So of course because class is now my favourite thing I have catered some headcannons for the bunghole protection squad (but mainly just Matteusz because HE IS MY FAVOURITE)
- Matteusz and Tanya really like spicey food and Charlie is like wtf no why do humans eat spicey food
-contrary to popular belief ram actually cannot handle spicey foods but he hides this from the others because obviously he tuff boy who should be able to handle
-matteusz gets a cold and Charley f r e a k s because illness is only associated with death on rhodia(?)
-as well as everything else April does, she really loves to cook and when Matteusz gets sick, she makes him soup which is "just like babcia used to make"
-also Tanya can make a mean chicken curry
-matteusz and Charlie share one Braincell between them at any given point
-of course because mattuetez has like half a Braincell at any given time if he forgets the English word for something he'll just stand and point at the object and mutter different synonyms for it
-of course Charlie cannot help most of the time so he'll just stand there and watch Matteusz
-most of the time ram will say the synonyms of it like ah yes the plastic portable house (tent) very common these days
-if Tanya is around she'll be able to correct for Matteusz but obviously on many occurrences it's has became an inside joke with the bunghole protection squad
-a big secret of mattuetez is he's really into meme culture and he's really eager to teach Charlie about it and it baffles everyone when Charlie of all people just add words like nut, wig and yeet into his sentences but always in the wrong context
-for instance there's a fight or something and he's just like ahh my wig has been stolen, someone took it and now I cannot get it back
-everyone but mattuetez is like wHaT?¿? But like he just giggles at him when it happens
-dat boi is mattuetez's favourite meme
-Tanya (as a fourteen year old) constantly spits out vine references but like non stop
- Tanya and Matteusz both quote vines at the worst time: fight at school? Tanya: when there's too much drama at school all you gotta go is... Matteusz:walk awayayayayayay
- Matteusz has taught April how to do like all of the fortnite dances and everyone but mattuetez is like what the fuck why are you of all people doing the floss??????
-when Charlie has panic attacks mattuetez will hold his hands, look him in the eyes, tell him "I'm here" and the panic instantly dissolves
-homophobes give Matteusz big fear™ but if Charlie (or Tanya) is there they will most likely yell at them (or in Tanya's case beat the fucking shit out of them) and then is all good
-obviously as an alien boyfriend ™ Charlie does not know how to handle affection and literally dies wherever Matteusz kisses his forehead
-rhodians don't age the same as humans and when trying to find Charlie's birthday Matteusz finds out he's 324 or something like that and just stares at him like what the fuck im dating an old alien boi
-also he doesn't have an actual earth birthday as he'd call it because time is extremely different on rhodia
-buuuuttttt everyone decides that they will celebrate his birthday anyways because weird earth traditions and they ask Charlie what day he wants it
-he chooses the day he came to earth with the doctor lmao
-aw yeah and quill is a bad ass bitch who has her baby without dying because it's a hybrid
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