The Great Divide

"good. you know i'm gonna hold you to that, right?" whether or not adrian can enforce that... is questionable at best, but that won't stop him from trying. he can see the same spark in scout, as unfortunate as that is. no matter what they go through, they just can't afford to break. it's good and bad. "you don't have to impress anyone, you know that? you've already long since impressed me."

"I'd be shocked if you didn't." Well, she'd be shocked if he didn't take it upon himself to ask how she was doing at least once a week now going forward. She would just have to remind herself that it was endearing when it started driving her over the edge. "Well, I how many people do you know that can telekinetically throw rocks around? I better have impressed you."

"I... yeah, I mean, that's impressive." He couldn't deny that dealing with a beast -- and a rarity -- like that was... yeah, pretty impressive. Even if they had guns and weapons and all that good stuff, it was still a total anomaly. "I'm glad you guys got out." From his understanding, those things were no joke! Ah, the reasons it was so much easier to be a janitor... It was fair. Whether she told them or not, Petey was going to worry. "It's... I mean, of course I'm gonna worry no matter what -- it's the wastelands. I just -- I don't wanna lose another friend." Scout was pretty much the only one they had at that point! Oh, sure, there were friendly acquaintances, but real friends? They didn't know what they would do if the lost another to the wastes! "Please, Scout -- just tell me when things like this happen."

"Us too." By all accounts, they shouldn't have. But, thankfully, Adrian trusts her enough to let her make her hair-brained attempts at heroism. It just happened to pay off that time. Not that Petey needs to know. Hell, he probably does to some degree, even if he's not prepared to unpack that. But Scout's not going to be the one to force it on him. Scout knows that he's in the right here. Keeping him in the dark wasn't fair, but avoiding things was the only way she knew how to grieve. How Petey could even begin to face them was beyond her. "I'm sorry. I've just been... having kind of a hard time since— y'know, since it happened, and I just..." Didn't want you to use it as a reason to tell me to quit my job. "I just needed to process it. I didn't realize that it would be so hard on you, too."

"A sandworm?" Petey couldn't help her job assignments and Petey couldn't tell her she should move jobs. She was far more than capable of making her own decisions! ...They just wished that so many of them didn't nearly cost her her life. Did they want her to have fun? To do what she loved doing, take all the adventures she loved taking? Yes. But at the expense of her safety? Man, having Scout as a best friend sure was stressful. She wasn't wrong, though! Indeed, Petey was now worried and milky (and hoping that the guy who licked him the other day wouldn't come up to lick him again... that was interesting...). "I... man, I know you can't really choose your assignments or really predict sandworms, but I just wish you'd tell me about stuff like this when it happens." They'd still be worried and milky, but maybe they'd grow accustomed enough that they wouldn't be as worried and milky! "I just -- it's scarier when I don't know if you're okay than when I do know you aren't." The bangs were great, though. 10/10.

"That was my thought, too." It would be just her team's luck to stumble across a giant man (and mutant) eating worm. But, hey, that was the job. There were assumed risks including giant worms. A crazy thought for most, but a reality for the people in her Sector. It paid well, but boy it wasn't always glamorous. "Clearly we made it out, though. That's kind of impressive, right?" More like a perfect storm of miracles and gunfire. Petey has a point. It's probably worse to keep secrets and avoid him than tell him about what chaos descended upon her that day. But, at the same time... "Well, you know it's kind of damned if you do, damned if you don't. You worry regardless. I just don't feel like I always know what the right answer is." Was there even a right answer to all of this? They were grieving, both in their own ways. Would it really just be drawing things back up to tell him every time something bad happened to her out in the wastes. Sandworms were anomaly, sure. But there were plenty of other things she faced down that she didn't bring up in casual conversation over lunch.

the speed at which scout responds worries him, but he isn't going to go behind her back about anything. besides, adrian knows that she can handle herself. she always has. she doesn't need him getting in the middle of her fights—especially ones not on the battlefield. "alright, as long as we're clean on that," that she wasn't in the wrong to be blindsided by such a comment; "i won't stick my nose in. but i'm here for you if you need me, okay? promise me you'll tell me if you need help?"

"I... will, tell you if I need help." It would be like pulling teeth to achieve such a feat, but she would at least make an effort to try. That counted for something, right? Though, if there was ever someone to trust, it would be Adrian. Always upright and solid. Reliable. Scout never had to worry about him. Scout clears a few strands of hair from her face, trying to regain some of her composure and usual demeanor. She's not usually so emotional. "I just want to make sure I seem as put together as you, you know? Gotta aim to impress."

there's a long moment of silence as adrian considers the information. he wants to jump up and say that he'll defend her—and he would, if she wanted him to—but it's not his first thought. it's tough to convince someone in a position like that that they're wrong. it's tough to convince anyone they're wrong. "he shouldn't have said that," he starts, carefully. it's true, even. adrian thinks the both of them can agree with that. "everyone gets distracted sometimes, scout. it's not right to throw that out at you over it." the suggestion sits in his chest for another beat before he lets it bubble up his throat. "do you want me to say something? or do you want me to leave it alone?"

"No, he shouldn't have." That wasn't even a question. He clearly felt no remorse for saying it, but it had struck Scout hard, and the real problem lied in the way that it lingered with her for so long after. And Scout hardly found it to be her place to say a word about it, because that was her Section Leader. If she pissed him off, he'd never let her leave Sol City again. She'd probably be pulled out of Section One all together, and given some sad little desk job. "No! No." It's out of her mouth so quickly that he barely has time to finish his sentence. "I appreciate it, Adrian, but I'm just afraid it'll make things worse. He's... I'm already on his shit list now, you know? I— well, he thinks I got someone from our Section killed and I already made another big mistake in his eyes. I don't want him to take it out on me or move me or something." It would be retaliatory if he were to do anything like that, but there was no reason to poke the bear either. "Besides. I should fight my own battles, you don't need to fight them for me."

"hey, i know you're not trying to argue with me," he says, voice gentle. her position makes so much sense to him it's painful. the sad fact of life is that grief doesn't just go away... and neither does survivor's guilt. adrian feels it every day with his dad—if he had just been out there, maybe he would have retired earlier, lived longer—and it's clear to see that scout is in a similar place. probably always will be, too. "and i'm not asking you to be any less miserable anytime soon. you know i'm always going to meet you where you're at." but the idea that someone had brought up the situation... worries him. "what did he say to you?"

Adrian handles her emotions almost too well. Scout's almost jealous of the general control that he seems to have over every situation in his life. What she wouldn't give to be able to do that. "I know. I'm grateful for it, too." She knows he's not the only one, but there's something about having someone in the field that knew her that well that made missions easier. Even ones where they were attacked and their transportation was destroyed. "Nothing. He just... He thought I was being flippant and negligent, and said he didn't want another 'Alex situation' on his hands." She throws her hands up, trying to wave it off, because the last thing she needed was Adrian trying to stick up for her with Ngelah. She'd never hear the fucking end of it. "I got distracted by a dust devil. I wandered off. I missed a cable cat. I was sloppy, so of course he made a dig at me." Leveraging one of her Best Friend's deaths against her might have been a little far, but she was trying to play this in a way that did not rile up Adrian.

adrian's expression softens. "i know, scout. it's hard to move on from things like that, but she doesn't blame you, either. you know that, don't you? if she was standing here right now, she'd tell you the same thing i did. people die out there. we all know the risks. what you've got is really something special, but you're not... nobody is perfect. nobody can do everything." he thinks about the people lost out in the field every day. blames himself, too. every day. but somehow he still finds a way to get up in the morning, try and do better. that's all any of them can do. "being happy has nothing to do with it. you feel what you need to feel, man. it's okay to be miserable. it's a lot we have to process."

Scout laughs. It's one of those sharp tearful laughs that lacks any happiness. "She wouldn't. You're right. But I can't forgive myself for it yet, I don't know how to do that." She had been the one that had talked Alex into wandering off with her that day. There were assumed risks with walking into the wastes, they all knew that. But, Scout had made them sitting ducks. When it all happened, there was no backup or open fire. It was the two of them trying desperately to retreat, and only one of them made it back. "I can't begin to tell you how long I've been sitting in miserable." She sniffles, despite herself. "Ngelah had said something about the Alex situation the other day, like it wasn't the worst day of my life already, and I just— following that up with almost getting you killed, it's hard not to feel like the common denominator." Scout wipes her face, taking a beat to breathe. "I'm not trying to argue with you for once, I promise. I'm just... really struggling."

Petey would be lying if they said they hadn't been growing increasingly worried about Scout's absence. They had looked for her in their free time -- really, they had! -- and they had done their best to reach out... but it seemed like it hadn't been enough... and they weren't very keen on losing yet another friend to the Wastes! Although they had gotten completely ready to finally steel himself and just talk to Ngelah, they were spared by Scout right in front of them! "Scout! Oh man, I've been worried." A wave of relief instantly washed over them... though it was soon taken over by a twinge of annoyance, and more than a twinge of worry. Sheesh, why did he have to love her company? Life would be a lot less stressful if she weren't their best friend! Petey tapped on their forehead, about the spot Scout's new scar was in. "What, uh... what happened here?"

Petey really did deserve better friends. Or a more emotionally and mentally stable one at least. She can see it on their face that this was not the ideal reunion. In her defense, though, it also wasn't hers. Her's involved a little more recovery, and some intense coverage over her new pink scar. "Well, hey, no reason to worry! Here I am, in the flesh." She tries to butter the whole situation up before giving her explanation, because it will certainly go down about as well as a shot down drone. "It's nothing much, honest. There was just... a sandworm that gave us some trouble on our last mission, and I caught a rogue tooth to the forehead. But, I've been given a clean bill of health, and now I've got a great reason to keep bangs in style." Why she hadn't thought to cut them before was beyond her. "I would have told you, but I figured you'd get all worried and milky and stuff, and it really wasn't worth it."

"and maybe if you were the worm, you could have chosen not to fuck with us. but you're not a worm, scout. and you're not all-seeing, either. the more you fall into the maybes, the harder it is to get out." naturally, there are times where adrian blames himself. maybe if he hadn't been in his head, maybe if he had checked the radar more thoroughly—but he stops himself. that's exactly the kind of thing that not only gets in the way of work, but gets you killed. "we can't do everything. it's not important that you always succeed, just that you try."

"I know, it's just... after Alex—" Scout cuts herself off there. Mostly because she doesn't know what she wants to say. There are so many unprocessed emotions around that loss that she's not sure she wants to bring it back up right now. "It was the first time something's really happened since... that day. All I can think about is her. About how..." She pauses, squeezing her eyes shut. She's not sure she's willing to admit to her friendship with Adrian for fear of the universe tearing it away. "How not succeeding that time meant she didn't make it." There's a beat as Scout sits with the admission that she had been the catalyst for Alex's death. Quickly, she tries to brush it away with a shake of the head. "I think I've just been cooped up too long. We got away, we should be happy, right?"

"oh, you hate to agree with me now, is that it?" he cocks a brow, but is clearly amused. "still, that's what i've got lined up. none of the dangerous routes right now. we all need a little recuperation, so it's just scouting for the next few days—you should be good at that, eh scout?" but his smile falters as she continues. "hey, look. nobody blames you for what happened. you were our best shot at getting out alive, there. i don't expect you to be able to detect everything."

"That'll be nice, I think. I'm kind of itching to get back out there." It was never enough, after all. Even after a brush with death. Adrian grants her grace, because that's who he is. There's truth in the fact that she had saved them. Things would have been far worse. Still, something nags at her that there was more that she could have done. "Right. I just... maybe if I wasn't so in my head. And it's not the first time that I— I don't know."