royalty

@sehun247

jongin lights the end of his cigarette with bloody fingers, his knuckles torn from connecting with bone, the sleeves of his shirt stained and unbuttoned carelessly. his chest is full of fire, still undampened despite the fistfight he’s just incurred, despite the rage he’s just worked out on these poor, pathetic sods on the other side of the rooftop. there’s a group of three kids, all knocked out cold sprawled across the unforgiving cement a few yards away, probably going to be unconscious for at least another 30 minutes, which is fine. it gives him enough time to sip the smoke into his lungs and pray for lung cancer. he’s so fucking done right now.

at least sehun is sitting next to him, his partner in crime, the only kid in this goddamn school who doesn’t grind on jongin’s nerves and fill him with disgust. honestly, jongin burns with enough of a blaze he could set this whole building alight, leave it in the dust where it belongs, send it on down to hell with his well wishes to satan. well except that apparently, he is satan. if that’s the case though, it’s a title he’ll wear well, he’ll own it, he’ll live up to it—not that he doesn’t already. he certainly seethes like all of hell itself, and even after colliding violently with these idiots and pouring out his fury onto them all, it’s still not enough to cool him off. he wants to explode.

He let out a loud sigh, head tilting back to rest against the brick. His lip was swollen, and his fingers ached, and he knew he'd have plenty of things to answer for later on. Not that his mom actually cared about his well-being, necessarily, just that a son with a split lip and battered skin didn't present the best image for their beloved family. He didn't care, there was a rare sensation of overwhelming calm running through him at the release of anger.

@sehun247

he leans up out of the bed and stifles a yawn, the lines of his body aching and spent, the stretch he can’t withhold giving him more dimension and length physically. he wipes a hand over his eyes and through his hair, bending forward before sighing and opening his eyes, the rumpled sheets everywhere around him. he’s not happy. he should be happy, but he’s not; he’s getting what he wants, what he expects to need from exactly the person he wants it from, but somehow, burning in the base of his brainstem, his throat on fire, there’s a disturbed sensation boiling in him, a dissatisfaction. he’s familiar with it of course, knows the ins and outs of it like every sort of fine wine he’s spent his life tasting, accustomed to this degradation, this deficiency, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

his head hangs for a moment, like the moon in outside the window, the threat of dawn nearing somewhere close to the eastern horizon, and for a moment, he doesn’t think he can do what he knows he has to; he doesn’t think he can leave like this again. a hard swallow scorches through him, dark eyes peering over to the body beside him on the bed, his routine screaming for him to disappear before the other wakes up. aesthetically sehun is perfect, all strong limbs and wry smiles and unshakable loyalty, their friendship, or whatever the hell this is, having spanned back since they were teenagers, jongin’s appreciation for him having never faded, only intensified. but things between them are more complicated than that, always so damn complicated, and jongin can’t see a feasible way out.

he shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be tangling things up even more, burying himself in sehun more nights than he’d ever admit to anyone, in more ways than one. the idea that having sex with the guy who is supposed to be his best friend should help deaden jongin’s personal problems, is careless and idiotic, and he knows this. he should stop this, he should leave.

His gaze settles on his best friend, remaining silent for a moment as he looks at him, taking in his messed up hair and the soft pout of his lips. Every time he looks at Jongin, there's a catch in his throat, a little reminder of all the forbidden thoughts he keeps locked far away someplace he never plans to open up. They'd been friends for years, a friendship based on the terror they liked to inflict on their classmates. But somewhere along the way, it had gotten more confusing than just laughing and picking on students together.

seunghyun manages to slip away from the main crowds of people, wandering over to the side of the room where giant, ornate pillars pretend to hold up the walls of the grand conference hall. the décor is of course stunning and immaculate, as it always must be, but seunghyun has had his fill of pretty interior designs and men and women chattering about how many vacations they’ve already been on this year. standing over by the wall and waiting for the evening to pass is a pastime seunghyun knows very well—having done it at every social function throughout his childhood. some things never really change, it seems.

he is still slightly within eye-sight of sehun, albeit he has to look through one or two standing couple to maintain the vision of him. sehun looks gorgeous of course, and it’s a painful reminder of everything seunghyun has said to him, everything he hasn’t said back. his phone buzzes again and he tries to discreetly read the messages, frowning a bit. he’s always so pissed off at him lately—he’s really taking this engagement thing hard.

[ txt -> daisy cutter bomb ] ok no fighting [ txt -> daisy cutter bomb ] just remember u promised that [ txt -> daisy cutter bomb ] she’s busy and i don’t want to see her tonight anyway

he bites his lower lip, getting up the courage to move, his gaze flittering between his phone and the boy on the other side of the room. just exactly how angry is sehun at the moment? would he shun him if he approached him? he watches the other walk over to a table and sit down, understanding it to be as good an opportunity as any. he pushes away from the wall and makes a bee-line for the table, his long legs making quick work of the distance.

he doesn’t bother asking for permission before taking the seat next to sehun, eyes forward, shoulders straight, jawline tightened. his gaze spans over across the room, the mingling groups of people he wants almost nothing to do with. “i know you’re frustrated and i’m sorry,” he murmurs low, just loud enough that sehun alone can hear him, tilting his chin down slightly, but still not looking over at him. “i miss you, i want to make things better.”

Sehun was already more than ready for the evening to be over. The airs everyone put on, the fake smile he was forced to plaster on whenever he was approached. While wearing a mask was second nature to him by this point, he was always pretending with someone, it was sometimes just too much to keep doing. Especially when there was a factor like Seunghyun there to keep tripping him up.

[msg ; tabi cat] just don't push me until I have to break the promise [msg ; tabi cat] mm, just get ready for the marriage where you'll see her every single day

Sehun sighed and gestured for a passing waiter to pass him another glass of champagne. The glass is raised to his lips as he notices Seunghyun coming straight for him. This isn't the right time, and certainly not the right place. But it doesn't stop Seunghyun from taking the seat next to him, and Sehun's jaw clenches slightly as he lowers the glass carefully back to the table.

there’s a difference between cause and effect in every relationship, even the fucked-up, half-of-nothing relationships like the one seunghyun has found himself strangely bound in with the other male. one person can say something or do something with certain intents, but that might not transfer over well to the other party, and who’s fault that is, is always up in the air, but seunghyun’s opinion is that it lies with the first category. if you say something to someone else and they take it wrongly, you are at fault for not expressing yourself clearly—this is what he believes.

sehun saying he hadn’t tried to hurt seunghyun means almost nothing to him, given that trying for something like that is unnecessary. he just did—it just hurt, and whether sehun hadn’t meant for that or not is irrelevant. seunghyun’s face squints a moment as he listens to the other, as his eyes darken and he tilts his head. he has to ignore the way sehun’s body is leaning back alluringly against that door, has to ignore the way his lips feel dry and needy in such close, private proximity like this. every nerve in his body feels like it’s burning, but not just anger; sadness, need, longing. now that they’re alone seunghyun feels his heart contract with every beat, and he wants to rip it out of himself.

after another moment, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, brings up the messages he’s sent to sehun, without any replies back. “sehun, i haven’t seen you in a while, wanna go for coffee. sehun, sooyoung is terrifying and might be trying to kill me, i need help. sehun, i’m really weak right now and i need you, are you there.” he reads them off like a list, taking small steps closer to the other with each unanswered text. “sehun, how are you? haven’t seen you in a while. sehun, i’m really worried about you, please message me back. did i do something wrong. are you angry at me. can you please talk to me. can you please answer your phone. why are you ignoring me, did i do something wrong.”

he stops finally and looks up at the other in the dimmed bathroom lightning, ugly shadows across both of them, heartbreak pounding in his chest. “what exactly were you trying to do then?” he presses his lips together and shakes his head, putting his phone back away. “no, that’s not good enough. what, did your phone break or something? i spent months thinking you hated me, you couldn’t find a second to catch anybody else’s cell to just let me know you were at least alive? it’s not like i have the freedom to come over to your place to meet you, you know. god, i…” he feels his nose start to sting and he fucking hates himself. “i missed you, asshole.”

he sighs when sehun says sorry, knows it’s not an easy thing for him to say, but he has to turn his head and look away to the wall, lick his lips, and will his frustration down. he wants to forgive him but he’d feel like such a walkover. where is the middle ground?

Sehun tries not to care about very much. And most of the time, he succeeds, he's able to scoff or roll his eyes at everything and successfully not care and not be bothered. But it isn't that way with Seunghyun, and it hasn't been for a long time, as much as he wants to convince himself otherwise. If it were anyone else he could say they were being melodramatic or that they should be grateful he's talking to them at all. But this is Seunghyun, looking beautiful and angry and something about seeing him hurt and pissed off is alluring in such a confined space.

His chest aches as Seunghyun reads the texts to him, all the words that he had never seen and the pleas that had fallen in his absence. His eyes stung a little as every word punctured him, of the hurt and need he knew was in those messages. He would not cry, but he has to take a deep breath to compose himself. His gaze remains transfixed on Seunghyun, watching the pain flit across his handsome face. “I never got those messages, Seunghyun...” he defends, though his voice sounds particularly quiet in the bathroom.

He can't blame Seunghyun for being angry, he can understand the hurt. And part of him wants to let him be hurt, because maybe now is the time he can finally walk away and end whatever ridiculous game they've been playing. But mostly, he knows he won't, knows he can't because there's an impossible pull toward him. Sehun licks his lips, and against his better judgment, he reaches out, letting a hand caress Seunghyun's face.

- 

Bora was starting to wonder what the other person does in their life to have so much free time on their hands to keep replying to a supposedly stranger they accidentally sent a message to. But Bora was far too amused with his replies, till the new ones arrived and she was left staring at the messages for a while before she replies, taking her time with her reply as love was brought to light. 

[ sms ➡ R.I.P Jeans ] No. Love is a whole different thing.  [ sms ➡ R.I.P Jeans ] Sex is sex.  [ sms ➡ R.I.P Jeans ] Doing it with so much emotion and deep connection with the person, that’s making love.  [ sms ➡ R.I.P Jeans ] I mean, anyone who knows what to do in bed can please and satisfy you.  [ sms ➡ R.I.P Jeans ] Love isn’t like that? I guess because when you do it with someone you love you feel.. complete? Not simply satisfied. It doesn’t simply satisfy you for that moment only. Not sure.  [ sms ➡ R.I.P Jeans ] Love hasn’t really found me yet, I guess? 

She found love. Love hasn’t found her yet. There was a difference. Making her way to the living room, dress comfortably and ready to be lazy for the day, she sits on the couch and turns the tv on, flipping through channels while her phone buzzes. Deciding to watch some horror movie playing on the screen. 

[msg ; don't drink and text] ugh that's so gross [msg ; don't drink and text] love is gross, to clarify [msg ; don't drink and text] I just don't see what's so great about being in love with someone like what so they can make you crazy? So you can obsess about them? So you want to spend all your time with them? Who needs that honestly?

He was a bit overcompensating for things, but he did have some rather negative lingering feelings about the entire concept of love and why everyone seemed to be chasing it. They were all weak. He rolled off the couch, texting someone else about going shopping with him.

Jiyong could fake kindness, he could feign a smile for the sake of masking his inner turmoil, but in the long run he wasn’t a good liar, especially when it wasn’t only about minor matters that wouldn’t have any importance the next day. Sooner or later his nervous habits would show and the shakiness of his voice would become harder and harder for him to control, and although the alcohol’s power wasn’t as mighty to utterly veil his restlessness and dithers, it could still tone it down. At least a little.

From Sehun he had always been receiving absolute honesty — or so it seemed — and he couldn’t imagine himself being any less genuine around him. His fidgety demeanor which he greeted the male with was surely more than unusual, maybe even disturbing and unsettling for someone who until now had seen the casually unbothered Jiyong. He had no clue how eager the man was to start mulling over their last meeting to figure out whether a certain occurrence gave him a reason for his sudden change back then, because in such case he would end up tormenting himself with thoughts that wrong words might’ve escaped his mouth without him noticing.

Trying not to read too much into the younger’s tone, since he’d rapidly assume he wasn’t as welcomed as Sehun affirmed, he responded solely with a crooked grin as his eyes continued to look aside instead of holding the other’s gaze. And when the silence (which he personally didn’t have the bravery to break) was ceased by the inquiring voice, Jiyong’s pupils half-unwillingly wandered in his companion’s direction.

“Do I really?” Tilting his head stiffly whilst he stared at him wide-eyed in both concentration and disbelief that Sehun could’ve been on the right path to effortlessly decipher him, he chuckled awkwardly and felt how his face was getting redder, not due to the liquor. “Actually, I was supposed to contact you some time ago… A few days or weeks ago… I don’t remember exactly,” He snorted bitter-sweetly under his breath, leaning in to rest his elbow on the bar counter.

Sehun was used to not exactly getting along with people. He was often a tumultuous person, and it wasn't so uncommon that he got into arguments or fights with people he knew. But it wasn't as though he could immediately think of anything that would cause some amount of strange tension between he and Jiyong. They'd hardly ever had any genuinely serious conversations, much less anything to warrant the strange feeling he was getting.

The last he'd spoken to Jiyong had been at the engagement. And while things hadn't exactly been pleasant for either of them, he didn't know what that had to do with it. Unless it had something to do with Jiyong's relationship with Sooyoung or Seunghyun. When Sehun went out for the night, he didn't usually expect to be in the middle of a strange conversation.

@sehun247

seunghyun comes home feeling all kinds of warm and happy, even though he stayed much later at the office than he’d intended to, even longer than required of him, since his coworkers present had required them all to sit around munching on cake and talking about various different aspects about their lives. a lot of them had already known him from his acting days before coming to the company—he’d found this out real quick after first joining the company, having written quite a few autographs for them—but this is the first time he’s ever actually been able to sit down with them and talk about stuff, talk about the process of acting and how much he’d loved it.

he feels a better connection to his workplace now, and that’s a good thing he decides, since he’ll be stuck there forever. he slides the key into the lock and hopes there’s still something good on television, since he intends to just collapse on the couch and pretend to stop existing for at least a few hours. it’s nearing midnight so he knows there’s no point calling anyone to hang out or come over; he’s not really allowed to go out drinking anymore anyway. not that he wants to tonight, surprisingly. he’s too tired.

he walks in and drops all his stuff by the door, taking his shoes off before realizing that his are not the only pair sitting there. he blinks a few times at the foreign shoes, trying to remember who they could belong to. a stranger? “hello?” he intones, hesitantly. suddenly he’s scared someone has invaded his apartment? should he run?

Sehun waved goodbye to the photographer, thanking her briefly before he could leave. As he stepped outside, he let out a quiet sigh. The photo shoot had taken a lot longer than it was supposed to have, given that they kept having technical difficulties. So it was already late by the time he left, and he glanced at his phone. It was Saturday, but he was a bit too tired to bother going out somewhere.

Even if he played with the idea of going out, however, there was one person he always tended to go to. Despite the fact that he was often annoyed with Seunghyun, and although he was almost always left wondering what they were or what the were supposed to be to each other, he couldn't deny that he felt most at home with him. Without bothering to send a message, he directed the driver to Seunghyun's building. He paid him well to keep quiet about whatever locations he went to, and the man had proven loyal enough over the years.

When he stood outside of the door, he knocked. It wasn't uncommon for him to just show up, though usually he did message him. But it also wasn't uncommon one of them worked late, so when there was no answer, he simply decided to let himself in with the key he knew Seunghyun kept as a spare. On entry, he glanced around to see if Seunghyun really wasn't home, though a part of him questioned if he was possibly with...someone else. But he pushed that thought to the side.

seunghyun rolls his eyes at sehun’s innocent-sounding question, as though he hasn’t been fucking waiting for him out here for god knows how long. seunghyun tries not to notice his watch whenever he’s pacing himself for sehun, since sehun would very much probably always disappoint him if he did. seunghyun is quite a punctual person, believing that everything ought to have its time and place, but sehun doesn’t seem to share this philosophy and it is sometimes a point of contention between them.

but not right now, seunghyun doesn’t want to fight with him—he misses him too badly. he lets sehun get into the back of the cab quietly, getting in after him, and then giving directions to his own apartment. he sits and relaxes a little bit, glad to be away from everyone else in that building, glad to not have to share sehun’s attentions anymore or worry that someone will see them; they can be alone now. well—almost alone. he reaches out and grabs sehun’s hand, looking over at him, but then that doesn’t feel like nearly enough contact and seunghyun regrets that the human population is not far enough advanced yet to have driver-less cabs.

seunghyun pulls out his wallet and leans forward to the window that separates the backseats of the cab from the front seats. “hey cabbie, do you know what a vow of silence is?” the man shrugs and says something in thai. seunghyun nods and reaches forward with a wad of cash, handing it to the man, who looks at him questioningly through the mirror. seunghyun puts a finger to his lips, and the man nods understandingly. he waits for a moment before sitting back in his seat and then practically lunging at sehun, wrapping his arms around him tightly and kissing him hard like he’s trying to inhale him. “i fucking miss you,” he whispers before biting sehun’s lower lip.

Sehun sometimes feels guilty about the way that he and Seunghyun have to lie to people to keep seeing each other, to keep everything confined to dark corners and taxi cabs so that no one can find out. But all the same, it offers them the freedom to have those moments together, and it never takes long before Sehun forgets about everyone else for a while.

A soft smile slips onto his face when Seunghyun’s hand finds his, squeezing softly as he meets his gaze. But when he pulls away, a brow raises and he watches silently at the exchange between them. There’s something strangely attractive about Seunghyun paying off some taxi driver, or maybe it was just that he liked seeing Seunghyun in control.

Sehun can’t help the soft laugh that leaves his lips when Seunghyun grabs for him, a flutter in his stomach at the displayed impatience to kiss him. And although a small voice in the back of his mind questions even trusting the taxi driver, all he can think about is Seunghyun’s mouth on his, and the strong arms wrapped around his waist.

they didn’t speak much about their families to each other, not that it had ever been officially deemed a taboo subject. seunghyun held no ill-will towards sehun’s relatives and as far aas he knew, sehun didn’t know enough about his family to hold any grudges on them either. it’s true that there would never be a way for them to really be 100% comfortable about the topic though, since neither of their families would much approve of anything that goes on between them, but then, seunghyun’s grandparents don’t approve of very much at all, in general.

still though, hearing the way sehun’s mom spoke to him makes seunghyun wince and shut his eyes. sehun can pretend all he wants, but seunghyun knows words like that really sting, and words like that coming from your own mother hurt worse. nothing sehun has done could ever warrant something like that, from someone so close to him, that’s what seunghyun believes, and what he’ll always choose to believe. yes, he’s rough around the edges and maybe he doesn’t have the best track record with monogamy or stability when it comes to relationships ( no one would know this better than choi seunghyun ) but it’s still too harsh and unfair to him somehow.

maybe it’s that he’s too protective for his own good. he doesn’t want anyone or anything hurting sehun, he cares about him so much… he lo-… there’s a lot of feelings there and he is always half inclined to lock sehun away in a castle somewhere and guard him, like some dragon out of a storybook. that actually doesn’t sound too bad, as long as no one else comes along to free sehun.

“i care about you a lot, i don’t like when you’re hurting,” he pauses a moment. “she shouldn’t have said that to you, she’s your mother. she should have stood up for you, that’s what family is… supposed to do.” not that seunghyun has any experience with that. “is there anything i can do for you, baby? any way i can help you?”

Sehun felt all too often that Seunghyun was really too nice for him, too good for him to keep bothering and demanding attention from him. Seldom would he actually admit to any of those feelings out loud, but whenever Seunghyun proved to be so kind and caring, Sehun saw clearly that he was being selfish. But that was something he’d always known, and even if Seunghyun deserved someone who wasn’t, Sehun still took in every bit of kindness from him.

A faint hint of a smile comes to his lips at his words. He didn’t like to be weak in front of anyone, he didn’t like displaying emotions or showing that he was vulnerable to what people sometimes said. But Seunghyun never seemed to think worse of him for sometimes being vulnerable, and Sehun suspected that was why he allowed himself to sometimes not pretend to be okay.

“I think we both know families aren’t the most reliable. They never turn out how they should…or maybe the world of TV has just deluded us into thinking families are supposed to be good. Maybe they’re all actually fucked up,” he mused, though his tone was somewhere between blank and amused.