Metacognition

Wala na

If we’re honest, most of us should be glad life isn’t fair.

We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.

I always feel like a freak, because I’m never able to move on like this, you know? People just have an affair, or even entire relationships; they break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because it hurts too much. Even getting laid; I actually don’t do that. I will miss the most mundane things of the person. Like I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late for school. One day she followed me to see why; I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road; the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk; little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see little details in them, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details. Like I remember the way your beard has a bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow that morning, right before you left. I remember that, and I missed it. I’m really crazy, right?

In one moment I was feeling everything and I was feeling nothing.

“what state do you live in?”

I can’t stand my own mind.