slowly, you thaw

JN-1532 had been a good soldier,  well-trained and non-hesitant to follow orders,  but also strong enough to make up for his lack of height.  he climbed his way through ranks and probably would eventually die in battle if he hadn’t been left behind when they thought he already had.  his wound was tended to by the natives of the planet that the First Order had raided,   which JN-1532 couldn’t pinpoint without the assistance of a map,  and it was the first time the trooper experienced freedom.  complete and utter freedom,  of thought,  of speech,  of action.   

no one came back for him,  as his trackers had been destroyed and they deemed him dead,  and he was finally allowed to see the whole situation from a different point of view,  allowed to choose what he should want to do next.   IT WAS TERRIFYING.  joining the resistance had been the only plausible thing,  when he finally understood the evils of the First Order but also couldn’t stand being away from the action.  after all,  fighting was what he was programmed to do.   

the captain couldn’t help but be intimidated from being among the ones he once thought as the enemy and it was surprising ( to say the least )   when he was told that another ex-Stormtrooper was already an active part of the resistance.  not that he would let it show,  of course,  keeping his chin up high and a perfect posture all the while,  eyes hardened by all the horrors they have seen in a lifetime.  

       He hoped that softened the mood somehow. (It probably wouldn’t.)

          ❝ I understand perfectly. The general just wants to take PRECAUTIONS and make sure you aren’t a spy or a double agent. I don’t think you are. ❞ The ex-stormtrooper knew how hard it was to leave the First Order. He doesn’t think for a second that any trooper given a taste of freedom for one second would ever think of going back. ❝ You can choose a name for yourself now. My friend called me Finn because it sounds like FN, my unit. Maybe you could do the same. ❞ 

         There was ONE thing he couldn’t help but wonder about, though.

it nagged at the back of her mind. never negative things. more subtle encouragements towards him that he would never hear.  you can do it.   don’t sit alone.  —— she didn’t think it would make any difference until she watched him stumble over to her table. 

       (Right, don’t use your hands Finn, you want to make a good IMPRESSION.)

i can barely believe that after just 3 months in this blog,  i have reached this many followers.  i never thought i’d be so welcome,  not only into the fandom,  but back into the rping community as a whole since previous to this blog i had gone through a long  (  four months that felt like a lifetime tbh )   hiatus from roleplaying altogether.   it has been not only flattering but also extremely heartwarming and i could not be more thankful for ALL THE AMAZING FOLLOWERS i have,  most of which i already consider my friends,  even if we have never spoken a word to each other.  i mean,  you put up with my crazy shitposting and all my crying over John Watson and you’re still here and gahhhhhh,  i love you all so much it’s a bit overwhelming.   

i’m not really good with emotions  so,  let’s get to the fun part,  shall we?  i decided that i wanted to thank you somehow for being so awesome to me and i came to the conclusion that there wasn’t much i could do.  i’ve made a poll a short while ago and the most voted option was the one of a promo banner giveaway so:   HERE IT IS.   i know, i’m excited too. :’))))   

so,  here’s how it’s going to work:  i’ll let this post go around for a week,  which means the giveaway ends may 16th.  you must be following me,  since this is a thank you note for my followers,  it really wouldn’t make sense if someone who’s not following me won,  right?  also you gotta be an rp blog.   there will be two winners,   both of which will have their promo banner made and reblogged by me at several times.  make sure you have your askbox open and submit page up,  so i can talk to you and know your preferences and,  later,  send you the banner so you can publish it however you see fit.  the winners will obviously be chosen randomly so literally everyone has a chance!!!!!     (EXAMPLES:  X X X X X X)

Rey leans forward, resting her forearms on her knees and allowing her gaze to fix on the tiny patch of floor between her feet. For all of the years she’s spent being SELF-SUFFICIENT, she’s never really had to make a decision. There were little things, sure, like figuring out which merchants were worth talking to and which were scam artists or picking a spot to scavenge, but her life had maintained a certain amount of unquestioning stability. She met her basic needs and waited for her family to come back for her. Even leaving the planet hadn’t felt like a monumental decision; she hadn’t had time to really THINK about it. It’d been a necessity more than anything else – part of surviving long enough to see her longstanding hopes come to fruition.  Of course, they still haven’t – at least, not in the technical sense – but Finn represents the family that she had been waiting for. He’s her friend – her first real friend – and she’s not ready to give that up. All the talk of legends and destiny and hope seems meaningless in the face of the very thing that she has spent her life waiting for. If the decision was hers and hers alone – made in a bubble shielded from General Organa and the droids and the map carried by the very droid that had disrupted her life – the choice would be EASY. But the world doesn’t work that way, and she is very much torn between that which she wants to do and that which she has a responsibility to carry out.  That internal conflict weighs heavily in her silences. She doesn’t have to speak to make her pain heard. A good thing, since she isn’t always the best at weaving words into something presentable.              “Do you ever think about the universe and all the people in it              and wonder why – out of all of the people who’ve probably              spent their lives longing for something like this – it had to              pick you?”

Her gaze finally flicks upward, fixing on his own properly. 

         He can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to know that there was someone out there who was part of her family that abandoned her. Yet she waited for so many years alone and left for HIM. But Finn didn’t even have the privilege of knowing he had someone out there who missed him. For all he knew, the First Order didn’t even steal him away, he could have been created inside a test tube. Finn closed his eyes and BREATHED deeply, focusing on the sounds of his vitals.

         He was no one. Sure, he helped the Resistance defeat Starkiller, but he would have continued being no one no matter what happened. Hell, there were a scattered few in the Resistance who thought he was a SPY for the First Order. But they never doubted Rey, she was a symbol of hope. Finn could never doubt her either. 

         Kriff, he knew was a person. But there were days where he couldn’t help but feel like just another number again. Being stuck to a bed with dubious doctors looking over you all the time was not the sort of FREEDOM he had envisioned.

          ❝ No, it didn’t pick me. It picked YOU. There could have been a DOZEN of other me’s that were destined to find you. You’re here for a reason, if you weren’t, then why did you beat Kylo? I’m a stormtrooper, Rey. Don’t think for a second you’re less important than me. ❞

this is description of Finn in my tv magazine

Translation: Finn(John Boyega)-prince and excellent warrior coming from a wooded planet Artorias  in the Outer Rim Territories.  He served as a trooper in the armies of the First Order.