Sarah Repohio

Today is my birthday, my co-workers celebrated my birthday with me. This is my first time someone other my family created a little celebration for me...

The flowers bloomed, and my mind became clearer. I am now starting to realize what I wanted.

The pink lenses I saw when we were waiting for my birthday to come. Honestly, I just told myself to enjoy this feeling and never expect things to evolve any further. I know that my appearance is not there, thus I just enjoy and just don't get hurt.

I'm so hopeless, but 24 is a big day to celebrate. But my mind wonders and wishes someone to share this feeling.

Today is such a happy day, they bought me a cake.

Regret is a very dangerous thing. I don't want to regret my decision for the rest of my life. Lord, please help me with my anxiety. I can't do this anymore.

Regret is always in my mind. I thought I was okay and making the right decision back then, but now I keep regretting it for not doing it. Please, someone help me. I am scared.

Regret is keeping me insane. How would we know we are making the right decision? Why am I so dumb and stupid. I'm so stupid.

Me and my co-workers (and my dearest friends) went to an outing and have a refresh in our lives. If I am the same from back then, I would have said 'no' and just sleep at home, but I really want to make memories with them. I realized that it is such a waste in my youth if I do not do new things in my life. We are not forever be 23 years old. Have fun and have a break from study or from your work. I am glad I went with them. I had so much fun.

I've been feeling deeply disappointment towards people around me. I feel that the compassion is not present anymore, and I know myself that I do not have that anymore.

Today, I message my old classmate if the job she was working now is pleasant and nice. I am torn between quitting my job without my overtime pay and staying until I gets my OT pay. Should I let go? I am not happy anymore.

I hated asking my co-worker because it feels like I am begging them to do the client's request, which is their job to do. I feel shit every time they reject my requests. I do not know if I can wait any longer.

So my birthday is on May 25, 2024 and I got off from work at 11:55 pm of May 24, 2024. I started writing some entry while I was riding a jeep but did not finish it, so here it goes.

Entry: Happy birthday to me, at 11:25 pm - May 28, 2024.

There are so many things that had happened in my life after graduating in college. And I realized, I have changed. In a bad way, haha.

But I mean, I cannot entirely blame myself for that because my work environment is really toxic and after busy season my anxiety do not want to be controlled now that I have free time to think about my future and my well-being.

I'm 23 now and I can do anything I can do.

But as I was reaching this age, I realized that I am stressed and sad. Angry every time and lonely. Feels shit and feels pretty but feels shit most of the time. Hard to laugh and find anything hilarious.

To be honest, the reason why I remembered to continue writing this entry because I saw a video (title: First 100 Days: Unfucking Your Life)

Sigh.

I'm actually tired now. I want to study. I want to sleep.

I'm 23 now and I need to change my path.

I will clean my work desk tomorrow and starts making my pending work. I need to let go. And oh, I will also start a journal.

I am actually grateful and happy for everything that happened to me.