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Need some clarity

So we’ve been together for nearly 30 years and not intimate for nearly 10 and I have slept in the spare room for 3 years now.

He has been sexual secret for over 20 years that I know ie; porn collection/ addiction that as much as it hurts, i had come to terms with it an accepted it as part of his trauma.

But here’s where I’m concerned, I am away for a few weeks working and just prior to leaving an express post of nitrate came in the post, then shortly after a package with a cock ring.

It also came to my attention 9 days prior to me leaving he was researching condom brands, sizes and prices…….

Is this a massive red flag and how concerned should I be.

I’m actually gutted, either way he is doing something behind my back (which I never thought he would) or he is self pleasuring himself?

The latter would have been fine if we had any intimacy ever! Why should he live out his fantasy and I’m stuck feeling alone and betrayed!

Sadly I think I’m done trying, I feel I have been punished more for his abuse than his perpetrator …. I didn’t sign up like this.