wish you well

but why when i choose to stop a substance does the most insane shit happen in my life where it would be the perfect time to use a substance and numb myself

night 1 of sobriety and my upstairs neighbor is dribbling a basketball it sounds like 🫩 tonight was already So Much and now ::: the vodka calls so loudly for me

in times of desperation (and texas liquor laws( i am drinking a four loko

how come last week i had 3 shots and thought i was dying of alcohol poisoning and now tonight ive had 5 and don’t feel SHIT

it’s really starting to piss me off how much i have to drink to feel drunk tf the alcoholism genes working against me

i keep falling asleep and waking up in a panic and drinking more than repeating the cycle

went from having an almost full bottle of rum in the fridge for 2 years to me drinking it all in 2 nights

i quit smoking weed 36 hours ago

this morning PMDD had me fully beating tf out of myself to the point where i’m covered in bruises, think i have a mild concussion, and it hurts to move 12 hours later… now an hour ago i started my period and i look at all the damage i did to myself like what in the damn hell i just had to hold it together for one more day i don’t understand why my hormones genuinely had me going breakdown after breakdown meanwhile this is the shortest cycle i’ve had in YEARS??? would think it would’ve been less brutal compared to my long cycles, no??

up early this morning wishing i had access to healthcare

crying in agony as i apply arthritis cream to my aching joints isn’t how i thought my 20s would go

hate how good neglecting my needs feels on my brain

i made the best banana bread i’ve ever made but i dropped and broke my $70 hand mixer that was one of the very last things i put onto my $70,000 of credit card debt before i decided to stop paying everyone and declare bankruptcy

ovulating from lefty this month

i’m so suicidal today but just got groceries for the week so i guess i have to lock into this shit