this is pretty much my filthy diary

Arthur - pendragon red ❤

Merlin - red and blue ❤💙

Morgana - blue, black when she become evil. 💙🖤

The whole. Damn. Song. But I'm extracting the bridge cause this one got my heart 😭 consider this from Arthur's POV after he died:

If I could do one thing over again I would be less of a lover to you And more of a friend. I wanna count it in my head That it's not about me While I was scared of being left You were scared of being seen Truly seen

He found happiness in Camelot if he just not sacrificed himself. Hell, he could have Gwen if he tried. But he gave both of that away. His knighthood and the love of his life, Merlin (gotra sneak this in as a Mercelot shipper lol) his "antidote/medication". Yeah you can say that it's because of his nobility and you'd be right but it's fun to see it in another lens.

Based on the song, maybe the poison and toxins in him is his nobility. Maybe it is his feeling of inadequacy or anything else. I seriously think there's something deeper going on with Lancelot for him to be so self sacrificing and deprecating, I just dont think I understand enough to explore it. But it's there and it's so interesting. Maybe it's the paradox he's living in, that he can only be happy when he's doing things noble things he knew going to hurt himself.

But my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream You tried hard to suck 'em out And it feels like medication And it's good for me, I'm sure But it don't matter how your love feels, anymore It'll never be the cure

Granted it's been a few years since I've read but i stand by it. SPOILERS:

One of my favorite thing about it (other than Morgana's redemption arc and Mergana hehe) is Gwen's character.

I LOVE that she is flawed here. That she is actually allowed to be angry and aggrieved. Gwen had took everything with grace in the show, so I love that she is so raw and unapologetically angry and unforgiving in the script. Some of her quotes when she argued with others are absolutely BADASS. You can tell that she is a queen who lost her husband and ruled for years after that, it's heartbreaking really 😭😭. Her dialogue with Morgana "you would not break me again" And "yet I am the one who wears the crown", SLAYY.

Which bring me to her relationship with Morgana. Gwen LOATHED Morgana in this and I actually love it. I lowkey hate how other characters think Gwen is being unrational about it. Girl, Morgana literally tortured Gwen, used her body to kill people and killed her brother. Gwen deserve to be fucking pissed and I'm glad she showed it. Yes, Morgana get a redemption arc, but Gwen didn't owe her anything to forgive her that easily.

Also Gwen didn't end up with Arthur in this one. I honestly don't remember who she ended up with but that's another thing about it! It didn't matter who she ended up with because she's not used as a love interest! The quote "Till death do us apart. We died. I'm no longer you wife" Or something like that, I was GAGGED. Like Gwen PLEASE hit me one more time.

In conclusion, I love how angry Gwen is in the script. She is always the peacemaker, etc so it's nice to see her in a new light. Her quotes (the little that I could remember) gagged me guys. She was so fed up with everyone and everything. This is the burn out era she deserves 😭.

1. Leon x Morgana - 5/10

There's always some fic mentioning Leon's crush on Morgana when they were kids and honestly it's cute. I like the idea of the potential yearning but I don't see the ship sailing.

2. Leon x Gwen - 8.5/10

I actually LOVE this ship but only if it happened post-Arthur's death. The knight x queen dynamic would be amazing and I also love the headcanon that Leon knew Gwen since childhood and is always protective of her esp since she become queen. I would love it if they got married even if they don't completely love each other — but just to have each other as a support and to mourn together. Actually the more I write this the more I like them lol, I think I've read one fic like this but I can't remember which fic that sold me the idea.

3. Leon x Merlin - 2/10

Suprisingly I've seen a lot of this tag in ao3. I'm not judging but it's not my cup of tea. Them as siblings dynamic though? Love it!

4. Gwaine x Morgana - 4/10

Hmmm... I can see how they complement each other. They would either each others worst enemies or worst headache to everyone. I can only imagine them in modern AU, toxic off and on couple that drives their friend group crazy.

5. Arthur x Lancelot - 2.5/10

This is my honest opinion, idk why but I really can't ship Arthur with anyone. The only one I can imagine is Gwen and Merlin but even with them I'm not crazy about it. Which is insane cause Arthur is drop dead gorgeous and he have such good chemistry with everyone. Maybe the true ship I've been looking for is Arthur x Happiness....

But he and Lancelot is a nice pair theoretically and I still giggle at Bradley's theory "Lancelot is in love with Arthur and but he can't have him so that's why he went to Guinevere" Or smthng like that lol.

6. Mordred x Daegal - 10/10

This is the kind of crackship im talking about y'all. They have like what? 3 fanfics in ao3? But good god the POTENTIAL. Mordred being infuriated that Daegal got Merlin's care and trust me a whole Emrys freaking hate him while Daegal was just happy to be there. He's such a sweet boy.

7. Mordred x Kara - 2/10

Rushed, out of the blue. Couldn't invest into it knowing Kara was more of a plot device for Mordred.

I love the ending. I love how it turned out with Morgana and she finally find a place where she belongs. I love her characterization, a perfect blend of her in the earlier season (kind, gentle) and her in the later (ruthless, jaded). I love Merlin wholeheartedly in this, he was just tired but relentlessly optimistic.

Mostly I adore the magical society in this fic so much and how it was explored. I wish the fic is one billion words because i could read about what happened after forever.

Tbf, Merlin DID do this but they just kept dying.

Nimueh, Morgana, Mordred, Ballinor, Gilli, Daegal, Finna, Alator, that key of all knowledge, Iseldir, hell even Morgause, and etc, etc.

Instead of them dying or we just seeing them in one episode only, I think it would be so cool for them to just befriend Merlin one way or another and linger around. It'll show that magic is getting stronger and Merlin wouldn't be so lonely.