moving on

Jeanette Winterson, from 'Written on the Body'

❝ A picnic's perfect, ❞ she smiled at him. Was he as nervous as she was? ❝ Maybe we could do those other things for the next date... ❞ God, she getting ahead of herself. Did he even want to go on another date with her? ❝ I mean... ❞ Ysla tucked her hair behind both ears; a double tuck. Something she found out was a tell whenever she was around someone she liked. ❝ Ah... ❞ A light flush appeared on her cheeks as she gave him another smile. ❝ What I meant to say was... thank you, ❞ ❝ I feel like I should've brought something too, ❞ Ysla's brows furrowed slightly as she carefully sat down on the blanket he laid out. She loved that he planned the whole thing out. She wasn't used to being taken care of in that way.

"I mean, I am hoping I do well enough to get a second date." Adem replied, a blush blooming across his cheeks as he settled beside her. He was glad to hear that she too was thinking about what happened after, that she was considering the possibility of this becoming something more. He wasn't trying to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help but feel like this could really be something good. Something amazing, even. He shook his head, a sweet smile on his lips, "You can bring something next time. I wanted to impress you. Hopefully. Maybe." He was tripping over his words a little bit, the blush still on his cheeks, traveling to the tips of his ears, "Anyway, I brought some wine if you'd like some," He pulled a bottle from the tote and two plastic cups left over from Emine's last birthday party too, "I'll be honest, I don't know much about wine, but the person working the wine shop said this one is really nice and fresh." Tasting notes of stone fruit and florals, it sounded promising enough. And florals made him think of Ysla. "And I haven't been on a date in... awhile, so if I get anything wrong? Let me know." Adem teased, laughing softly as he poured the wine into the plastic cups. His hands weren't shaking like they were when he had first arrived at Ysla's, so he took that as a win. He just hoped everything went as he planned it. Or better than he planned it, if he was lucky.

"cinnamon to savory?" he feigns a gasp. "you're a mad scientist, adem!" he doesn't really know what it means though. not that he doesn't know what cinnamon is or savory means, but rafael has a difficult time imagining what those two would taste like or how they'd come out of the kitchen and onto a plate. at the very least, adem must truly have a strong stomach, one made of something harder than steel, to be able to process all those trials and errors ( rafael himself should know, considering the amount of times he's sent himself to the bathroom ). "that's pretty cool, though," rafael finally says. "it's kind of like leveling up. super saiyan training. you'll be a kakarot in the kitchen, adem!" then, rafael beams proudly and says, "that's right—ya boi's been doing crazy shit in the kitchen! . . . alright, not crazy shit. i've just been trying to bake. it's really hard, actually. i have to measure so much shit. one time, i tried just, like, fuckin' eyeballing it and shit, right? dude, that stuff tasted awful. i had to throw it away because no one would eat it and i don't think luna or seba would've liked it if i fed it to their pets . . . even though it was pretty wasteful . . . "

he chuckles, "i've just been reading too many food blogs and watching a lot of cooking tiktok — they have some great stuff on there! even better than instagram." though, he's sure the younger man is familiar with the app. more so than adem, at least. he grins as he listens to rafael, nodding, "baking? yeah? what kind of things?" he's an alright baker, not too shabby at least. he's a better cook, in his opinion. "yeah, baking is tricky in that way. you have to be exact or else everything gets a little messed up." adem nods, "but it's all about trying it! keep trying and you'll be opening a bakery before you know it!" he teases, clapping the other on the shoulder affectionately.

although their words should’ve made her heart flutter, somehow they just leave a bitter taste in her mouth. there’s a sudden urge to bite back at spencer, but she has never been the type to lash out at somebody, even if she’s still upset that they just upped and went on with their life one day. “i know,” jackie responds, grinning cheekily. “you must be going through some crazy shit if you’re out here trying to contact demons. what have you been up to without me, huh?” although it comes out as a silly banter, she truly wants to know all about it. there are so many questions she wants to ask, but for now she decides to bite her tongue ⸻ she doesn’t want to risk scaring spencer off now that they’re here. “oh, i’m just visiting my cousin. he’s a really busy man, so i had to come here and find him myself,” she chuckles. taking a moment to gaze at spencer, she wonders if they would stick around this time, or maybe they would try to run away from her again. either way she thinks it’s worth a try, so she asks, “do you want to check out this bar together? see if we could find any ghost or demon to contact?” it’s her way of saying we should definitely talk. “pretty sure they got some spooky ass drinks we could try too.”

"mostly just a lot of work," they tell her with a shrug, "collaborating and trying to make hits. the usual." and trying to ignore my feelings for you, but spencer can't say that. and it obviously wasn't a successful endeavor because here they are, heart beating more quickly and palms inconspicuously sweaty. "oh, nice. your cousin, charlie?" they ask. they don't know him well, but they know of him, having spent plenty of time with jackie. their eyebrows raise slightly and her question, though, and they nod, "i was about to ask. let me buy you a spooky ass drink." spencer opens the door for her, offering a small smile, letting their eyes traipse over jackie for a moment, "let's get a table." it's their way of agreeing that yes, they should talk, even though spencer knows it's probably not going to paint them in the best light. they deserve it after the shit they pulled on jackie. "do we need a ring of salt or some shit to make sure a demon doesn't attach itself?" they joke.

"i guess i just figured the person who owned the cafe actually owned the cats as well. maybe they're just loaning their cats to us to distract from the terrible coffee." salem teased while petting a smaller black cat that resembled stevie. "im almost sure im like a cat whisperer because i haven't come across a single one that doesn't like me." chuckling at spencer's comment she looked over at the other for a brief moment. "you could pretend to pass out or something. i'll stash two in my bag while you create a diversion. i just hope you're a cat person because you're definitely taking one of them."

"maybe they just steal them all from the streets. is there an ethical way to source cats?" they joked, pushing said terrible coffee away from themself — salem was right and spencer couldn't be bothered to finish their cup. "i'm not not a cat person, i'm just no jackson galaxy like you are." spencer replied with a laugh. then they glanced around, "i mean, i could fake a medical emergency, i could throw a fit over the shitty coffee even. demand a refund, really summon some nasty karen that lives inside of me. in the name of getting you a free cat? anything." they winked playfully.

She started to prepare the test, glancing up at Yazmin, "How are you feeling? How long since your last period?" She asked. For her, talking sometimes diminished nerves, so this served that purpose and helped her collect information that could be useful.

               the   thought   of   quality   time   made   charlie   tense   up.   for   charlie,   friendship   was   something   he   could   handle   only   in   passing   and   in   silence.   the   more   time   he   spent   with   a   person,   the   more   the   expectation   for   him   to   share   would   swell.   charlie   had   never   been   a   man   of   permanence;   he   was   someone   people   felt   comfortable   floating   in   and   out   of   his   life   with.   it   was   a   lonely   existence,   but   it   was   the   only   one   charlie   was   comfortable   with.   laying   roots   somewhere   outside   of   new   york,   outside   of   london   even,   meant   now   he   had   the   ability   the   freedom   to   be   someone   he   didn't   think   he   could   be   before.   if   only   he   could   figure   out   how   to   stop   fumbling   every   attempt.                "   we   live   together,   is   that   not   enough   time   ?   "   he   knew   what   rania   was   talking   about,   he   just   preferred   to   play   dumb   so   that   he   wouldn't   have   to   talk   about   it.   an   easy   strategy   really.   his   shoulders   rolling   uncomfortably   as   rania   continued   to   read   him   like   a   book.   it   was   why   she   was   someone   he   wanted   to   be   around   actively,   but   also   avoid.   "   you're   anything   but   low-level.   "   charlie   focused   on   instead,   giving   her   a   gentle   bump   with   his   shoulder.   a   small   laugh   finding   his   lips   at   her   anecdote.   "   you   broke   up   with   something   via   carrier   pigeon   essentially   ?   that's   a   story   i   need   to   here,   what   did   they   do   that   was   so   bad   you   never   wanted   to   see   them   again   ?   "  

"well, do you often lock yourself in your room instead of spending time with them?" rania teased, giving charlie a knowing look. she wasn't going to press too hard, especially since his body language was telling her all she needed to know. her words were heard, and that was probably enough. she shorted, shaking her head, "it was a low moment, okay? i was having my sex and the city moment, my drama queen phase." she shook her head, "he was annoying and a shit boyfriend, but he had these eyes that were very sweet and very manipulative, i'd say. so i knew i couldn't look at him, so... i left a note! we'd only be together about a month anyway, it wasn't like this was a long-term thing. and then i think i only dated maybe one more person before finding my partner, so... really i still won." she sighed then, a soft smile on her face as she reminisced about her younger years, her markedly wilder years, "what's your move then? when breaking up with someone? are you a ghoster? do you do something so that they'll break up with you? what's the charlie hastings special?" she asked with a laugh.

“hey, good morning!” she greets rania back, mirroring the smile on her face as she takes the cup of coffee with both hands. “this is so sweet of you, rania. thank you so much.” rachel already had her daily dose of caffeine earlier, but she wouldn’t mind another one. “everything’s good, we’re doing so good.” for once she’s being honest, although it wouldn’t be wrong to see it as some sort of manifestation too. “i mean, manifesting is really just you believing in something hard enough it becomes real, and i do believe in your manifesting power! today’s going to be an easy day for sure,” she agrees, taking a small sip of her coffee. “yes and yes. can’t take good care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself first, right? what about you? everything’s good with you too, i hope?”

"of course, have to be fueled up to take on the day." she takes a sip of her own coffee, grinning at the younger woman, "so good? wow. incredible, we're off to a great start." she reaches out and gives rachel's shoulder a friendly squeeze, "see? 'manifesting' sounds so much more normal coming out of your mouth." oh to be young and hip. rania agrees then, nodding, "you're right. self-care is important!" and something she neglects and is bad at, but that is not important right now, "mmm, i'm fine. sonia threw a fit over her hair this morning, but nothing a french braid couldn't fix." she snorts, teasing, "if you ever had kids? add different types of braiding to the list of things to know. a little french or fishtail can remedy almost anything. it's like me and a cup of coffee. healing, even."

as  though  the  sick  beats  and  the  quick  cheats  of  their  last  outing  still  follow  them  around.  which  —  they  do.  he's  still  getting  random  calls  from  random  numbers  about  their  impulsive  deejaying.  “man.  my  dignity  took  a  hike  and  never  came  back.  i  forgot  to  tell  you.  it's  fucking  smoked,  man.  i  wish  i  could  tell  you  where  he  went,  too.  but  i  think  he  pulled  that  …”  leaning  in.  “…  vanish  in  the  woods  thing.”

they snort, "damn. i won't miss your dignity. good riddance, i say. who needs it anyway?" spencer shrugs, grabbing a glass from their cabinet, "and it's better than you yourself vanishing into the woods. that would be a true tragedy. can you imagine me? deep in the woods? looking for you? nah. i couldn't possibly. that would be so hard." they fill the glass up with water, figuring hydration now before going out is important, "that's worse than camping. and camping never appealed to me."

⠀⠀⠀⠀ leia shakes her head and offers a wide , eager grin at rania . ❝ i'm dedicated , i'll clean my plate . i'm happy to help taste - test anyway . ❞ she tries her best to be reassuring , eyeing the sizzling chicken in her peripheral . ❝ maybe once it cools . ❞ she sniffs over the chicken again , the aromas of the entrée coming together quite nicely . ❝ this really does smell good though , i'm sure it'll be delicious ! ❞ she helps rania plate a serving for the each of them , blowing on her test - serving to further cool it down . ❝ i feel like the guy fieri of valpo right now . ❞ she jokes , taking a bite and assessing the flavor . it was good — maybe a pinch overcooked — but edible . leia's eyes widen as she chews , her brows raising in a pleasant shock surprise . ❝ it's good ! what do you think ? ❞

rania's not too sure, but she appreciates leia's encouragement anyway. growing up in a restaurant now not being able to cook felt like a goddam embarrassment. she laughs softly, poking the chicken with her fork, "oh yeah? i think i like that better than gordan ramsey. guy is nice enough that he wouldn't totally and completely destroy me." rania takes a bite then, tilting her head to the side as she tries to decide what she thinks. it's definitely a little rubbery, but the taste? the taste isn't half-bad! she gives a nod, "it's not... horrible! that's a start!" she lets out a breath, relieved, "i mean, it's no michelin star level meal, but it's edible. that's growth, right?" she nudges leia gently with her elbow, chuckling, "well, well, well... you can teach an old dog new tricks, babe!"

“  it's  weird.  it's  the  same  for  me,  though.  i  was  travelling  and  then  i  ended  up  here  and  it  just  made  sense  to  stay,  i  guess. i could only sleep on a boat for so long before it was too claustrophobic.  “  he  agrees,  “  maybe  there's  some  kind  of  residual  something  that's  drawing  everybody  here.  "  zaid  isn't  the  first  person  rohan's  met  who's  also  potentially running  away  from  something.  woo  woo  shit  indeed.  "  maybe  you  should  start  looking  into  that.  whatever  eldrich  horror  is  feeding off  all  our misery  would  probably  make  a  killer  podcast  episode.  " 

zaid hums, nodding as he listens to rohan. the similarities between their paths to chile are not lost on him. and it's amusing. these two kids from falmouth, trying to get as far away from home as possible and somehow making their way to one another anyway. making their way to a piece of home. even though they haven't seen one another in so long, he feels comfortable as he walks with his old friend. that feeling of home is nice to feel sometimes, just in little doses. he laughs, shrugging, "you might be right. we probably can't leave either. we're all stuck here like vivarium, but not scary. oh, or the riverdale season six finale when they all get stuck in the town while a comet races toward them." he explains because he assumes rohan hasn't seen all seven season of riverdale. he pauses for a moment, weighing whether or not to get into a more serious mode, to ask a less comfortable question. there's so much he wants to know about what rohan's been up to and why he fell off the face of the earth. he wants to call him out, but he figures that conversation can wait until at least the third time they see one another, so he asks, "where else were you traveling before this? maybe our paths almost crossed before. ships passing in the night — yours a real ship, mine an airplane usually. sometimes a train."

               "   oh   damn   it   !   you   saw   that   ?   "   dixie   commented   as   zaid   blocked   her   win.   as   the   only   girl   in   a   house   of   boys,   dixie   was   naturally   competitive.   once   she   had   her   mind   on   winning   something   it   was   hard   to   take   her   focus   away.   in   that   moment,   she   was   more   focused   on   the   game   than   the   conversation   so   her   reaction   to   his   words   was   a   little   delayed.   "   rohan   wouldn't   go   to   the   very   bottom   of   the   ocean   in   a   safe   submarine   if   we   were   the   two   people   who'd   be   stuck   with.   "   she   commented   with   a   snort.   with   her   focused   broken,   she   held   onto   her   next   red   chip   and   watched   him   as   he   spoke.   her   head   tilted   to   the   side   in   confusion.   "   and   everybody   round   here   says   i   talk   funny,   what   were   any   of   those   words   you   just   said,   sweetie   ?   you're   trust   trying   to   distract   me   from   winning.   "   the   accusation   was   playful   as   she   dropped   another   chip   in,   redirecting   her   connect   4   play.   "   i'm   very   good   with   sharp   objects   actually,   use   to   go   axe   chucking   with   my   brothers   all   the   time.   you   just   don't   want   to   lose,   but   no   matter   the   game   i   fear   that's   inevitable.   "

"well, that gives me an idea then. how do you charter a submarine?" zaid was joking. mostly. though, wouldn't that be so funny? just think about rohan's face when the submarine popped out of the water. priceless. he snorted, teasing, "i'm the one here speaking perfectly english english. and maybe playing mind games. you'll never know! not until i win, at least." he winked at delilah, waiting for her to make her next move. he hummed, "axe chucking sounds sorta terrifying. why do you have to learn a skill that's useful in exclusively an apocalyptic situation? or if you accidentally get transported into westeros or some magical land like that." he slipped one of his chips into the rack, leaning back in his seat, "i could be a secret connect 4 prodigy, you never know." he wasn't. but he was usually generally good at board games. he was really bad at sports, so he had to be good at something, "were your brothers board game people or exclusively outdoors throwing sharp object games sort of people?"

HANNAH SIMONE  as sam in not dead yet (2023)

— — Elizabeth Schmuhl, from “Sick,” published in Guesthouse (via lifeinpoetry)