Currently I count on one hand how many friends I have and that it's if they're genuine friends. My close friendships over the last several years have disintegrating either cause they weren't good to have in my life then, they never texted me first to hang out or we had a fight. There are other ones that were solely my fault without bad intentions. Your 20s are true growing pains going through this. Having close friends gives me life and I feel like a grey cloud with a rainy cloud on top me for what seems like an eternity. I don't know what about me makes me so untouchable so I don't know what or how to fix myself. I try to make friends, male and female but that also is such a challenge especially at this age. People have less and less time and I'm lost. I just want to socialize and feel close to someone I care about. I can't help to feel guilty when contact cease between the friend and me. I can only blame myself. Is it my bpd? Is it simply because I'm a shitty person and no one can put up with me? Someone told me I was very negative recently and I'm super self-conscious about it now. It's all I think about but I don't know how to use that information to my advantage. I hope I get lucky in life and meet new people but not having close friends is so terribly lonely. I used to be a good friend but now I feel like the worst person in the world. If you relate reblog, like, wtv, let me know. Help. #friendships #lost #friendless #growingpains #20s #lonely #alone
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