π look into Melon's self.
Insistent self-deprecation and self-destruction.
(small old analysis and personal interpretation of Melon's general character based on his behaviour and available information from my commonplace journal, compiled by myself and people from Beastars reddit that I wished I had taken notes of their names for credit, meaning not all of this has been independently composed by me.)
Melon's constant insistence on calling himself a freak, freak of nature, viewing himself as some sort of genetic Frankeinstenian creation between a carnivorous predator and herbivorous prey, is a form of twisted self-validation, to overcome the lack of validation he received throughout his entire upbringing.
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πdentity.
The social identity society gave him for being a hybrid resulted in Melon seeing himself as a monster, or at least a semblance of it, purely for being born a hybrid. As a result, he resorted to acting like he is a monster to reinforce the given identity that he became most comfortable and familiar with. Despite the amount of self-loathing he also holds, or appears to, carry himself as a, or the, pinnacle of uniqueness, distinctiveness, and individualityβ a possible subconscious act of searching one positive aspect of himself that isn't negatively tied beneath of all of the masking of confident self-awareness, or an act of grasping one detail of himself that was not given by society but personal to him, something independent of society's and social influences, or altogether.
This could be the possible reason as to why he would lash out often at Legoshi whenever the boy tries to empathise or sympathise with him, or if anyone had tried for that matter, it's because the thought of being understood, or even being given any sense of decency beyond the ''Oh, I'm sorry you went through that'', undermines and threatens the very identity he latches onto that was given and developed ever since in childhood he became socially conscious and aware. The thought of him being pitied like any beast with traumatic backgrounds and convoluted personalities makes him feel as if his individuality is being eroded to a pity show.
Melon knows that deep down, apart from the given Frankensteinian identity, he is nothing more than that; he lacks the self, the consequence of cultivating only what society gave him instead of learning to know and understand himself, ultimately becoming a nameless monster that went by many different names and routes (a therapist, university lecturer, yakuza boss and all the previous paths before that), because he is scared to uncover all the undeserving he received and the effects it had on his development, to know that he was once a scared child, his mental, emotional, and physical health beyond the observable impacts and worst of all, acknowledge that things could have gone differently for him.
He was just too familiar, comfortable and attached to pain, suffering and mistreatment to ever fully realise or understand that.
Already, or seems to, he had given up on society to individuals seeing him as anything but a monster, thus to cope with the label and social identity, he has embraced all the worst traits and stereotypes associated with being a hybrid of carnivorous predator heritage, because to him there is no point in being anything else if the majority is just going to see him as only that. He knows the stigma associated with hybrids of carnivorous origins, he experienced it, and has made his entire identity around being the monster and freak he was painted as before having the chance to prove himself, because it's the only path, the most believable and expected one to society, that society has proposed to him and he became accustomed to it. The nihilism of abandoning all that was good in him and attempting goodness, dedicating to manifesting society's worst assumptions of him into reality.
There is the sub-theme of, disregarding his social identity, him lacking or not having any self-identity to act towards. The coping being less about ''hybrid=bad'' and more ''hybrid=nothing'', it is further encapsulated with his mother's words ''Melons are not fruits nor vegetables. But they still taste good.'', his continual poor taste buds, where he could taste nothing, lack of libido, and not being able to speak for or relate to either side (herbivore or carnivore), ultimately, having no community to belong to. A void.
πealth.
The causes of Melon's taste buds are unknown, but there could be credible reasons. One cause may be depression, the self-loathing and lack of grounding manifests as he is unable to taste anything. Another could be ageusia, and the cause could be nutritional deficiencies, it could last for years or even stay permanent.
No doubt this could happen as Melon only seeks the pleasures (tastes) rather than the health from food, and he has self-destructive tendencies (self-harming and potential neglect of his body as he seems underweight), furthermore, this could stem from childhood neglect as his mother was most likely not aware of the proper nutrition he needed and as a hybrid, his needs might be different drastically and need special specifics that carnivores and herbivores don't have specifically, additionally, knowledge about hybrids such as him during his time were probably much lesser known than compared to today so information was scarce and credibility behind them was questionable, leaving him stuck. As a result, this led to him being unintentionally neglectful of his nutritional needs throughout his life because of it (which could be a possible cause for his insomnia as well).
Depressing.
πompassion, intimacy and yearning.
Melon goes apathetic when someone tries to genuinely reach out to him, as he has never seemed to receive this treatment earnestly throughout his upbringing and did not have a good role model/guardian to emulate those essential traits and who's supposed to help him stimulate empathy and compassion when he was a child during his most crucial developments, where he is sensitive to influences from his environment as children are.
Being shown care and consideration is something completely alien and threatening, threatening his core beliefs and social identity, because he didn't have the integral foundation to be receptive to such empathy and sympathy. Melon is so hard-wired and glued to the belief of being an abomination and seeing himself as nothing more.
When Melon bit Yahya, it was him trying to make the situation real for Yahya again. Just before he bit him, he asked him if he was feeling sorry for him. Then he bit him as if to make sure that Yahya won't sympathise with him, a ''don't feel sorry/pity for me, look what I've done and can still do'', as he often pushes people away purposefully. He believes that the way it should be, that no one cares for him. Another scene where Melon tries to push someone away, this time subtly, the moment he smells compassion was with Legoshi in the nightclub, when the boy tries to be empathetic, he rolled his eyes and his expression recoiled as if he tasted something sour, responding with ''don't tell me you're one of those sentimental, sensitive types''.
That is why Melon repeatedly hurts Legoshi after each failed attempt to empathise with him, because he wants to prove him wrong, to prove to him that he is undeserving (without saying it) of such a thing, to prove to him that no one could ever be that genuinely compassionate, sending the message of; ''Can't you see? No beast is truly that kind and good; everyone is untrustworthy and two-faced, no one is ever pure-hearted without a motive, reason and entitlement. You're not getting the memo? Can't you see how much I'm hurting you? Look, I'm doing it again, how much am I going to tell you that I'm unlovable? You can't change the past and undo the actions, what is done is already done, I can never change, there's no forgiveness and hope for me, I am only capable of destruction, so just leave me alone or die already.''
When it comes to intimacy, being touched and having his appearance complimented, he responds with the same approach as he does with compassion; immediately pushing away and this time discomfort.
Melon's only foundation for love, admiration and physical affection was from his mother, if you could call it that. The implications from the manga made it clear enough about the dynamic between Melon and his mother; it was something a mother should never do to her own child. The fetishisation of Melon's heritage and the aspect of his appearance that he inherited from his absent gazelle father, objectifying him down to how a predatory carnivore would describe a vulnerable herbivore that they're salivating after, the inappropriate touching of his horns, which primarily serve for attracting mates and in the world of Beastars culture, horns are only reserved for lovers to caress, and the diabolical arousal his mother expressed audibly when he merely unhooked her braβ an action she can clearly do it herself independently with no struggle and possesses no physical struggle with it.
Whether she viewed Melon as a replacement for his absent father, her careless lover, it's uncertain, but it is clear that she sees her son as some substitute for the man she seemed to be still fixated on and yearning for.
This was Melon's only exposure to what he guessed was love, a love that was supposed to be a mother's love (and supposed to be the foundation for his approach to love in the future if he were to meet the one), twisted into something predatory instead. His revulsion to affections, both physical and verbal, could be traced back to this. Anything that seems gentle, soft, and careful (as his mother appeared to him) is treated with immediate rejection, because how can he be sure of such gentle love if the intentions are anything but loving and gentle? This could explain why he resorts to pain and physical hurt instead, because it isn't anything like the 'affections' his mother showed, and the intentions are clear, honest, and genuine. When you're going to cause or feel physical pain, you're not hiding behind shy, squinted eyes and a faux smile; you just do or feel it.
Melon's discomfort from physical touch and compliments can be also seen in the scene where he yelled at the Shishigumi with ''Don't touch me, you stupid cats'' (he also seemed to hold disdain for felines, especially ones with rosette patterns and the scent of grown feline women due to how much they remind him of his mother) and again when Legoshi tells him he's beautiful, he only responded with disgust (and disbelief) as he hugs himself, a subconscious act of guarding himself as if he was about to be touched.
The yearning. Whilst on the surface, Melon did not directly confess any yearnings nor display them, he did once admit what he specifically yearns for, whether unintentionally or not, and that was when he was gripping Legoshi's neck by the cliff. A rare instance of subtle admitted vulnerability. As he was toying with the boy's life, he said the reason why seeing people in their last moments of life with fear in their faces is his favourite thing in the world is because that's when they become the most honest and genuine, free of lies; ''not a lie to be found, a face that's genuinely honest''. That is what he yearns for. If his most favourite thing in the world is seeing people being their truest selves by death's door, then his deepest desire must be someone who is genuine and real to and with him, a raw connection.
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I felt like I was in the trenches writing this because Melon's writing is, to be blunt, kind of all over the place... trying to form a coherent line about his personality and psychology was mentally tough.
Edit; nay, I'm bringing this from the tags, this soundtrack perfectly encapsulates the atmosphere.
