Sam

The most traumatizing moment as a child was when Joe replaced Steve on Blues Clues.

Steve went to “college”.

I didnt even see the episode when Steve left.. I just turned the show one day and

This is how he looks now

body: you are dying of The Heat

“To go to bed and to wake up again day after day besides a woman, to lie in bed with our arms around each other and drift in and out of sleep, to be with each other—not as a quick stolen pleasure, nor as a wild treat—but like sunlight, day after day in the regular course of our lives. I was discovering all the ways that love creeps into life when two selves exist closely, when two women meet.”

The man who named my narrow bed was a quiet person, but he had good questions. “I suppose you do love me, in your way,” I said to him one night close to dawn when we lay on the narrow bed. “And how else should I love you—in your way?” he asked. I am still thinking about that.

The words we read and words we write never say exactly what we mean. The people we love are never just as we desire them.

Come back! Even as a shadow, even as a dream.

i forgive you, waiting for him to call, i forgive you, the diets and the cruel friends. especially for that one time you said ‘i fucking give up on love, it’s not worth it, i’d rather be alone forever’. you were just pretending, weren’t you? i know you didn’t mean that. your body, your mouth, your heart, made specifically for loving. sometimes the things we love, will kill us, but weren’t we dying anyway? i forgive you for being something that will eventually die. perishable goods, fading out slowly, little human, i wouldn’t want to be in a world where you don’t exist.

We have this deep sadness between us and it spells so habitual I can’t tell it from love.