i do nsfw work on my twitter cause tumblr doesn’t like peen and boobles!
i’m slowly adding new items to my etsy shop! i send out announcements when i make something and i usually answer messages pretty quick!
also! if you like my art, consider supporting me on kofi! i post wips of my work on there for supporters (n/sfw), and it’s a chance to see work i don’t post too!
thank you all who have supported me thus far! very much appreciated!
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I have found myself... Awake, for lack of a better term.
Weeks- no, years, have been lost to the fog. The time before my arrival is like dreams, twisted and fragmented, and the memories of my time spent here are only slightly less so. It is as if I have been in a mad haze, almost drunk on knowledge and something worse still... and I have only just risen from a drunken stupor, sick and confused.
Though, perhaps... A drugged stupor is more apt, in my case. An addict's delirium, in truth, yes, an addict's obsession. I have known nothing else but the taste of amber, blood, and rot for who knows how long... But somehow, somehow, the trance has been broken, and I have snapped back into the waking world. This terrible, unusual, fascinating world.
I am deeply ill from the experience. But I am awake, and I must begin as I would have years ago. I must. I am a scientist, by nature, and a man of facts, coherence, and reason, despite my current predicament, despite my grotesque appearance and mangled voice. Where better to begin than the beauty and honesty of a pen to paper?
The year is 2024. The eve of the 19th, a dark Monday night. I have gathered this based on the crude etchings on the stone wall of this cave I have been calling my home and laboratory. An efficient, if basic method of timekeeping... And one I will maintain, until a better method is found. However, the upkeep and structure of this place leaves much to be desired, and based on the cacophony of scrawls upon these walls... Well. I had far more urgent things to attend to outside bloodsport and chemical euphoria, it seems.
The writings... they cover every inch of these once-bare walls. Latin, english, greek, and bits of other languages lost to time or memory, intermingled with symbols both uncanny and alchemical all the same. Anatomy, mathematics, literature, mixing, overlapping, until it is nearly incomprehensible to understand.
It is madness. A beautiful, incoherent madness. There are answers here that the dreamer that I was, knew. I am, unfortunately, no longer that dreamer, and yet... These countless etchings mean something to me, like a memory just out of reach, oh so familiar and unreachable all the same. What was I doing? What had guided my hand so? Even now, my own writing seems foreign, my phrasing unfamiliar to me. As if the very structure of my mind has been reshaped. As if I am a stranger in my own body, lost and confused because of my stolen memory.
Why cannot I remember...? I know much. I kill for Her. She commands it. I have done so for ages. But the rest... Only glimpses. I am a scientist, but... What school did I attend? What was my specialty? Surely chemistry, if only from my experience and skill with what I do, what I am. But... Blood. Confusion. A high... Countless highs. Stuck to it. And a betrayal. Twice...? No- no, once. And death, but... Not, a death... I- my mind. My mind.
What bother!!
I am filled with frustration. I have spent two weeks already simply... Recovering from waking from my own drug induced hell, weaning myself and tinkering in sickly hazes to find the right formula to calm the craze while allowing alertness. And now that I am just strong enough to write, to try to even begin to consider how to make sense of it all... It all seems so much. Impossible. I can barely scrape together the ghosts of my own history, much less the truth behind it all. I was a scholar, a genius, I am sure of it, and now I cannae remember a bloody-
Ah... but... but calm. I must be calm. Collected. One step at a time. There is too much to do, yes, and I cannot do it all at once. Regrettable, and fury inducing. Patience must be enforced.
I must regain my strength first. I cannot delve into this if I do not allow myself to heal. And if I am not well, then She will not look upon me well, for my efficiency will suffer, and...
We cannot have that. The Trials remain priority. This is Her realm, after all.
One step at a time.
First log to follow. Perhaps a list. Plans for the rebuilding- no, restructuring of this sordid cave. I must make do... But improvements can be made, surely.
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since they've been announced and i was surprised to see some of you recognized my name, here is what i submitted to the dead by daylight cosmetic contest! congrats to the rest of the winners!
you can find me here
insta: itsschmeesky
twit: bloodberryclown (but its private cause i'm scared)
I always wondered what Skwisgaar’s reaction to Toki dating that one girl who looked like him. Cuz I’m pretty sure he’d have a very big mood to share. Given that he noticed it, anyway.
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“He can just barely growl. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis.“
– David Lynch, The Angriest Dog in the World | 5/31
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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