The Lunar Chronicles

Cinder: Let's be honest, if I stole shoelaces from Donald Trump I'd probably be deported...and I was born here

Kai: I'm going to assault you *throws salt*... stop being salty about it

Scarlet: Soda + mentos + active shooter = survival

Wolf: Do you ever just get the urge to low key go outside in the middle of the night and start screaming at the moon?

Cress: That's one freaking big train

Thorne: If you hear police sirens, think of me. If you want to put together a bail pool that would be nice

Winter: Bus children

Jacin: I tolerate Bruno Mars

Iko: Look at the adorable little fucklings

alright guys this time instead of each chapter im just gonna do this as the whole second ‘book’ 

-here we go 

-all these doctors are freaks

-”Are you sure you want to untie her???” 

-canon dr erland wears newsboy caps to work (what a nerd) 

-’”the cybernetic operation?” “no, the sex change.”’

-”stars, no. you are much too precious to kill.” yeah understatement of the century dr erland

-every time erland is like ‘youre so important the world will be so grateful for you’ i’m like, hey dude chill you’re gonna reveal the plot twist too early

-Kai offering to get his father an escort droid im wheezing why is he like this

-oh my god its jacin (and kai thinks that hes “beautiful”)

-”we should have her incarcerated.” “that’s hardly a show of peace.”

-”I’m sure i’ll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn on.” I LOVE THIS QUOTE IT MAKES MY LIFE

-Kai worrying about what happened to cinder (i need me a freak like that)

-Why does dr. erland wear such ugly hats (and why does Kai never brush his hair come on son gimme a break here im weak)

-i wish i was as good at lying as dr erland is

-”from the corner of his eye, he saw Torin level a glare at him. A warning not to start in on the conspiracy theories just yet.” do not worry kai, i also need warnings not to resort straight to conspiracies

-”he kicked the wall, biting back a cry of pain when he remembered he wasn’t wearing shoes” okay first of all Kai being such a child that he kicks the wall in the first place, and second, kai being in such a rush he didn’t even bother with shoes oh my sweet son

- :(

- :((

-Kai tucking his hands into his pockets oh man and his little bangs falling into his face uuuggghhh he’s so cute i just want to be friends with him

- :’-)

-”I found your pretty new mechanic” don’t look at me I’m not crying you’re crying why is he so cute

-Kai kissing the back of her hand oh god call the paramedics I’m going through cardiac arrest

-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-”the chances that you ever crossed paths with [a lunar] is extremely unlikey” listen here you sneaky little 

-Cinder pls stop being sarcastic and listen to him (just kidding bby i love ur sarcasm)

-*insert that emoji with the face mask that represents sick/disgusted or something along those line)

-and no all my hatred just starts flowing, bursting through the great dams and wiping out any source of civilization and love that there once was

(special thanks to @bilbo-baggins-official for being super awesome and helping me out you’re the best)

“Winter!” he hissed. “You can’t go in there!”

She waved her hand dismissively, holding the portscreen up so she could survey the area in front of her. “It will be fine, Jacin. Just a quick in and out, and I’ll have what I need.”

He shook his head gently, but he knew there was nothing he could do. If Winter had set her mind to it, she would finish it. There was hardly any hesitation as she pulled herself up and over the chain link fence, and Jacin watched as her thick curls disappeared onto the private property.

“Oh for heaven's sake,” he muttered, launching himself over the fence behind her easily. The faint glow from her portscreen led him straight to her, and he stood careful watch a few paces away from her. She turned every direction, slowly moving through the yard. “Could you go any slower?” he whispered.

Winter looked up from her screen and stuck her tongue out at him. “This is tricky business. Just do your job and stay alert.”

“What kind of pokemon is it? Is this even worth it?” he asked.

“It’s a weedle,” she answered, and Jason groaned.

“A weedle? Really? Don’t you already have a whole bunch of those?”

She looked up at him again and leveled a stare that could freeze a lesser being. Jacin felt no such effect, except for a light heat in his face. “I have one, single weedle already in my collection. And I don’t have this specific weedle. It needs me, Jacin. I’m helping it.”

Jacin tilted his head back, taking a deep breath of night air. If the idea had been anyone else’s, he wouldn’t have tagged along. But it was Winter’s brilliant plan, which meant he basically had no choice but to follow her and make sure she didn’t get into any trouble.

‘Trouble’ usually included wandering onto private property at almost two in the morning, because she saw something on the screen and, to quote the pokemon princess, “let’s just check it out, I’m sure nothing can go wrong.”

Something went wrong as soon as a light flashed on in the house behind them, followed by an outdoor flood light.

“Winter!” he said quickly. “We need to go. Right now!”

Winter gasped quietly, and Jacin could tell it wasn’t because she was surprised by a series of loud noises coming from inside the house. “There it is,” she said, her voice edging towards a certain dreamlike airiness she got when she was happy.

“Winter, please,” Jacin begged, but she walked right past him and closer to the house, stopping in front of a small flowering tree.

There was a quiet ping from her portscreen, and she turned with a smile so wide that it could make up for every bit of trouble he ever found himself in while following her around.

Well, almost any kind of trouble.

“You’ve got until the count of three to get the hell out of here before I come outside and make you regret it,” someone shouted, a door slamming behind them.

Winter’s smile dropped and her eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“One!”

“I tried!” Jacin said. “You weren’t listening to me!”

“Two!”

Jacin lunged forward quickly and grabbed Winter around the wrist, pulling her after him.

“Three!”

Jacin watched as a figure rounded the house just as they barrelled back over the fence, their feet hitting the ground running.

“You better stay out! I’m not counting to three next time!”

Jacin didn’t stop until they got back to Winter’s window, still open from when she had climbed out earlier that evening to drag Jacin on her adventure. She tumbled back into her room, and even breathless she was smiling and laughing. If Jacin’s heart hadn’t already been pumping as fast as it could, he knew his heart rate would have sped up.

“Thanks for always saving me,” she whispered, her arms leaning on the windowsill as Jacin braced himself on the outside wall. He opened his mouth to respond, but instead she placed a light kiss to his forehead and handed him a water bottle from the case she kept in her room. “Sleep tight, my knight in shining armor.”

1. Person A is playing and runs into Person B. Instead of getting angry, Person B is more than excited to talk about A’s collection. 

2. Person A (once again) isn’t watching where they’re going, and Person B notices that they are about to end up in a lot of trouble (falling down stairs, walking into the street, etc), and runs quickly to catch them before they fall. 

3. Person A works at a store in a shopping mall. Person B comes in, hidden behind their phone, and comes shyly up to the counter. “I’m sorry, but there seems to be a pokemon hiding behind you. I didn’t want to freak you out.” (Person A is endeared with how kind B is and moves out of the way, beofre striking up a conversation).

4. “It’s below freezing/over 100 degrees outside what do you think you’re doing wandering around trying to find pokemon? pls come inside so i can warm you up/rehydrate you. (how could you be so stupid? take care of yourself!)”

An (extremely) short fic based on the fact the Pokemon go came out todaand if no one gets together because of it I’ll feel just a little bit jipped.

(in which person a is playing pokemon go and not paying attention and runs into person b, who, instead of getting angry, is really just extremely interested in person a’s collection)

According to his portscreen, the Bulbasaur should be right here. He glanced up for a moment to look around and then remembered the creature would really only be on the screen, and that checking his surroundings would really only ensure he wouldn’t run into anything. 

 Which wasn’t exactly his top priority right now. 

 He focused his attention back to the current task, stare narrowing as he surveyed the screen, searching for the giveaway flash of green. He turned, facing back towards the way he had come, but there was nothing. 

 Turn to the left. 

 To the right. 

 Two steps forward.

 Three steps to the left. 

There it was. 

 He moved quickly, afraid to lose his prize, and his finger hovered over the ‘catch pokemon’ button. 

 It was like he ran right into a wall. His portscreen clattered to the ground and he gasped. Would the Bulbasaur still be there? Had he scared it away? 

 That was when he saw what had hit him. 

 A girl. 

 A pretty girl, who might have looked a little bit irritated. 

 Scratch that, very irritated.

“There’s this new thing I heard about today, maybe you have too? It’s called watching where the hell you’re going,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. 

 Kai didn’t know what to say. This was so much better than a Pokemon. At least, it could be, if only the girl didn’t look so angry. But the look seemed to fit her, he thought to himself. The small curve her body held as she cocked her head at him and raised her eyebrows. Her long ponytail fell over her shoulder and her feathery bangs fluttered over her forehead as they caught in a breeze, waiting for him to respond. 

 “I’m sorry,” he finally said quietly, intimidation creeping in as she tapped her foot on the ground. “There was a Bulbasaur behind you.”

Something flashed on the girl's face. “Wait, really?” she asked, and Kai could definitely note some disbelief in her voice. She turned slightly, before realizing it was a silly idea. “A bulbasaur?” Kai nodded slowly. “Well catch it, don’t just stand there!” she said, picking up his portscreen for him and thrusting it into his hands. He felt a moment of hesitation, but then his gaze once again landed on the bulbasaur and stars, it was right there.

He chuckled, shaking his head at where the pokemon had moved to. “Don’t move,” he whispered. “It’s on your shoulder.” The girl tipped her head back and laughed, and Kai was finally able to catch his pokemon.  “Got it,” he said, flashing the girl his collection screen. 

 “Dude, how many do you have?” she said, leaning in closer to him and using a finger to swipe through his pokedex. 

 “Umm, thirty or something. I’m trying not to keep count, because this might be getting a bit excessive,” he admitted. 

 The girl laughed again, and he decided he liked the sound. He knew he definitely wanted to hear it again. “Maybe we could hunt together sometime? I could probably use some tips from a pro like you.” Kai felt his eyes widen, and he nodded quickly. 

“Yeah, I’d really like that.”

“My name is Cinder, by the way,” she said as she typed her contact information into his portscreen. 

“Kai,” he said simply. 

-lets start this off the fact that i want lunch

-okay i got lunch it’s all good 

-its not all good i take that back 

-*to the tune of colors by halsey* all i feel is sad 

-Cinder swinging around a large hunk of metal (oh my god she’d have nice muscles i’m so weak) 

-”act of cyborg self preservation” 

-sorry these chapters are kind of short and i don’t feel like I have a lot to say about them

-dr erland blowing raspberries in frustration pls remember and use this in fics

-his assistant is right erland is weird as heck

-”People seemed to overlook an old man losing his mind if he occasionally made light of it”

-Linh Cinder has 0 media hits me too girl me too 

-but wait if she’s the best mechanic in new beijing i feel like she should at least have a yelp review or two

-”but was as useless as an upended turtle” 

-Erland must really like classical literature