Desiderium

It occurred to him then just how determined he was to see their new plans through. It was a selfish desire to change the past to suit themselves, and he should have been the voice of reason to convince Yuu to stick to the original plan and come back to their present. But, as with anything pertaining to Yuu, Mika found himself viciously wanting to set their past free. His vampirism may have placed a film over his emotions, but nothing could cease the guilt in his memory. 

The thought itself was dangerous; just as Guren had done for the sake of his friends, they could be making a grave mistake and bring further ruin to the world. 

Time was ticking, but Mika needed to think. He needed to know exactly what point in time they landed in, when his younger self was supposed to happen upon a map, and he needed to make the final decision well before that happened. The weight of the tome in the satchel he brought through time felt ten times heavier as they opened the door.

The scent of curry filled the room with warmth as the kids occupied each other with simple games by the light of a lantern. It didn’t do much for his unique appetite, but he welcomed the nostalgia all the same. He intended to find a corner, unwilling to let the children feel a shred of discomfort over the presence of a vampire, but then he felt a tug on his hand. He lowered his gaze to the smaller Yuu, feeling a bit helpless as the child tugged again with a relentless glare. Looking toward the older Yuu for support, he frowned when the other situated himself with the kids, allowing Mika to be pulled away alone. 

 He settled himself on the wooden floor, sitting seiza with his cape pushed aside to one shoulder, before giving the younger Yuu his attention. “Everything…?” Unlike the older Yuu, he couldn’t pick and choose a simple setting or situation that would be palatable to their family. Moreover, this was Yuu, who had thought he could take on all of the vampires as long as he could do a thousand push-ups every day. The memory made him huff with a small laugh.

“Sorry, Yuu-chan. But you're asking for at least four years worth of information.” It was just like Yuu, he supposed. He was glad to see that some things remained the same.

Looking around, he quietly noted that his own younger self had vanished. By now, he would be in Ferid’s grasp, praying through that sickening bliss that he wouldn’t be killed ‘by accident’ while the progenitor drank from him. But now that he knew better, he could only hope that Ferid would be none the wiser if Mika could put on his best act to appease him. The vampire’s eyes closed, knowing that everything he did back then was for his family, and he would have done so much more for their sake.

It didn't even occur to him for a moment that, even the Mika he knew would see right through this facade of his. Much less this older Mika who saw and experienced who knew what in that alternate future. Until that is, the tall blond sat down and assured him of his Mika's safety.

A truth that didn't need to be said with his older self sitting before him. But it seemed he'd still needed to hear it in some way when his whole body relaxed, his arms even falling limply to hang at his sides as he released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Did... Was there ever a close call though..?" he asked, his voice hesitant despite all of his false bravado seconds ago. "I noticed a few times he.. You.. Came back more sluggish than normal.."

Which of course, was quickly covered up by the blond boy with the bright smile he was known for. And since he didn't know at the time what he knew now, he had simply let it go. He figured that Mika at the time hadn't been able to stomach those nasty packets the blood suckers made them drink and so he stayed dizzy and drained of energy because of it. Even more so if he was communicating with other kids down here for supplies.

Truth be told, he was worried about a ripple effect he'd read about before too. They knew things they hadn't the first go around. How would that change their current timeline in ways they couldn't have foreseen? He wished even more now that he'd still gone with the other boy, even if not to offer up his blood then to at least wait for him a little further away. To support him back home if for nothing else. Anything except wait here and worry.

But the adults would know more about that than he did, right? That was what he had to consider now. Otherwise, if he started to overthink, he may end up doing something reckless that would jeopardize everything before they could even start to make a move to escape.

So despite his troubled heart, he forced himself to take in a deep breath and slowly release it.

"The older me made it seem as if you blamed yourself.." he started, suddenly unable to hold eye contact. Instead his gaze went to the floor between them as his hands clenched into fists. "What if it was mine..? My parents.. I know I told you before they tried to kill me.. But the reason was because they were convinced I was some kind of demon spawn."

Another breath and his fists clenched hard enough for his blunt nails to bite into his palms as his eyes hardened on the floor.

"They said I ruin everything I touch.. If they were right about me.. If this is all because of me.."

To his child's mind, for that to be a core memory, it made perfect sense now to put the blame on himself. Shortly after coming to Hyakuya Orphanage the world went to hell. Then the whole family was taken by vampires into this hell hole. Mika felt he had no choice but to give up his blood to make the family's lives easier. He even started that whole hare brained plan to get them out of here because he'd asked him if he wanted to leave the vampire city. To which Yuu had of course answered he did.

When the boy looked up again, meeting that red gaze he didn't notice the extra wetness in his eyes, nor the sting in them. Even if he had though, he was already revealing so much, Mika would see through him anyway. So what was the point of faking?

They were all just lucky that an antidote could be achieved. Still, if Mikaela had been consuming poison since Yuu had left for the battlefield, those several weeks they had been apart could have easily been his undoing. But the only way to find an answer to that would be from the slimy, silver-haired bastard who might have had a hand in poisoning him to begin with. 

With a harsh sigh, Inuyasha took up a post near the door. His ears flicked, well aware of any footsteps approaching or passing by. With Yuu and Mika away, the paranoia of eyes watching them had faded too. It wasn’t a comforting thought, but it at least allowed Kagome and himself to act on their own. 

“You noticed it, haven’t you?” he spoke up, tilting his head toward the door. “As grim as this place is, everyone here appears to be human.” This level of foreboding usually suggested a youkai’s presence, but he couldn’t sense anything like that. Even so, that trepidation usually convinced the average human to flee or consult spiritual help, which wasn’t the case here, either. 

The trickiest youkai were those that could perfectly mimic a human form. The hanyou could be convinced that all the trouble they had gone through was typical of troubled but proud human nobles, but he wouldn’t completely rule out the work of someone inhuman just yet.

Blue eyes felt heavy as they lifted from his name to Yuichirou, himself. They watched his demonic features become more prominent, reminding him that everything had changed. No longer could they seek out the friends they had, a secondary family that they both sought comfort in, to escape from their roles and duties. Mika couldn’t wave off the noble court over trivial matters to sneak around with his vassal. He would never hear Yuu make fun of the meetings they had to endure, or pity the messengers from smaller villages brave enough to seek their help.

Whoever controlled the plot had ensured that their lives would never be the same again. 

When Yuu embraced him once more, Mika leaned into him and slipped his arms around him as well. He said nothing, but his thoughts were anything but silent. Whoever had delegated the command to send Yuu out to the front lines had assumed it would be his end. Everything he knew so far pointed the blame toward his own father. The lord of these lands, who had seemed to cherish his son for as long as Mika had known him, only to dismiss him as a political tool, a face for the noble court, and nothing more.

But suspicion had only settled in when Ferid was the one to whisper in his ear. How much of what he said was true? What did he stand to gain from disrupting the lives of noble families? The fact that he felt assured enough to act against his father, or against Mika himself, instilled the fear that he had something else up his sleeve. If Mika had been in his right mind from the start, he might have prevented Ferid’s control over him.

 But, as it was now, Mika could still find some use for a traitor.

“I know,” he finally spoke, soft enough to be nearly a whisper in Yuu's ear. “I allowed him to. But I won’t let him take advantage of me without getting something in return.” He drew away from Yuu just enough to show him a small, secretive smile. “Lying or not, he definitely knows something. Without him, I’m out of options.”

He felt safe in Yuu’s arms. But he had been a fool before to believe that Yuu could protect him without consequence. Being involved with him had led to his death, and Mika knew now that he shouldn’t solely rely on him in case he was targeted again. More than anything, he wanted to keep Yuu safe.

She remembered in times like these what Keade told her when they first met. Humans with twisted hearts who could be as bad or worse than demons. She'd become more sensitive to malice and youki as their journey progressed, her reiki waking within her more and more she was guessing.

Something was most definitely wrong here in this palace and she was almost certain it had something to do with that man Inuyasha and Yuu had spoken of before. Maybe not even just him, the people from what she could tell acted as if it was perfectly normal for a prince to be poisoned. Acted like everything was normal when he should have more guards and security should be tightened.

And since when was a man who was basically an apothecary - from what she understood - given the power to take prisoners or sentence them? The whole place was so strange it was more shocking that there wasn't an obvious youki here. Even the smallest hint that could point to a possession of someone's body.

"I've felt this kind of negativity before, but never from an actual human. Remember the demon's head castle? It reminds me of that," she said, frowning as she crushed medicinal herbs into a fine powder. "Its not the same feeling, but its close enough to remind me of it. If its even possible, it feels stronger here than it was there. But it doesn't have a youkai feeling if that makes sense. No feeling of the jewel either so its not amplified by that.." she added mostly to herself. Like that youki.. But different..

-

Yuu frowned when Mika pulled back, even more so when their eyes met and he saw the resolve there. If it was resolve to stay safe and away from Ferid, he'd be relieved. But that wasn't what he was seeing. What he saw was the hardened resolve of someone out to get a form of revenge. Or what he concluded it to be at least.

"Mika, what did I just say? Stay away from him! Even before I got my memories back, I knew he's bad news. My new instincts are going wild just remembering him!"

As if to prove it, the fox ears sprouted on his head again, along with two of his tails which bristled and kept jerking behind him. Even before he was a youkai, he didn't like that man. There was always something that felt very wrong about him. Wrong enough to the point where Yuu went out of his way to make sure Mika avoided him completely whenever possible.

Now as a youkai, that feeling had been amplified and given even more credibility because of how Inuyasha reacted to him as well. Every cell in his body when he saw that man had him wanting to transform again and rip him apart and then scatter his remains to corners of the world just to make sure he couldn't come back somehow.

Now, searching the sapphire gaze with his emerald one, he wanted to shake some sense into the taller man. He really wanted to enjoy this closeness between them again, lean into the touch of his hands, but not until he got through to him.

@secondtrumphet Said: "Hello! Welcome to The Daily Grind!" Yuu cheerfully greeted as he heard the chime over the door. His smile brightened when seeing the woman who came in. He'd seen her here a few times now and wondered if she was becoming a regular. "You want the same as last time or want to try out something new today? We have a summer special tea with peaches, strawberries, lemon or blueberries. Your choice, I highly recommend them."

"Your kindness is most appreciated."

Two books in hand, not uncommon. Smaller locations like this were a gift, it was why she frequented the area more often. Sort of like a getaway. When you were watched no matter where you went, there was no option but to think of appearances. All eyes always on you. An object, not a person. Yet this man, he always spoke with such kindness.

She was used others speaking to her this way. Who wasn't excited for the opportunity to speak with royalty? But a lifetime of such treatment, it had a way of making someone numb to it all.

"Tea would be lovely, thank you. If I were to choose, I do believe strawberries are most appealing."

If she wasn't wealthy in Hyrule (which she was), her wealth knew no bounds here. The currency rates, Rupees were worth much more. She saw it for what it was. An asset. Books, ingredients, tuition, the occasional outing, like this. There was nothing more to money than that. Luxury was to be indulged in on occasion, it lost any meaning if it was something you partook in every single day.

If only her parents would get that.

Eyes lowering, a book is opened. But it's not a textbook. Yes, she did use them. But how much greater could one's knowledge become, if they used supplemental sources? There was still work to be done. Major, and minor. Music theory, and more importantly than anything else, a certified collection of writings on medications, and their effects on the mind in relieving symptoms like anxiety, or hallucinations.

Chemicals, biology, everything that went into the process. All of it had to be understood, and there were hundreds to memorize. Nineteen years old, she still had at least ten years before she could even begin supervised practice under an actually licensed psychiatrist.

With a happy hum, Yuu got right to work on her order immediately. There was a lull in the cafe for right now anyway. The usual regulars were already there and nursing drinks or snacks of their own. Now hopefully, Zelda would also become one of their usual regulars.

It was always nice to see a new face become familiar with time. It made him feel a little more pride in himself and the vision he and his partner shared each time. To see a person who perhaps wasn't all too partial on any particular place come to enjoy their cafe enough to continually return was always a nice feeling.

And to think, The Daily Grind had once only been plans on a paper. Now look at it, a home away from home. Not just for them but their employees and customers alike as well. The very thing he and Mika had agreed that they were going for long before the foundation was ever laid down. Back during their time together in Paris.

The memory had a happy sigh leaving him as he put the finishing touches onto her order. A little shake, a strawberry garnish to go with other plump strawberries in the glass and it was finished. The tea itself has been dyed a reddish color with the strawberries inside and his smile grew as he brought it over. Along with a cucumber and cream cheese sandwich that he thought paired really well with it.

But Yuu couldn’t stay with them; returning to their lives would mean returning to his parents, bound by blood and the law of the land to suffer with the adults that bore him. 

Mika held his suspicions about what was happening when it came to Yuu’s responses toward his father. But hearing him say it so plainly still left Mika winded, wide-eyed, and fearful for him. He hadn’t known how to address it, knowing how Yuu would quickly shrug him off or swap the subject if he so much as hinted at the unpleasant side of his life. It didn’t make sense that Yuu could smile and have fun when he returned to what could be considered hell every day. 

Yet, it did, and Mika found that he could relate to him well. 

As vague as his memories of his own parents were, Mika could remember how desperately he wished—prayed and begged—that he could be loved. He struggled to catch his breath as his mind attempted to reach back toward the past and give a visual representation of what Yuu described. Despite the pain, Mika had put on his best smile even when he was in the drunken clutch of his own father, even when tears ran endlessly and pain erupted on every part of his body. Up until he physically couldn’t when blood welled from his lips and the fire climbed and swallowed up everything he knew. 

But he would never allow that deep-seated misery to affect the people around him. As long as he could, he would continue to smile and ease their concern so they could comfortably rely on him.

He could feel a stinging behind his eyes when he looked at Yuu, that helpless feeling twisting the knife in his gut when he took in that desperate expression. It was unfair, but as much as he wanted to cry, yell, shake, and tell him that this wasn’t how their lives were meant to be, it was their reality they had to deal with on their own. 

Mika willed his smile to widen as his hands slipped along the edges of the jacket to find the zipper. “Silly Yuu-chan,” he gently admonished. He pulled the zipper all the way up to Yuu’s chin before he released him completely, physically waving away his concerns. “You’re smart on your feet, but you need to have a plan before you pull this kind of thing off.” Despite his theatrics, his tone was light, slow in his attempt not to waver.

He breathed a shaky sigh, rubbing his arms through the long sleeves he wore when a cold draft blew through. The dying light of sunset was cooling now, marking well past his curfew. Yuu wanted to send him off, whether out of concern for his health or the risk of punishment, but Mika would bear anyone’s wrath if it meant he could lessen Yuu’s misery.

He'd upset him again.. Probably by refusing to go back home and still having the nerve to plead not to be disliked. He saw that surprise on the other boy's face when he explained what the marks were. Surprise because he never saw him misbehave and get punished for it. He only saw the accidents that had caused his dad to become angry with him, except for that one time when he didn't answer when he was called out to.

However, it wasn't anger that Mika responded with. It sounded more like affectionate amusement and eased his racing heart to a more calm pace. He was even still looking after him as his zipper was pulled all the way up to sit coldly against his chin. But his friend was right, he hadn't had a plan at all. He just ran as fast and as far as he could until he found a place to sleep for the night, exhausted. Then he found this place and rigged up some electricity in the basement and had been here since.

That was as far as his planning had gone though. He even only had food because of the money he'd hidden from his dad so he could get some more things for Mika and the other kids at the orphanage. He remembered their delight at the pork buns before and wanted to make them that happy again. Maybe with chocolate next time, but now he had to use that money on himself and felt guilty with every yen spent for it.

"My only plan is to stay away from my dad until I can grow up and get a job.." he admitted, a bit embarrassed as he said it aloud. The added flush to his cheeks was a testament to his sheepish realization as well as fever. That wasn't much of a plan at all was it..? He'd come to know over the time he got to know him that, Mika was the smart one between the two of them.

Knowing him to be so smart was exactly why he eased as the other boy let him know through "I'm here now" that he would help him rather than hate him. Though his body tensed all over again as he was told the rest.

He didn't deserve it..? He hadn't done anything wrong..? But he saw for himself the disobedience that one time and the accident too. How hadn't he been wrong? He was confused to hear this, coming from the boy he knew to be so smart too. But that apparently didn't stop the sting from appearing behind his eyes even as he shook his head. Mika just told him he'd stay and..

"You can't, Mika.." he said somewhat breathlessly which had him softly coughing again behind his hand. "What about your family? They need you more. You can just help me plan better, okay? Maybe we can even finally play together more after I get better."

He could feel the tension in his own smile when he returned his attention to Yuu. "We're getting new members of the family all the time," he explained as he glanced over the kids that chose to remain in the same room, "and you never really saw all of us together like this before."

Sure enough, they were reaching a cap. Soon, the government would have to be involved to either provide more funding—something they didn't seem too keen on doing—or begin to relocate the kids elsewhere. Mika has only seen it happen once before since he arrived here and he merely accepted it, even if it was difficult to reassure the children leaving that everything would be fine.

He quietly wondered if he was doing more harm than good by allowing the younger ones to rely on him for comfort so heavily. But it didn't suit him to leave someone that needed him either.

Upon hearing that Yuu would be visiting more often soon, Mika grinned and nudged his shoulder with his own. "With all that extra time, maybe you'll have some left over to play with us too." It was a rare occasion to see Yuu, even rarer still to pull him away from his work. Though it was frowned upon, Mika took it upon himself to casually help out just so they could hang out for a bit longer.

But his smile faltered, his lashes lowering as he focused on the warm bun cradled in his hands. "O-oh, yeah..." Adoption. It was something he should hope for, not just for the other kids, but for himself too. Nothing good usually came from a kid stuck in the system. They lived on mediocre meals and donated clothes, sharing everything with ten or twenty others. Outside of these walls, if they weren't pitied, they were looked down upon.

It hadn't mattered to Mika one bit; wherever these kids were, that was his home. But as he watched the kids around them scarf down their pork buns, pouting at those that were savoring their own, and as the sweet and savory taste lingered on his tongue, he understood what they lacked. They all deserved to come home to a true family that would help them grow properly. They deserved to be spoiled with toys and desserts, clothes that weren't second-hand or donated in, the comfort of having a parent to confide in.

To say he didn't care or didn't want it was to be callous and ungrateful. Especially when it came to Yuu.

The sudden pang of guilt made him unable to look up. Just like them, Yuu deserved better. But while Mika would selfishly snub the potential parents that likely went through several processes to be deemed fit to raise him, Yuu didn't have a choice.

It was almost cruel in its own way that there was a small army of kids Yuu's age and younger that he could have played with. Could have, but didn't get to when he had to be busy with helping to clean this place. Clean it with chemicals most days that no child should be anywhere near at that. Thankfully, those chemicals weren't used until it was time for a much deeper cleaning and the kids here at Hyakuya Orphanage were all supposed to be at school.

The much younger kids here may have thought it was okay to touch - or worse, eat - the chemicals that were used if they saw Yuu handling them. Some of those chemicals were corrosive and acidic.

That was one restriction that the young boy was glad that his dad had put on him. He wouldn't have known not to bring them out if he hadn't been lectured on it. That was also how he knew to make sure to wash his hands and Ako's as well. It was during their first meeting when she took his hand to lead him to her room to show off the pictures she drew.

Had he not known and she had rubbed her eyes or licked her fingers from a snack or something.. But thankfully that hadn't happened and he did know to wash their hands free of the chemical.

However, as he finished his bun and looked over at Mika, his smile fell away. Did he not want to be adopted? Was he afraid that he'd end up in a worse situation than he was in before he came to be here? Yuu had never asked about what brought him to the orphanage. He didn't want to hurt his friend and bring back memories he'd rather not think about.

But he winced now, wishing he could take back what he'd said about adoption. He could see something of a sadness in his eyes and on his face now and swallowed hard as he finished his food.

"I'm sorry, Mika. I didn't mean to make you upset.." he said softly, even as he followed the other boy to get his hands washed.

He was right after all, the other kids would need to wash up soon too. And he really didn't want to be caught with the sweet sauce on his hands by his dad. More than his concern over that though, was the concern for his friend. Somehow, for some reason the idea of adoption had made him go from smiling to sad and that didn't sit right with the raven haired boy.