S A M

okay picture this; i go back in time and find a victorian orphan child. do i blow his mind? do i break his brain? NO!!! i give him warm soft clothes and a hug. he gets me wizard high off what would commonly be used to treat a minor cough in that era. we both eventually contract a deadly illness and then i bring him to the future where we get easily cured of our ailment. i buy him a happy meal afterwards. he’s my good son now. love you son.

working at a dispensary is funny. guy came in and asked for "weed for guys" and i said "what do you mean" and then he just apologized and left

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

at least once a day you should read a poem that slices you clean in half. and then you go to the post office or something

"ingredients you can pronounce!!!" actually i'm great at phonics and i love eating chemicals

i can use the computer and it’s taught me so much. nothing good though

i don’t suffer from i could fix him disease. i think i could make him worse