s c m n i x m

Tsuki was like a steel wall at this point. Changing his view on things would be difficult if he wasn’t getting professional help. He could only shrug his shoulders.

“Sure, I’m a coward.” Despite his tone being sarcastic, he was being genuine. “But I don’t think I’m the one suffering most, there are many out there that have it worse than me.” He placed his hand over his chest, wincing. –Only to go back to laughing grimly under his breath.

“If I saw a truck running at full speed ahead, maybe I would head towards it in hopes that it’d end me. Maybe I’ll even still linger at the edge of high cliffs or wait for someone to push me into the ocean. But for now, I have a debt to pay… Which is why I’m still here.”

In other words, Hanoi was the motive as to why he hadn’t tried to tie another noose.

“Fake or real, I still appreciate the friendship I have with Ryōken. So I’ll serve under him until it’s all over. Only then will I take my own life. So you don’t have to worry about… Whatever you’re worrying about.”

Changing the other one was nothing Spectre thought himself being capable of though. Honestly wouldn't even want to try. He was just saying what was on his mind. Maybe trying to pull the other one in one of his twisted games.

Could he really trust the younger one around Ryoken?  Most of the times - just like right now - he wasn't so sure about that.

"You don't." he replied in the end, a brow slightly raised, while he let his eyes wander over the smaller one. "You're clinging to Ryoken-sama to use him. You don't appreciate anything and your not seeing him as your friend. Otherwise you wouldn't think like that."

He paused for a moment before shaking his head.

"Friendship won't be over just like that. If you're only interacting with Ryoken-sama with the thought about when it's over you don't deserve the attention he gives you at all."

Tsuki paused in his tracks.

No, Spectre was right. He was choosing to be a burden, that much he could admit. Even Tsuki wasn’t sure why he was even clinging this much onto Ryōken the way he did. Maybe it was because Ryōken was the last glimmering hope he had left to live. It was human to want to survive, unfortunately… Especially when despair hadn’t completely drowned out everything.

But what followed next would make his heart drop. Certainly, that was something he never expected Spectre of all people to say. Perhaps his depression and suicidal thoughts had anchored him to the lowest of levels. 

Thinking of this ‘more’ that he could be… How delusional. Was it so wrong of Tsuki to not make an effort when his inability to function like a normal person from the trauma and the permanent condition he was in was the reason as to why he could never fit in or contribute to society? 

In the end, all that came from Tsuki was his typical, cynical laugh.

He had no redeeming qualities. And people caring about him? Since when? Tsuki knew first hand what humans were like. Full of deceit. Masking truths with lies. Finding someone so genuine was hard these days. How could Spectre truly tell that anybody cared? 

“Maybe I just want an ‘easy way out’.” He finally said reflectively. 

“Living is much painful than being dead.” Tsuki stated, giving a distant stare. “But if you really believe that… I guess stumbling across the Hanoi was my biggest misfortune.”

Putting his hand through his fringe, Tsuki laughed again. 

“If I can’t use my own hands, then I’ll just have to wait, huh?”

The laugh from the other one sounded so wrong in this situation, but somehow Spectre wasn’t surprised about it. In all honesty he couldn’t see what Ryoken saw in that boy, but he respected his friend enough to not to question it. It was the older ones decision after all and despite everything Spectre could see that Tsukis presence was good for Hanois leader in a way he failed to explain. 

But he never had been good with human relationships after all. 

“You’re a coward.” he replied in the end, looking down at the younger one. “You’re a coward and you think you’re the only one who’s in pain. The only one who’s suffering. But let me tell you something. You’re not. You’re nothing special. And you don’t get an easy way out. Neither of us does.” 

Shaking his head a smirk appeared on his face. 

“You think so badly about Hanoi hu? Go ahead and tell Ryoken-sama. Tell him all you did was playing with his emotions.”

“…”

Was he surprised that Spectre had heard his mumble?  Not in the slightest. It probably would’ve been wiser knowing the other to not encourage the conversation to go any further yet… Tsuki felt like he needed to make a point.

“He… He’s nice. A bit too nice.” 

Staring down at the ground, a tiny grim smile made its way to his features. 

“The thing is, I’m a waste of space and air. I’m dead weight. A burden. And even now, I’m causing more trouble than good. Why wouldn’t anybody be fine if I were to…”

He trailed off, words drying out in his throat. A small shake of his head would have Tsuki looking up from the ground to circle Spectre, trying to see if there were any wounds that had gone unnoticed. It was almost like he had never spoken out his thoughts at all.

“…”

That Tsuki wasn’t once who cling onto his own life had been something Spectre already came to notice during their first time working together before the tower. Even though working together might not really described his job that had more been like babysitting. And it probably hadn’t been possibly not to notice it with how the other one once straight up asked him to kill him in some way or another but... 

Spectre somehow had thought that this way of thinking had changed when he had watched the younger one around Ryoken. Seemed like he...they had been wrong about that. 

It made him frown because with Tsuki thinking like that... there was a possibility of Ryoken getting hurt in this and Spectre would not let this happen. 

“You’re a burden because you make yourself one.” he replied in the end, voice harsh. “You don’t even allow yourself to see the possibility of being something more. Instead of living you cling to the idea of dying as if there’s no one who would be hurt by you vanishing. Maybe you’re causing trouble, but that’s because you chose to.”

For a moment he stopped, before taking a step away looking at the other one how he circled around him. What a waste of time.. 

“You wonder why people won’t be fine with you vanishing? Because they care about you. And they see something in you that you’re too blind to see in yourself.”

Of course! But taking a hit like that was way too much, even if Spectre hadn’t taken the full blow… Tsukiya still couldn’t help but feel robbed of an opportunity to actually die.

Loosening his embrace, he glanced at the other with a puzzled look. ‘Precious person’. Was he precious to Ryoken? It was obvious by the other Knights statements that Ryoken treated Tsuki differently, and sure, they were close. But such adjective seemed like an overstatement. 

Fringe casting a dark shadow over his dull soulless eyes, Tsuki couldn’t help but mutter under his breath. 

“I’m sure Ryoken would be fine without me here.”

The reason he was with this group now was because he begged Ryoken to take him. If anything, Tsuki was still nothing more than a burden trying to redeem himself selfishly.

His mutter would end with a small cough though as he’d hope he’d go unheard.

“Are you bleeding anywhere? Gosh, I’m… So sorry.”

Unfortunately for the other one Spectre did hear those words. It was almost as if it was a special ability of his to hear those things he wasn’t supposed to hear after all. 

Tilting his head to the side he looked down to the other one. It was now a little bit easier as the other one had loosened the embrace a bit. But yet they were still rather close to each other. Closer than they usually would be for sure. 

“You’re wrong if you’re thinking like that.” he commented after a while, and for once there wasn’t any hidden tone in his voice. He was just honest with saying that. They all had recognized how much Tsukiya was to their leader, even though they didn’t all make the same conclusions out of it. It was a situation Hanoi had learned to deal with. It just seems like Tsuki of all people was totally obvious to it. 

“You could’ve died-…” 

If anything, Tsuki was certain Spectre meant more to Ryoken than he himself! And to top it all off, there it was again! His chance to finally die, taken from him just liked this! At least… Spectre wasn’t hurt though.

Something so sudden and shocking would have Tsuki tearing up though. As much as he wanted to deny it, this moment had given him quite a scare. So much that he’d end up unexpectedly hugging Spectre from behind.

“Well I guess that’s a risk being alive brings with itself.” 

Would death had bothered Spectre? Honestly he couldn’t give any answer for that, but he was rather sure about the fact that he would die for Ryoken. And it seemed like dying to protect Ryokens happiness now was part of this as well. 

Even though the younger one obviously wasn’t seeing it like that if Tsuki clinging onto him from behind was any indication on that. For a moment Spectre actually blinked confused, before he tilted his head a bit to get a better view onto the younger one. 

“And at least I would have died in order to protect Ryoken-sama’s precious person.” 

Sometimes the way Spectre would smirk was just all too familiar. Even the tone reminded Tsuki of… Well, him. Of course, even if he was far away from that guy physically, Jeremy Metanmare seemed to torment him anywhere anytime… 

But enough about that gremlin.  

Tsuki would scurry over, putting his hands over Spectre’s shoulder’s for support.

“Why would you- Why would you do that?”

He’d ask, quite obviously shook from the sudden turn of events.

Spectre frowned slightly as the others hand touched his shoulder for support. It was something he wasn’t that familiar with. Support. It was a rare thing in his life. Of course he knew that he got full support from Ryoken in whatever decision he would make but... besides that. He always had been alone. 

This was rare. And from Tsuki even more. 

“Can’t let you get hurt can I?” he replied in  the end, shaking his head again. “Honestly, why are you surprised? You think I want to deal with Ryoken-sama freaking out about you being hurt?” 

To think he’d be saved by the most difficult-to-deal-with person in the world! Tsuki wasn’t even sure if this was reality or simply a strange dream. But in the end, he’d find himself snapping out of his thoughts, letting out a worried yell.

“S-Spectre!”

Honestly... Spectre wouldn’t say he and Tsuki were close or anything. He probably didn’t even care about the younger one, but that wasn’t really what mattered in this situation. Because while it didn’t mattered for him if the younger one was hurt or not personally, Revolver would care. And with Revolver caring Spectre was kinda caring as well so jumping between the younger one and the approaching danger wasn’t that surprising probably. 

Pain never had been something he feared neither, so even when he was hit he only stumbled back a few steps before regaining his balance again, turning his head slightly around to Tsuki, showing him a smirk. 

“I’ll have you know that my intentions haven’t really changed.”

He figured his actions from weeks ago would be questioned. But little did Spectre know that Moonphaser was still as suicidal as ever. Just that, his methods in getting himself killed were being erased from his list - meaning that he would be a lot more careful when facing threats. After all, he was just a pawn now.

A small tilt of the head.

“I don’t really understand either but we’ll probably end up working together at some point so. Pleased to make your acquittance, I guess.”

Well that statement was neither helpful nor reassuring, because it meant that he had to take care of the other one staying alive again. He wasn’t sure what Revolver wanted from him.. with him honestly. But if he was taking that guy back here it was probably more than just watching him die. 

A sigh left his lips, before he shook his head slightly. “How troublesome..” he mumbled, more to himself than for the other one to hear. 

That Moonphaser wasn’t really understanding either... well he kinda expected it at this point. Because why would Revolver explain himself to that guy but not to him or one of the other knights? 

“I usually tend to work alone.” And if not than only with Revolver most of the time. After all he wasn’t really good at team-work. Yet it wasn’t meant personally or was about the other one. It was just a general thing probably. 

"I figured I should at least offer you a greeting now that I'm back so... Hi, I guess." (from 1 Moonphaser ; ) 

For a moment Spectre was just watching the other teen, no real emotion visible in his face. He wasn’t sure what to think about the others presence. He hadn’t quite understood why Revolver had brought him back and unfortunately the older one hadn’t bothered with explaining to him yet so for the time of being he just had to accept and deal with it. 

In the end a cold smile appeared on his face though. “I didn’t really expected you back after how you acted last time.” he replied, tilting his head to the side. “But Revolver-sama seems to think you’re still useful for us for some reasons.” 

“… I see”

He starts to walk away from his position, clearly there had to be somewhere else the more challenging duelists were hiding. His boots click against the roofs edge occasionally, the clicking dissapearing as he leaps towards the next building with ease.

Landing gracefully he starts to look around the area again, something immediately catching his attention on one of the monitors, a broadcast duel between two hoodlums, funnily enough they seemed to be putting up a rather rough fight.

For a while Spectre just stayed silent. After all there wasn’t much more to add to this conversation with everything being said and done. There was no use in arguing about it more. Honestly the younger teen was rather well aware about the fact that Revolver most likely didn’t liked his previous words, but they were only the truth and Spectre wouldn’t bother with denying it. 

In the end he shrugged slightly, before he followed the other one. He had meant it when he mentioned wanting to keep the others company for a while longer after all. He wouldn’t let the other one escape from it that easily. 

It didn’t take that long for the other one to stop again anyways and soon enough Spectre was watching the duel on the screen as well, arms slightly folded in front of his chest. 

“…. I Know.” He sighs slightly and watches over the duels as they end, people cheering and then logging off, or continuing in the next duel, nothing too exciting, thankfully no sign of trouble for the time being.

“Maybe you should put yourself first for once” He mumbles under his breathe.

“Oh?”

Well that was new. But at least it was a step in the right direction. Folding his arms in front of his chest yet again he came to stop next to the older one, looking down at the ending duels as well. Some of them actually seemed like they could have any potential, but most of them were on a level far below of them and the threats they had faced in the past. 

“….Fine.” He conceeds defeat, knowing fullwell that spectre would just dig in his heels if he continued to try and force him out of link VRAINS. 

“Don’t think i wont punish you later for this.” That was a lie, how could he even punish him? but he couldn’t let his role of a leader diminish over a few words, he had examples to set and standards to uphold.

As long as Spectre already was at the other ones side he had seen many times that Revolver rarely gave up on something. But at the same time the other one always knew exactly when a fight couldn’t be won and it seemed like he was wise enough in this case as well. 

Even though those words made the smirk on his face grow a bit wider. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” he replied, even though he was rather sure he wouldn’t really have to fear any consequences at all. Maybe the other one would try to ignore him for a while. But besides that? 

“I’m just doing this for you.”

“You dare to disobey me Spectre?”  He glares at him menacingly, never before had he been faced with such defiance, let alone from his most loyal subordinate. What was going on in his head, was it out of pity? or worry that he decided to ignore him.

“I gave you an order. Now follow it.”

“I’m sorry Revolver-sama.” 

He actually was. The decision to ignore the others order was one he hadn’t made easily. Or without thinking about it first. In the end he had do decide between the other ones well being and his loyalty in one sense but.. in the end he was doing this because of his loyalty to the other one. Wasn’t Revolver seeing that? Or did he not want to see? 

“That wasn’t a request. It was an order.” His voice carried strict authority, his eyes not moving from the duels that were on display before him, he knew spectre was being persistend for his own wellbeing, but he couldn’t let him in. not now, not ever.

“I need you to take over in the morning, you need to sleep.”

“Oh? But Revolver-sama, I was already aware of that.” 

There actually was a small grin on his face. It wasn’t actually a happy one. Probably because he was already aware about the fact that his next words wouldn’t be some the other one would like to hear. Because it was something he usually wouldn’t do like this. But he hoped that Revolver one day would understand