My shattered broken heart.
Oh God, I know this has nothing to do with Sebastian or the whole concept of this blog and tumblr in general but I feel like... I don't know, I feel like breaking down, screaming, laughting, crying and passing out, all at the same time.
See, my grandmother passed away early this friday.
It was 6:55AM when she died, we got the call at exactly 7 o'clock.
She was feeling unwell for weeks before this and I don't know, being the bitch that I am, I kept telling my mum that "it's going to be okay" and "not to stress about it too much" because my gran had been sick for years prior to this and yet she always managed to somehow get better? idk.
So yeah but then my mama had this feeling that this time is different and yeah, so even though we live like 3 hours from my gran's apt, we called the ambulance who came and hospitalized her right away (on thursday).
And then... idk, my mom was like "we should really get there today" (on thursday) but we had already planned to come down there on friday so I was like "well, we kind of planned to go down there tomorrow though" andshe was like "no I think we must go now" and I was like "ok, if that will make you feel better, let's go now" and we did & we got there around 10PM and the visiting hours were almost over so we had to make it quick.
We saw her briefly, talked to her,well I talked to her anyway bc my mama went to talk to her doctor instead.
And yeah, we waved each other goodbye, she smiled at me, I smiled at her and we kind of went away. And then... she died. Guys, she died soon after that.
Now my mom is blaming herself for not being there for longer, for talking to the doctor instead of gran, and I am blaming myself too - for this and that and everything basically.
I don't know, I don't know what to do or how to feel or act but I do know I am feeling so broken as sad right now and I have no one to talk to about that, no friends (who would care enough anyway) and no other fam members instead of my mother.
Idk why am I telling you this but... I'm beyond sad, guys.