A demon has cursed you with the inability to have children or form a family, and as soon as you learn of this you went to tell the witch who you promised your firstborn child, as this clearly will prevent you from fulfilling your side of the deal.

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

Reblogging this a year in advance

"After ten thousand years I rise again to destroy the kingdom of..." "It's gone." "I beg your pardon?" "The kingdom. It lasted like... I think around twenty-three years after you got sealed?" "Well... This is awkward... Still! No one will be able to stop me now!" "We have nuclear weapons now."

Trans tumblr is my absolute favorite because I can post some fuck shit like “imagine letting two guys carve a tic tac toe game on you and then beating up the loser” and then 300 dogboys will reblog it like “yeah I busted to this”

An absolute behemoth of a man is charging through the battlefield, protecting something in his off-hand. As he nears you, he reaches out and hands you a tiny kitten as he speaks, “Protect her.” He turns back to the enemies and charges again.

You ease open the door to check on your sleeping kid, and find their teddy bear, standing in the middle of the room. He looks at you and says "There's one in the closet, and two under the bed. Either shut the door or back me up."

the worst is wanting to create and create and create but being trapped in a body that is so so so so tired

"Well I need a wife and I realized why should only noble women get tournaments to find partners." said the king to his advisor. "So I'm holding the first ever royal consort tournament." "My lord, this is a very strange ide—" said the advisor. "Oh it's happening, I was just informing you of it."

I like these

You are a magical null where any magic around you stops working. But instead of using this power to fight or capture, you run a special home for magical people who are too young and/or too traumatized to properly control their powers. And today you've just received a new arrival.

one crack cocaine

hello drug dealer yes i would like to purchase one crack cocaine please

debit or credit

I actually have a gift card

@hellsite-hall-of-fame