Just don't die, thats my only condition.

Boneman facts:

His hands are one bone

His teeth are little bones

He has elbones

He has intestines

He is made of cartilage, not bone

He can fit under doors by flattening like a ketchup packet

He has exorcist vibes

He feeds on souls and he will eat yours

He can't see but he can smell you

He has hidden backup brains

He does mitosis

Can probably photosynthesis (not enough research conducted.)

(Of course it's another apocalypse oneshot)

"Zombies and alcohol or bed bugs and a deadbolt"

"I'm not letting my dead buddy die that would be irresponsible of me"

"We just made a nuclear family didn't we? I mean we got the goth kid, wine aunt, two random kids, a idiot, and a demon."

"It's not like there's a apocalypse going on right now! You still have to pay for your room."

"HIS NAME IS DUDE!"

"Are you going to cuddle with sniper in the backseat?"

"Ooohh somebody I'd in troublllee."

"Ooh another 14!"

Beep beep speed bump that's not a speed bump!"

"OK that one doesn't have a head."

"Why do things try to kill me when I give them headpats!" -my sweet but stupid druid

"Ha ha, I'm in danger." -the same druid after give a statue headpats (and immediately being told to roll initiative)

"Why are there so maNY DOORS!" -a freind getting mad about having to close the door behind them constantly (due to a rule my dad made for the dungeon)

"I love chill touch." -our sorcerer killing undead

"You get dispelled!" Also, "holy shit it worked!" -our sorcerer again

"I am a sneaky mirror" -our half mercury dragon, half kobold bard

"We are killing all the goblins!" -our entire party to our sorcerer

"Haha goblin go crunch!" -the barbarian criting two goblins in a row

"Stop fighting and we won't kill you!" -our sorcerer to the final goblin and bugbear (goblins name was Skwee and yelled to kill the bugbear because he doesn't want to die)

"I will save Skwee", "I will kill for Skwee", and "If Skwee dies I'm gonna cry." -our party about the goblin

"Wow Skwee just went *splat* apparently!" -my father who accidentally crit Skwee with a bugbear (ah such a sweet fellow I think i'll name him Bob, moments later Bob is dismembered.)

Majority of these are said by my idiotic druid who told so, so many knock knock jokes.

*Telling the dm the first of many knock knock jokes* "knock knock!", "Who is it?", "I'm an owl!", "ok", "Did yoU JUST SAY 'OK' TO A DAMN KNOCK KNOCK JOKE!" We refused to let them live it down.

*Uses create water to drown 2 people* "Get rekt noob"

"If you don't eat those goodberrys I will shove them down your throat!"

*deep sniff right next to the corpse* "excuse me, why the fuck would you do that?!" Which I naturally responded with, "I am a plant, I like dead thing."

"Can I seduce the door?"

"If I cant seduce the door... CAN I SEDUCE THE CARD READER!" (They didn't let me, instead I seduced the guard and a party member accidentally)

"He's a blind bitch" (my character kept failing his perception checks)

"This was way to easy..." (players found a old abandoned fire station, only one zombie inside.)

"I KNEW THERE WOULD BE A CATCH!" (Water turned out to work but smelled and looked like something died in it)

"I ship it." (Regarding the blooming relationship between Zombie Dude and medkit.)

"Necromance the child"(zombie child bit Zombie Dude, it would not let go.)

"Fine then kill the child!"(one of my players solution to the problem.)

I'm starting by doing day 1 and 2!

Day 1: She/her and demisexual

"So she a apocalypse grandma."(new npc introduced)

"When do we kick out Russian Wife's ex?"(player trying to figure out how to seduce the npc away from her husband)

"Grandma got a damn shotgun!"

"Yay, holy water." (From the teifling)

*dramatic gasp* "A KITTY!!" (They found a cat in a bush)

"Grandma better not have drugged us." (Told them to do a con check after eating so.e soup she gave them)

"Congrats, you bitch slapped an evil grandma to death!" (I actually said this one)

"Oh shit, I lost the child." (Quick explanation: one character has two personalities, the 2nd one lost the child that they were caring for... in the zombie infested woods)

"Oh... oh no... that kids a zombie isn't it. Oh noo." Followed by, "Umm, Russian Wife i think you're husband is dead!"

"I'm going to go kick a corpse!"(someone wanted to kick evil grandmas corpse)

"Did I grab the broken one"(referring to a injured survivor)

"Your name is now medkid."(my npc that studies medicine)

"Oh yeah I forgot is shot his brother."(poor medkid got attacked by his zombie brother)

"Shouldn't the car level up?"(they ran over some zombies)

*arm falls out of truck when door is opened* "atleast buy me dinner first!"

"But she's my wife now!"(one of my players regarding a npc they just met) followed by, "wait is she gay? Atleast bi?"

"Please go ahead go check the kitchen, *I'm right behind you*" (she was in fact not behind him)

"Bloodchild is a adorable bean"(his name is Isaiah but they refused to refer to him as his name)

"Hey zombie dude. Wait, no... what was his name? Winnie pooh!! That was it."(the npc's name is Win.)

And finally