saw many cousins i hadn't seen in 15-20 years. it is kind of insane it's been that long when we used to see each other all the time as kids. i didn't even recognize the youngest of my cousins because i'd last seen him as a kid

so i don't know where to put this feeling. super overstimulated for sure, kind of sad as well, since the connection is fleeting and intimate at the same time. everybody's kids meeting for the first time, too. at the end it was just most of us cousins, chatting in a group together for the first time as adults, and leaving felt so odd, because i knew it was a very rare occasion that we're seeing each other like this

it made me think about my grandmother, too, who died when i was 18. that's the last time we were all together like this. i'm sure she would be happy that we gathered again, but it is a part of grief when someone who brought everyone together dies