hide my eyes, pretending not to see

If we kept connected, would I have tried to change…

If such a world is worth no more than garbage at my feet It should be easy just to run away from all of it But yet again I force myself to take another breath I grip the fence that overlooks the edge with hands as cold as ice

The dream I peeled away decays, a sour aftertaste That lingers on, the pain keeps me awake all day and night Behind the well-lit streets, drenched in relentless rain, I saw A faceless carcass, remnants of a cat cast out to rot

Today, the same I tread along the beaten path Foolishly following close to the flow of the lightless crowd Confined inside a cage we know as human life Fearing the long-fated day when my sin catches up to me in stride

With an overwhelming beautiful love immersed in ugliness Fill my wretched heart and tear my life apart Singing out my dreams of salvation as I try to reach heavens that I’ll never see

Take my overflowing feelings from such a life of worthlessness Show me that it’s weak and tearing at the seams Drink up my emotions before the tears start spilling, don’t leave behind a single thing

I’ve never known pain or how it feels to hurt the same Merely pretending, feigning all the sadness deep in me Crushed ideals and crumbled dreams lay beaten into dust The single bud that sprouted from the rubble - what could it have seen?

“Lead the righteous way,” we all pray to God in vain So we might never stray or lose our way We all pity the deep-seated pain we can see With a skin-deep love too faint to see

Could a kindness like this someday have saved someone’s life? Then could a life such as mine someday be repaid in kind? But these days all I do is say how I want to die So I’ll never be the heart of someone’s life

With an overbearing miserable voice immersed in ugliness Judge me as I beg forgiveness for my sins Spilling out from the silhouette of my existence, what filthy color does it bleed?

If there really is a god in this world, then is he silently Laughing at our bleak, distorted destinies? Once again, my mind is beset by senseless questions with answers never meant for me

“Goodbye,” he signs Resigned to throw away his life Writing a suicide note with a final farewell, he smiles It seems to me, the beasts we know as “humankind” Living and learning, repeating the same kind of sins for all their lives

With an overwhelming beautiful love immersed in ugliness Fill my wretched heart and tear my life apart Singing out my dreams of salvation as I try to reach heavens that I’ll never see

Oh what a blessed beloved world so filled with love into which I was born as a monster It's like a wretched puppet hurled into an era with nothing left following orders The thread of red spun by a spider Of course the web would entangle a hunter So can't you give me this at least, a reason even I could live indifferent doctor?

Oh what a vague old new age world so hard to place into which I was born as a monster It's like a careless hand had tossed it all away without regard for how quickly it scattered A simple pitch that becomes a slider Of course, a miss once again for the batter It's hard to feign an unfazed face, and keep the pain at bay so give me some more medicine, doctor

Reciting such a nonsense spell as a futile prayer I chew my nails and wait for some kind of savior Calling out a name not even I remembered

Ah In the end, if I came to love humankind There's not a place that I could ever call mine, it's Surely hurting, my heart's crying out, so don't forget me In the end, if I came to love humankind That kind of love in turn would never be mine And so, the day descended

I tried to do the right thing No matter how it might seem A rift was quickly widening Forcing me to my knees

If happiness comes three times Then sadness follows times nine This pair of shoes I laced tight Would take me through the late night

Today again I buy time By lingering in paradise I'd grown so used to my plight I had not the means to leave it

Think on it again, oh won't you please Leave it as it is, oh won't you please Look at me, oh won't you please

Ah If I lived the beginning of humankind There's not a memory there for me to call mine, it'd Surely hurt me even more than before, so go, laugh at me If I lived the beginning of humankind That kind of right to live would never be mine It seems I'm lost in weakness

I realized it, hold my hand so tight I finally reached it, who would need this life of mine I know I'm filthy, but please fill me with so much love I could die

If I lit up a beautiful final light I won't be rid of all the hurting inside, I'm Sure I remember, I secretly wished to bloom I think I might have tried It's finally in my sight Almost mine A love close to life

Ah In the end, if I came to love humankind It wouldn't prove that I was ever alive, and Someone like me doesn't deserve it at all, but don't forget me If I've cried ninety nine or so lonely times At least it won't become a hundred tonight I've found my self in all its wholeness, ah And just like that, our love has ended

I’ve kept on going time and time again Searching for a way to live, for a way where I won’t hurt in the end I wonder just how many times it’s been But I’m so tired out that I’ll leave it here for now

I’m sorry that I can’t be enough, though I try I’m sorry that I can’t be strong this time I pray tomorrow won’t ever come, and that’s all I have to say

How can I explain? My tears won’t go away As I’m drowning in a sea of all the loneliness and pain Each passing of day, my heart falters and fades With these thoughts, with these feelings piercing deep into me

No, not anymore, don’t say anything more As we swim through the night’s horizon dyed in starry light Ah, in the end, I still couldn’t say a thing

I held on, and embraced it through the night So warm, beyond that ever gentle light I don’t know if I can find it in my heart I don’t, but I want to know of love

“Still I want to live a little more.” Till I’m strong enough to say those simple words For today, at least, don’t say this is goodbye Breathe in, breathe out, that’s good enough for now

How long have I gone on this way Thinking this is the day I say goodbye and bring it all to an end Who would ever think such a life could have some kind of worth? Who is there? Who would care?

The rain falls on us today just as it falls all the same Let’s put up an umbrella over our hearts And wait until there comes such a day when the sky begins to clear

All of the grief and the pain fades to an everyday kind of ache To the point where I don’t know why I’m hurting anymore All of your kindness and warmth, the light filling your words I couldn’t tell you just how much they meant through all my tears

Sorry for being so weak, this world has no place for me But even so I want to hold you in a warm embrace Then, in the end, could you smile one more day?

Hey, how should I walk so I don’t mess up And simply walk ahead like everyone does? Hey, tell me how should I heal when I’m so covered in the wounds from when I fell and tumbled down alone in the dark?

All the words I can’t bring to the light It’s like no one understands me, only the night And so I prayed for dawn to never come A wish without a sound Is that enough for now?

Softly embracing through the night So warm, beyond that ever gentle light I don’t know if I can find it in my heart I don’t, but I want to know of love

In suspense, I saw the credits as they rolled onto the screen

It descends, I watched my future as it warped beyond the scene

Seems this is the end

The curtains close upon the final act of my daydream

Showing the truth that it meant nothing for all the world to see

A memory calls to my mind

The sun setting in the sky, a song left unsung

"Let's go home, on this road

Take my hand and never let go"

Could a foolish coward

Reach that hand and hold it close?

I guess we'll never know

Wishing I could hold you tight

My life was flashing by

There in the evening sky

I lit up a light to sear our love in blinding red

As my heart decays and rots away

My selfless feelings fade

In a story that denied the life I had to live

I didn't want to say aloud

"See you soon, goodbye for now"

The tears I couldn't help but shed

And all the words I never meant

I didn't want to stay like this

Where you and I were only friends

Though my words won't reach, I know

"It was my fault, I loved you the most"

And if I the path I chose was wrong

I didn't want to know at all

The tears I couldn't hold inside

Are swallowed by the burning sky

Though I can't return like this

Though I can't go home again

Everything hurts me, even now

It's like my life's turned upside down

Ah, falling down and burning out

My light begins to die

There in the evening sky

Our love had been dyed in lyrics filled with my regrets

They won't go away, they still remain

My selfish feelings stay

In a story that denied my right to "happiness"

I didn't want to end like this

Where you and I were only friends

The tears you never saw me cry

Are swallowed by the burning sky

And even if I'd chosen wrong

And even if I'd known it all

If my words could reach, then know

The flow of time just passes by

Again, I’m left far behind

This place where I find myself is so far away

from the dream I thought I could reach

A future that shines, no end in sight

Oh, what a worthless design

I turn to the gaps between my dreams

and ask them which direction should I go

Away, away, I wandered far away

While carrying the suffocating pain

Again, again, they echo in my head

The voices of a city

If I can’t escape from the chasm of my dreams

I’d rather engulf myself in the night and disappear

‘Til I start to stray, could you stay right here with me?

How stupid I am

But never again

For now, I’ll embrace every moment and live

the best that I can

A story that leads to tragedy

I’ve grown so tired of these

You say that you’ll try to bind my dreams out of kindness, but

that’s just so blindly absurd

If this were a bleak reality

Could I still do as I please?

I turn to the gaps between my dreams

and ask them which direction should I go

Away, away, I tried to look away

To stop myself from drowning in the gray

Those worthless words were filling up my heart

And slowly overflowing

If I start to wake from the trenches of my dreams

The colors dissolve and cloud the night sky in murky shades

If I lost my way, would you keep your hand in mine?

I think that I’ll try

To stay by your side

And so I will face every moment and live

But still I wander…

Immersed in the light of a flickering warmth

And I’m still drawn to those fleeting idyllic beliefs

Although I don’t know if I’ll ever open my heart

I know it’s selfish of me

If I can’t escape from the chasm of my dreams

I’d rather engulf myself in the night and disappear

‘Til I start to stray, could you stay right here with me?

How stupid I am

But never again

For now, I’ll embrace every moment and live

Now let the reason for my life bloom out and fill the deep blue night

Write my pain and lies, the scars I hide into a melody

If all my love and dreams, not worth a thing, could save a single life

Would my song light up the hazy sky and set the darkness free?

Even though there’s so much happiness, it’s become a stale routine

How can I fill the emptiness of the void inside me?

I’m a liar writing hopeful words, things like living life so free

With this machine inside my heart, ticking every beat

What to think, can’t do a thing, can’t change a thing

All of the words I wrote, the vivid notes, fade to worthless noise

It’s still not enough, won’t be enough

With such a useless song

Ah how can I light up a single heart like this?

Now let the reason for your life break through and tear the woeful night

Answers might be mistakes, but write your todays into a melody

I’m crying out, can you hear this desperate, foolish voice of mine?

Though it’s nothing but the pleading of a nobody like me

Somehow please, somehow please give me a reason to live

Tell me why such a worthless life should keep going on

Someone please, someone please come find me here in the sky

Though it shines, no one needs the midday moon high above

I can feel my throat swell up and hurt, as I swallowed back my words

Something catches in my chest, wonder what it could be

As I watched the rainclouds from afar, darkness swallowed up my heart

Reaching out my soaking hand to that crimson red

Write all you want, but it may never be a fruitful effort

Spend all you have, but it may be a waste of time and money  

As life goes on your words fade out into the past

That might be true, but I was born into this world, so I will sing this song forever

There are things that cannot be saved by just righteousness alone

If it means you cannot be strong while still shedding tears

Then I guess I’m alright with being weak

Now let the reason for your life break through and tear the woeful night

Answers might be mistakes, but write your todays into a melody

And I don’t know, I don’t know about your talents or your life

Even if this world is only filled with lies

Just live on

‘Til there comes a dawn that rises from the loveless night

Your existence might be worthless but you’ll find yourself with time

Don’t ever say it’d be beautiful if you gave up and died

Not a single flower blooms to wither out and fall from life

Find a love with such ugliness yet still beautiful

Fill the gaps in my heart so it can shine bright and full

Tell me what kind of song, what kind of words I must sing

So that I could become the guiding light through the night