A Page Unturned

There is an apartment on second street.

of a small town.

With spiders on the door frame

and stained floors

water damage

There is a diner in this small town

with a Sunday special board

chalk scrawled, edge to edge

lost on a damaged road

simple road

ancient road

times old asphalt

the cracked top of the black top

that leads no one nowhere

no one who has gas

or a car

or a reason to go

No one who cleans boards before Monday

no one who steps carefully on stained floor boards

or past spiders by doors

on second street.

Moon round

The mushrooms grow in starlight

The fairy circle you've summoned

The way you came into existence

Like a flash of light in the nights sky

A star burning in the moment

This gate you've brought along

This chance you may not even see

With mercurial intentions

And capricious desires

Dancing among the dewed grass

Of our conversation

Tiptoeing through the emotional complexity of mankind

As if it were something you are above

Unknown and foreign

In a ring of ambiguous love

And I don't want to leave

so there is an art to being alone

like knowing how much to buy at the store

to much and you’ll never finish it all 

you’ll waste to much, not that you don’t already 

its the way you buy a single ticket to a show

and sneak in that your friends already got there’s

news flash, no they didn’t 

or how you manage long trips 

by perfectly crafting a playlist

for exactly 4 hours and 32 minutes with no repeats

its the way you start to count your breaths 

and ration air in public

because you've used to much as a single person

or how you swear being single is the best

“I get to play the field”

no you don’t

“I get to enjoy not having someone to worry about”

no you don’t 

so far the only real positive is 

there is one less person to miss you should you be gone 

its how you pretend to be happy for all your friends 

and act like being the third wheel is normal

how each time they kiss you are not the slightest bit jealous

then there is the way you solve all your problems alone

and know at least i wont drag anyone else down when I fall

its how even though you want someone else in your life

you couldn't dare let anyone in 

inkmaster

I beseech you

drowned my flesh in blackened arts

so that others may look upon me

in fear and misunderstanding

or envy and lust

or even just in amazement at the choices I’ve made

please bring thousands upon thousands 

of needles to my bone 

with a charcoal tone

and let me be seen

expressed as I am on the inside 

you’re that folded photo

I found in an old box

the one where the creases seem to just fit in the light

and its perfect in my hands 

cleaning up was productive till this moment

till I found you 

is it the way the colors have faded 

but were we happier then?

were your smiles more genuine 

I hope so 

because everything else past this wouldn't matter

as long as this second in time is real

the freeze frame on a soon to be finished race

snapshot of our time left

where you're are still laughing

we were caught off guard and it was perfect 

how i never knew such a simple flash would later mean so much more

I kept this for us 

Strange is Prometheus faithful to his struggle

tied to the stone of reality 

and devoured, inescapable.

Yet he gave it all to bring the flame of man alight

to teach us devotion is an action that should hurt

hurt for those you are for

and hurt for yourself

Staunch and steadfast he holds true to his punishment

unwavering in his volition

that it was worth it to the future of humanity.

Yet how do we repay him,

treacherous and forgetful is man

that we cannot mirror such a constant will?

Prove to me loyalty is real,

Tip tap on the window

rains indefinite rhythm to the world outside

the unstoppable torrential sound 

of a world turning 

it is the noise of calamity 

like indiscernible music

drowned out at a party that you went to uninvited

it flows and ebbs with waving winds 

in a cacophonous boom that travels

your spine 

equalizing in your mind

hills and spikes

and should you beg of quite reprieve

there will be none

the worlds song drones on 

white noise to the ever background of existnce

always in the pattern of life outside

it all starts with the rhythm of the rain 

carry on 

It seems the three of us are lost once again

how dare you make me lead

not a cartographer by nature and even less so a sailor

unlike you little one with our fathers gleaming spirit 

and muscular tone

who can dredge up lines beyond the wavy depths 

Not like you second born who begs the stars to your comand

with a mind so sharp and witty I pale in comparison

you don’t even need me on this ship 

I offer not our familys’ strength as I got none of it

nor the tenacity of your mothers for mine was different 

and brought to me other skills not suited for our trip at sea

yet through stormy weather and clear days you turn to me?

Oh captain, my captain indeed

I’d sooner be fish food should I not had you two 

Because you both bring so much to the deck

I’ve pushed myself far beyond expectations to be a guide

I’ve caught myself in the same strength of our father

and my mothers discerning eye has done our plunder well

but you two sweet little ones below me 

have made this all possible

I make better friends with the people in my head

with the voices that tell me fantastical stories 

of heroism and scenarios of great justice

the ones that praise me for every thought 

but will openly fight back every horrible idea.

I make better friends with strangers I give backstories

as they pass me on the street 

Oh in my thoughts they know so many interesting things

and they want to share them all with me 

A locksmith, A ninja, and a History professor

why isn't it awesome to know you now, or it would be if that were true.

I make better friends with the person I’ll make you in my mind

the version of you that likes me the way i am

and keeps up with my interests 

Seeks out my time and attention

its you if you cared about me 

but you don’t 

I’m just some guy who you’ll never know likes you 

but you do in my mind 

and strangely I think you like me too 

I see you there among the social weeds of conversation

with little than less to say

the quite is your only defense

maybe they won’t notice you 

and there will be the social accomplishment of riding on the coat tails 

But I see you, because I am one in the same

Hiding in the shadows

the lonely table at a bar

The too scared to talk to loud

the please hold me because I need human touch but I can’t seek it

the tremble in our boots because we are not worth your time

Skulking around the gutters of social hangout 

wanting to be noticed for being unnoticed

To say that we tried, it’s not our fault, no one likes us

that we have friends, the ones we lie about

This is for you, for us

I see you, and if you see me

Late nights suck

“nothing good comes after dark” 

I heard it a thousand times as a kid

But I didn’t know what they meant

that when the sun settles into its nightly grave

and you become accustomed to the darkness around you 

your mind does not

it startles you with subconscious conjurings

twisted faces in the darkness 

sounds from nothing 

the cold seems to sink in a little deeper

and everything is always just a little out of reach

paralyzed you seek shelter inside yourself

respite in your thoughts and dreams

but even those are tainted 

replaying you failures chronologically 

 never had you had such a perfect memory as 3:02 in the morning

never had you realized in those few seconds how alone you were

and as the sun rises you praise it for its light 

7:00AM 

Good morning sir this is your scheduled wake up call,

thank you for choosing ___________ and we hope you have a...

Wait don’t go 

not just yet 

sit here with me for a minute

tell me did you work all night?

yes

How do you feel?

so very tired sir

please don’t sir me, we are all equal as people

Alright sounds good 

whats your name?

_________

Yea are you happy with your job?

I mean I can’t say that i’m not happy

Could you say you could be happier?

yes

Tell me, how could you be happier.

I could be home, i could be reading a good book, or lost in my thoughts or questioning my existence to the back drop of some lofi song.

Or looking out over the city from my shitty one bedroom fifth floor apartment, I could have a cigarette even though I don’t smoke.

 I could call all the friends I don’t have and tell you I would party but then I’d be lying to both of us...

 I could have someone ask me how my day was going or be somewhere where I get wake up calls instead of giving them. 

I could be driving around a sharp curve to fast for my shitty car and wondering if this is the moment I fall into the void.

 Or for once I could be in the arms of someone who loved me. 

But I’m not, I’m here calling to wake someone up who may have asked one to many questions.

There is a certain vastness to the universe

It sinks into the minds of those who begin to wonder

Simple things

Like how’s and whys

In the fashion of curious children

But there is no 5ht grade science book answer

No line of script to reveal all we desire

Yet as human nature would have it we still seek

Craving the information so unobtainable

And things grow and change around us but nothing seems quite so worth it

Not without the answers we seek

Not without reason

Not without understanding

And we look to the past

Of men screaming about plucked chickens

Or boys locked in offices, whispering our efforts are all for not

We look to optimists who praise faith

In a god

or luck

fate

or will

we look to those who don’t care

and how sweet it must be to join amongst the ranks of the mindless

truly ignorance is bliss

but no

so unlucky are the thinkers that we must know

they must carry on as if nothing matters

And we must know

We must know there may never be an answer

And that it all may be for nothing

And accept that if we did know

Well,

I left you alone while the world stopped turning

The pain in my chest my heart’s still burning

From the flame that I ate,

In all its acidic taste

To hot, to much but it was all I could take

Held down, don’t frown because I know now I can’t drown

Because I spit, like a dragon

Steam rising all around me

So while you walk away

I clear the air and its only you I can see

But I don’t let it bother me

No I move on

Because that’s the only way to live free

I keep moving forward fueled by a fire

A desire

Like a funeral pyre

Calcifer, the castle is roaming again

But I just want to see where it goes

Start each morning not knowing

End it like Apollo the sun still glows  

Should I ever dwindle to ember

Don’t let it go out

I may burn bright for only half the time

I’ve let my heart a bit to much rope

and its gotten hung up one to many times.

On pretty girls with waterfall curls

on late dates in a setting summer sun

I’ve been tangled, and mangled,

but never learned a lesson.

So smooth and sweet it wants to fall,

into old familiar ruts

where simple smiles make me happy again

and nice words quicken the beat.

The sweet cello to my hello,

music that keeps time with the hum in chest.

Call me Chet Baker

because I fall in love to easily

and way, way to fast.

Still my heart is always begging...

                          You know nothing of me

or burnt out street lights at 2 AM where piano burns into the background with a seeping blues

         Please don’t make me warn you 

Like I have so far to all those who dare get to close

                  Don’t fall in love with me

That’s just a disaster waiting to happen

     And I wont take the blame again

There is no mystery or game 

            It may not be so easy for me to say later

So darling do not fall in love with me

     No strict philosophy or printed poetry

It’s all just words woven into the most intricate of traps

                    To catch loose hearts plagued by needing

And I don’t even have to try 

         Less than that, I push you further away

Still you stay

   Oh poor sweet girl 

there is so much of the world to see 

     so much for you to do

You’re better than this

              Please I’m trying to help you

do you-still find that cosmic fear?

when you stand upon the beach,

where the grains of sand beneath you

are lost worlds in another life.

-Find yourself feeling small?

amidst the waves,

awash in the breathing of the tide

that you barely understand.

-Feel yourself humbled?

by the dazzling hues of coral below,

a perfect rendition of chaotic color

that artist can only snapshot in moments.

do you-still beg to know more than you ever can?

to be under the wash of the world,

accepting were are a beautiful nothing