Fragments of Art, Poetry, Memories

CW: animal death

I saw those stupid Bi and Pan flags that have “Hearts not Parts” on it and got pissed off, so I fixed it.

to melt

before I saw your smile.

Such a simple thing,

a simple grin

and my heart begins to warm,

flooding my chest as it liquidates,

the butterflies in my stomach explode!

Just a smile

and my whole life is set in motion.

I want to stare at that smile until

until forever

until I die

I want to hold your hand in mine,

and melt.

—your smile keeps me warm.

feel like a prison. gilded cage pinning me to a story, forcing me into a white dress, pinning my hair the way he likes it. delicate and lovely and beautiful — but for his consumption. for his eyes only. a parcel instead of a girl.

a parcel that will give him a legacy.

do you understand now? do you understand how it’s been killing me to invent story after to story, to look back at him with wandering eyes, to quite nearly incite a riot in my mind? to hear myself screaming and banging on a mirror that i could never be that?

it was like being sick for a very long time and sitting up again. it was realizing that the version of the story where i marry him wasn’t the only one that could exist. it was like morning invading the neon club, horizon gleaming fresh again.

i have another midnight that tastes like cherry lip gloss and dreams that i’ve never told anyone, because the story isn’t a production i’ve put on. we aren’t actors at the altar, we’re the stage assistants making out in the sound booth.

i could live a life in the shadows but not a lie in the light. a cross to bear but the cross i choose.