OKAY so I got my mum into playing Skyrim a while back. Sheâs been really liking it, but itâs basically the only game she has played in her life other than Stardew Valley where, like a true Italian, she spent half of her starting gold on a plate of spaghetti. So, as you can imagine, it has been a bit of a learning curve!
Anyway, most of the time sheâs adorable! Exploring dungeons with her big Nord Dragonborn, doing quests, uncovering the map, taking carriage rides so he âwonât have to walk all that wayâ. Utter perfection - 10/10.
But then there was today. She approached me, meekly, because she had somehow managed to wrack up a 13,000 gold bounty in Markarth. After overcoming my initial shock (and letâs be real, a healthy bit of awe) I was like, âItâs okay - donât worry!â and headed over to her computer to help her deal with it. After stashing her stolen goods (a single silver necklace), we fast-traveled took the carriage to Markarth. However, after wandering all over the city, we couldnât seem to find any guards.
Eventually, after about five minutes of searching, I finally asked her, âWhat happened? Where is everyone???â
âOh,â she replied, âthe guards tried to arrest me. So I killed them all.â
My sweet mother. The Scourge of Markarth. May the Divines have mercy on anyone who tries to bring her to justice, for she, evidently, will not.
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