lost in the scope of it

I stared back at Josh with pretty much justified indignation during the brief silence that followed, and to my astonishment, it did have an actual effect on him this time. As it should! My rather abrupt and very definite reply wiped that crooked smile off his face and he went from a cocky bastard to a wounded puppy within a few seconds. No more playful pouts, no feisty smirks. 

Sadly, no hints that he had been joking either… which only made it worse. “Yeah, I feared you’d say that,” he sighed and carefully put his glass down, suddenly finding the place mat in front of him extremely interesting. 

So interesting it made his cheeks burn. 

Consequently, it made my own face heat up as well. So, he had been serious? And asking me such a thing in public, no less! Anyone could hear him. 

Well, at least he looked like he seemed to realize how impudent his request was. But still…

I opened my mouth, and then closed it with a huff, before I took a deep grounding breath and finally blurted out: “Feared? You should have expected that! Have you lost your mind?” A few more people sitting at the nearest tables turned their heads and I immediately cursed myself for my own lack of decorum. Josh just bit his lip and visibly shrunk, which made him look like a very tiny tomato. 

Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, because I still expected him to wave his hand and say something like ‘yeah, gotcha’, followed by his signature giggle. I’d take anything that would assure me that he in fact had not been serious. Then the two of us could just laugh it off as a joke that uncustomarily didn’t land. It would still feel slightly awkward, but at least we could go back to the previously abandoned topic and everything would be well. 

But Josh remained silent. He also refused to meet my gaze. Those two phenomenons were pretty rare and unusual even when they happened separately; their mutual occurrence felt almost like a cosmic rupture. Knowing him, it had only one explanation. So, not only he had thought it would be a good idea to ask me such a thing, but also…

“Josh… please…  tell me you didn’t actually think I would agree to that! That’s insane.”

It started as a purely professional relationship, and it certainly was my intention to keep it that way, because I consider myself a professional. Duh. Josh loves having his pictures taken and I dare say I was rather good at it. We clicked. I understood what he wanted, and I delivered. Simple. 

However, befriending him is extremely easy… or so I thought. It was a trap, actually. It’s only easy when he decides, which in retrospect should make me feel very flattered. And it does. 

To clarify – Josh is in general a very outgoing person, which already fooled many poor, naive souls into believing it meant anything more than just pretty much nothing, because while he tries to be friendly with everyone, he chooses his people carefully. Only the ones who really “get” him can get really near. I know it now; I was unaware back then. 

As I kept my professional distance, it was all just casual banter to me. A wise choice on my part, based on years of experience. Josh treated us all the same, always greeting us with his radiant smile. It didn’t really matter if it was me, Liz the makeup artist, or my technical assistant Mark. 

Over time, I saw how people who mistook his joviality for real friendship received a proverbial slap in the face the moment they crossed a line they had failed to see. Poor Mark was one of them. Bless his soul.

I also saw others being lured into his trap without even realizing it, but not before it somehow happened to me once Josh started encouraging me to keep making unwise choices. Again, very flattered. When Josh decides you’re allowed to love him, you really have no other option but to accept that offer, whether you like it or not… but I can guarantee you’d like it. 

I remember when Josh saw the pictures I had just taken displayed on my laptop screen for the very first time and his face visibly lightened, though with a tinge of cute timidness and wonder. After hours of strutting around the studio like a peacock, he suddenly looked very small and almost bashful, giving me rather mixed signals, to be honest. 

“Is it bad?” I asked with an apprehensive smile. I knew those pictures were good, but I had learned over time that those things are almost always subjective and sometimes my eyes see different things than what my clients want or expect me to see. They tell me what they want, and they think they’re in full control, but I am the one who controls the shutter, and that can be merciless. Not everyone likes what it reveals sometimes. And Josh definitely seemed a bit surprised. 

“No, it’s… it’s absolutely perfect. Very… candid… in a way.”

That was it for the time being. Apart from telling me what I already knew, I had to wait a bit longer for him to elaborate on why exactly he thought the result was perfect. However, that doesn’t really matter because I think that was the moment when something shifted between us. I could hear it… or rather I could feel it, because Josh’s voice makes you feel things. I never understood how easily he manages to modulate it so that it sounds pretty much thunderous one moment, and then soft and balmy the next second. But it does, and it always has a direct effect on those who listen. 

I walked right into that trap. It took only three sessions for our initially casual and politely impersonal conversations to get more… well, personal. 

The strangest thing is that it didn’t feel wrong at all. Not for a second. We got there quite naturally, or maybe I should say he got us there quite effortlessly with me in a passenger seat, and it so happened that the third photoshoot ended with him getting me awfully drunk. In my favorite bar, no less. After he somehow made me suggest the place. 

Josh still had gemstones on his cheeks when we got there, flashing his extravagant looks with dignity despite a few stares. It fascinated me. I wasn’t oblivious to the controversial reception of his band, or him as a public figure. I had come across some nasty shit firsthand when I had posted a few pictures on my Instagram just a few days prior, and the nastiness of some of the comments genuinely appalled me. Especially since I got to know him as a person. 

“I admire you,” I blurted out after finishing my third drink. I was already a bit tipsy, but still not drunk enough to miss the subtle changes in his expression when I said that. At first, a spark in his eye that matched the barlights reflected in those gemstones, like a tiny tear you can still blink away if you want to. It lasted maybe just a split of a second, but that flash of pure joy didn’t go unnoticed, before it was replaced by yet another toothy grin. Just as flashing, but a just bit less sincere, as if he was still not completely sure whether to trust me. That didn’t go unnoticed either. 

“I hear that quite often,” he practically screeched, using his shrill, theatrical shield-voice reserved for moments when he feels the need to hide his soft side. For a moment, I thought I overstepped and was about to get Marked for ruining the moment with an ingratiating flattery. 

But I meant it, and not really in a way he probably thought, so I continued: “I’m serious, Josh. I admire your ability to put up with the people who do the very opposite. And some of them are quite loud about it. And yet you just continue being yourself. Turning the other cheek and shit. I couldn’t do that.”

The smile vanished, although his eyes continued to sparkle. Josh pursed his lips and let out a snort that could be easily interpreted as both amusement and annoyance. I think he couldn’t really decide. “Well, maybe I deserve it. I don’t know,” he said rather matter-of-factly before he took another sip.

“Bullshit. You know you don’t.” I could see he cared. It wasn’t like he didn’t give a shit about those haters, which made the fact that he didn’t let them stop him even more admirable. “I just love how you don’t let it get under your skin too much. Every time I see a negative comment about my pictures, I feel crushed. I wish I could be more like you, instead of giving them what they want.”

“Well…,” Josh took a deep breath and put a hand on my shoulder. He had done that before. In fact, he does that pretty often, always being so touchy feely when talking to people. Josh uses touch as punctuation. It’s one of the reasons why he’s such a trickster. 

This was new, though. Different. It felt like a question mark. His hand slid gently down my upper arm in an almost intimate manner. If it was anyone else, I’d flinch. Instead, I waited with a baited breath for him to continue. “It used to worry me a lot, I won’t lie. But you gotta learn how to deal with it if you wanna survive.” 

“Ok, but how?”

“It’s pretty simple, actually. You have to… to acknowledge what’s letting you down, and then just let it gooo.” To accentuate his point, he thrust his right arms to the side, barely missing the man who was just passing by our spot at the bar. “Oh, sorry, sorry.”

To be honest, it sounded like some cheap guru advice, but thankfully Josh wasn’t offended when I told him. Instead, he just urged me to try it. 

That night, Josh charmed me into telling him things I hadn’t confided in my own sister, and even though I woke up with a terrible hangover afterwards, I felt significantly lighter emotionally. 

It was the beginning of a friendship that I truly cherish.

But let me make one thing perfectly clear. When I say friendship, I really mean it. Josh is very attractive in his own unconventional and quirky way, and I must admit that he invaded the sacred space of my fantasies more than a few times. 

However, he’s got Gabe. And that’s really all I needed to know. 

Entering Josh’s world meant I had to befriend Gabe as well. And I really didn’t mind. What girl wouldn’t want to have a fashion stylist as a friend, right? 

No, really, I genuinely like the guy. He’s just as cute, though in a slightly different way than Josh. Gabriel possesses this effortless, gracious charm that never makes you wonder whether he’s aware of his good looks. It’s obvious he is. Where Josh sometimes hides his insecurities behind goofiness, Gabriel stands tall and calm, with his hands in his pockets and his eyes always ready to wink at you instead of wasting unnecessary words. I suppose that’s pretty easy when you’re endowed with dark wavy hair, porcelain skin and a well-defined jawline. Straight brows and a greek nose only add to his inherently calm facial features, and his glasses are just a cherry on top. Like a pinch of sophistication. 

Together, they’re like a cherub and a seraph. Mr. Feisty and Dr. Suave. And – what’s most important – they’re really head over heels for each other. One loves fervently, while the other responds with sensual calmness. It’s very entertaining to watch.

Which brings me back to Josh’s indecent request. 

Josh never answered my question, which basically meant that – yes, he really did think that I might eventually agree to take photos of the two of them making love. 

I remember that just the idea made my heart beat like crazy. And yes, I immediately imagined that scene in my head. I’m only human. And so are they. Two very pretty specimens. 

What started as one of many of our casual weekday dinners turned to something I wasn’t ready for. The atmosphere between us got tense, and I hated it. The subsequent silence was gnawing at me and I could see Josh felt the same. Abandoning the subject entirely would probably only make things worse. Getting up and leaving him there alone was out of the question entirely, simply because I really didn’t want to do that. I would never do that. Just the simple fact that he asked me to do such a thing meant he trusted me with his life. Literally. I could ruin it very easily with one click if I ever was in possession of such photos. 

So I refilled our glasses – a simple gesture meant to assure him that I wasn’t really mad at him – and then I took another deep breath. “Whose idea was that?”

Josh looked up, surprised by the sudden question, but I could see relief in his eyes as well. “Well…” He flushed again. As if trying to mask it, he reached for his glass of wine and took another sip, but the wine went down the wrong pipe, making him cough. A few droplets of the crimson liquid trickled onto his lower lip and I couldn’t help but admire how sensuous he managed to look even in such an awkward situation. “Well… it’s…,” he tried again in between coughs.

I already knew the answer. “Josh, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I hope you know what.” As I said, I really liked Gabriel, but that man was a dark horse, ready to strike or to make a grand entrance when you least expected it. Including relationships. Sometimes it was for the best, because he encouraged Josh to step out of his comfort zone more than once and with results that were almost always beneficial for both, careerwise or in bed. Or so I’ve heard. 

But there were a few times, maybe just once or twice, when I had been wondering whether his true intentions hadn’t been a bit egocentric. Or maybe even insidious in the long run…

“No…,” Josh suddenly interrupted my train of thoughts. “The truth is that… the… that I’ve wanted to d… to try something like that. I just felt like I… no, I mean, I knew I couldn’t. Trust’n’shit, ya know?”

Yeah, I knew. And once again, I was deeply flattered he had decided to trust me with such a thing. Still worried, though. It probably showed on my face. 

“You don’t believe me.”

“No, I do, I just… I’m just wondering what makes you think that now you can.”

It sounded exactly the way I didn’t want it to. The conversation suddenly shifted from my reluctance to do it to something completely different. A dangerous territory. I knew he knew who I meant when I questioned his sudden trust in the people involved. No wonder I cringed when Josh cleared his throat in disapproval. 

“Listen… yes, it was initially Gabriel’s idea, but I’m not a fucking child and I dare say I know him better than you!” 

It was the night of throwing daggers, apparently. The lady sitting at the nearest table on my right clicked her tongue, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. “Stop listening then!” I snapped back at her, ignoring the fact that we were in fact the loud ones. Josh laughed. He always did. Presumptuous little bastard. I couldn’t help but join in, grateful that it cleared the lingering tension between us at last. I also apologized. And then I once again assured him that I really wasn’t going to do that for them. 

Or was I. 

One thing that Josh and Gabriel have in common is that they just can’t drop the subject. At least not until they get what they want. They asked me again a week later. And then again. Eventually, they altered the strategy, making me believe that I won, only to strike with renewed forces. 

It was a small dinner party at Sam’s house. We had a nice meal, a few… or more than a few drinks, and then some music was played. Just the usual shit. 

The guys looked dazzling that evening. A bit overdressed for the occasion, but that was nothing unusual with the two of them, so no one batted an eye. “That’s a really cool jacket,” I giggled, admiring Josh’s newest addition to his wardrobe when the three of us went to the kitchen to refill our glasses. I ran my fingers down the rhinestoned ornament on his sleeve. Gabriel’s shirt decently sported a very similar one, though he always preferred just embroidery. “And I love how you too match, without it being over the top.”

“Oh yeah?” I noticed the fleeting look and the wink shared between them, but I paid it no mind. Not only because they both liked flattery so that was nothing unusual, but also because Josh’s hand between my shoulder blades was rather distracting in a way I would never openly admit. “Let’s take a picture then. I wanna send it to mom. She loves matching outfits.” 

Again, nothing unusual. I took pictures at their parties pretty often. Sometimes it was just for me. Memories of precious days I wanted to keep.

“OK, strike a pose, you bastards!” I giggled again, already fumbling with my phone. They quickly wrapped their arms around each other and Josh grinned into the camera in his usual unserious way, but there was something in Gabe’s eyes and his soft smile that made me linger. As if the time suddenly slowed down. It was exactly what he wanted, and as I waited for the best moment to capture, he turned towards Josh, grabbed him by the jaw and kissed him with passion. 

I gasped. It was a sight previously unseen. I had witnessed a few fleeting kisses before, I had seen them cuddling on the couch or stroking each other’s arms in passing, but never anything so heated. 

They didn’t stop. They made me watch. Josh mirrored Gabriel’s movements when he ran fingers through the raven locks with eagerness and urgency that normally belonged behind their closed doors, and Gabriel hummed in appreciation. I realized I was holding my breath. The surrounding sounds of the living house around us dulled down, and all I could focus on through my sudden tunnel vision were their tongues playing together in a slow, sensual motion. It was at that moment when I realized they had deliberately orchestrated this to make me feel things. And it did. Just when I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, Josh moaned into Gabriel’s open mouth. I bit my lip, unsure whether to say something or just run away from the room and the situation I didn’t ask to be part of. 

It was my unconscious choice to remain rooted on the spot, painfully aware of my panties getting wetter and wetter with each passing second. And just when Gabriel’s hand started moving downward towards the growing bulge between Josh’s legs, the embarrassment became unbearable. “Ok, STOP!” I suddenly bursted out. “What the fuck is this about?” 

That was rhetorical. I knew exactly what the whole thing was about. My answer was still a no.

Those fuckers took their time, unlocking their lips with delighted smiles as if I wasn’t even there, and obviously enjoying those theatrics as much as I tried not to. “Ehrrm, so,” Josh cleared his throat when he finally dared to meet my eyes. “Did you catch that?”

“The fuck I did,” I hissed through clenched teeth and angrily threw the phone on the counter table behind me. “Why the fuck did you do that?” 

“We do that all the time, baby,” Gabe chimed in and shrugged his shoulders with feigned innocence. He desperately tried to keep his poker face, but the corners of his mouth kept twitching. So did the vein on my temple. “It looks really good, doesn’t it? I mean, we. Doing… you know… I wish I had it printed on my w…”

“Fuck you!” I blurted out, pointing my finger at him menacingly before I jabbed Josh in the chest with it. “And fuck you, too!”

“Oh no, Darling, we want you to just…” But I was already storming out the door, while waving my middle finger at them. 

If you already think that I couldn’t stay mad at them for long, you’re absolutely right. And if you wanna ask whether they tried again – yes, they did. And the reason why I’m telling this story in the first place should also be pretty obvious by now, because – yes, they eventually succeeded. 

It so happened that one rainy day I found myself adjusting studio lights in Josh’s bedroom (without Mark’s help this time), all while questioning my life choices. 

“Tequila?” 

The sound of Josh’s voice coming seemingly out of nowhere made me jump, nearly knocking down one light stand. I was so nervous and so inside my head that I hadn’t heard him enter the room, already just in his silk bathrobe. “Sorry,” he mumbled and handed me the bottle which I readily accepted. I really needed a drink. Just let it burn my throat, and a few brain cells as well, baby. I gulped it down like a sailor, much to Josh’s amusement. 

“Are you nervous?” I asked rather unnecessarily when I was done, because he looked like he was going to spend the afternoon by the swimming pool… rather than fucking his boyfrind right in front of me. And of course, the question made him giggle. 

“No, not really, but it looks like you are.” And there was that hand again, stroking and gently squeezing my forearm as if he were afraid I was on the verge of fainting… which wasn’t that far from the truth, actually. I just didn’t want Josh to know. “Hey,” he added in a different tone that only assured me that he knew anyway. The hand now found my cheek, and I blessed his obliviousness. Josh obviously thought that running his thumb over my cheekbone and forcing me to look at him would somehow make it better, while the opposite was true. 

He was the most beautiful like this, stripped of all the make up and trinkets. That’s when his eyes really shone. It made me feel almost sentimental, for the lack of more appropriate words. I managed to have all those sentiments under control most of the time, but this was a brand new territory, and my heart was suddenly skipping a beat at the thought of what was to come. Now the truth reared its ugly head, taking me by surprise at the least convenient moment. It’s just lust and hormones you bitch, I tried to reassure myself. You didn’t get any in a while. 

Still mercifully clueless, Josh took the bottle from me and smiled encouragingly. “Just pretend you’re working for Discovery Channel.” 

I tried to laugh, but it sounded more like something between a sniff and a huff, so I averted my eyes, pretending to be busy with my equipment again. “So, what’s the plan, exactly?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he chuckled. “Some kissing, hugging, heavy petting… my hair might not hold up. Oh, wait! Now I’m actually nervous.”

He finally managed to make me laugh. “I promise I’ll make you look lovely no matter what.”

“Aaahh, that’s why I love you, Darling.” Now the hand found my side. Right under my left boob, to be more exact. Fighting off the monster it kept awaking, I turned towards Josh with an ironic grin plastered on my face just when he tried to kiss my cheek, and our noses collided rather painfully. 

“Ouch! Fuck! I’m gonna keep this here you buffoon.” I snatched the bottle back from him as he excused himself to go check on Gabriel, leaving me alone with more than one owie.

I checked the shutter speed and ISO settings one more time, because the tone of their skin messed with my previous adjustments a little bit. “Ok, I think I’m ready.”

And tipsy. 

The bottle was already half empty by the time we all got set. Which means they were now both already stark naked and idly (and shamelessly) lounging on the bed in front of me. They assured me they were ready too… in fact, had been getting ready for the last half an hour in the other room to spare me some ‘less visually attractive and unnecessarily hindering details,’ as Gabried had put it. It was an information I could easily live without. 

Assessing the view with just one eye open, I clasped my hands together. “Should I say… I don’t know… action, or something?” My voice cracked a little, and I really hoped they wouldn’t notice, which was really just wishful thinking. “No, that’s actually a bad idea…”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, Gabe, I assure you I’ve seen that thing before,” I snapped. That thing was already looking back at me, so I assessed they were both just politely waiting for my professional approval to start devouring each other. It felt awkward. What was I supposed to say? ‘Let the fucking commence?’ 

“Ok, guys,” I sighed. “Whenever you’re really ready. The key is to make all this look as genuine as possible. And natural. Take your time. Improvise. Just forget I’m here… please. And ignore the occasional flash.”

Photographers and cameramen are completely different creatures. You usually can’t escape the loud and commanding presence of the latter. We who capture still life memories prefer to be invisible. I always loved photography more exactly for this reason – because it feels more intimate in every way. The best camera is the one that’s unseen, and the same thing goes for the person who handles it. Everything was set to resemble their usual, private environment as much as possible. Their favorite scented candle was lit, some neutral background music was put on, and I stepped into the shadows behind the lights, focused solely on the viewfinder and waiting... 

Soon I found my footing.

Without any specific instructions on my part, I let them take the reins. Their muffled conversation became a pleasant hum in my ears, and their bodies were just shapes of light and living matter that morphed into new visually pleasant compositions with each passing second. With a bit of luck, I would be able to go through the whole session treating every snapshot I took exactly this way. I call it ‘dissociated focus’.

The first photos were simply beautiful, which is easily done when the object’s full of love. At first I thought they really looked no different than some of my other clients. Serene and loving gazes you can find on good wedding portraits. Maybe just a bit more… primeval. They were both sitting on their heels facing each other and looking into each other’s eyes. It looked like the beginning of a ritual. I suspected it was vastly different from their usual foreplay, but they were the actors, the directors and the ones who were supposed to enjoy it, so I just let myself marvel at the magic of it. 

I zoomed at Gabriel's palm gently caressing Josh’s bare chest. What a beautiful detail. Snap. Josh’s closed eyes and his head tilted slightly back, his lips parted as if in devotion – I’ve seen the sight many times before and always admired it. Snap. Many of my colleagues had photographed  it in the past and I envied them. Now I took undoubtedly the best one. Now he raised his arms up and let Gabriel trace the outline of his sides. Snap, snap, snap. 

The kiss that followed… I took quite a lot more pictures just of that first kiss, because I sensed that’s what they wanted when they took it slow, inviting me to capture every detail. 

Their lips slightly parted, barely touching. Almost bashfully. The electricity was almost visible, the anticipation almost tangible. Snap.

Eyes closed one second – snap – only to lock them in an unfocused gaze a moment later when the tips of their tongues finally met. Sexy as hell. I quickly zoomed in again. Snap. Josh’s eyebrows scrunched together when the feeling intensified and he whimpered to let the other one know how good that shared proximity felt. Snap. A brief moment of vulnerability when they pressed their foreheads together. Snap. 

This is art, I thought. 

I was aware of the fact that the atmosphere would shift soon, but my confidence grew every time I pressed the button, and my heartbeat slowly returned to a normal rhythm as I focused on the details showing how their pulse gradually quickened. 

I proceeded with surgical precision, careful not to miss any facet of their emotional responses to the physical touch. 

Gabriel slowly pushed Josh on the pillows and bent down to pepper his heaving chest and exposed neck with kisses. He had been right; they really did look good like this. Divine. 

They sounded even more so, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut for just a tiny second. Just to ground myself. It had been easy to remain calm when I could concentrate purely on the visual aspect of what was happening in front of me, but the moment their intimacies invaded my other, less professional senses, my heart betrayed me again. 

I took a deep grounding breath and focused on the tiny droplets of sweat that had just formed on Josh’s chest out of pure excitement. They glistened under my spotlights with each intake of his breath just like the rhinestones on his jumpsuits. 

They kissed again, fervently this time, moaning into each other’s mouths and gasping for air. Josh reached out to pull Gabe even closer and wrapped his legs around his lover’s hips. I tried to make the best of it, slowly realizing that doing so became increasingly harder with my camera attached to a tripod. 

Almost as if he could read my mind, Josh suddenly stopped and frowned. “Wait!” he breathed out, looking first up at Gabriel and then at me. It alarmed us both, each one for different reasons. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Gabriel whispered and stroked Josh’s cheek, trying to make him focus solely on himself. It made me feel like asking the same question would come out as extremely intrusive, even though I had probably every right to do so. 

“Those lights… I just don’t like it. Doncha think it just looks… staged?” That belonged to me. 

“Oh, fuck it!” Yes, he was completely right. I turned their bedroom into a fucking studio, completely ignoring the fact that it could erase the very essence of what they wanted me to capture. I wasn’t there to photograph porn stills, for fuck’s sake. I quickly slid the camera out of the tripod mount and switched off the lights. “You’re fucking right. I’m sorry. Light more candles.” 

I feared this stupid intermezzo would completely ruin the mood and the magic they had been building, but it had to be done and thankfully, once more candles were lit and I readjusted my camera settings, they quickly went back to where they had started: slowly exploring each other’s bodies as if nothing else in the world actually mattered. 

It probably didn’t. At least for a while. 

I could no longer hide, though. I had to come closer and essentially invade the personal space of their bed. They didn’t mind, so I just had to convince myself to be okay with it as well. 

Gabriel climbed up the bed and leaned against the headboard, pulling Josh in between his legs and letting him rest against his chest. “How does it look?” he asked me quietly. 

What did he expect me to say? I wasn’t supposed to take any part in this, but my presence in the room suddenly became nauseatingly loud. They were both staring at me lazily, their naked bodies bathing in the candlelight and their faces already fucked out even though nothing had really happened yet. 

Well, not in front of me, I quickly reminded myself.

Without breaking eye contact with me, Gabriel took Josh’s earlobe in between his teeth. His middle fingers quickly found Josh’s nipples and started drawing slow circles around them. The latter one just closed his eyes and, letting his head rest against Gabe’s shoulder, he let out a contented hum. Snap. 

“It looks arousing,” I answered truthfully, done with their games. 

“You should come closer.”

What a preposterous suggestion. I was already hovering above the foot of the bed, with one knee already on the mattress to keep balance, and I could feel my heart in my throat when Gabriel slid his right hand down Josh’s stomach and wrapped his fingers around his cock, which earned him a breathy whimper. Encouraged, Gabriel started pumping him slowly while his lips attacked Josh’s neck. 

I almost whimpered too. 

Josh’s eyes suddenly opened again and he looked right into mine. Snap. Another high-pitched moan escaped his parted lips. I couldn’t stand it. I lowered the lens, only to see the swollen tip of his dick in the viewfinger, already glistening with precum. Snap. It was without a doubt the most obscene photo I had ever taken. 

“You really should come closer.” My eyes snapped back at the familiar sound and I saw Josh still watching me intently. My head was spinning. 

“I can’t,” I whispered, but my deceitful body already moved on its own. I slowly put the camera aside and placed my palms down on the mattress, clumsily and reluctantly. I almost touched Josh’s foot. 

“He’s been talking about that mouth for weeks.”

Gabriel’s words made the air in my lungs freeze. He continued stroking his lover’s dick all the way up and down and a few juicy profanities escaped Josh’s lips. It all seemed like a strange fever dream. My eyes started stinging with tears, although I couldn’t really explain why. It was all just overwhelming. “Did you… set me up?” I barely recognized my voice. There was hurt in it, but also something close to exhilaration. I realized I felt both. “You’re an asshole, Joshua Kiszka,” I whispered again, and he just closed his eyes and sighed.

“I guess… I, …am… but I swear, uh, we didn’t.” 

“So what is this?” I barked at Gabriel, suddenly full of fiery defiance. My blood ran hot with it. 

“I guess you would call it improvisation.”

Right…. RIGHT! 

So Josh wanted me to suck his dick. And his boyfriend was ready to watch. I was no stranger to kinky shit, so if they wanted to play with fire they’d better get ready. 

And god knows I really wanted to do that. To lick those shiny droplets off the slit… and then to choke on the size of him. 

Without any further ado, I reached for the hem of my tee and pulled it over my head, instantly flashing them with my bare tits. I rarely wear a bra, because I can confidently say that I don’t really need it. I hoped they would at least appreciate them for their natural beauty, but the way they both sucked in breath encouraged me even more. 

“Hold him,” I commanded Gabriel and immediately grinned at their vastly different reactions. Josh’s eyes popped out, but Gabe just grinned back with malicious glee.  

“Oh, ma donna, me likey.” He grabbed Josh by the elbows and pulled his arms back, while I stood up right on that mattress to pull my shorts and panties down. I almost lost my balance, but it was worth it. If they wanted me to actively participate in this beautiful filthiness, it shouldn’t be just a one sided spectacle. 

I quickly slid back down on my knees and playfully nudged at Josh’s knees to make him spread his legs a bit more for me. Why waste time? I licked a long stripe up his abdomen and chest before meeting his eyes up close this time. “So tell me, what were you imagining? I can do anything.”

For the second time in a few months, the cosmos raptured again, rendering this little blabbermouth speechless. I wasn’t interested in waiting for the reply anyway, already dying to have him in my mouth. “Just remember, both of you… ‘stop’ is the word. OK?” 

I wanted to be sure, because unlike them, I had nothing to lose. 

After getting the assurance, I slid further down and planted a soft kiss on his inner thigh before looking up for one last time. “Gabriel, do me a favor. Keep kissing his neck. I want him to lose his mind.” I was realistic enough to know that I couldn’t compete with the brunette in any way, time or space, so – already flattered by the sheer fact I had permission to make Josh feel good – I just wanted to make it unforgettable. 

With all my senses alert, I planted another kiss on the same spot as before and simultaneously wrapped my fingers around Josh’s balls to knead them gently. He emitted a soft sigh and his things shook a little. It was good, it was indeed very satisfactory indeed, but I wanted him to squirm and beg for more. At least for once. I moved my parted lips slowly up his thigh and Josh suddenly moaned right before I reached the desired destination, just before I felt him run his fingers through my hair. 

I tried to look up to confirm that Gabriel was no longer holding him. Instead he got back to rubbing and pinching his nipples. Good. I let go of Josh’s balls and sucked them in my mouth instead, relishing in the immediate, very vocal reaction. 

He smelled so good. Like dried apricots with whipped cream. My desire to taste all of him grew stronger, so I let go of the soft mass with a playful pop and let my flattened tongue slide all he was up from the base to his leaking head. I planted a soft kiss there before darting my tongue out to finally get a taste of that salty nectar.

I could feel his fingers tremble on my scalp, but nothing more. A lot of the guys I had been with would already push me down, but Josh was a true gentleman. I wanted to reward him for it, so I took him fully in my mouth until he hit the back of my throat. 

Josh cried out and his grip on my hair tightened. I loved it. Somewhere at the back of my head, I saw all three of us on that bed, with Josh sandwiched between us and completely at our mercy. Squirming and moaning with his eyes squeezed shut and his plump lower lips trembling. Too bad there was no one else to take the picture of it, because just the idea made me so wet I could feel it trickling down my thighs. 

It would be a shame to let it all go to waste, I thought. I’m not greedy, just a little vain. As I kept bobbing my head up and down, my vanity led my hand to reach down and scoop that juice on my fingers before I reached up to push them rather unceremoniously in Josh’s mouth. 

He understood immediately, wrapping his lips around them and sucking them deeper in. He was a natural, and for a split second I wished I had a dick. 

“Shit, I need more of this,” Josh breathed out when he finally let go. I was more than willing to oblige, but then I heard a groan and someone suddenly grabbed my wrist, making me look up. 

It was Gabriel, and I halted. Confused and worried, I let Josh’s cock slide from my mouth. I had completely forgotten about him and now I feared he may have had enough. “That’s not what he meant,” he said simply with that aloof grace that was both magnetic and intimidating. 

It took me a while to realize what was going on. I straightened up a bit because I felt like an idiot looking at them in confusion on all four. There was the hand again, caressing my cheek like it had done earlier that day. I searched Josh’s eyes for an answer and he just smiled, before he straightened up a bit as well and pulled me in his arms. 

I suddenly understood why their foreplay looked like a ballet. He was doing the same thing to me now, making me feel like a feather being blown around. Before I could make sense of it all, I was suddenly lying on my back with Josh hovering above me. “Remember, ‘stop’ is the word,” he repeated my previous words with a soft smile. I still didn’t understand, until I saw Gabriel behind him, already planting soft kisses on his back. “Darling… OK?” Josh repeated. 

“Ok,” I breathed out at last and closed my eyes. 

I shivered a bit when he started planting soft kisses along my clavicle, and then moving further down. The sensation was soft and steady at first, before his lips started to treble too just somewhere above my navel. 

Somewhere behind him, I heard a bottle cap pop. So this is what we were doing, I thought still in disbelief. I didn’t know why I suddenly felt so sentimental about it, but it all just felt so good. There was no way I’d ever tell them to stop. 

But Josh suddenly did, though he never really let go. He just rested his forehead against my inner thigh as his breath grew more and more heavy. I still didn’t dare open my eyes, still feeling a bit like an intruder, which was completely ridiculous as I lay there naked with Josh between my legs. His labored exhales slowly turned to moans and soon I heard another voice join him. 

It made me feel completely lightheaded. 

The hand ran down my thigh now, all the way down from my knee to my left buttock where he stopped and squeezed my flesh gently in a silent query. I could only nod. 

His next kiss made me gasp. I knew it was coming, but it still felt too good to be true. He started with hesitant catlike licks, so I made sure to let him know with my next exhale how wonderful it felt. Fuck, I had never felt so sentimental about having my pussy eaten before. 

I finally dared to open my eyes only to see his own peeking at me from under the mass of messy curls. He raised his eyebrows just a tad. Another silent question. Yes, I yearned for more of this from him and I brushed my fingertips gently over his forehead, hoping that was a good enough answer because I momentarily forgot how to speak. Josh closed his eyes and finally sucked my clit in his mouth. Behind him, Gabriel hovered over both of us with his head tilted back and his mind lost somewhere in his own growing pleasure. 

Soon I was grasping at the sheets around me and arching my back as the room kept rocking and spinning. 

Josh came first, briefly pausing so as not to hurt me. He let out a strangled cry and just his hot breath on my pussy was almost enough to send me over the edge as well. 

“Josh, please…,” I found my voice again. “I don’t care if you bite me, just…”

Just. He had just enough time to envelop my bud with his lips and send waves of delightful spasms though my whole body before his own started to shake as Gabe quickened his pace. 

As soon as I came back to Earth, I briefly looked around, only to see that a small stool with my camera on it was just within my reach, so I got a devilish idea. Snap. 

I caught it this time. The most obscene photo I had ever taken.

I'm still using my old taglist, but I'm aware it should get updated, so if you want to be added or removed from it, just let me know.

April 24th 2026, cabin outside Bretton Woods

___

Jake used to hate waking up before sunrise. To be fair, it almost never happened anyway. Ever since his late teens, he had been deliberately trying to avoid it, and for a reason. The minutes before dawn used to feel cold and dreary, almost oppressive. His wandering mind just couldn’t attune to how time seemed to slow down right before everything came back to life. 

He had no idea how it started and why, always just attributing it to being a night owl and leaving it at that. 

It was different with sunsets… and all those hours that came after that. Jake had learned to love the stillness of the night. The music always sounded different, more acute and intense. His own thoughts made sense in the dark. Maybe that’s exactly why he didn’t want to witness the end of it. As soon as the birds started chirping, singing their own song to greet the sun, he suddenly felt ill at ease. It was his cue to close his eyes at last and sleep through the moment. 

Veela changed that. 

She’d been doing that gradually at first. Intentionally, no doubt, and with the subtlety of someone who wants you to think you’re still in charge while the very opposite is true. 

It started well back in Copenhagen, when she’d sneak out of their hotel room disgustingly early (to his standards) to go buy coffee and kanelsnegls while Jake was still fast asleep, and then she’d teasingly eat the pastry and drink the fragrant caramel latte right in bed right next to Jake just to make the mouth-watering smell rouse him too. 

At first Jake stubbornly tried to fight that, but Veela soon learned to call his bluff when he only pretended to be still asleep. And then, as soon as he dared to open one eye, she gave him a cute little lecture as to why it was essential for him to attune to her own circadian rhythm. 

Because – she said – if they were bound to live together, they really had to share those moments together. Jake couldn’t really argue with that, even if she let him. Veela was just as stubborn, but also often much more fiery when it came to her ‘truths’. Also, the real meaning behind her words melted his heart. He just let her rant about that, sympathetically nodding every now and then. Jake’s sleeping habits were clearly one of her strongest pet peeves, but whatever made her forget about the real issues for a while and focus just on the two of them was good. 

So she went on and on about how she had already made the compromise of waiting until the sun was already high up in the sky, which meant she had to lie in bed completely awake for more than two hours. And that was a torture – she said – what with her own inner clock set to “wake up when the cock crows”. At first Jake misheard her, which nearly cost him his life as the coffee went down the wrong pipe. 

With a mixture of confusion and horror in her eyes, Neszka gave him a few back blows before she finally realized what she’d just said and how it actually sounded. And then she started laughing. 

It sounded like the most beautiful song to him and she looked the most beautiful like that. Even though still coughing and with his eyes watering, Jake just couldn’t stop watching her. 

Those days back in Europe were filled with many more equally precious moments – tiny promises of a better future – before reality hit again, sending them back to where they had started. During those days that followed, Jake stopped sleeping late on his own, not as a result of her previous efforts, but because he simply couldn’t rest unless it was with her in his arms. He kept replaying her laughter in his head to keep himself going on during the waking hours. 

None of it really stopped him from disliking early mornings, though. Despite Jake’s subconscious worries that just made him more alert, and Veela’s previous efforts to alter his habits, now hindered by jet-lag and her mental breakdown, everything really changed just last night after the fated drunk fuck that almost destroyed all their previous efforts to find a genuine way to each other.

At first he woke up unexpectedly early, confused and disoriented after they had ended up doing god knows what and then crashing out god knows when. Most importantly, he was alone.

Drunkenness never granted Jake a good night’s sleep, but this was still unusual, as if some secret force told him she needed him, urging him to open his eyes and go find her crying on the bathroom floor. 

Jake could barely remember the sex. Only the indisputable smell of her still lingering right under his nose gave him a first clue as to what had happened. Judging from what Veela said when they were kneeling there on the cold tiles, her own recollections of the previous evening were even hazier. She blamed her fresh tears on having had too much, but the hangover was largely emotional. She didn’t have to say a thing; he knew that just from looking at her. 

Half an hour later and back in bed, Jake managed to lull her back to sleep just when the fading darkness started to uncover the shapes of furniture… and her. And he didn’t mind. Suddenly, he didn’t want to miss it. She was like a chimera that finally materialized and reluctantly became part of his world. It was no longer just a bad dream featuring the girl he had thought he’d never have. He could touch her now. He had touched her, and kept doing so… even though every single step forward was still accompanied with reluctance and apprehension. Yet it had a strange appeal to it. 

And so the steely dimness didn’t seem to hurt his eyes anymore. Suddenly, the metallic-tone light of the approaching dawn seemed very welcome as he watched her dark blue silhouette emerging from the previous inky darkness. 

Once again, she appeared to be almost out of this world. Jake could spend hours just watching her. It was fatigue and his own nauseating hangover that made him close them eventually. 

And then she disappeared for the second time that morning, leaving her side of the bed once again left cold and empty when he stirred again. It was actually almost noon, and this time she was nowhere to be found. 

Took his car keys, left no message. 

Jake panicked, cursing himself for oversleeping that impending disaster. 

‘Jake,  is there a reason why… why this should be concerning?’ Jake could barely hear Josh on the phone because of the previously uttered words that kept replaying in his own head. 

“You’re such an asshole!”“And you’re bitch. We’re even.” 

Despite all the other seemingly good things that had happened in the past few days, this was suddenly all he could remember. Of course it was concerning, given the circumstantial fragility of their budding relationship. Jake was just still reluctant to openly admit his own part in it. 

As he was standing in that oppressively silent room, reaching out to the only person who he could think of while at the same time reluctant to talk to him about it, Veela’s departure seemed permanent for a split second. It made no sense, and at the same time, he found himself to have been dreading it all that time. 

She had nowhere to go, except one infinitely dark place… and just thinking about that possibility felt like being gutted alive. 

Threatening to become his greatest personal failure yet. 

And then she was suddenly back, drenched in rain and full of promises she finally swore to keep. Having slept late turned out to be sort of a blessing after all – as Jake had mercifully missed all those hours of her being gone, and so he spent only several minutes in that panicked state, even though it still felt like a lifetime. 

“I want to do it again,” she said while trying to quench his understandable anger, with her face full of worry, apprehension and hope. “I’m sorry I scared you. I love you. I really do. Take me. Make me yours, sweet Jake.”

And he did. Properly this time. And repeatedly. And then he almost fucked it all up again. 

It’s safe to say it was quite an eventful day, unexpectedly full of sex, and unsurprisingly ending in yet another fight and more shared tears. More shared words, too. Those were all painful, but necessary steps. Opening up to each other, even though it was surprisingly hard to do. They once again fell asleep way too early to his standards, seemingly ok and finally reconciled.

However, with a woman such as her, you never know whether things are truly ok,  even when she holds you tight. 

The memory of it all disturbed Jake’s sleep yet again way too soon.

So as soon as his eyes opened on their own, his heart jumped to his throat and he started groping around in the darkness. It was still too early for the sun to light up the horizon, but the birds outside already started greeting it. Jake’s chest tightened instinctively after all the previous experience. However, this time, she was there, roused from her own shallow sleep and positively alarmed by his sudden charge. 

“Jake? Złotko, what happened?” she whispered, instinctively turning towards him. They couldn’t really see each other yet, but that only made them more perceptive to the touch. The seclusion of the cabin offered this rare nocturnal experience that heightened other senses. 

It was… nice. 

“Are you ok?” she tried again, this time a bit more loudly. The sound of her voice, a bit husky this early in the morning, calmed him down almost instantly. 

Jake didn’t respond, at least not with words. Instead, he accepted her tender offer to snuggle closer to her and buried his face at the small of her neck, inhaling the soft scent of her warmed-up skin. Even though she had urged him to let go and just be himself, willingly showing signs of weakness still didn’t feel like an option. 

Veela seemed to know. “I’m here,” she mumbled.

Stating the obvious, but also addressing his greatest fear, now that she finally knew what it was. None of it mattered any longer as long as she was lying next to him. The atmosphere changed, the birdsong outside the open window turned to a pleasant ambient tune the moment her warm hand found his bare hip under the comforter and started stroking it lazily. 

A seemingly innocent gesture, but also way too close to the danger zone. It seemed like a very deliberate choice on her part. A fucking siren striking again. 

It was the first night they slept completely naked like that, and Jake was still getting used to it. After all those months of pining, there were finally no restraints. Anything could happen now, all the things he’d been imagining for so long, yet all he wanted at that particular moment was to continue exploring this new kind of serene closeness. 

He had held her tight before, always wondering if that was really what she wanted. Now that she pressed her warm body to his with fresh urgency and wrapped her arms around him, Jake finally gave in to the luxury of worrying no more. The feeling covered him like a cooling balm to soothe an irritated skin. 

Still barely awake, Veela rubbed her cheek against his like a cuddly cat. “I love you,” she whispered right in his ear, and giggled mischievously when she felt his response under the comforter, immediately remembering her late grandmother's words. ‘Men are simple creatures.’ 

“Who would have thought you’re such a hopeless romantic,” she added, her voice still laced with tease.

No shit. The first time they met, he was anything but. Deliberately. Who would have thought that Jake’d ever reveal this particular part of himself to her one day. And who would have thought he’d ever feel so at peace at such an ungodly hour… all because of her. 

Jake loved the change. It was a brand new day… and it would be a long one, so no need to rush it, he thought. They shared a few warm closed-lip kisses before he slipped into blissful semiconsciousness as the darkness began to fade behind his closed eyelids. 

Jake probably dozed off a bit, but not enough to miss when she silently got up from the bed and sneaked out of the room. He listened closely to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, soon replaced by the clinking sound of dishware and the clapping of her footsteps on the wooden floor. His mind immediately wandered off and he could hear new, inspired tunes inside his head. 

Maybe he should have gotten out of bed as well… to write it down, or just to check on her like he’d often done. But Jake was in no hurry all of the sudden. The scent of her lingered in the air long after he left the room, lulling him into believing that this could be for good. 

A few minutes later – or maybe an hour, who knows… – he felt the mattress behind him dip, followed by her gentle, teasing kisses on his neck. “Mmm, what?”

“Breakfast,” she mumbled and bit his earlobe, making Jake smile in response with his eyes still mostly closed. He turned on his back, giving her a better access and relishing in the simple pleasure of feeling her hand slide down his bare chest. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and melted butter invaded his nostrils, but the previous restraints were suddenly gone and he had something else on his mind. Food could wait.

“‘S’dat so?” Jake opened one eye and grabbed her wrist, tugging at it gently in an attempt to pull her down on him, but Veela resisted. She straightened up on her knees and pouted, but it was a transparently half-hearted defiance. A ridiculously see-through teasing. Playing coy had never been her forte, and with the previous mental inhibitions gone, he could see the hunger in her eyes quite clearly now. “Yeah, crepes. With raspberry jam. We should really eat them while they’re still warm,” she replied. It didn’t sound convincing at all. 

And sure enough, before Jake could even retort, she leaned down again to attack his lips with her own. He kept them self-consciously pressed together, suddenly also painfully aware of his full bladder… and the inevitable consequences. Still, he couldn’t help but smile when Veela slid her hand under the comforter to investigate. With her open mouth now once again attached to the tender skin under his left earlobe, he had to bite his lip to stifle a moan. “Are you so happy to see me or is it just a… how do you call it…,” she mumbled before darting the tip of her tongue out to play with his earring. 

“Morning wood,” Jake breathed out with growing embarrassment. She already smelled so good, like ice cream and roses. Her freshly brushed dark hair cascaded down on him like a silk curtain, partially obscuring his view. This sudden effort to act like a truly newlywed wife didn’t go unnoticed, and it made Jake’s heart swell… together with other parts that were already way ahead. “And… both… babe. Just… gimme a moment.”

“Aaaah,” she exhaled dramatically and bit his shoulder. “And I thought you desired me.” She also cupped his balls with her palm and feigned a sniff, making him both gasp and let out an amused huff in rapid succession.  

Jake tried to wriggle out of her grasp, rolling on top of her and virtually straddling her in the process. However, Veela wouldn’t give up so easily. She started tickling his sides, so Jake had to grab her wrists and pin her arms above her head. “You stay here!” He pointed his finger at her playfully, almost touching the tip of her nose. Again, who would have thought that he’d ever enjoy being silly in bed, but it was suddenly so easy with someone who could really see you. She watched, laughing playfully, as he scrambled out of the bed in haste, almost tripping on a creased carpet. “I mean it!” he added when he regained his balance and turned around towards her in a theatrical gesture, now laughing with her. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Jake.”

The sudden somber tone of her voice hit him like a gust of wind, but he was already out the door. So, thankfully, Veela couldn’t see his reaction. 

She kept her word, and when Jake returned back to the bedroom sufficiently refreshened, he found her hiding under the comforter, already naked. Still playing some sort of a game, she had her back turned to the door and him. Eyes closed as if asleep. Only her foot, partially peeping from under the comforter and nervously ticking, gave her away. That woman simply couldn’t wait. Jake smiled to himself and swiftly climbed into the bed to join her. 

“Hi…,” he whispered while running his fingertips down her arms. Veela chuckled again, with her eyes crinkled with amusement as she turned around and met his gaze, but the velvety tone of her voice once again gave away her growing anticipation when she replied: “Hi.” Her lips were already parted and slightly pouty. They were done teasing, the atmosphere shifted, and Jake needed no further invitation.

“I think I owe you this.” Before Veela could ask what he meant, Jake cupped her cheek and kissed her deeply. Her body responded immediately, arching her back to press her body to his completely. 

They wrapped their arms around each other. Veela’s skin felt so warm in contrast to his own, cooled down by the cold, crisp air in the cabin. Jake could feel her shiver, unsure if it was because of that or just the growing thrill. His own heart was beating wildly now. The idea of her being finally completely his was still so completely new and fresh and exciting that he felt like an unseasoned boy again. He liked the dizzying feeling or adrenaline rushing through your veins, just like when you get onstage all nervous and worried, only to find out everyone already sings along. 

Jake ran his hand through Veela’s hair and cupped the back of her head. He had already learned that it was what often set her off, and sure enough, she tensed and shivered again. They licked and moaned into each other’s mouths. 

She spread her legs, already more than ready to welcome him back. Her hand slid down to cup his ass and to urge him to move in between them, but Jake shook his head and broke the kiss. He looked into her eyes, already glossed with lust. 

“Don’t hurry,” he whispered. 

Yesterday had been mostly about quenching both the emotional and physical hunger. And just like yesterday, he couldn’t shake off the feeling she was trying to make up for something. To be giving. To repay him, somehow. Now it was his turn. Now he took his time, eager to trace all his previous steps and to venture even further. Every piece of her flesh was still an unknown button to be pressed, and with no manual. It was his fucking job to write it now. 

Jake started with her cheek, planting a soft kiss there that made her close her eyes and sigh. “Ok…”

This was a pilgrimage, starting at the roots of her hair. He traveled further down her neck, tracing every inch with soft, open mouthed kisses and relishing in how she slowly melted under his touch. 

Veela took this journey with him, tracking the outline of his shoulders with her fingertips, squeezing his biceps when he sucked at the soft skin above her collarbone.

Jake threw the comforter aside impatiently. The cool air immediately gave her goosebumps, but Veela didn’t complain. When he drew a slow, wet circle around her nipple with the tip of his tongue, she arched her back and tilted her head back, letting out a soft moan. Jake hummed in approval as he slid further down to adorn her belly with more kisses. 

He meant every touch to be a band-air for her soul, but the truth is that this was his healing, too. Veela had inadvertently taught him to be present, to stop taking things for granted. He had had to fight for this love, instead of sabotaging everything out of spite and fear. He wanted her to take whatever she wanted. If only she could give the rest away…

“Jake…,” she whimpered when his tongue reached the crease that separated her leg from that cushiony mound. In response, he let his hand slide down her thigh, starting at the bent knee and traveling all the way down to her pussy, this time urging her to open up for him. 

“That’s it, I wanna hear more. Sing for me…,” Jake mumbled before he planted a soft kiss on her now exposed clit. When she did, he rewarded her with pressing his flattened tongue against it completely. It sent a bolt of electricity up her spine, encouraging him to suck the bud in his mouth. 

Jake could feel her trembling fingers brushing over the back of his head and the sudden idea of being completely at her mercy made his head spin, so he reached up to grab her wrist, urging her to entangle her hand in his hair and to hold him down. And she did, unwittingly tightening her grip with every flick of his tongue. It felt exhilarating, but also still a bit dangerous. Before he could fully examine and process his thoughts, she suddenly let go as her thighs started shaking. 

“Jake…,” she repeated. “I… need you.” 

How could he deny her, especially since he too already ached to be inside her. Still in between her legs, Jake climbed up and immediately locked his lips with hers. Veela immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him, possessively pulling him down. The tip of his cock was already brushing against her entrance when he broke the kiss and looked down at her with a smile. 

“Any special wishes?” he asked with a cheeky smirk. 

“Veela just rolled her eyes. “Just do it already.” 

Jake pushed inside with one swift thrust. It was supposed to be a gesture of generous dominance, but his own eagerness and emotional overstimulation betrayed him. She felt so good. Warm and soft and welcoming. He buried his face in her neck and whimpered just when she gasped and then moaned right in his ear. 

He wished he could come up with something clever to say… with some shrewd and romantic response to her clawing at his back that felt almost as if she was gasping for air. But his mind betrayed him. It went completely blank. Veela rolled her hips impatiently and he followed suit, setting a slow, languid pace that allowed him to recover. 

His woman. 

This was his woman!

“Look at me,” she whispered in between moans as if she could read his mind. And when he looked up to look into her eyes, it was really there. Without breaking eye contact, Jake groped around for her palm to press to his. Their fingers intertwined. He held their locked hands down on the pillow next to her head.

Jake kissed her again as he gradually quickened his pace. Their mutual arousal rose like a wave, from pure tenderness to a frenetic thirst and urge to devour each other. Jake’s moves turned to frantic thrusts as the wind coming to them through the still open window cooled his heated body, slick with sweat. He could feel her walls tightening as she was getting closer. Her moans turned to cries. Afraid that Jake himself wouldn’t be able to last much longer, he straightened up on his knees and licked the tip of his thumb before he started to draw circles over her clit. 

The new angle together with new stimulation made Veela tense almost immediately. She grabbed at his chest, clawing into his skin in a desperate need to ground herself. It took him only three more thrusts to make her arch her back and cry out. Without slowing down, Jake fucked her through it, prolonging her tensed state until she collapsed completely, trying to catch her breath. 

She was so tight now. Jake slowed down, already on the verge of his own orgasm, but still conscious enough to search her face for any sign of discomfort. Veela looked up at him with hooded eyes, before she took his hand and sucked his thumb in her mouth, licking off the remains of her release. Just the sight was enough for Jake. 

“You…” was all he could say before he opened his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. A few seconds later he collapsed on top of her, shuddering. 

Veela’s POV, a few hours later

___

It was a sunny day. The air warmed up just enough for us to be able to stay naked without having to close the windows. 

I wanted it that way. It was kind of frivolous, sexy and freeing. The fresh air was heavily scented with Spring and it filled me with life and perhaps also hope. Still not completely there yet, but it seemed possible. That day I finally felt like a wife. I felt like I no longer had to convince myself that I wasn’t just hurting him with everything I said, did or represented. 

I loved Jake. I had been loving him for quite a while, unsure what to do with it, because I hadn’t been his and he hadn’t been mine. The circumstances couldn’t have been worse, and more confusing, and utterly heart-wrenching. I hadn’t thought and I couldn’t believe I would find so much love within me. They both had to completely ruin me to make me realize that it was possible. 

We didn’t get to eat the crepes and drink the coffee until almost noon. By the time we sat down at the table, dishevelled and wrapped in blankets, they had already turned to rubber. But we ate them anyway. The runny raspberry jam trickled down our fingers and we took turns to lick it off, laughing and teasing each other with sexual innuendos. 

It really was a brand new day. 

We opened a bottle of wine shortly after, and then we snuggled together on the couch with our glasses like a pair of bohemian artists. Well, Jake was one, after all. I was still getting used to the fact. 

Even when completely naked, he was clinking with every move like wind chimes because of his numerous pendants and bracelets. And even though I convinced him to put most of it down in bed, it was all back up the moment he set foot out of the bedroom. No clothes? Fine, great idea actually, but his trinkets were untouchable. 

“It’s like being married to a fortuneteller,” I grumbled earlier that day.

“Eeeh, s’just me, babeh. Like a second shkin,” he crooned in a dramatic, raspy voice while strutting around like a drunken sailor. In my head, I could hear an echo of another husky voice saying ‘just can’t stop being myself, darling,’ but I successfully pushed it to the back of my mind. 

Fast forward a few more hours, I found myself sitting on the couch with Jake’s head in my lap. He had taken just a few sips of the wine before his eyelids started to feel heavy and soon he dozed off while I played with his hair. 

He looked beautiful like that, blessed with an angel face that was no doubt sculpted by god himself to haunt me… and I’m not particularly religious. 

Having finished my third glass, I traced the outline of his profile with my index finger, growing increasingly fond of this version. No, they were not completely the same, I assessed to myself with a new-found peace in my soul. 

Suddenly, he smiled with his eyes still closed and snatched at my fingertip with his teeth. 

“Well, good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.”

Jake shifted slightly so that he was now lying on his back, and opened one eye to look at me. “What time is it?”

“No idea.” I also didn’t care. I was pleasantly tipsy and I hadn’t felt this calm in months. My eyes wandered to his chest to examine the scratchmarks that had turned a rather violent shade of red. “I’m sorry for this,” I mumbled while running my fingers over the irritated skin. The truth is, I wasn’t sorry at all. 

“Bullshit,” Jake snickered and I just shrugged. There really was no point in trying to play innocent. Suddenly, he wrinkled his brow and cleared his throat.

“What do you like?” Jake looked directly into my eyes and it was pretty obvious what he meant. The sudden question surprised me a bit and I giggled while matching his frown. 

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he pouted. “It’s a sensible thing to ask. I mean, you can’t expect me to figure it all out on my own!”

“Why not?” I laughed in earnest this time. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job so far.”

Jake suddenly sat up and reached for his still half full glass of wine previously abandoned on the coffee table, and chugged it down in one go. He also assessed the nearly empty bottle placed right next to it with a raised eyebrow. “I’m flattered, my love. Anyway, I see you’ve been keeping yourself busy while I was knocked out.”

Not busy enough. Instead of retorting, I watched in my lightheaded state how the afternoon sun turned a few strands of his hair gold, and just like the previous evening, it hit me again. My man. Slowly and reluctantly, I was giving myself the permission to entertain that notion. My mind wandered back to his question, suddenly thrilled with the idea that he might want to try it out as soon as possible. Immediately, if possible. As our chemistry teacher used to say, ‘theories lead, trials decide’... “I’ve always been quite fond of being on my knees.”

I loved the way he rubbed his lower lip with his thumb when intrigued. “Really! And what does that mean?”

I stretched my arms above my head in a catlike manner, pondering how to play this. There were still quite a few things I hadn’t done yet, and I was just as eager to learn everything about him and to taste all of him. Literally. 

I started with what I thought was an innocent smile. “Quite a few things. Why don’t you stand up and let me show you…”

“Oh no no no,” Jake protested, although I could already see how his mind screamed ‘hell yes.’ “Not what I asked for. Don’t try to turn the tables. Nah, not interested in that.” He pointed his finger at me in a quasi-berating gesture that only emboldened me. I knew what he meant, and it was actually pretty sweet, but no one is ever going to doubt my talents. 

“Yes, you are,” I countered and teasingly licked my upper lip. “Believe me. Also, you asked me what I like… and it so happens that I love having my throat fucked. And I really can’t wait any longer. So, please, stand up.” 

Suddenly looking a bit stunned, Jake did as I said and as the blanket slid down on the floor, I could see that I wasn’t the only one eager to put things into practice. “That was quick, for someone who complained about being old the other day,” I pouted in appreciation. 

“I’m not that old, woman. Now show me what you got.” 

Well, that was it for making love. We had taken our sweet time earlier in the morning, but neither of us could run solely on sugar. I had yet to show him all my facets and flavours. 

Jake pushed the table aside with his leg, ignoring the bottle that nearly got knocked over. I slid down on my knees in front of him and looked up, searching his face for what I hoped to see. 

And it was there. Jake’s eyes darkened when they met mine. He had been walking on eggshells in front of me most of the time during the past month, but I had already learned about his other side before, and I would be a terrible liar if I said that I had never been attracted to that smug asshole. I had already lied to him about it in the past, and it never did us any good. 

I was also yearning to rediscover myself. To show him that I was more than just a tearful, wounded stray he had to nurse. “Don’t hold back, because I won’t,” I said, planting my palms on each side of his hips to brace myself. 

“Right,” he growled. “Open.”

I stuck my tongue out without breaking eye contact, letting Jake know what being on my knees meant. He was still in charge. He could decide. My heart was thumping just from the sight in front of me: My man was a wild one. A wolf that inflamed the fire in me. I let out a satisfied hum when he tangled his hand in my hair, though still a bit unsure.  

Finally I could get a taste of him when he neatly planted the tip of his cock on my waiting tongue. I eagerly circled it around the head before I enveloped it with my lips, waiting for his next move. It was no doubt an obscene sight, and Jake’s breath grew heavy. However, I could still feel his reluctance as his fingertips just gently stroked the back of my head. Done waiting, I took him fully in my mouth, and he immediately rewarded me with the most delicious high-pitched moan. Relaxing my throat and flattening my tongue, I licked the underside of his dick and then I did it again, taking him even deeper this time. 

“Shit!” Jake breathed out, tightening his grip while still letting me be in charge, so I cupped his balls with one hand while I dug my nails into his right buttock with the other as I withdrew a bit to lick off his precum. 

“I said don’t hold back, Jake,” I said as I looked back up with pleading eyes. “Fuck my mouth.”

“Right…,” he repeated, this time sounding a bit more out of breath. I braced myself again and took a deep breath, letting him slide back inside my waiting mouth. My throat contracted around him and I could immediately feel his grip loosen again, so I took the charge and set the pace for a bit, letting him know that I could take it. Jake’s breath quickened and his moans grew louder, and suddenly his hips moved on their own, finally giving me what I had been begging for. 

It sounded delightfully obscene, and I simply couldn’t get enough of how much he obviously liked it. 

Then all of the sudden, he tugged at my hair almost painfully, but it wasn’t to push me down on him this time. Instead, I was being pulled back on my feet, turned around and pushed against the backrest before I could fully comprehend what was going on. I was kneeling on the couch and when I tried to straighten and turn around to see what was going on, I could feel his hand in between my shoulder blades pushing me back down. “Jake… what…”

“Bravo, my love. It was impressive,” he growled. “But you said ‘quite a few things’ and I’m quite intrigued to learn more ‘bout that. Perhaps even to add some more to your list…”

Well, yes, I was still pretty much on my knees, suddenly feeling a bit vulnerable. Jake didn’t spare much time to let me wonder about the possible options. He kneeled down as well and grabbed my butt and the next thing I could feel was his flattened tongue, licking a long stripe all the way up from my clit to my entrance. It made me cry out and my whole body tensed. 

“Well, I suppose we can check this off as a success,” he crooned, with his mouth still so dangerously close I could quite literally feel those words. “But just to be sure, let’s try again.” And then he did. 

My arms gave way and I fell fully forward on my chest with my hair cascading down the other side of the backrest. I felt completely at his mercy and he thrust his tongue into my pussy, fucking me with it. It was one of those moments when your brain completely shuts off. Jake was turning me into a whimpering mess. And then he suddenly stopped, making me groan in frustration.

“Yep,” he blurted out cheerfully. “That was good right? I’ll have to make a mental note.”

I made a mental note to over-pepper his next meal. In my peripheral vision, I saw him stand up.

“Jake, you can’t just l…” 

Well, he didn’t. Before I could finish that sentence, he grabbed my ass again and pushed his dick inside me, making me yelp. “You…,” he sighed. “... just stirred up my curiosity.” He pulled nearly all the way out before he thrust back inside me again. “Gotta… finish this one though.” 

“God, please…,” I whimpered. 

“Please what?”

I didn’t answer. I arched my back as he finally started moving, quickly setting a diabolical pace, hitting my cervix just right to keep me on the verge of pain. It made my thighs shake. Jake grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back up so that I had to rest my elbows on the backrest again for support. “You told me not to hold back…,” he hissed in my ear. 

“Yeah…”

“Like this?” he continued in that raspy voice that kept me intoxicated. “This is it?”

“YES!”

“Good, because I can’t stop now.”

“Don’t!” I cried out as he thrust in me again with full force. His many pendants kept hitting my back, his rings were no doubt going to leave imprints on my hips, just like his teeth on my shoulder. I intended to wear it with pride. 

“Veela… I can’t,” Jake suddenly whimpered, but I could already tell from the sound of his moans. I was already getting close, myself.

“Then don’t.” 

Jake just moaned in response and his hips suddenly stuttered. He stopped briefly in mid motion, and it filled me with strange anticipation. I literally held my breath. Then it started. Like a soft huff of surprise, followed by a jerky motion of his hips. Then another one, a bit more loud and intense. I squeezed my walls around him as he thrust forward one more time, and it sent us both over the edge. 

Jake didn’t stop. He continued pounding into me until his last drop. I collapsed on the backrest like a ragdoll again, barely aware of his sweaty palm stroking my back.  

“Fuck…,” he breathed out after several more seconds, panting and trying to catch his breath. “That was…”

“Quite an uneventful, lazy Friday,” I chuckled as a whiff of fresh air coming through the window cooled my flushed cheeks.