Astrology!

Acts like a toughie, is a toughie: Aries, Sagittarius, Capricorn

Acts like a toughie, is a softie: Leo, Gemini, Scorpio

Acts like a softie, is a toughie: Virgo, Aquarius, Libra

aries: charging a literal dragon on the battlefield as a one handed man whilst your sibling looks on and calls you an idiot (i know this is show canon only but it is also the most chaotic aries energy i have ever seen displayed)

taurus: infection after having your tongue cut out for writing a snarky song about the king

gemini: being executed for treason

cancer: makes some ned stark level lapses in judgment and ends up beheaded (but gets a "yep, that's me, i bet you're wondering how i got here" montage on the chopping block)

leo: deciding to fight a guy twice your size which may have been an acceptable choice if you didn't decide to monologue about it which was NOT an acceptable choice

virgo: getting yeeted out of a window because you cockblocked the wrong guy buddy

libra: devoured by ice spiders

scorpio: being flayed by ramsay snow himself

sagittarius: gets yeeted out the moon door; has no regrets

capricorn: holing up in your keep when winter comes but starving because you forgot to bring enough food

aquarius: hanged by the brotherhood without banners; lady stoneheart herself ties the noose

aries: red flavor “your world is electric, it’s cool; the colour of your love is redder than the sun”

taurus: automatic “warm velvet skin, lips with a soft light on them, eyes that are wet like rain, it’s all beautiful”

gemini: ice cream cake “oh vanilla chocolate honey with a cherry on top, I’ll show you different things every day, only to you”

cancer: russian roulette “you’re always like, ‘love is game’, you say it’s light and easily enjoyed; why do you keep saying these bad things trying to avoid me?”

leo: bad boy “yeah, I’m actually pretty confident, I don’t play a losing game; you’ve already halfway fallen for me”

virgo: happiness “money and power: i feel bad for the adults who only chase after that, they are truly unhappy”

libra: peek-a-boo “i like new things, they sparkle; everyone’s like that, right?”

scorpio: be natural “i vaguely fall deep into my body, melting as i close my eyes; do you believe in mystery? i’ll show you everything”

sagittarius: power up “teacher told me to have fun whether i’m playing or working; yes, I shined even more, this hotness, this newness, it’s mine”

capricorn: rookie “i’m getting scared, so as much as you took my heart i’m acting that much colder”

aquarius: rbb (really bad boy) “who can stop me? if i like it, i’ll go for it”

Aries: You are a warrior - you’ve always had so much strength in you.

Just keep in mind that strength can be seen (& used) in many forms, not only through ‘blood & tears.’

Taurus: The lotus flower will always emerge in all her beauty, despite whatever state of mud she has previously been inhabited in.

Who says you can’t too?

Gemini: Life can tell two stories; the fairy tale, & the nightmare.

Which story you choose to live in (& which role you choose to play) is entirely up to you.

Don’t allow yourself to fall into a story not meant for you.

Pick yourself up - you’re worth more than this.

Cancer: It is a huge gift - your ability of being so sweet towards others.

Everyone needs a little sugar in their life.

Just don’t be offended by the bitterness you may (at times) receive back.

As life; some people prefer their coffee simply just black.

Leo: You might have embedded a couple thorns in your paws..

Just don’t allow your crown to slip.

A queen is still a queen; no matter what she is going through.

Virgo: Relax; not everything has to be perfect 24/7.

Even some of the most beautiful flowers wither from time to time.

Libra: Unfortunately, the fairy tales we’ve allowed ourselves to believe aren’t always true.

There isn’t always a prince. Sometimes the princess has to save herself first.

Scorpio: If life is an illusion; then why does all this pain feel so real?

Take a moment; stay strong.

What do you need to focus on most right now?

Sagittarius: Never underestimate the importance of self-care - especially right now.

Take a little 'me time’ each day.. whether that means taking a trip to your most desired destination, or simply chilling out at home with your favourite book.

It’s up to you.

Capricorn: Work can be great; it’s great to give yourself a distraction from time to time.

Just make sure that 'distraction’ is never formed to keep you away from your own self.

Remember that you are your own (best) project, too.

Aquarius: Aliens are everywhere.

In our lives; in our friend groups, in our minds..

Even our own thoughts.

But the real question is; where do these thoughts come from?

Don’t let them get the better of you.

They don’t mean to be unfriendly - at least, not towards you.

Pisces: “Nostalgia is a form of depression.”

Aries: will that be all or do you have any other invasive questions about my sex life?

Taurus: nature can be a cruel bitch

Gemini: who is ready to dissect rats? *entire class cheers* and the children were joyous!

Cancer: it wants some sperm to satisfy its needs

Leo: (answering phone) boy wonder here

Virgo: take home lesson: don’t be a cannibal and eat brain!!

Libra: do i get extra credit if i put my butt on the window

Scorpio: *throws pen across the room at class*

Sagittarius: student: what are those green things on the skeleton? (spring scales) him: not nipple tassels

Capricorn: if its deep fried ill bite into anything

Aquarius: *makes pun* *cackles like a hyena seagull*

Aries: “All I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.”

Taurus: “We are not mad. We are human. We want to love, and someone must forgive us for the paths we take to love, for the paths are many and dark, and we are ardent and cruel in our journey.” 

Gemini: “Anything I tell you is an alibi for something else.“

Cancer: “How can I begin anything new with all of yesterday in me?”

Leo: “The older I get, the surer I am that I’m not running the show.”

Virgo: “Avoid the flourish. Do not be afraid to be weak. Do not be ashamed to be tired. You look good when you’re tired. You look like you could go on forever. Now come into my arms. You are the image of my beauty.”

Libra: “We are so lightly here. It is in love that we are made. In love we disappear.” 

Scorpio:  “Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as a secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.” 

Sagittarius: “I don’t consider myself a pessimist. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I feel soaked to the skin.”

Capricorn: “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

Aquarius: : “I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch.”

Aries: A toothy smile to brighten their day

Taurus: A witty and perpetual sense of humor

Gemini: Strength to carry on through hard times

Cancer: The baking skills of a god

Leo: An acceptance for their faults

Virgo: A nurturing and caring nature

Libra: A trustable personality

Scorpio: An ability to share and enjoy interests

Sagittarius: Having human flesh and a beating heart

Capricorn: A take charge attitude 

Aquarius: A cool and hip personality

Aries

Castle, Halsey

The Good, The Bad, The Dirty, p!atd

Bad Blood, Taylor Swift

Taurus

Death of a Bachelor, p!atd

Missing You, ATL

Ease, Troye Sivan

Gemini

Perfect, 1D

Blank Space, Taylor Swift

Hurricane, Halsey

Cancer

Blue, M&TD

Pity Party, Melanie Martinez

Talk Me Down, Troye Sivan

Leo

Weightless, ATL

King of the Clouds, P!ATD

Bloom, Troye Sivan

Virgo

Always, P!ATD

Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran

Savages, M&TD

Libra

Rollercoaster, Bleachers

Bubblegum Bitch, M&TD

Girls/girls/boys, P!ATD

Scorpio

Lying…, P!ATD

Control, Halsey

Chandelier, Sia

Sagittarius

Roman Holiday, Halsey

Wildest Dreams, Taylor Swift

Ready To Go, P!ATD

Capricorn

Ballad of Mona Lisa, P!ATD

Jet Black Heart, 5SOS

Afraid, the Neighbourhood

Aquarius

I Write Sins Not Tragedies, P!ATD

American Idiot, Green Day

New Americana, Halsey

Pisces

Drive, Halsey

Nearly Witches, P!ATD

Aries: “my hands are shaking from holding so tight for so long”

Taurus: “and when i’ve hit the ground neither lost nor found, if you believe in me, i’ll still believe”

Gemini: “i will learn to love the skies i’m under”

Cancer: “where you invest your love, you invest your life”

Leo: “cause i know my weakness, know my voice, and I believe in grace and choice”

Virgo: “you are not alone in this; as brothers we will stand and we’ll hold your hand”

Libra: “get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair”

Scorpio: “love it will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you, it will set you free”

Sagittarius: “love was kind for a time, now it just aches and it makes me blind”

Capricorn: “i need freedom now, and i need to know how to live my life as it’s meant to be”

Aquarius: “tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart”

Aries: [tells the story of how I clocked a guy after he kissed me full on the mouth not ten seconds after introducing himself for the fifth time]

Gemini: I’m leaving work after lunch….oh you’ll actually let me? Because I was meant to work a full day, I’d be happy to leave

Libra: Imagine all our staff knowing how to read

Cancer: You can’t even read!!!

Leo: I see you backing away slowly, remember that I could literally kill you

Taurus: ADAMANTIUM ISN’T REAL I WORKED IN A CHEMISTRY LAB

Virgo: But see, what I really wanted to tell that bitch was that I wanted to tear her heart out and eat it

Scorpio: I’m glad your toddler is teaching you how to read

Sagittarius: Show is the new ballet moves you’ve learnt!

Capricorn: You haven’t watched enough Sesame Street

Aquarius: If you drink enough water, you can do anything

aries: “kick names, take ass”

taurus: “he looks like a pirate….had a baby with an angel”

gemini: “that 50% of me that’s stupid, that’s 100% you”

cancer: “whoa, whoa, whoa, please don’t put your eggs in me!”

leo: “don’t forget this might be dangerous, so let’s put on our mean faces”

virgo: “you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards!”

libra: “we didn’t think of that” “i’m sure you tried your best”

scorpio: “it will kill you” “only if i die” “…yes that’s what ‘kill you’ means”

sagittarius: “what master do i serve?” “what am i supposed to say, jesus?”

capricorn: “i like your plan. except, it sucks. so let me do the plan and that way it might be really good”

aquarius: “get lost, squidward!”

Aries: “I’ll shove this ladle right up your ass, just wait.”

Taurus: “Severe anxiety, woooooo”

Gemini: “On one hand, I support you; on the other hand, he literally cheated on you three times.”

Cancer: *co-worker runs into door* I’m okay!

Leo: *sound of a child screaming*

Virgo: *co-worker gets an order wrong* “I’m quitting.”

Libra: “jAKE NO!!”

Scorpio: “If this woman complains about how long it’s taking one more time I’ll crush her with the panini press”

Sagittarius: *blowing a kiss at a sandwich*

Capricorn: “Do you ever look at an animal and just think that it’s too big to be giving live birth? I’m talking specifically about elephants here.”

Aquarius: *sound of cup lids falling*

Aries - “If you keep cracking your knuckles, Imma crack yo mom”

Taurus - *rapping*

“I eat when I’m stressed

I eat when I’m depressed

I eat all the time

Because it’s not a crime”

Gemini - “You have to be a little drunk when you shoot off fireworks. That’s what makes it exciting”

Cancer - “My hands smell like caramel-condom”

Leo - *Screaming at a laptop* “I DON’T WANT A FUCKING TESLA”

Virgo - “Why do they call it coconut-milk? I can literally not see one coconut in it”

Libra - “Kids, don’t make out. You’ll get an STD.”

Scorpio - “Homophobe? That’s that phone-thing right?”

Sagittarius - “Turn Off The Vibrator”

Capricorn - “I’m not languaging very well today”

Aquarius - “Excuse me, I’m trans-age, and I identify as a 60-year old walrus”

Pisces - “Every teenager should own a pacifier, since we obviously cry more than babies do”