“Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Flex your fingers. Feel your existence. You’re here, you’re alive, you’re living. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Kiss me until the feeling of dread running through my body is replaced with heat. Kiss me until the only thing that matters is us.”

“So what?“ she said. “Maybe I wanted to feel love. Maybe I wanted it to burn me. Maybe I wanted to hurt, for once, from a good thing; to feel so much of everything that it hurt me. Maybe I wanted to give in to every emotion that I’d ever felt, let it take me to the woods and shoot me in the chest. Maybe I was tired of fighting to maintain my numbness, tired of fighting against vulnerability. "Maybe I was sick of being ambivalent, of being sceptical, of not believing in love - or at least the notion that it could last. Maybe all I wanted, all I really wanted, was for someone to knock me out so I could forget every little piece of cynicism I’d ever swallowed, and allow myself to be consumed by everything kind and good and light.”

When you kissed me

“…and you drink a little too much and try a little too hard. And you go home to a cold bed and think, That was fine. And your life is a long line of fine.”

“He asks me, “Are you okay?” I say, “yes”. We both know I’m lying. He’s quiet, but then he holds me a little tighter, a little closer to his chest. ‘I’m sad that you’re leaving,’ I want to say. But I have no right to tell him that. I haven’t even the tiniest, most infinitesimal part in his life. ‘I wish we had more time,’ the words are on the tip of my tongue. And there they stay. 'I know we were temporary but that doesn’t make this any easier.“ I am ready to burst with all of the words inside me. In our silence, I feel his arms relax around me, I feel him start to drift. 'Please, let’s still talk,’ I whisper into his chest, ’ please don’t let it be as if we never knew each other. He’s asleep. “I know we said no feelings,” I say, out loud this time. And then, after a pause, “but that has never been how feelings work.””

“And how are you? And do you love me?”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in love at second or third sight. But at first sight, I think, we are all blind.”

“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”

“The moon listened to the words I couldn’t speak and cried at the words you said. I don’t remember what you said exactly but I remember breaking down. You never saw that side of me. You only saw what I wanted you to see - the one who laughed at everything you said. Even when you broke my heart, I laughed so you wouldn’t know it hurt. I hid the love I felt because I thought it was crazy to love, to love someone who didn’t love you back. But God, did it kill me. I am the worst kind of person to fall in love with, but I am also the worse at falling in love, because I never did until you. And then I am a ship lost in sea. I lose stability. I lose my mind. And even the stars start to think I am insane.”

“I thought I was over you until you walked into the room and my heart started racing like the first time we met. But hearts don’t race, knees don’t go weak, and hands don’t shake when you’re over someone. And that’s when I realized I’m not over you. I’ve never been over you.”

“Life is short, right? We both know that. Well, what if you’re my chance? What if you are the thing that’s actually going to make me happiest?”

“Suddenly I’m realizing what it’s like to have someone invading my mind constantly. My mind was once peaceful and then it became a raging war of confusion. About why you were constantly on my mind, but I think I could get used to this.”

“You are so afraid of rejection that you push away anyone who you grow any fondness for. And it keeps you lonely, but at least there’s consistency.”

“Just the other night, I was pacing back and forth, reminiscing on what could have been between us. I’ve found that I stopped thinking about us, but once in a while when the moon is full and bright and there’s a few stars, my mind wanders to the night we leaned up against your pick up truck and watched the millions of stars light up the entire sky. Should I have kissed you then? Should I have let you held me close? Do I regret not doing so? No, I don’t. But if I could go back to that night, maybe I would have done things differently.”