Saving Myself

I'm so scared of being fully happy again. This whole year has been hell for me. Fighting for someone to love me and not give up...who would never have done it for me. Having to let go..having to find my own closure because they wont give me clarity.. this year has been so hard and challenging on me..and people constantly keep telling me "just let it go" ..I wish I could. I'm trying but it's hard when you close your eyes and all you see is the same memories playing over and over again..wondering what went wrong.. I'm so scared to allow myself to be fully happy again because everytime I am...something happens or someone leaves me again..and I'm so tired of watching people walk away from me... I'm so scared of being fully alone again though I feel as if i already am..I'm so scared to ask my friends for help due to fear of them getting annoyed and leaving.. I'm so scared right now..I feel broken..shattered and there are pieces missing that I cannot find..