My Screeching Soul

Kaotan asked Jurina if she was still a virgin 😂

“Maybe we’ll meet again, 

when we are slightly older

and our minds less hectic;

I’ll be right for you

and you’ll be right for me.

But right now, 

I am chaos to your thoughts

Jurina’s confession

For me, Rena-chan is lover. Jurina cried…as Wmatsui that leads SKE until today, 7 years of being close to Rena…if we look back to their relationship that was full of emotions, our hearts would get warm. The history of the strongest pair- the pride of Nagoya- that no one has ever known and how SKE’s future will be once Rena left the group…”For me, Rena-chan is lover” Super Ace who is still here has revealed it all.

But it’s unrequited love…because of love, I couldn’t honestly say it. True relationship of the two who have been leading SKE48 for 7 years

Jurina has just arrived at shooting location. When she saw purple flowers in the vase, she blurted out pleasantly “These flowers are so like Rena-chan”. Then, she asked staff who comes with her to pick a flower for selfie “This photo, I will send it to Rena-chan” she said with smile.

“What a creep I am right now. No matter what I see, I would say it is like Rena-chan. These flowers, also. In our unit song (TWO ROSES), Rena-chan’s dress was red and mine was blue. Red and blue combined will be purple. Two of us are purple. So, I am happy that Rena-chan love purple…”

As Wmatsui, they do their best to lead SKE48 along these 7 years. Especially, the beginning that two of them mostly worked together “Whether we went to Tokyo or stayed at a hotel, we were always together. I spent even more time with Rena-chan than with my family” To make SKE48 be the strongest group, for that reason, they have been fighting alongside of each other. However, Rena announced that she will graduate in August. There is not much time left to see “Wmatsui of SKE48”

“I only knew that she will graduate just a moment before she announced on the radio. She mailed to 1st gen ‘sorry that I didn’t tell you guys in advance’ but I was already aware of it. So fast…before General Election, I got a work with Rena-chan and she said something that she had never said. It seemed like she was thinking if she should say it. I knew it just by looking at her. I also talked to Masana ‘Rena-chan said like this, she must be thinking about graduation. What should I do?’ but Masana said ‘It is not like that. It will be alright. I talked to Rena before, she said she will not graduate soon’ then, on the day of General Election, Masana also went to Rena’s room to make sure again. The day after, Masana reported to me cheerily ‘no way she will graduate’ (laugh) but since I was always with Rena-chan, I knew it”

Sisters, friends, comrades, rivals…in these 7 years, it is difficult to describe relationship of Wmatsui that had walked along together with only one word. Break out in tears of joy together, feel the frustration together, quarrel with each other sometimes…for Jurina, Rena is special.

“Rena-chan, for me, is lover. I once thought she is family but that is not it. She is my lover. Not admiration but love. Not sisters, also. I realized how depressed it is to be separated from the one you love. Because of love, I couldn’t honestly say it. Anyways, Rena-chan always sees me as little sister, she loves me in that way. So, we are unrequited love to each other. We are opposite to each other because our way of thinking is different. But because of that, there are various kind of thoughts came out. It brought us together. I think it is a very good relationship”

Very good relationship…but also similar to Maeda Atsuko and Oshima Yuko of AKB48. They could not avoid being compared - position, ranking in election, length of waiting line in handshake event- not knowing when people started seeing them through ‘rival’ filter, though they are in the same group, comrades in the same team. “Although we are close, I once felt that I couldn’t show it because everyone said that we are rivals. Everyone enjoyed as it became like that…fans got fired up, so I thought we also need to be the same. It felt strange when we need to let people think that we are rivals. But, I was taken by it. I took it for granted that our rivalry is real…”

Looking forward to seeing you again at 10th anniversary… 3 years from now, when it is 10th anniversary, it would be great if I could make her think “let’s go see SKE48 live”

In “idol no namida: Documentary of SKE48” that was released in February this year, there was a scene that shows complicated relationship between Jurina and Rena. In 2011, the 3rd General Election was held, Jurina got 14th and Rena got 10th. It was the first time that ranking sequence of the two switched. After the event ended, in the waiting room backstage, Jurina who was crying surrounded by members trying to comfort her. While Rena was alone in the corner with tight-lipped, her expression showed mixed feeling. When we asked about this scene, Jurina lowered her head sadly. Her eyes brimmed with tears shortly afterwards…

“Back then, I didn’t know that Rena-chan was around because I just kept looking at the floor. Then, when I was about to go home, I accidentally met Rena-chan. It seemed we only said ‘thanks for hard work’, bowed to each other. But at that times, I really hated myself for thinking like…’ah, did she just look down on me?’ I supposed that Rena-chan and I think the same, there was no superiority or inferiority. Since we had walked here together, I felt lonely when I saw her walked ahead. But to think about it now, it is not like that anymore. Rena-chan was older than me. She was mature. When she saw me crying, she did not come in to comfort me because she was thoughtful. At that time, I was really young. I only thought ‘it is good that she does not mess with me’ but I understand now that was her kindness. Even so…I still want to say sorry for what I have done”

Surrounded by fans’ thought, fighting intensely in General Election every year, for members in 48 group who always aim higher, this is unavoidable. That is why there are times when these two did not talk to each other, to the point that it became awkward. However, there was something that melted away Jurina’s hostile feeling toward Rena.

“Now, I do not feel any rivalry anymore. What changed it was team shuffle (in April 2013). When Rena-chan moved from Team S to Team E, that was the first time I felt so lonely. We had always been together, but then it was gone. We were just in the different team, so I thought that ‘we just cannot stand together on the same theater stage’ but never thought that it was not only that…as our individual work increased, we could not go to Tokyo or somewhere, only the two of us, anymore. It felt lonely. If I were with Rena-chan, I would not have to eat anything. If only I had Rena-chan, I would be okay with everything. Once we talk, I would forget everything else, even eating. And when we talk about SKE48, I would put everything else away”

For SKE48, Matsui Rena’s graduation is the end of an episode in history. When a half of Wmatsui is gone, it would cause a huge effect to popularity. Will SKE48 without a pillar like Rena decline?…this pessimism started to float around, but Jurina said with confidence “It will be alright. Surely be alright! 7th gen and draft 2nd gen kids are all earnest. They are trying with all their might. When I look at them, I think of us 1st gen because the passion they have toward SKE48 is the same as us. They made me feel that ‘we will beat AKB48’ For members from 2nd gen below…Rena-chan’s graduation could be their most important turning point. Nakanishi Yuka-chan’s and Sato Mieko-san’s graduation before could also be encouragement for them. So, it will be alright!”

As 1st gen member and unshakeable ace, Jurina who has been the center of SKE48 until now will bring the new SKE48 after Rena graduated forward. Of course, everyone would think like this. But in Jurina’s mind, there is something unexpectedly different.

“I do not expect SKE to be like this or that. Everyone doing what they want with the feeling like they have right now is enough. I would not be happy if I said that we need to be like this and everyone is just too cautious to do anything. It is not necessary. About me leading everyone, I do not think that I have to lead anymore. This might be from when I listened to ‘Mae no Meri’ In ‘Mae no Meri’, there is a verse ‘Youth is a winding road. Even we fell, we will get up again. Hope is strength. We are still alright’ I think this is what Rena-chan wants to tell us. My youth is SKE48, so the feeling like ‘I want to hurry up and do something for SKE48’ or ‘I want SKE48 to be number 1’ these feelings are strong. We want to leap forward. I realized that being too strict or preaching others just because I am good at it is terrible. SKE48 members have a good attitude to learn enthusiastically by observing, I do not even have to say a thing. So, I am not worried”

AKB48 that was established in 2005 will reach its 10th anniversary this December. In another 3 years, in October 2018, SKE48 that was established in 2008 will also reach its 10th anniversary. When SKE48 mark 10-year anniversary, how will they be?…the only thing we can tell is that when the day comes, Jurina will still be working wholeheartedly as SKE48 member.

“Of course, I will still be here when 10th anniversary comes. 3 more years, I will be 21 by then. It still does not reach the age as Rena-chan is now. It is alright. Even though Masana said she will be here until 30, she might not be here by the time of 10th anniversary anyway. So, when it comes, I will make Rena-chan who is strict as an idol think ‘let’s go see SKE48 live’ To make her think that, I need to try hard in these 3 years. I want her to come and speak to me ‘I like SKE48 the most, after all. Jurina, thanks for your hard work. You did well’”