KILLING LANDLORDS WITH KNIVES

“On social media you only see people’s highs and not their lows so you get the impression that everybody else only experiences highs which can lower your self esteem” idk what social media you’re on but it isn’t like that for me

every now and then i am reminded of nintendo's official solution to the wii u pro controller not having gyro controls and it never fails to send me into hysterics

if i ever have kids im going to name them shit like warrior and assassin

just so they know what i expect from them

fuck you. *inflicts a curse that makes your uterine lining grow teeth*

I knew I was getting close to Textile City. I could see their monument, a colossal weaving device, looming in the distance.

Hello my beautiful human body! I’ve invited you here today to discuss adopting non-mucus-based solutions to common challenges—

podcasts could have been so good but they decided to make the main genres True Crime and Men Talking. shut up shut up the public yearns for audio dramas

Every vampire is all "oh drinking blood is better than any food, drugs, even sex" but I don't even believe them because all of them were literally made before the invention of really good drugs and before we got all the nice foods from the new world, so I don't trust any of their opinions. Lestat has never ate a potato and Armand hasn't ever even tasted tomaotes. The only guy I trust is Daniel Molloy who has probably tried every drug on earth, has definitely ate nice food and would be a valid judge on how good drinking blood really is.