My Blog Of Random Writings

So, besides my last post about me being in my “nothing matters” era, not much has changed. I know I said I quit my job, and I did. I’ve been at my current job for a year now (a year and three months). No relationship. I tried. It lasted for three weeks. That was eye opening. I learned a lot about myself, as well as things I need to work on, as one should when they are in a relationship. I’m…

Yes, a new blog post. I’m just as surprised as you. I don’t know what to say. But I knew I had to say something. I’ve been wanting to write a while now. But what to say, has alluded me. I tried to write about my vacation. As you can see, I did not. I can always talk about that, to get me started. But I’d like to make a separate post. I think I’ll try that next time. I think what I want to say…

In my previous blog post, I kind of left you on a cliff hanger. My bad. Let me tie up some loose ends. So, I guess it depends on who you ask, if I was in a relationship or not. Did he ask me to be his girlfriend? Yes. Did I say yes? Reluctently. I didn’t really want to be in a relationship, but it was one of those, ‘you guys talk all the time, you should just date,’ things. We didn’t do…

Hello. Long time, no read. I’ve been wanting to come back for a while now, but I just didn’t know how to start. This is pretty hard for me, since I have no idea what to say. I don’t know. I just don’t. What do I even talk about? What exciting things do I have to share? Do I even have words left in me? It’s been so long as I sat down at a computer to write. It’s been so long since I even had the…

Previously, On ‘What Even Is My Life?’ (Part One)

Well, it’s been a year. Oh boy, has it been a year. So, let me start off by saying, hello! How are you? Me? Well, let me tell you how I am. Since my last post, I: Got into my very first relationship…with a girl Ended said relationship Kicked Dad out of the house Got into a new relationship Ended that one too So, let’s start at the top. I met Raven at work in 2020. We became friends, then…

As I write this, my new house guest, or should I say occupant, is watching t.v. in my basement. My dad. I know I don’t talk about him much, and that’s because I don’t really have much to say. He hasn’t been around all that often. So, how did we get here? My parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6. Since then, it’s been hit or miss. Maybe he’d call, maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d see me, maybe he…

Your Attendance Is Welcome

I think it’s funny that I get annoyed by Christianity. Wait. What? I know. Did you have to read that again? If you didn’t know, I am a Christian (I prefer believer, but Christian is acceptable). I was raised in church, even before I was born. Mom and I went to two different churches in Michigan (where I’m from). I remember her saying she knew there was something more than what the church was…

Hi, my name is Sarah, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I need to start over. Even though you are able to go back and read my previous posts, it seems like it would be a nice gesture to get you caught up. So, let’s try that. I quit college to be a writer. My mother, who was my best friend, supporter, pretty much my everything, was perfectly fine with that. She told me to start with a…

Besides Mom getting a powder to drink to up her sodium (which she hated, by the way), a CAT scan, and an MRI, it was mostly just waiting around for some answers.

Here’s what Mom wrote in the journal.

I feel like my life is about to be nothing. Like I’m not going to be able to do anything.

I will not be depressed.

I just need help to know where I belong.

I will not be depressed. Even in…

And, Here We Go…

Five days in, and things are already looking bleak.

The heart doctor’s assistant came in and said that Mom was doing better, so from their standpoint, Mom could go home tomorrow. So, right now, if Mom was perfect across the board, this would be good news. But, she wasn’t. We were still waiting for her sodium to come up.

Spoiler alert: her sodium NEVER CAME UP. It NEVER stabilize. NEVER. The…

Making decisions about the future is scary. You never know what will happen between now, and then. In this moment, or the next. Situations and circumstances change. Conditions change, for better, and for worse. People change, their wants and outlook on life. End of life care is no different.

We had a doctor and a nurse come and sit with us as we went though and filled out an Advanced…

Will You Trust Him?

The first day in the hospital. Nothing really stands out to me from the journal, except that her heart rate still wasn’t going down. And also, this one thing that Mom wrote.

Lazarus Factor- one who God helps

Will you trust Him? Will you follow Him anyway?

Mom’s faith had always been so strong. Her life may not have started out in faith, but once she got it, she held on to it for dear life.…

The Beginning Of The End

My mother got her blood drawn more than any other human I know. It started when I was young, and it continued up until December of 2019. That’s an awful long time. No one had an issue, and if they did, it wasn’t a big issue. But on this day, November 2nd, 2019, for some reason, this kid couldn’t draw her blood. He kept popping her veins. It was embarrassing, and annoying. If he had had just been…

We Need To Talk About Mom

November 1st, 2019. The day before Mom went into the hospital, and everything changed.

I know, that sentence sounds cliche, but every did change.

I’ve been feeling antsy and on edge this past week, leading up to November. I blamed the moon as a joke, knowing it was my body and/or brain gearing up for what memories this month will bring back. And I decided, in order to cope, I’d go back to…

It’s Not Your Fault, It’s Mine

Photo by Shane Aldendorff on Pexels.com

It might come out wrong, but at least we’re speaking.

Pastor Steven Furtick, Be The Bridge

I didn’t grow up with a lot of black classmates. I didn’t even have a lot of black friends when I was little. I honestly didn’t pay them any mind. Because, well, I saw no difference. They were kids, like me. My mom didn’t hang around black people either. I…

The Blessing Is, He Is For You @elevationchurch, @codycarnes, @karijobe, @stevenfurtick

I stood in a room full of people at the Roanoke Performing Arts Center, just three and a half days after Mom passed. It was something I hadn’t done in years, and it wasn’t something I had planned to do so fast.

Just minutes after Mom died, the Chaplain told me to go to church. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to understand why my mother was gone. I was confused and…

I love my mother. She is my favorite person in the whole world. She has been the only person in my life who has stayed with me my whole life. She is my mother, but she is also my best friend, my sister, my moral support, my compass. We’ve traveled together, danced together, laughed together, cried together. She is my zip lining buddy, my movie going companion, someone I can talk to without any…