Everything I've Wanted To Send To You

It is at our lowest point that we can see lifechanging things happen.

I feel like everyone is watching me and waiting to see what I’ll do next and who I’ll be with. It hurts. I know I could’ve been with someone by now if I was looking for just anyone. I want the real deal. Someone that makes me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. I’m just so tired and said and hopeless. I’m afraid that I’ll lose myself completely before I find it. I just want to be on that level of happiness again. I’d do anything for it.

Moments like these just make me think of you. How much I loved you, how afraid I was to lose you... how my only fear was not having you in my life anymore. Now I live without you every single day. I still don’t know what i would do if something ever happened to you. Life is so short. We take everything for granted. You never know when your time will be up. It hurts that we aren’t living like our lives might end tomorrow. Why do we give up on those we truly love, just to look for something more? There isn’t more out there. Maybe that’s what this is teaching me... You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

I've been finding it hard to love these days. I feel so bitter. So emotionally detached from everything. It's funny how a person you loved can do this to you. I want to be my self again. I feel like I'm so close but obstacles just keep getting in the way. I know a year from now it will all be okay. Time heals everything. There's just so much in front of me that I want. It hurts when I see other people get it without even trying. I've been feeling discouraged and broken more than anything.... like there's a dark cloud following me around.

How can you do this to me? How do you love someone and just let them leave. I'm sad and I'm angry. How do you feel the way you feel but refuse to let me in?

it hurts it hurts it hurts, and it hurts until it doesn't. I promised myself i wouldn't fall apart this time. I think I'm doing good so far. I don't know when to let go. I don't want to let go.

My biggest problem is that I've given all of myself in every relationship. I've been so loyal, so selfless, that I'm so quick to sacrifice my happiness for the other person. Those aren't problems though. The problem is that I've expected it in return... but it never happens.

I just don't know anymore. I wish I could be less selfish but I also wish I could be stronger. I don't know what to anymore I've lost control of my relationship. All of it is gone. I'm so unhappy when I'm not with him but when I'm with him all I think about is how much I want things to be the way they were. Being without him scares me but never seeing the old him again scares me even more.

How do you keep loving someone when they're no longer the person you fell in love with

You'll realize it once you lose me for good

I miss the person I fell in love with. I know he's in there somewhere, even if you can't see it yourself. I know one day you'll get back there. I just know it'll be too late.

How to kill someone? Make them think you want to be with them for the rest of your life, then walk away without a warning.

A year from now i hope I’m settled in California, living with my best friend, enjoying our 20s, working a job I love, and taking my husky with me on hikes during the weekends. that’s all i really want

Right now it just feels like I don't exist anymore. Everyone can say they're worried about me and they care but at the end of the day they are just going back to their lives. They'll fall asleep easily at night and wake up ready to start another day. The cold hard truth is that I'm really in this alone. I'm alone again until I meet someone new. My phone doesn't ring anymore. Every time I get a text I don't care to look because I know it's not your name on the screen. The doorbell rings and I get a slight hope you're standing there with flowers in your hands and tears in your eyes, waiting eagerly to tell me you're sorry and you made a mistake... it's never you. To be honest I don't know when we will ever talk again. I don't know if you'll ever reach out. All I can do is remember that this is only temporary. One day I'll look back on all the time I spent here and it will only be a memory.