i love being a lesbian

And then I look up.

"The sky is bees," I hear myself say.

my partner has a lot of trauma from family member after family member going through awful experiences w cancer and dying of it.

she's told me and her bestie what's going on but is dreading discussing it with her also-traumatized family and has postponed doing so until she can tell them in person, and she's considering not saying anything until/unless the biopsy is positive.

even if it IS positive, it's probably early enough that she wouldn't even need to get a mastectomy, a lumpectomy would be enough if she also does radiation.

and she probably doesn't even have it! she has a 50-80% chance of it being nothing, based on what we know now.

but. i wish they would call and get her in like. today. bc the uncertainty feels very bad. for both of us.

ive barely processed my own feelings about this yet, in my worry over how she's feeling with this stress hanging over her, and how she and her parents are going to feel if the biopsy is positive.

before my mil was 35, mil's entire family of origin had died of cancer. she was the hands on caregiver for a couple of them, while also raising young children and working. i desperately do not want her to have to hear her beloved daughter has cancer.

together we've had bedbugs and rats and mold and two floods and multiple cross country moves in a pandemic and a death in the family and both of us (and several people we love) facing rapidly worsening health problems and straitened financial circumstances and increased precarity.

Hubbard’s Silk Moth (Syssphinx hubbardi), caterpillar, family Saturniidae, West TX, USA