Paradox.

He pulled the syringe out of my arm, caressing my hair back. Out of my face. I sat back as my eyes fought to stay open. I heard his words muffling turning into static.

“Together, finally.”

He was waiting... For me to die and be reborn, as a mirror image of him.

All those nights of him screaming, “You don’t understand.” All those nights I stood there, when he self-destructed.

I always wondered, what it would be like  to feel so lost in love, to lose oneself into another.

I should have listened to everyone’s advice. “Turn away, don’t do it.” But I wanted him.

All of him.

His charm, his smile. His seduction, his love. His suffocating dreams, his drowning insecurities.

All of me wanted to show him,  even the misunderstood, could love his demons. I just didn’t know that it took, death of pure innocence. To see raw pain.

To feel his cold love, in my blood.  By his definition of, “euphoric.”  Here I was, tears running down  my face, telling him I loved him. When I should have ran away.

She fought for the voiceless. She fought for the broken. She fought for the wounded.

She brought peace, to the tyrants, to the lost ones.

She made war and peace. Within herself. Over a thousand times. After the one she loved entirely, took her voice,  broke her heart, and wounded her soul.

Years had passed. He became all the pain, he had put her through. Tormented by karma. Never entirely whole again.

She went to war, won more battles. Regained herself. Keeping the pain, close enough, to remind her. He’s still alive.

He breathes in regret, living in the shadows, of her dark misery. As she lives on, bright in the sunlight, healed from all the wars she fought, just to keep his heart, at peace. 

How am I to be the same as I once was?

When you’re the storm dancing in my dreams. You pressed my heart with those wine satin lips. Imprinting me forever.

That’s what you were doing to me.

You made sure I’d never forget you. In truth, you didn’t even have to do that.