HEAVEN IN HIDING

#oh noooooooooo  #growing up at Citadel it wasn’t just that she couldn’t grieve for her mother  #it was that the life at Citadel made many human reactions impossible  #human habits and rituals and ways of being  #so many things would have been shut off and shut down and put into emotional cold storage  #because it’s not like Citadel was lacking ritual - they were lacking the basic humanity behind the need for ritual  #all Citadel rituals were about control and containment (eg ONLY those based on fear/awe)  #and any other human action with symbolic value that might have to do with community and memory - that’s gone  #stamped out  #there’s no lighting birthday candles in Citadel - only holy dread and worship  #so she’s actually forgotten - you can see it on her face - totally forgotten this gesture  #and she’s remembering another way To Be in mirroring it  #yes - like this - we remember her  #we acknowledge her - like *this*  #with this gesture I thee recall  #with this gesture I thee respect  #7000 days of repressing that communal value and it comes back in 2 seconds  (via harrietvane)