Z's World

ᯓ★

When the door finally clicks shut, the noise of the night fades all at once, leaving something quieter in its place. Something sharper.

Conrad turns towards me, leaning back against the door like he needs an anchor at this moment.

There’s a hesitation in the way he looks at me. Like he's about to handle a very delicate situation. Like he’s bracing for something. Like he’s not sure how I’m going to react. It makes something in me soften immediately.

I feel my chest physically warm with the affection and love I have for him.

“So,” I say, stepping closer, closing the distance until there’s barely any space left between us. “I have a couple of questions.”

He lets out a small breath, looking down, eyes flicking away for a second before coming back to mine.

“Baby-” he starts, then stops. Runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he hasn’t quite grown out of.

“It’s not-” he tries again, quieter this time. “I didn’t keep it like… like that.”

There’s a faint crease between his brows now, like he’s trying to explain something he doesn’t quite have the words for. Like he’s worried about how it might sound before he even says it.

And a little part of me gets annoyed with him for it. You don't have to be shy about a nice thing that you did, you beautiful idiot! I want to scream.

And honestly if he goes on like that –like it was weird that he kept the picture that I didn’t even remember existed for years– I might as well do so.

“I wasn’t-” He shakes his head slightly, almost frustrated with himself. “I’m not, like… holding onto it in some weird way.” The undertone is there.

Loud and clear. Don’t misunderstand this. Don’t make it something it’s not.

I feel my lips curve before I can stop them. “Conrad,” I say softly, but there is a little edge to it. I need him to snap out of whatever he's in.

He still looks unsure. Still watching me like he’s waiting for the moment it shifts.

“It’s not a bad thing. Why would it be a bad thing?” I genuinely ask him, my hands running up and down on his arms by his side.

I look at his face, searching, waiting for the doubts to vanish and go away.

That catches him off guard. “What?” he blinks.

“I love that you kept it. It shows that you care, that even after everything we've been through you still cared for me enough to keep it… I think it's beautiful.”

The words land slowly.

I can see it in the way his expression changes. Not all at once, but piece by piece.

The tension in his shoulders eases just slightly. The crease between his brows softens. “You do?” he asks, like he’s not entirely convinced he heard me right.

“Yeah,” I say, stepping even closer, my voice gentler now, something tender lingering on my lips. “I really do.”

He blinks again and again. "You don't think it's- I don't know," he takes a sharp breath, "too much?"

“No! You could never be too much. Do you have any idea how far gone I was for you?- no, scratch that. I still am. I just don’t fill pages with your name anymore… but it still finds its way in.”

He hums.

“I mean… I thought you wouldn’t be surprised.” I lift my hand slightly, gesturing toward my necklace. “I kept this too.”

His gaze drops immediately. His finger follows a second later, slow and careful as he traces the curve of the pendant. The corner of his mouth twitches.

“Yeah, but…” he tilts his head, eyes still on it. “This- this means something good. Something clear.” He exhales softly. “The picture… it’s-” He pauses, glancing up at me. “You know what happened right after that.”

The memory hits before I can brace for it.

Fast and sharp.

I thought we loved each other.

We did.

The fight we had right before he left for Stanford and I left for Europe.

The fight that happened when we were still trying to figure everything out.

The fight that caused us months worth of hardship.

If only he said we still do. The thought slips in so easily, but I shake it off just as quickly. We can’t change the past.

“I do,” I say quietly.

“But…” I take a breath, steadying myself. “Conrad, I don’t want you to feel regretful about the mistakes we made. That night… yeah, it was a mess.” I shrug lightly. “But it was our mess.”

He’s watching me now.

Really watching. “And I know it felt like we were stuck,” I continue, softer. “Like we’d reached some kind of dead end.” Another small breath. “But when I look back now…” My voice dips, steadier than I expect it to be. “I can see that that dead end brought us here. To this.”

I gesture faintly between us.

“And I wouldn’t trade that. Not for a cleaner version of the past. Not for anything. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I know you do too.”

I lightly tap my finger on his sternum as I say the last sentence.

“So, for me when I look at the picture, I don't think about the bad parts; I think about the good parts. Like how you look at me in it.”

Silence settles between us. A full one.

For a second, he doesn’t say anything. Just looks at me like he’s trying to take in every word, every piece of it, like he doesn’t quite trust that it’s real.

And his gaze is so tense that I feel like I'm drowning in it. Like I'm going under water, quiet and willingly.

There’s something almost disbelieving in his expression. I can almost hear him think: How did I get this lucky. (A sentence he repeats to me at least once a month. But who's counting?)

His hand lifts from my necklace, but instead of dropping, it finds my cheek. I don’t pull back.

Honestly, nothing can pull me away from his touch right now. His thumb brushes lightly along my skin, grounding us into this moment.

“You have no idea how good it felt to hear you say these words,” he says quietly.

“I know, we've already talked about pretty much everything and agreed not to get stuck in the past but…” he shrugs. “I'm still a working progress,” he jokes lightly.

I let out a chuckle, wrapping my arms around his neck as I listen to him continue.

He exhales, a soft, almost breathless sound. “Thank you, love… and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the picture.”

“You don't have to be sorry about it. I'm glad that we're in the clear now. I mean we are right?”

His lips curve faintly, but there’s something deeper in it. Softer. “Yes. We are.”

“Good,” I lean up, my lips brushing his for a moment before I close the gap between us.

Our lips collide in a kiss that makes me feel like my bones are mending as he tightly wraps his arms around my waist.

The kiss tastes heavy with the words we don't say.

It feels like our relationship has evolved into something more solid, something more grounded, in this very moment. I slowly suck on his bottom lip, pulling him down to me from his neck, wanting to be as close to him as possible, just like the way our souls already are.

He cups the back of my head with his palm, the warmth of it making my skin prickle. When we slowly pull back, I feel my eyelids growing a little heavy with the heat between us.

I feel dizzy. Dizzy with love.

I take in the way Conrad looks, his lips are swollen as he wets them with his tongue, his cheeks pink under the twinkling light, his pupils have grown bigger, the black taking as much space as the green.

There’s something quiet in the way he looks at me then. The weight of the years loosening. His shoulders get broader.

He pauses, like he’s deciding how much to say. “I wanted to put it next to the others. You know like the framed ones of… all of us.” he adds, glancing at me briefly. “But I didn’t.”

I tilt my head slightly. “Why not?” Another pause.

“I don’t know,” he says at first, almost automatically. But then he exhales, like he’s letting that answer go. “That’s not true,” he corrects himself quietly. His gaze meets mine again, steadier now.

“I think I just-” He hesitates, but it’s different this time. Less guarded. More honest. “I wanted it to have a special place.”

I pull a tiny step back to look at him better.

“Well, Conrad, I don't know about special. It did fall out of a book called Atlas of Human Anatomy.” I say, teasing. We both laugh a little at that.

“Well,” he starts, mimicking my tone. “It wasn't there the first time.”

I blink, my eyes widening. “Wait, where was it?”

One of his hands leaves my waist, going to the nape of his neck, scratching it. “In a junk drawer in the kitchen,” he says hesitating.

My lips part. Then, out of nowhere a big unexpected laugh escapes my lips. It's a whole chested laugh that I can't stop.

Conrad joins me a few seconds later, louder, fuller. We both get caught in, our shoulders shaking, the sound of it taking up a huge space in the room.

“A fucking junk drawer?” I manage to say between my cackles.

I try to stop myself, to swallow my laughter. A big snort comes out of me as I do so. Conrad does the same.

“In my defense, it was the top drawer.”

“Oh, that makes it a lot better.” A moment passes.

“Wait, why did you change its place?” I ask, “And when did you?”

“Uh,” he huffs out a breath. “Right before I went to pick you up from the airport when you first moved in.”

“Oh,” I say, blinking. “I was so used to seeing it every time I opened that drawer, that I just forgot to think about putting it somewhere else. Somewhere nice. And when I realized that you were literally moving into this house in a few hours… I just panicked and hid it in the first place I could think of.”

His gaze falls down to the TV set. “And then I forgot that I did that until tonight.”

I nod. “Okay, thank you for telling me.”

“Of course. And honey, you're not judging me because it was just a junk drawer right?” I smile at him. “No, Conrad. I'm not.”

Neither of us say it but I know why he kept it there.

I know that it wasn't just a ‘junk drawer’. I can see right through him.

I know that he hesitated to act like that polaroid of us was something special, like he had no right to feel that way –even though he knew no one would ever know.

But, I also know that he put it into a junk drawer because it was a safe option. It was something that he would use everyday, and with that way he would be seeing the picture of us without it being intentional.

Oh, I love this man. And this love makes me feel incredibly secure.

Like standing on solid ground after years of thinking you had to keep your balance. I always loved him. I never stopped. But it has evolved into something infinitely more real and grounded since we got back together.

And the reason for that is, with every passing day, I see him clearer than ever –all of him.

The parts he used to hide, the things he still struggles to say out loud, the weight he carries even when he pretends he doesn’t.

And he lets me.

That’s the difference from the last time.

He lets me see him. And somehow, I know he sees me too.

Not the version of me that tries to be easy, or more fitting, or less complicated. Not the one that bends to keep things from breaking.

Just, me. As I am.

And he stays.

Something in my chest tightens, but it doesn’t hurt. It just is. Real. The shift happens so quietly I almost miss it.

The air between us changes. Like everything we’ve been circling around finally lands in the same place.

I let out a small breath, my fingers brushing against his without thinking. “Let's go to bed.”

When we finally turn off the lights and settle under the sheets together, Conrad immediately pulls me on his chest without a word, tugging me as close to him as possible.

I wrap an arm around his waist, hugging him just as tight.

I think about everything that happened today.

And how the starting of the day –him being hard against my back and me not being able to stop thinking about him the entire day– feels like something that happened to different people.

I don't give a damn about the bet for the first time since it started.

The pull, the tension, the constant awareness of how close we are and what it could turn into doesn't mean anything at this moment.

Like something that doesn’t matter as much as it used to. Because this, us, fills my soul in a way that nothing else really can.

My chest feels full, almost unbearably so. In a way that settles me.

Right now, as I listen to the rhythm of Conrad's steady heart beat under my ear as we lay with our bodies tangled with each other, I don't think about the sexual tension or how easy it would be to let myself lose this bed.

Everything else that had been bothering me for the past three days fades away.

And I realize being with Conrad, having him like this, being seen by him like this, is already everything. It's not about winning for me anymore –which I know it's an unusual thing coming from someone as competent as me. I've already won in life.

ᯓ★

When I wake up, it's late.

Very later than the time I usually wake up. It's a late Saturday morning where neither of us have absolutely nothing to do.

I love waking up to days like this, where we can do any lazy thing that we want. Like trying out a new recipe and taking our time doing it. Like showering together watching each other's hair as if we are one of those corny couples. Like going down to the beach and just talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Like having sex in every corner of-

No, not that. Definitely not that. I just had a beautiful revelation last night, where I told myself that I don't need anything else as long as I have his love to carry with me, and I meant it. I really did.

So, now I'm going to stick to that mentality for the rest of the bet and definitely not go back to firing up in sexual tension.

When Conrad wakes up I feel him stir beneath me, I look up at him from his chest. He's squinting as he tries to get used to the light of the bright morning.

“Hey,” I whisper.

“Hey,” he answers, just as soft. And my chest feels lighter than ever.

The kind of lightness that makes me think, maybe we can actually do this.

The morning stretches without pressure. We don’t rush out of bed. We don’t test anything. It’s calm in a way that feels new –like we’ve finally learned how to exist around each other without tipping into something overwhelming during this week.

We make pancakes together late into the morning, moving around each other in the kitchen with a kind of quiet rhythm. He hands me things before I ask. I nudge him out of the way without thinking.

Our shoulders brush, hands almost brushing, and neither of us makes it into something bigger.

By noon, we’re still in it. In that softness, that we’re okay feeling settling deeper than the tension ever did.

I almost believe that I can get through this. Almost.

But then, the one thing I least expected happens.

Conrad reaches for something –maybe the edge of a cabinet, maybe a pan– and misjudges it just enough to catch his hand wrong. A sharp inhale, a quick pull back.

“Shit!” he screams.

I immediately stand up, the chair I'd been sitting on almost falling to the ground. I go to his side. “What happened?”

It turns out to be nothing serious. A small cut in his palm, thankfully it isn't deep. But the second it happens, something in my chest tightens.

The memory flashes through my mind, too fast, too familiar. For a split second, I'm not even here anymore.

I'm back in Cousins –sunburnt skin, salt in the air, the sharp panic of seeing blood all along the stairs.

The way my stomach had dropped, the way everything had gone too quiet around the sound of waves.

The day Conrad cut his leg surfing. That summer.

My breath catches, just slightly. He shakes it off like it’s nothing, rinsing his hand under the tap.

“I’m fine,” he says, already moving on.

I nod. “Yeah. I know.”

And we both pretend that something didn’t just shift.

The rest of the day is just off, misaligned.

We both try to fall back into the rhythm from earlier quietly, but it doesn’t sit the same way.

There’s a new awareness now.

Everything is sharper.

And a couple of hours later, when we both are reading books on the separate ends of the couch, something else happens.

Something that probably wouldn't have caught my attention on a normal day.

He bumps his knee on the coffee table as he tries to stand up, and lets out a low “Jesus,” rubbing at it with a small wince.

I let out a short breath, half a laugh. “Okay, what is it with you today?” I try to hide my frustration by making a joke.

It doesn't work. He looks at me, confused.

“What?”

“All of a sudden you can’t stop injuring yourself.”

He huffs out a quiet laugh. “I’m fine. Just a little distracted.” His gaze falls down to my chest for a fraction of a second. I notice it.

I also look down. I'm wearing a brown coloured deep v-neck top with matching brown shorts. Something that I've definitely worn in front of him before.

“Got it,” I say, but there’s something in my tone, light, but not entirely.

We both let it go. Again.

By the time the evening comes around.

We're in the kitchen again, making dinner, the air has settled into something different from the light one we had this morning. I'm chopping peppers at the counter, glancing at him every so often as he moves around the kitchen.

“You gotta cut them into cubes, sweetheart,” Conrad murmurs.

“Well, forgive me for not having hands like a surgeon,” I joke.

He puffs out a breath, walking behind me. “We can change that,” he murmurs against my ear as he presses his chest against my back.

He places his hands on mine, arms wrapping around me. When we're not even four slices in, I say something stupid.

“Try not to injure yourself three times in a row again just because you know what it does to me,” the sentence leaves my mouth almost absentmindedly.

He pauses. “Again?”

My hand stills for half a second. Oh. “Shit,” I mutter under my breath.

“When was the last time I injured myself three times in a row?” he asks, dropping the knife on the counter, turning me towards him, brows slightly furrowed.

I shrug quickly. “I didn’t mean it. It just slipped out.”

“What?”

“Never mind. It’s…nothing.”

“Sweetheart.”

The way he says it makes it very clear that he won't let go of this. “Just tell me.”

I exhale, leaning back against the counter. “It’s stupid,” I say.

“Try me.”

“Remember that summer? Before I left for Paris. When we were going through that rough patch and trying to stay away from each other.”

His expression shifts immediately, a muscle in his jaw jumps. “Yeah,” he says.

I let out a soft breath, shaking my head a little, a faint smile pulling at my lips despite myself.

“I swear, I thought you were going to make me lose my mind that entire time.” His brows lift slightly.

“What?”

“With the tension,” I add, glancing at him.

“We just kept pushing. And then acted like nothing was happening… I know we already talked about it a little but-” I sigh, “there were a few times where I came really really close to just saying fuck it and… you know.”

“Oh,” is all he says.

“I thought you were already aware of that. I mean, that's one of the reasons why I never even mentioned it.”

“I wasn’t. Or maybe I was. I don't know,” he takes a sharp inhale. “Well, deep down I always knew that you still had feelings for me but- I guess never really thought about the tension part of it. I mean I felt it. I definitely did. But I always thought it was me and only me who was feeling it. I didn't realize you were also…”

There’s a beat.

“Really? Not even the day you cut your leg surfing. I was literally about to fall into your mouth, Conrad.”

“Well, at that moment I was pretty busy trying not to let you see that I was about to fall into your mouth.”

My eyes narrow. “Oh, don’t-”

“I’m serious,” he says, a quiet laugh slipping into his voice. “You think I wasn't affected by having you like an inch away from me?”

I cross my arms. “You were in a lot of pain though. I thought your body was only occupied with that.”

“Honey,” he exhales, shaking his head. “I am capable of feeling two things at once.”

“Even though they are totally opposite from each other?”

“When it comes to you, yes. Even though they are totally opposite from each other.”

His voice comes out raw and deep, making my breath hitch. I study him for a second, not sure if I should believe him or not after thinking that it was all me.

“Really?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says, stepping a little closer, lowering his voice just enough.

“I was trying not to completely lose it half the time.”

My breath hitches, just slightly.

“And today?” I ask before I can stop myself, the question coming out breathless.

There’s a small pause before he answers. I keep my eyes on him as I wait for him to say something. Or just finally break.

“Not much better.”

I swallow sharply, my gaze falling to his lips before I can stop it. And suddenly, the space between us feels a lot smaller than it did a second ago.

“You’re really bad at this,” I murmur the first thing that comes to mind.

“Yeah?” he says quietly.

“Yeah… you keep saying things like that,” I add, softer now.

“Like you’re not making it harder.” His eyes flicker, something shifting behind them.

“Oh, but I thought edging was welcome in this bet.” He leans a fraction closer to me.

“Yeah, but I think there should be a fucking line, Connie,” The sentence is a warning to both him and me. Conrad hums.

“Don't act like I’m not the only one,” he says.

I let out a small breath that almost turns into a laugh. “I didn’t say you were.”

Another silence stretches.

The tension feels like it could snap if either of us leans in even a fraction more. But neither of us does. At least not yet.

“You mentioned that summer first,” he says after a second, sharper now, like he’s tracing something back.

My lips part slightly. “You made me remember it.” I gesture between us with my hand. “ With your… you know.” I scratch the back of my neck, feeling trapped between him and the counter.

I shift my weight, but it only brings me closer instead of away. “That doesn’t help,” he murmurs under his breath.

My voice drops without meaning to. “What doesn’t?”

“This,” he says, not moving, not looking away.

I tilt my head. “And what are you gonna do about it?” I try to ignore the way my pulse is spiking.

There’s a flicker in his eyes. It's quiet in the most dangerous way. He leans in closer, his lips hovering over mine.

I feel my eyelids getting heavy, as if I'm getting dizzy.

For a moment we breathe each other in. Then I feel him lean half an inch closer.

“Conrad, the bet,” I start, but I regret saying it, regret being this fucking competitive.

He exhales, placing his right hand on the counter next to my hip with a loud smack, like he’s trying to steady himself. I hear him gulp.

“Fuck. You can't ask me a question like that and expect me to give shit about that stupid fucking bet,” he grits through his teeth. This might be the first time I've ever heard Conrad swear so sincerely in a row.

“Stupid? I thought you were fine and didn't care about it.” He lets out a quiet huff, something between a laugh and frustration.

“Okay, fine I got a little competitive at first. And you- you looked like you really wanted to. And I thought I could resist it.” he admits. “But now it’s worse.”

“Me too. I mean we did long distance for a year and you know the other stuff too. I thought we'd be fine and just have fun.”

His eyes hold mine, knowing. “Fun?”

He puts his other hand on my side too, totally hovering over me now, his voice drops. “Baby, I gotta be honest with you, I love you so much. And if you said you wanted to wait until marriage when we first started dating I would do that for you in a heartbeat,” he leans closer, mouth pressing to my ear.

“But now, I know that I can have you whenever I want with a six-letter word that will come out of my mouth. And that drives me crazy.”

He leans back, facing me again. His pupils are blown wide as his gaze falls down. First, to my mouth, then to my chest, and finally back to my mouth.

I feel my entire body burning with heat. But it's nothing compared to the heat that's in between my legs. I can feel myself soaking into the thin material of my pajama shorts.

My lips part.

“Velv-”

“Velvet.”

We both say it at the same time, giving into surrender on our fourth day.

For a moment everything just stops. Conrad looks at me.

The shock in his face is clear as day. I look back at him, wrapping my hands around his neck.

He opens his mouth to say something, maybe to ask me if I'm sure or not. But the words die in his mouth when I pull him in and crush our lips together in a kiss that feels like coming home.

Knowing that we don't have to stop before things take a different turn feels like exhaling after holding a breath for too long.

My body just gives up the fight before my mind can catch up. If I have to be honest with myself I think both of us deep down knew that this was inevitable.

That this moment was already coming. We just happened to finally stop acting like this was something we could outrun at the same second.

Conrad kisses me roughly. He kisses me so roughly that it signals the way the rest of this evening is going to be like.

I run my tongue over his bottom lip, waiting for an invitation that I had been craving for the last four days. He parts his lips wider and lets me in.

I try to pull him as close as possible to me, pressing him down by his neck. But he doesn't let me.

He pulls away.

Our foreheads are still touching but I can't help the wine that escapes my lips. He lets out a chuckle, the sound of it low and brutal.

I want to protest, I want to pull him back down and kiss him without stopping for hours.

But before I can do any of that, Conrad picks me up, his large hands gripping my thighs with ease and he walks us toward the other counter –the one that doesn't have any vegetables on it– and he places me on it.

I bite my lower lip, looking up at him with intense attention, waiting for him to do his next move before I combust.

He kisses me again, but this time it's softer and quicker. Then his lips travel down to my jaw, neck, and chest.

I feel incredibly grateful that the neckline of this top extends almost to my navel.

His kisses are sloppy and open-mouthed, just the way he knows that drives me nuts. I grip the counter with one hand, my other hand immediately flying to his hair.

He reaches with one hand and drags the fabric of my top aside, freeing one of my breasts. He does the same with the other side. He looks at my chest like he's a starving man before he finally presses a kiss on one nipple. His tongue follows right back.

My head falls back. I grip the counter tighter. His movements are driving me crazy, the way he swirls his tongue, the way he massages my other breast, the way his unoccupied hand travels up and down my body like he needs to remember the shape of me.

His mouth closes over my skin, making me grow needier than ever. His thumb brushes over my other nipple, soft at first, almost like testing how much I can take at the same time.

Then, without any warning, he pinches it sharply. My hips stutter, a broken moan leaving my mouth. He swirls my nipple between his fingers with perfect pleasure.

I press his mouth closer to my chest, my fingers running between his soft hair.

Conrad stills for a moment, and my eyes fly open. I find him on his knees, looking up at me under his lashes, his bottom lip dragging against my skin.

I swallow sharply as I watch his gaze fall onto my shorts. I lift my hips without a word, just enough for him to get rid of my clothing. He hooks his fingers under my panties and pulls everything down.

The second the chill air of the room hits me I let out a gasp.

“Fuck, you look so pretty when you're dripping for me, honey.”

he rans a finger through my folds, bringing it to his mouth and licking it clean, his eyes closing as he does so.

His thumb brushes against my clit. At first so soft that I might've even imagined it. But then he presses with the right amount of pressure and starts to rub it slowly.

The cold metal of his watch brushes against my inner thigh. I shiver. A loud whine escapes me as I watch the way his hand works.

“Tell me, baby. Have you been this fucking wet without saying anything to me for days?”

I nod furiously.

“Yes,” I breathe out.

“Hmm, and you've been such a good girl acting like you weren't getting affected as you were teasing me didn't you?”

His thumb presses in harder, his head leaning closer, hovering inches above my center, but never touching.

“Conrad, please.”

“Please what baby?”

“I need your mouth on me. I need you to make me come. Please,” I practically beg him.

“You know I can't say no to you when you're asking me this nicely,” and with that, he finally closes the distance, and latches his mouth on me.

The first touch after all of the desperately waiting and the anticipation pays off even better than I expected.

Conrad doesn’t start slow at first like he usually does. He licks me from slit all the way up to the sensitive nub, his tongue stroking firmly. He then parts my lips with two fingers and keeps lapping at me like that for a while until my pleads get louder and louder.

As his mouth shifts its attention to my clit, flicking his tongue around it, he slips two fingers in me at the same time, fast but still taking time to discover my inner walls all-over again.

I grip a handful of his hair as he starts sucking like his life depends on it. I feel the fire pooling low in my abdomen as I start to grind my hips against his face. Conrad's fingers start to sink into me deeper and even faster.

My eyes squeeze shut as my moans start to sound much like his name. “I'm so close, keep going,” I hear myself panting.

And he does. He keeps going, his entire focus on me and me only.

I start to chase my pleasure until the world around me stops spinning and I'm coming against his mouth with a long shattered moan.

The shockwaves ripple through me, my back arching, my hand gripping the counter tighter as my vision fades into black.

Then, I go still, leaning on one elbow so that my back doesn't meet the cold surface entirely.

Conrad stays between my legs, he continues to lick and kiss until the aftershocks come to an end.

And even after that he doesn’t pull right away, he plants kisses on my inner thighs, and stomach.

When I feel like I can finally breathe properly again, I lean toward him and pull him upwards, making him face me.

“You did so good, honey. So good,” he says, his voice coming out raw as he places my head on his chest and starts caressing the back of my head.

I plant a lazy kiss on his collarbone, letting myself have a moment of silence with him just like this.

When I feel like I'm finally put together, I pull back enough to look Conrad in the eye. My hands immediately reach for the hem of his shirt, he lets me pull it off of his head but when I go for his sweatpants he stops me by wrapping a hand around my wrists.

“Let me take you to the bed first,” he says, his eyes locked on mine, his chest heaving with the shallow breaths he is taking.

I nod fastly.

“Okay, be quick.”

When Conrad finally places me on the bed and hovers over me, I exhale sharply.

We undress each other quickly, our clothes getting discarded and thrown on to the floor without a second thought.

Conrad places one of my legs high around his waist.

He lines himself on my entrance, rubbing his cock up and down, gathering my wetness before he starts to sink into me inch by inch.

A rattled groan escapes his mouth as he watches himself slowly disappearing inside me. And once he's fully settled all the way in he stills.

“You good?” He whispers.

I nod, my eyes shut tight as I feel him stretch me. “Yeah, you can move.”

He shifts his weight, pressing me down, his weight settling over me as he starts to thrust his hips against mine, going slow at first as he makes sure I'm actually good in his own way.

I reach up and grab his neck, pulling him down to me and kissing him fiercely. He starts to set a rhythm, a fast and unraveling one. I moan into the kiss, already gone, already feeling like a moment away from shattering.

One of his hands grabs my thigh, hard enough to leave a mark, feeling good enough to make me hope for it to. “Fuck, I missed this,” I pant out.

“Uh huh,” is all he can manage to say. His lips find my neck, leaving wet and sloppy kisses all over it.

My nails dig into his back. I drag them up and down as he starts to move faster. He bites the soft spot below my jaw, making my breath hitch.

My feet dig into his back as an attempt to pull him as close as he can be. Our rhythm turns into something mind-boggling. He breathes my name like it's the only word he knows. I claw my nails deep into his shoulders like he's my anchor to life.

“I don't ever want to have you within arm's reach but never truly have you.” He sets an absolutely different pace, sinking deeper into me as he grabs my hips and shifts me creating a better angle.

“Never again. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I cry out. “I do.”

“Good girl.” he slips a hand between us, two fingers finding my clit. He starts to rub tight circles, the pace of it matching his hips.

“Fuck, I'm so close. You feel incredible,” Conrad says.

I can't find my voice so all I can do is to just nod and hum in agreement.

I feel my climax building again, the world outside this room fading into nothing.

When it hits, it feels like electric jolts all over my body. The waves crash over me harder than my first orgasm in the kitchen. Conrad's rhythm falters as he follows behind me with a shattered groan. My head spins as I feel like I'm falling off a cliff.

Once the aftershocks come to an end he drops his weight on me.

We stay like that for a while, waiting for our heartbeats to go back to their steady rhythm.

Then, pressing a quick kiss on my forehead, he pulls out of me. I expect for him to just lay by my side but instead he gets out of the bed, gathers me in his arms and carries me to the bathroom.

I don't say anything as I let him pull me into the shower and wash the sweat off of our bodies.

We start to shower together in a comfortable silence. He massages my shoulders as I lean back against him under the warm water.

I wash his hair, making a beard for him with foam. Steam curls around us, the water steady, grounding, washing away what’s left of the last few days.

We start to talk about everything and nothing at the same time. The conversation flows way easier now that there's no lingering tension getting in the way. I feel my chest lightening.

“So,” he murmurs, voice low against the sound of the water, “who won?”

I let out a soft breath that turns into a small laugh, tilting my head back slightly to look at him. “Seriously?”

“I’m asking a valid question,” he says, a hint of a smile in his voice.

I study him for a second, eyes lighter than they’ve been all week. “It’s a tie,” I say.

Conrad hums, like he’s considering that. “A tie,” he repeats.

“Yeah.”

His hand shifts slightly at my waist, more deliberate now, thumb brushing once like he’s grounding himself in the moment. “I think we were never going to win that,” he admits.

I shake my head, a quiet laugh slipping out. “Yeah,” I say, “I think we just wanted to pretend we could.”

“So what happened to the prize?” Conrad asks. I consider it for a moment.

“Hmm. Would you like it if,” my hands settle on his chest, “we both win the prize?”

A mischievous smile spreads across his face, his hand at my waist tightening for a second.

“I'd love that… I love you,” he murmurs.

We lean closer to each other under the running water, our lips colliding in a tender kiss, his lips incredibly soft against mine.

We kiss for what feels like hours, our bodies in need of each other. When we pull back we rest our foreheads against each other.

The water still runs, but everything else fades out. “Me too.”

Author's note: I hope all of you enjoyed this two part story!!

Thank you so much for your interest with the first part!

Author's note: This was originally a one shot but because I exceeded the word limit I had to cut this in half.

I originally posted this on ao3 as a bellyconrad fic but since I haven't shared anything on here for a while I just figured... why not make some adjustments and put it on tumblr too?

ᯓ★

I flip the key and open the door to our house then step aside to take my shoes off, putting one hand on the wall to support myself after four glasses of wine.

Conrad steps behind me and turns the lights on, making the house shine dimly. We both place our shoes side by side and shrug our coats off in silence –which is pretty unusual for us given that we never had this kind of an awkward silence in the past eight months we have spent living together.

But I just can't stop playing the past few hours in my head like a crazy person as I walk into the bathroom and sit on the toilet.

It started hours ago.

At our friends' house, with not enough space between us. We had been fine at first as we sat side by side, talking, and laughing like nothing was different.

But then it started out of nowhere. I don't even know which one of us initiated the first touch that had felt different than the others, more loaded, more charged. It was casual at first, small things that were normal for couples to be doing in front of their friends and family.

A hand resting a second too long. His knee brushing mine like it didn’t mean anything. The kind of touches that wouldn’t look like much to anyone else.

Except it was too much.

It was always like that when it came to Conrad. Even the smallest touch could send electric jolts all over my body.

Especially when the memory of this morning was still playing in my head like a movie.

The way he made love with me, taking his time as if we both didn't have our jobs to go to, as if we had all of the time in the world. God, he looked ethereal bathed in the light of dawn, his unbelievably long lashes casting shadows across his cheekbones, his hand pining mine beside my head with just the right amount of pressure, a drop of sweat falling down his torso as his hips met with mine thrust after thrust. And how tender he was as he cleaned us both afterwards.

I shake my head as an attempt to stop thinking about this morning. After all, thinking about it was what started everything tonight anyway.

How did I get so carried away after this morning? And how did I act so careless around other people? I had leaned into it without thinking, like I always did, like it was instinct at this point.

And of course Conrad saw it, he saw how flushed I got, he saw how my breath hitched. And he just went along with it. He knew exactly what he was doing. The way he’d look at me just a second too long before saying something completely normal to someone else.

The way he let me get close, let me get comfortable –just enough before pulling back again like it was nothing. Like he wasn’t doing anything at all. Like he was having a normal couples date with my brother and best friend and didn't feel the need that I had felt for him.

And I had played right into it. Of course I had.

By the time Taylor finally noticed, it wasn’t even subtle anymore. “God,” she had said, half-laughing, half-exasperated.

“Oh my God, stop eye fucking the doctor. It's been almost a year since you got back from Paris. Still haven't got enough?” I had pulled back then.

I pulled my hand from where I was tugging at the collar of his shirt and moved my body an inch from him. “Taylor can you just- I mean I wasn't- I'm not-” I defended myself, or tried at least.

Conrad on the other hand didn't say anything. He just smirked and took a slow sip of his wine.

I thought that Taylor’s comment would make him feel shy and want to stop. But it didn't. If anything, that had only made him worse. He’d leaned in closer, close enough that no one else would hear, his voice low against my ear.

“Yeah,” he’d murmured, almost amused. “You’d think after this morning you’d be over it. Thought you had enough.”

My breath had caught before I could stop it and I swallowed sharply, my gaze falling on Taylor who was watching something on her phone. “Apparently not,” he’d added, quieter.

He hadn’t pushed it further. He never did, not in front of other people. But the damage was already done.

I was blushing rapidly. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed that I was doing pda with my boyfriend –we have never not been close in public ever since we've come back together– it was because of how much I had let myself get caught up in it –like it was just about sex.

I hadn’t said much after that. Just a quiet, “We’ll talk about this later,” under my breath –more promise than warning.

And he had only smiled. I had felt so shy.

Now, standing in the dim light of the house as the water droplets fall down my neck from how hard I splashed cold water onto my face, that unfinished conversation hangs between us. Still waiting.

ᯓ★

After changing into our pajamas, Conrad and I are now watching some show on Netflix that I'm barely focusing on.

I feel Conrad’s lips on my temple, pressing a soft kiss before he goes lower to press a firmer kiss on my cheek.

His hand over my shoulder tightens its grip as he kisses the corner of my mouth, a soft sigh escaping his lips. I don't answer back to his touch. I know what he wants to do but my mind is overly occupied at the moment. “Baby?”

“Yeah?” I say, looking up at him.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, his concern clear on his face. Fuck. He noticed it. Of course he did. He is Conrad after all.

“Ugh, yeah. I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?” I try to be nonchalant but my voice gives me away. He stills for a moment then he leans over to the coffee table, takes the remote and turns the TV off. He turns towards me fully, looking me deep in the eyes.

“Hey, just- tell me.”

Oh, he looks so cute thinking something might be wrong when it actually isn't and I'm just getting shy over something so small.

“I don’t know,” I say, quieter now, scratching my arm a little too harsh. I sigh.

“I guess I’m still thinking about what you and Taylor said. About me… not having enough.” His brows pull together just slightly.

“Oh.”

I exhale, crossing my arms loosely, not defensive, just unsure. “I don’t even know why I’m overthinking it,” I add, a small, self-conscious huff slipping out of me as I try my best to be honest. “But am I being too… physical?”

There’s a beat.

Then he lets out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “No,” he says, softer now.

“You’re not. You could never be too physical to me.” His hand settles on her thigh, grounding, familiar. “I always like it when you’re close to me,” he adds, a little lower this time.

That earns a smile out of me –small at first, then growing. He's right I'm not being anything. And I do love it when we're close to each other. It's not like I'm the only one who's being like that anyway.

  “And even if you were,” he continues, a hint of something teasing slipping in, “I’d still like it.”

My eyes narrow slightly. I immediately catch the shift. The teasing Conrad from earlier, the one who made me incredibly shy and wet at the same time is back. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” He tilts his head, studying me like he’s already amused. “I like that you can’t resist me.”

I let out a soft scoff, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth now. I'll show him resistance. I'll show it to him bad.

“Huh. Is that so?” I ask, my jaw working, the girl who lived off challenge and the rush of it crossing back the surface.

“Mmhm,” he humms, the sound of it making me clench around nothing but I ignore it. I'm going to tease this man back.

I lean closer, just enough to crowd his space this time. “I can’t resist you?” I echo. “Mr. ‘who called me on his lunch break, dragged me into a public restroom, and fucked me in there for so long that ended up not eating the lunch I packed for him’?”

His lips twitch. Something moving behind his eyes. “Well,” he says, like he’s considering it seriously, “Correct me if I'm wrong here but as I recall it I did eat something that you packed for me that day.”

I roll my eyes right as he leans in and kisses me, quick, confident, like he’s proving a point. I kiss him back automatically, my hand coming up to his chest, then I push him away just enough to break it.

“Ha. Funny,” I mutter, breath slightly uneven despite herself. “You kiss me because you can’t defend yourself?”

Conrad doesn’t lean back. If anything, he leans in closer, just a fraction. “No,” he says, quieter now. “I kiss you because I want you.”

There’s a pause. I hold his gaze for a second, then tilt my head, something challenging flickering in my expression.

“Then who’s the one who can’t resist now?” That earns me a soft, disbelieving exhale from him, a hand running through his hair.

“God,” he mutters, a little annoyed.

“You’re really stuck on this resisting thing, aren't you?”

I shrug, but there’s nothing casual about the way I'm looking at him now. “What if I am?” He studies me more carefully now, picking up on the shift.

“What do you mean?”

I lean back an inch, biting my lip. “I mean,” I say, slower now, “I don’t think I’m the one who should be getting blamed for being too… whatever.” A beat.

“Because I’m pretty sure it’s you.” Conrad's brows lift, a big hint of challenge sparking. Our intense dynamic –that has fueled us through years of boardwalk games, volleyball matches with friends, card games with family– flickering back to life.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, breathless.

“Yeah,” I dare. “And how exactly are you planning to prove that?” Conrad asks, voice dropping.

“By-”

“By making a bet,” I cut in, too eager to tell him about it. That stops him.

“A bet?” Conrad repeats, eyes narrowing slightly, interest immediately there.

“Yes,” I cross my arms again, but this time it’s deliberate, confident. “A bet.”

He lets out a quiet breath, something amused and intrigued settling in at the same time. “Hm,” he hums. “I’m interested.” A small pause. “What kind of bet are we talking about?”

“We don't do anything… for a week.” I say, and just watch him watch me. I don't flinch, I don't smile. I let him see how serious I am about this bet even though I came up with it only moments ago.

His lips part, clearly confused. “What do you mean by anything?”

Well, I don't even know what I mean by that. I try to think about the rules as fast as possible. “I mean that we don't have sex for a week.”

“What? Why?” He asks, his eyes going wide.

“So that I can prove to you that I'm right,” I say, feeling my adrenaline level spike up as I challenge my boyfriend of almost two years with the same intensity I always have challenged him all of my life.

He sees the glint in my eyes. He sees how serious I am about this bet.

He looks around the room, shifting in his seat. I can see the gears turn in his brain, he's thinking about all of the possible scenarios in his head, calculating the pros and the cons.

Conrad blinks again and again before he speaks. “Uh, what about, you know, the other stuff?”

I think about it for a second, trying to find the best way to push his limits. “Hm, we can kiss but not like a full-on make out session. And we can't do anything that's sex related. So no oral, no hand stuff, and no touching yourself.”

Conrad swallows thickly, his jaw tensing. “Shit, okay.” He nods. “Okay, I can do that,” he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me.

“Me too.”

“But what if we break it?”

“Oh, you mean if you break it, Connie,” I say, my voice low as I lean closer to him, my breath tingling his jaw. I can see how my plan is working, it's written all over his body, he's just as down bad as I am.

“No, I mean what happens when you decide that you can't take it anymore and try to jump my bones. What should I do? Reject you?”

“Well, that won't happen but if the bet were to be broken the one who wants to break it should say one specific word that has no take backs,” I say, my fingers grazing his neck.

“Do you have a word in mind?”

“No,” I say, looking around the room, “not yet, but‐” my gaze lands on the velvet throw pillow on the armchair.

“Huh,” my eyes flicker between Conrad and the pillow. I point at it. “How do you feel about ‘velvet’? It's not a word we'd use frequently on a daily basis. I think it could work.”

He looks back at the armchair and nods. “Okay,” he says.

A beat passes.

“So what does the winner get? Do you have something in mind?” I nod, a big smile spreading across my face.

“Yeah, I have something.”

“What is it?” he asks, his voice low.

“Three wishes.” Conrad raises his brows, amused by what I said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The one who wins gets three wishes where they get to ask anything from the loser and they can’t say no,” I say as my fingers run through his soft hair. He leans back to my touch.

“Will those wishes have an expression date?”

I don't even need to think about what I'm going to say. I know one specific answer that will thrill him and I'm going to give that to him.

“No, baby. They'll be infinite.”

Conrad takes a sharp inhale. His eyes flicker between my face and the necklace hanging from my neck. “Okay.” He bites his lower lip, looking me up and down.

“You're on.”

ᯓ★

It's almost been a day since I've offered the most exhilarating and probably the most difficult bet to Conrad, and things have been going pretty well for now.

They might only be going well because we slept through the first half and went straight to work right after. But still an accomplishment is an accomplishment.

Now, Conrad and I are preparing dinner. We are in each other's proximity again after hours and the tension is already pricking its way up my bones.

And I know it's the same for him too. He gives himself away even when he tries his best not to.

I saw it in the way he hesitated a little when we hugged the first time since the bet. And I now see it in the way his hand twitches as we reach for the salt at the same time.

I don't say anything, I don't need to. My restrained giggle has already given itself away.

Thanks to the familiarity that comes from knowing each other a lifetime and living together for months, we enjoy the ease of cooking together.

When he needs a different knife, I'm already handing it to him. When I need to reach something on the top shelf, he's already there before I even have time to stand on my tiptoes.

Everything else's pretty much the same. We are only on the first day after all.

It's supposed to be easy.

And it was… until now.

Conrad calls me over without looking directly at me, just a small tilt of his head toward the stove, like it’s nothing. “Try this.”

I step closer, careful in a way I wasn’t before the bet, like every inch matters now. He holds the spoon out, steady. The kitchen smells warm and for a second it almost feels normal again.

I lean in, taste it, nod absentmindedly. “It’s good,” I say, and mean it. His cooking skills have gotten really better in the past years.

“Yeah?” he says, quieter now, watching me carefully instead of the pan. I don't realize it's there until he’s already moved. His hand is on my face. His thumb brushes my lip, slow, deliberate, like he’s not in any rush to get it over with.

It’s such a small thing, barely anything at all, and yet it lands heavier than it should. He pauses for half a second. Then, without breaking eye contact, Conrad brings his thumb back and licks it clean.

Something in my expression shifts, just slightly, before I can help it. Not shock, not even surprise. Just awareness. He notices.

“What?” he asks, like he doesn’t already know. “Am I not allowed to do that?” The way the question leaves him isn't teasing; it's an actual question.

I let out a quiet breath, trying to steady it. “No,” I say, a little too quickly. “You are. Edging is welcome in this bet.”

His mouth twitches, like he’s trying not to smile. “Huh, good to know.” I feel my breath catch, just enough to betray me.

And suddenly the space between us feels smaller than it actually is.

I take a step back, almost instinctively, like distance might help. It doesn’t, not really. Not when I can still feel where his hand had been, not when he’s still looking at me like that.

I look away first. I grab onto something else, anything else, and pretend it matters more. I pretend as if the memory from a few summers ago doesn't just play in a loop in my head, like I'm not feeling like I'm back by that peach stand all over again.

This man is fucking electric.

ᯓ★

By the time we sit down, the kitchen is quiet. No more clattering pans, no more excuses to move around each other.

Just the two of us, the low light overhead, and the soft sound of cutlery against plates. We don’t sit far apart.

We never do.

So changing that right now just because of the bet feels ridiculous –at least on the first day where everything's supposed to be easy.

I focus on my food at first, maybe a little too much. Taking bites I don't really taste, just to have something to do. Something to anchor myself.

Across from me, Conrad's quieter than usual too. Not tense but he's watching. Not exactly in an obvious way but I do catch it –even when I don't look up.

And when I do look up, even by accident, his gaze is already there or just leaving. Like he’s been looking and decided, at the last second, not to get caught. It makes it worse.

Everything does.

The way his hand moves when he reaches for his glass. The way his sleeve shifts when he leans forward slightly. The way he says my name once –casual, in passing– and it still lands heavier than it should. The way I can see the way his throat works when he's laughing at a joke I made.

There’s nothing actually happening. That’s the problem. Because now every small thing feels like something.

At one point, our feet almost touch under the table. Which normally it's something that we do, like me absentmindedly grazing his calves with my feet when I'm listening is a habit.

But now it feels different. Because both of us know that this night isn't going to end up with us tangled under the sheets. Neither of us move right away. It lingers for a second too long before one of us shifts—I'm not even sure who—and the contact disappears like it never happened. But it doesn’t feel like nothing.

It feels like a warning. Or maybe a promise.

The conversation, when it happens, is light. Surface-level.

But underneath it, there’s something else entirely. Something building. Something neither of us is acknowledging yet.

ᯓ★

The rest of the night folds in quietly. I feel like we left the tension back in the kitchen as we now sit in the living room, my legs dropped over his lap, his hand massaging my feet after I briefly mentioned that I walked around the campus a little more than usual today.

Now, as I turn the lamp on my side of the bed off and turn towards Conrad to kiss him goodnight I see that his eyes are already closed, his lips are slightly parted, and the book in his hand is resting on his chest.

He looks adorable.

I slowly reach out and take the book from his hand and place it on his bedside table, being as careful as I can be to not to wake him up as I lean over him. As I pull back I feel him stir beneath me. 

"Careful,” he murmurs. I roll back to my side of the bed and look at him with a knit between my brows.

“What?”

“Anything you try while I'm asleep counts as cheating,” he says with his eyes closed.

I let out a chuckle, not bothering to give an answer as I watch him already starting to drift back.

Then as if he didn't just imply I was trying to touch him while he sleeps, he leans towards me and places his head on my chest, –right on top of my left breast– swinging an arm around my waist as he cuddles me. I take a deep breath.

I pull the covers all the way over his shoulders, pressing a kiss on the crown of his head as I let the sleep pull me under too.

ᯓ★

We wake up tangled under the sheets together to the sound of Conrad’s alarm ringing. His head is still on my chest, his breath warm against my skin. I let out a groan as I reach for his phone to turn the alarm off.

I look down and see Conrad yawn, rubbing his eyes as he does. “Morning,” I say, my voice raw with sleep. I ran a hand through his back, trying to get him to relax before his twelve hour shift.

Conrad snuggles his head deeper in my chest. “Morning,” he mumbles.

“Planning on opening your eyes?” I ask, smiling. He shakes his head as a response.

“Planing on just staying here on me?” he nods this time and I can feel his lips quivering against my skin.

I look around the room, the early morning light is bathing the room in soft pink and peach orange hues, making his features look softer under the light.

I still have two hours before I have to leave for my seminar but I'm already awake and I also have a very sleepy boyfriend to wake up before he'll be late for work. So I do what I normally do in situations like these.

I plant him with kisses. First I place a kiss on top of his head, then I go down, anywhere I can reach. I kiss his forehead, temple, cheek, nose before he finally pulls himself up higher.

He's facing me now, looking like the beautiful boy I fell in love with years ago. His hair is messy from sleep, his eyes are soft as he looks deep into mine, there’s a lash right above his cheekbone. Without thinking I reach with my thumb and wipe it off.

Conrad leans into my touch, his eyes falling shut. He takes a deep breath. “How much longer do we have before I have to leave?” I look over to check the time. “Five minutes of laziness,” I say with a lopsided grin.

“Great,” he whispers, propping himself on one elbow and kissing my cheek. “I'm sorry to wake you up, honey. I know you don't leave for a while.”

I shrug. “I'd rather have five minutes with you than to sleep an hour longer.” I kiss his jaw.

“I love you so much,” he whispers against my cheek, the words feeling more intimate under the sheets and the rising sunlight. I wrap my arms around him.

“I love you.”

Then, he kisses me, our lips colliding in a tender kiss.

God, I don't even remember the last time we kissed. Was it when I greeted him when he came home? Or was it after dinner in the living room? I can't believe this bet has actually affected how many times we kiss.

I try not to think about the bet. I have about four more minutes before my boyfriend has to leave this bed and I'm not going to spend those minutes overthinking; I'm going to spend it savoring our time.

I kiss him back, trying my best to keep this the way it is and not get too caught up in the moment. My hands go to his hair. I ran my fingers through the golden knots that happened over night.

The next few minutes pass in a haze. His lips, at one point, find my neck, and leave sloppy kisses all over it. I hum, pulling him closer by pressing my palm between his shoulder blades. It would be so easy to just let myself get lost in the moment and spend the entire morning –maybe even noon– in this very bed.

But I unfortunately can't.

He lightly bites my neck and my eyes snap open, a gasp leaving my mouth. Not because it hurt or because I didn't like it or anything.

I forgot about the minutes.

Conrad immediately notices. “Baby, what's wrong?” I shake my head, my fingers tracing the line of his jaw.

“Nothing, Con. Just-” I look over at my phone and check the time. I show him the screen. “It's been seven minutes.”

He blinks. “Oh,” is all he says before he pulls himself off me and sits on the edge of his bed. Conrad turns his head toward me.

“You gonna be in the lab today?”

“Yeah after the seminar,” I say, holding back a yawn.

“So, you just go back to sleep and I'll go get ready. Okay?” He asks, his hand brushing my hair away from my face. A lazy smile spreads across my face.

“Okay.”

ᯓ★

When I finally step back into the house in the afternoon, I'm tired.

The phrases are still lingering in my brain from the seminar and the paragraphs I had to re-read multiple times in the lab because I couldn't focus are still itching my brain. I drop my bag by the door and stand there for a second, letting the quiet settle.

It’s earlier than Conrad'll be back. It usually is with him being in his last year of med school and having a lot on his plate almost all the time. We haven't spoken much during the day, only exchanging a few text messages here and there.

I wonder what he's doing now for a moment but I don't let myself think about it for too long as I start to mentally flip through what’s in the fridge. I want to cook something nice, something he’ll actually eat after a long shift.

I move through the house slowly, heading directly to the bedroom and changing into something more comfortable.

Then I head to the kitchen. I rinse my hands, opening cabinets I don't really need to open as I still think about what to make for dinner and dessert.

Somewhere between that and pulling out a pan, my thoughts drift back to Conrad. I wonder what he's dealing with today, whether he’s eaten the lunch he packed last night, if he’s had a moment to sit down at all.

Twelve hours is a long time to be needed by everyone but yourself.

I picture him in the middle of it –focused, a little tired, still steady– and find myself softening without meaning to.

It's a little after seven pm when I hear the sound of Conrad’s car in the driveway. I wait for him on the couch, my heart still doing that change of rhythm that it always does when it comes to him. I pause the show I had been watching.

When Conrad enters the house, I can immediately sense the exhaustion radiating off of him. He looks jaded, the lines between his eyebrows are prominent, and his hair is disheveled. He puts his bag down and finally looks up.

A look of surprise crosses his eyes, as if he hadn't noticed me sitting on the couch. Then the surprise gives way to happiness, his eyes narrow, and he says, “Hi, honey.”

I don't say anything, I just stand up and walk towards him. I pull him into a tight hug, one of my hands immediately reaching for the back of his neck. “Welcome home, Connie,”

I whisper in his ear. He hugs me back, his arms wrapping around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder. “Dinner's ready, and I also made dessert.” I pull back just enough to look at him. “Just go hop in the shower then we'll eat on the couch, okay?”

His lips quirk up. “Okay,” he whispers, biting his lower lip. He gives me a quick peck before he pulls back and goes straight to the bathroom.

After eating, we spend the next few hours laying bonelazy on the couch. I can feel the fatigue catching up to me, I look down at Conrad whose head is on my lap and I find his eyes struggling to stay open.

“Wanna go to sleep, Con?” I ask, scratching his back. He yawns.

“Yeah. Otherwise I might just faint here.” I let out a chuckle. “Well, if you were to do that I would just carry you inside.”

“Uh huh.” He sits back up.

I frown. “What, you don't believe me?” He shrugs one shoulder. I smack his chest. “That's very rude of you Conrad Beck.” I wave my finger at him, holding back a smile.

Conrad chuckles, the sound of it not so humorous. He stands up, looking at me with a smirk hanging on his mouth, his eyes narrowing. “Sorry about that. How can I make it up to you?” he asks, his voice low.

Many ideas come flooding in my mind but almost none of them are appropriate to our bet.

But…there is one thing that comes to my mind that's suitable. I lift my arms. “You pick me up.”

He looks confused for a second, his lips pursing. “That?” he blinks, totally unaware of what I'm planning.

“Yeah, that.” He leans down to me, hands settling at my waist like it’s instinct. In one smooth motion, he lifts me up, and I go with it easily, my legs wrapping around him tight, closer than necessary.

Conrad starts walking us out of the living room, steady despite the way I shift slightly against him. Before he can make it far, and head towards our bedroom I stop him.

“Wait, take me to the kitchen first,” I say, my hand pressing lightly against his chest, just enough to pause him. “I’m thirsty.”

Conrad lets out a quiet breath through his nose but changes direction anyway. “Of course you are.”

He carries me into the kitchen, adjusting his hold on me as he does, shifting me higher.

The movement brings me closer, my chest almost brushing against his face, my balance tipping just enough that I have to steady myself with one hand on his shoulder. Conrad doesn’t miss that. I reach for the cabinet above us, stretching slightly as I grab a glass.

He walks me over to the counter like this is perfectly normal –like I weigh nothing, like this isn’t doing anything to him, like him carrying me like a doll has been our bedtime routine since forever.

I grab the carafe, pouring slowly, more careful than I need to be. The sound of water hitting glass fills the space between us, steady, deliberate.

He’s watching me –I can feel it. Not subtly. I can feel it before I look. And when I do –when I finally bring the glass to my lips and drink– Conrad's gaze doesn’t shift. If anything, it sharpens.

Our bodies are still pressed together, closer now with the counter behind me and him in front of me. The heat between my legs is pressing against his lower stomach and I'm currently doing everything I can to not dry hump Conrad in this very kitchen and choke on the water I'm having.

I swallow, lower the glass, then wipe my lips with the back of my hand. “What?” I ask, like I don't already know. He blinks once, like he’s pulling himself back from somewhere.

He shakes his head, then swallows. “Nothing,” Conrad says, but it comes out rougher than he probably intended.

I tilt my head slightly, studying him now. “You thirsty?” my brows lift just a little, my voice dropping, my tone turning suggestive.

Something flickers behind his eyes then –quick, sharp, and… gone just as fast. He doesn’t answer. Instead, he pulls his left hand from my thigh and takes the glass from my hand without breaking eye contact, his fingers brushing mine.

And then he drinks it. Finishes what’s left in one go, like it’s not water he needs. I know it's not water that he needs. I have the exact same need. He sets the glass down in the sink with a heavier sound than it should make.

Neither of us say anything.

He turns, carrying me out of the kitchen again, his grip shifting slightly on my thighs, tightening. “I have to brush my teeth first,” I say, almost casually.

Conrad exhales a quiet, frustrated laugh against her shoulder. “Are you trying to get me to give you a house tour, sweetheart?” he asks, pulling back just enough to look at me, his hands still firm where they hold me.

There’s something in his expression now –amusement, yes, but edged with impatience. I smile, slow, deliberate, biting my lower lip just enough to make it noticeable.

“No, Conrad,” I say, voice light, almost innocent. “I’m just trying to get ready for bed.”

He huffs out a soft laugh, shaking his head like he doesn’t believe me for a second. “If you say so.”

There’s a look he gives me then, very knowing. Like he’s already decided exactly what I'm doing, even if I won’t say it.

He adjusts his hold again, carrying me toward the bathroom.

The space is smaller, brighter. Too normal for the way the air feels between us. He finally sets me down on the counter, but his hands linger for a second longer than they need to before letting go.

We brush our teeth together, our eyes meeting here and there. Neither of us comment on it.

When we're done, Conrad doesn’t give me time to step my feet on the ground before his hands are back at my waist, guiding me out.

Into our bedroom.

There’s a shift the second we get in, quieter, heavier. He doesn’t let go of me right away. His hands stay where they are –steady on me as I adjust the strap of my bra– like neither of us is in a rush to create distance.

I look down at him, a small smile playing on my lips. “What?” I ask, tilting my head just slightly.

He huffs out a quiet breath, eyes flicking over my face like he’s trying to decide something. “You’re doing it again.”

My brows lift, feigning innocence. I blink. “Doing what?”

“Dragging everything out,” Conrad says, voice low, almost amused –but there’s an edge to it now, like he's restraining himself. “Kitchen. Bathroom. What’s next, you need something from the pantry?”

I let out a soft laugh. “Maybe I just like spending time with you.”

He narrows his eyes slightly, not buying it for a second. It's fine though. I'm not actually trying to get him to buy it anyway. My whole purpose is to tease him and win this bet eventually. “Yeah?” he says.

“That's what we’re calling it?”

“What are you calling it?” I shoot back, leaning in a little closer this time instead of away. That doesn’t go unnoticed. His gaze drops for a second, then lifts again, slower.

“I think you’re trying to see how far you can push it,” he says.

Okay, are you in my head right now. I think but obviously don't say it out loud. I don't give anything away, my expression staying still. “And?”

“And I think you’re enjoying it.”

I shrug, like it’s nothing. “Maybe.”

There’s a beat. “I'm not breaking. I know you want me to. I know you really do,” his voice lowers to something like a whisper as he says that last sentence.

That lands.

A shiver goes down my spine. Something shifts in his expression –subtle, but real. “Don’t confuse me letting you do your thing,” he says, stepping closer to the bed now, “with you being in control here.”

My breath catches, just slightly. But I don't back down. “Oh?” I say, quieter now. “Then why haven’t you done anything about it?”

That’s it. That’s the line.

There’s a flicker of something sharp behind his eyes, delight with a hint of disbelief, and something else underneath it.

“Careful,” he mutters, shaking his head once like he can’t believe me. “You’re getting bold.”

“Am I?” I murmur.

Conrad lets out a breath that almost sounds like a laugh. “Yeah,” he says, leaning in fully now, pressing me against him so close that there’s no space left between us. “And it’s starting to feel a lot like you’re asking for something.”

My lips part, but I don't answer. He studies me a bit longer.

Then he moves. His hands shift and before I can react, he throws me on the bed –not rough, just sudden enough to steal my breath. I land with a sharp gasp.

I feel the sharp sting of the wire of my bra against my chest. I wince. “Fuck,” I hiss under my breath.

Conrad's expression softens a little as he looks down at me from the edge of the bed. “You good?”

I nod. “Yeah, just- I've been wearing this bra for hours and- God, it hurts. I need to take it off.” I reach for the hook of my bra under my tank top, planning to take it off right away, but then I change my mind.

I sit on the bed, my legs between Conrad's who's looking at me with a knit between his brows.

I pull my top off and put it aside. Then I reach for the hook of my bra again and unhook it. I let the straps fall from my shoulders and throw my bra away to the laundry basket.

He swallows sharply, his gaze immediately falling down to my bare chest.

My hands massage my breasts for a few seconds, my eyes falling shut as I feel the ache. I'm not wearing that bra for a while, that's for sure.

I can feel my nipples hardening as the chill air of the mid-april night hits my bare upper body.

Deciding that I tortured Conrad well enough, I take my tank top in my hands again and pull it over my head.

Then I look at Conrad’s eyes, his eyes are still on my chest, now watching my nipples show themselves underneath my top.

“Subtle,” I say, smirking as I see the power I'm currently holding over him.

“Not really trying to be,” he replies, already leaning over me, one hand braced beside my thigh. My eyes flick over his face, searching, teasing. “You’re getting impatient.”

His mouth twitches. “You’re stalling.”

I raise a brow. “Am I?”

He hums.

My lips curve, slow and knowing. “And you’ve been letting me.” A beat.

Something tightens in his expression –just slightly. “Yeah,” he says, quieter now.

And neither of us pretend we don’t know why.

He leans in and presses a lingering kiss to my lips, his hand cupping my cheek softly.

I wait for him to say something or even better just not say anything and tear my close apart.

But instead he does the very last thing I expect him to.

He pulls back.

“Goodnight,” he whispers against my lips, his breath warm.

I hold back the urge to curse. I bite my tongue and take two deep breaths. I force my eyes open, putting on an unbothered expression, not letting him shift the power dynamic between us.

“Sweet dreams, Conrad.”

ᯓ★

The next morning, I wake up before any of our alarms. I squint against the morning light slipping from the parted drapes.

The house is quiet, so quiet that the only sound I'm hearing is the sound of Conrad's slow breathing.

I close my eyes back, trying to go back to sleep, leaning back closer against his chest.

But then, I feel something. At first I can't put a finger on it. But when I shift my lower body I feel it clearly.

Conrad's hard against my hips.

And he's very hard.

I shift my body without realizing, purely out of instinct. I think about just how easy it would be to just forget about the bet and have him right here, right now.

But I won't. I can't.

I fight against the urge to do it again. I slowly turn back in his arms, facing him.

His eyes are still closed. My gaze falls down to his sweatpants, the outline of his cock is sharp even under the fabric.

I don't even get a chance to decide whether to slip out of the bed before I lose my composure, I feel Conrad stirring beside me, a slow whine escaping between his parted lips, his eyes opening slightly.

For a second, I just look at him, watching him wake up.

His eyes open and land on mine, and there’s this split second where neither of us moves. We are way too close.

“Good morning,” I whisper, waiting for him to realize what's going on in his body.

And then I see it. The exact moment it hits him. His whole body goes still, like he’s suddenly aware of everything at once and doesn’t know what to do with it. It’s not even dramatic, just controlled.

Too controlled.

It’s kind of funny. He's trying so hard to act normal when he very clearly isn’t. There’s a flicker of something in his eyes, something he tries to smooth over almost immediately. Of course I notice.

“Morning,” His voice is a little rough. He clears it right after, like that’ll fix it. It doesn’t. I don’t move –I probably should– but I don’t.

Instead, I stay right where I am, watching him try to figure out how to exist in this moment without making it obvious that he’s struggling.

He shifts slightly, like he’s trying to create space without actually moving away. It’s not subtle. I have to bite back a smile.

“What?” he asks, already knowing I’ve caught on.

“Nothing,” I say easily.

 Then, like this is just a normal morning I ask him the simplest question. “Are your friends still on for tonight?”

He blinks, thrown off just enough that it’s obvious. “…What?”

“The double date,” I say, still watching him. “You said they might come over.”

He drags a hand over his face, exhaling slowly like he’s trying to reset himself.

He turns and lays on his back –which is really not the wisest option for him given that his length is even more visible now under the thin sheets.

“Yeah,” he says finally. “They are.”

“Okay. Good.” I nod, settling a little deeper into the pillow, like that was all I needed to know.

He’s still looking at the ceiling. Still a little tense, and very aware.

“Do you mind?” I ask, a little softer.

“Mind what?” he blinks rapidly, his gaze is a fraction away from creating a hole on the ceiling.

“That they’re coming over.”

There’s a small pause before he answers. “No,” he says. “I don’t mind.”

I study him for a second, then nod again. “Good.”

Silence settles between us again, and this time it stretches. I keep my gaze on him, waiting to see if he'll break. Conrad shifts, pushing himself up onto one elbow like he needs the distance more than he wants to admit.

Then he looks back at me. “Are you just going to stare at me,” he mutters, “or..?”

I smile, slow and a little amused. “You look pretty. I can't help it.”

He huffs out something that’s almost a laugh. “Oh, God.” He runs a hand through his face, swallowing sharply.

I do my best as I try to act like I'm not losing my mind over the way his throat works.

I turn and lay on my back, giving myself just enough space to breathe.

But I can still feel it. The tension that has been here for the last three days is even stronger now.

He gently gets off the bed, sitting on the edge of it, his back turned against me. “I, um- I'm…” he sighs, “gonna go and pee.”

I press my lips together, pressing down a giggle.

“Don't do anything I wouldn't do while you're in there.”

ᯓ★

I can't stop thinking about it.

Just how unproductive my day went.

I bury my face in the armrest of the couch as my day of failure passes through my mind like a tide that won't stop coming.

The clock passed so slowly that I thought about just taking a nap in one of the yellow couches of the library that I was doing my research in to make the time go faster quite a few times.

The library was too quiet for how loud my thoughts felt. I had sat in the same chair for hours, with my laptop open, a paper pulled up, lines highlighted in careful colors that didn’t mean much.

My notebook was filled, but not with anything useful. Unfinished sentences were all around it. At some point, without noticing, I wrote his name in the margin.

Just once.

It wasn't the first time I did it –I had spent the better part of my pre-teen years writing Conrad's name, his initials, his last name combined with my name– but it had been a minute since the last time I did it.

I stared at it for a second longer than I should've, then flipped the page like that’ll undo it.

Words kept on blurring into each other until they stopped meaning anything at all.

By the time I packed up, my brain felt full in the wrong way, definitely busy, but not productive.

The buzz of my phone takes me out of my head.

I look at the screen, there's a text message from Conrad.

Conrad:  We're on our way. Is there anything you want me to get on my way?

Me: no babe, no need to buy anything.

Conrad: Okay, see you in 10. Love you.

Me: love you <3

About 10 minutes later when I'm taking the wine glasses out of the dishwasher, I hear them coming into the house.

I hear Agnes mumbling something to Conrad, like she's annoyed, but I can't quite catch what she's saying.

I walk into the living room to greet them, wiping my hands lightly on the side of my jeans out of habit.

Agnes spots me first, and her face lights up instantly. “There you are!” She’s already on her feet before I can say anything, crossing the room in two quick steps and pulling me into a tight hug.

I laugh softly into her shoulder, hugging her back just as firmly. “Hi,” I mumble, smiling as I pull away.

“Hi,” she echoes, still holding onto my arms for a second longer before letting go.

I lean past her to give Jake a quick hug too, lighter, easier. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he says, grinning. “Look at you, hosting.”

I huff out a small laugh, but before I can answer, something by the door catches my eye.

Three pairs of shoes. Lined up neatly, side by side, toes pointed out like they’re on display.

I pause for half a second, staring at them.

Agnes follows my gaze immediately. “Oh my god,” she says, dragging a hand down her face. “You know, your boyfriend is such a pain in the ass about the whole ‘no shoes in the house’ thing.”

I glance at Conrad who's smiling sheepishly, a tiny blush creeping up his neck.

I gave him a look that says everything that I'm not saying with words right now. He runs a hand through his hair, shrugging as an answer to my look.

Our silent conversation lasts only a few seconds, but it carries a lifetime worth of domestic bliss.

I cross my arms under my chest, looking back at Agnes, a smile tugging at my mouth despite myself.

Jake snorts softly from behind her. “What, did he pick that up from you?”

I shake my head quickly, still half-laughing.

“Oh no, that is definitely not me. That’s my mom. She’s been enforcing that rule since we were kids.”

Agnes huffs, “Maybe,” she says, unconvinced. “But he’s gotten worse since you moved in.”

I raise a brow, keen to hear about my boyfriend's nerdy treats. “Worse, huh?”

“Yeah, you should see him at the hospital,” she goes on, already warming up. “He’ll notice it right away if someone tracks something in and just quietly hand them wipes or call someone to take care of it. Like it’s no big deal, but somehow everyone listens.”

Jake lets out a laugh. “No way.”

“Way,” Agnes insists, pointing at him. “And don’t even get me started on the way he acts in the library. If someone moves anything, he notices.”

“And the reason you know all of this is because you're the one who's always messing with my highlighters,” Conrad says, walking past her to hug me.

He plants a kiss on my temple. I let out a soft laugh, shaking my head, but there’s something warm curling in my chest at the image of it.

It’s so him.

“That sounds about right,” I admit, looking up at him.

“And the worst part?” Agnes adds, not even caring about what he just said, leaning in slightly like she’s about to expose him. “He makes it sound polite, but it’s not a suggestion. You just… comply.”

Jake laughs again. “That’s actually terrifying.”

“It is,” Agnes says. “I’m telling you, living with him must be-”

“Educational?” I cut in, smiling. She narrows her eyes at me, then breaks into a grin.

“That’s one way to put it.”

Dinner settles into something easy after that, with appetizers passed around, glasses refilled, conversation light and easy.

I move in and out of the kitchen more than I need to, topping things off, bringing out something extra just to have something to do with my hands.

Conrad keeps catching me in those in-between moments, when I'm leaning over the table, when I'm laughing at something Agnes says, when I forget myself for a second and just am –and each time he looks away a fraction too late, always making me catch him.

Agnes carries most of the noise, filling in stories from the hospital, dragging Conrad into them occasionally. Jake backs her up, embellishing just enough to make it worse.

Conrad seems at ease, shaking his head, correcting exaggerated details under his breath, but never really pushing back. It’s light, familiar.

The kind of night that doesn’t ask for anything from anyone. The kind of a night that makes me so so grateful to just be here in the present with Conrad after everything we've been through.

At some point, the table starts to clear without any of us actually deciding to do it. We carry the conversation into the living room.

The space feels smaller with all of us in it, warmer, the overhead lights dimmed just enough that everything softens around the edges.

Someone suggests a game, and when no one protests we set it up.

We play for like an hour. It’s messy. Conrad and I –as always– are heavily competitive.

Conrad stays close without making it obvious. Not next to me, but in front of me as he sits on the floor and I sit on the couch.

We are close enough that I don't miss his warmth and also not too close that would make me repeat what I did at Taylor's house three nights ago.

After the game they start reminiscing about their memories from a time where I wasn't here.

And my attention changes.

I become more focused about what they're talking about Not because I feel jealous that he had a life when we were navigating through long distance.

I want to hear more about that version of Conrad. To know about the version of him that didn't just exist in FaceTime calls.

So when Conrad mentions one of the hardest finals he took in his first year of med school, I lean in closer to him, going down the floor to sit by his side, looking at him with a brand new attention.

Agnes agrees with him saying that as she was preparing for that exam she didn't even look at the mirror for a week.

Jake asks a couple of questions about the final. I listen quietly as they talk, watching Conrad be so himself in his orbit.

I look at the way he gestures with his hands, the way he nods fastly when Agnes points out something that he wanted to say, the way how specific he gets when talking about the details that might seem minor to other people.

His excitement admires me. It’s easy to forget everything else in moments like this. Easy to let the noise and ease of conversation fill in the spaces.

And for a while, it works.

But then something happens.

Something so unexpected happens that it not only fills the spaces; it becomes the entirety of the space itself.

Agnes’ gaze fixates on the books that are stacked up under the TV set. “Wait, don't you still keep almost all of your books from the past years?” she says, already walking towards the stack of books.

Conrad nods, but he stills once he sees the cover of the book Agnes’ holding up like it's a prize.

“Ha, I found it!” She says, immediately going back to her boyfriends side to answer the questions he has.

I look at Conrad, whose hand that was tracing circles on my thigh a moment ago twitches. “Hey, what's wrong?” I ask, my voice quiet only for him to hear.

His lips part, like his mouth has just gone dry. “Uh, nothing,” he blinks again and again.

I look at him, still very confused. That nothing was the least subtle nothing I have ever heard.

I get even more confused when I see something fall out of the book.

A polaroid picture.

Oh.

Oh.

My jaw practically falls down to the floor. Agnes, who's oblivious about the existential crisis that I'm having right now, leans down and picks the picture up.

She and Jake look at it for a second, smiling at it as they do so.

Has he kept it for all these years? Why hasn't he mentioned it, like not even once? Was he scared that I'd over react and make it a bigger deal than it is? Am I overreacting?

I try to stay calm, or at least look calm. For them the picture is just a version of our giddy teenage selves.

But for me… for me it's everything.

It's the living proof of Conrad’s pure love for me. And he didn't even take credit for it.

Agnes hands the picture to me saying, “You two look so pretty in this.”

I swallow sharply, trying my best to act normal, ignoring the way my head trembles as I study the picture.

“Thank you,” I mutter, turning to Conrad who is still looking like a statue next to me.

I graze his jaw with the tips of my fingers as if I can make him unclench the muscles in it. “You kept it,” I say, the sentence coming out more like a realization than a question.

He looks back at me, something I can't quite name moving behind his eyes. He searches my face, like he's trying to understand what seeing that polaroid did to me.

I watch him watch me, my expression staying in that sure and secure way. It's the least I can give him in a room full of people.

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “I did."

ᯓ★

a/n: hope all of you enjoyed this! I would love to hear all of your thoughts 🫶

He enters to Lilly's room. When he sees that no one is there he exhales heavily, caresses his daughter's blanket. "Oh, thank God."

Then Mitchell enters the room with a newspaper wrapped like a burrito in his hand. "It's fine. She's fine.We must have just heard a neighbor with a same monitor."

"Thank God."

Cam looks down at his hand. Holding back a smile. "Boy, if a spider would've broken in here he would've been trouble." He mocks him emphasizing the last word.

They both go back to bed eventually.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Meanwhile the guy that they heard over the monitor is still trying to get his daughter to sleep.

"Come on sweetheart let's not wake mommy up huh?" Conrad says as he pats his daughter's back. He humms a lullaby to her ear that his mother used on him and Belly before.

She calms down eventually and after waiting for a while, still grounding her in his arms to make sure that she's actually asleep he puts her down gently back to her cabinet and goes back to his room.

Conrad slips through the bed, trying not to wake Belly up but she's awake. She's awake with thoughts in her head that are so ridiculous if Conrad had ever heard them he wouldn't even know what to think or say. And those thoughts make her tense and budge on her side.

Conrad, realizes it even in his sleepy state. He moves closer to her. "I managed to make her sleep in less than five." He wraps an arm around her, resting his chin right above her head after he presses a quick kiss on it.

Belly, usually would've melt into his touch. Especially, when he's being such a good father after coming home late but she can't be. Her mind is in a totally different place.

But she doesn't want to let him know. Not yet.

She humms and places her arm on his and they both drift back to sleep.

Conrad is aware that something is not right but he thinks that if there's something wrong she will tell him.

That's how things are with them since that train ride to Brussels. Five years has passed by and neither of them never had any problems that they didn't figure out less than a few days.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"You will not believe what's going on at Conrad and Belly's house." Cam says as he enters the living room with Lilly in one hand and the baby monitor at the other.

"Who?" Mitchell asks, wondering what kind of other unimportant gossip has Cam brought to the table.

Cam sits down on the edge of the couch. "The one on the monitor. They most live near by. So much drama." He takes a deep breath and Mitchell turns toward him a little, holding his half-empty coffee mug in his hands. "Okay, Conrad told Belly that he had work late so she called his boss to find out that he didn't. BUSTED."

Cam yells the last word and Mitchell's doesn't even try to hold back his eye-roll. "So she spent all morning on her phone crying, crying and crying to her mother. And said if Conrad has to 'work late' one more time she's taking the first flight to Philly."

He gets up dramatically and goes to the kitchen. "Huh," Mitchell says.

Cam turns around, "That's it? I gave you that tasty dish and all you gave me is a huh?"

Mitchell apologizes and starts to talk about what's been bothering him and tells Cam how he froze last night when he thought there was a thief in the house.

Cam starts to comfort him.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Later that day when Mitchell is off to work and Lilly's sitting in her chair as Cam irons some clothes. -he has kept the monitor on all day, trying to learn more- Then suddenly he hears a phone ringing sound coming through.

"Hello? No, it's fine. I'm just putting the baby down." Conrad says after he answers the phone.

Cam whisperes to Lilly as if she can tell the drama. "That's Conrad. He's the one who's having an affair." Lilly looks at him with empty eyes. "I know."

"Yeah, I can do it tomorrow night. I'll just give my wife some excuse." Conrad says. Cam puts the iron down, sighing heavily as he rolls his eyes. "Men are pigs." Cam says.

"I don't really have a choice do I?" Conrad says.

"Yeah, you could not cheat on her. How about that?" He yells at the monitor as if Conrad could hear him.

Then Conrad continues, "Beacuse it has to be a surprise! When she hears me speaking Korean to her grandmother it will be all worth all this sneaking around."

Cam goes still, his mouth falling open. He doesn't know what to do. He can't believe he accused this guy with cheating meanwhile he was trying to be nice.

"Lilly, I had a backwards he is wonderful."

"Nah, don't worry. I'll just tell her I'm working late." Conrad answers to the person he's speaking.

Panick starts to creep upto Cam's mind. "No, Conrad! Don't do that that's the worst thing you could do."

Conrad says goodbye in Korean and the line goes that. He probably leaves the room because Cam can't hear him any longer.

"Oh no, Lilly. What are we gonna do? We gotta fix this."

About less than an hour later Came is out of the house. Wandering around the neighborhood, pushing his daughter's stroller. He rans into a mailman and immediately approaches him.

"Sir, sir, sir! Hi, excuse me. Um, yes, I know this is highly unusual but I need your help to save a marriage." The mailman smiles. "There's a couple who's about to get a divorce for a simple misunderstanding. Their name is Belly and Conrad. I'm guessing Belly is for Isabel or Isabella." He shrugges.

"And, I know you've taken an oath to not tell people where other people live and I respect that. But maybe we could figure out some super secretive spy signal? If you scratch your left ear maybe they live on the left and if you scratch your right ear they live on-"

The mailman cuts him off. He waves his hand to their right "They live right here." He says. He shows Cam a house that's two-floored with blue paint there are flowers around the yard.

Cam stops right there as the mailman keeps on walking. "This conversation never happened." He says to the guys back. He rolls his eyes and keeps on walking.

Cam walks to the door takes two deep breaths and knocks. A young woman with brown hair that falls over her shoulder messily opens the door. Cam can immediately tell that she has been crying from her lightly swollen eyes and pink cheeks and nose.

"Hi, I'm Cameron you can call me Cam. I'm here to tell you something important about your husband Conrad."

Belly frowns, she wants to ask the unknown stranger about where does he know Conrad from or if is he okay or not but something inside her tells her to just let him in. Maybe it's because of the adorable child that he had brought with him that makes her trust him.

"Uuh, okay. Cam. What is it?" She asks.

"Well, I promise it will be quick." Cam says and Belly nods, she has cried so hard to even care about anything any longer.

She's pretty sure that the man that she loves is hiding something from her for lest handful of weeks and whenever she looks at their daughter, Summer she thinks about how much she loves him and how much the idea of him cheating on her hurts.

So when an unknown stranger comes to her house to say something about Conrad she thinks It could either get worse or get better from here.

Belly turns back to take Summer in her arms as Cam starts.

"The thing is, your husband, Conrad is not cheating on you. The reason he has been telling you that he has been working late is because he's taking korean lessons to talk to your grandmother in her native language." Cam says quickly.

Belly is shook as the words leave his mouth. She's happy of course but she can't process the feelings she has right now. It feels like the wight of the entire world has been removed from her shoulders. She holds Summer tighter. Her mouth falls open but before she could even say anything Cam gets a phone call.

"Oh, It's my partner. I have to answer this."

Belly nods. Cam says some words to his partner but Belly can barely hear them. She has a million thoughts floating around her brain right now. The only words she can catch Cam say is; IPad, Claire and Security.

She can tell from his expression when he hangs up that he needs to go. "Belly, I'm so sorry I have to go right now. But I need to know that you understand. I hope I saved your marriage." He says and rushes Lilly's stroller.

Belly can only form a "yes," before Cam turns back and leaves.

She stays locked on her living room couch for a while, still holding her daughter in her arms. She can not believe what just happened.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Later that day, when Cam and Mitch are back from Phil's birthday, they are sitting in the living room, listening to Belly and Conrad talking on the monitor as they eat popcorn.

"I'm so sorry, I've ever doubted you." Belly sighs. "I love you."

"Thank God that guy came over. What did you say his name was?" Conrad asks Belly, running his hand up and down her arm.

"Cam. He was such an angel."

"Did you hear that I'm an angel?" Cam says to Mitch as he pops a popcorn to his mouth.

"Or some creepy perve." Conrad frowns. "Yeah, how did he know?.. Ew."

"Maybe we should call the police."

"I'm gonna call the police."

Cam stands up immediately. "And they lived happily ever after." He shuts the monitor down. "No, Cam, no. Where are you going? It was just getting good." Mitchell says with a frustrated tone.

"I want- It's my program."

A/n: There idea of doing a cross over had been in my hand since the moment I saw a tweet about Conrad's house in Cali being near to the Dunphy house this late summer.

And after starting my re-watch on Modern Family and seeing 1x19. I just know I had to this.

I've only changed three lines except for the ones that I've added.

So when three patient discharged, two medication explanations, and a set of insurance forms piled up at the end of the night, you realized he’s reached his breaking point.

He was about to sit down and start doing the paperwork anyway, because he’s the type of doctor who never leaves things half-done.

But you stopped him.

You told him you’ll "sort it," which he thought you meant putting the forms in his inbox for tomorrow. Instead, you waited until he left, sat at his desk, and finished everything yourself.

But you just don’t just organize the paperwork; you filled in the discharge summaries, logged the patient vitals, called two families to explain the post-care instructions, submit insurance notes, and signed his name on the approval line –because otherwise the system won’t accept the forms.

You knew it was wrong. You knew you would get in trouble. You knew he would never approve.

But you do it because he looked like he was going to collapse right there in the hallway, and you couldn’t stand that.

You weren’t trying to cheat the system –you were trying to protect him from himself. From his own work ethic, his own guilt, his inability to rest unless every box is checked.

And the truth is…

You did it because you cared about him more than you should. More than you were allowed to.

Then, one thing that you didn't want to happen, happened.

He stepped back in the room after about half an hour of being gone, murmuring something about his wallet, you knew that you were fucked.

He looked at you in disbelief. He walked over to where you were sitting, looking at the crime scene you just created.

The forms were still in your hand, he was not just upset about the rule-breaking. He was shaken. About the idea of you risking you job, your future, for him terrifies him.

"What the hell is this?" Conrad asked, his tone unreadable.

You looked up, trying to look confused as if you could run away from the situation. But you already saw the paperwork and your heart sank.

"Don't give me that look, don't even think about lying."

"I handled the discharges. You were exhausted. I thought‐"

He cut you off, "You thought you could sign for me? You know you’re not allowed to do that. What were you thinking?" his voice louder than he means it to be.

He wasn't angry he was scared. He was scared that something might happen to you, that you might get fired, that he would not be able to see you as he did almost every day of the week.

But you didn't know that. All you knew was that, you did something you shouldn't and the man who was practically your boss was now filled with furry because of it.

But you cared for him so much that it was not possible for you to hide it no longer.

Your eyes flashed in defense. "I was thinking that you were about to pass out on your feet, that’s what. Someone had to handle it."

He stepped closer, frustrated. "That’s not your responsibility!"

You tilted your chin up, looking at him surely even though your heart was pumping in your ears. "Maybe not. But watching you run yourself into the ground is not my responsibility either, and I still do it!"

He froze. The words hang there, too raw, too honest.

He looked at the ground, his hand gripping the chair that was in between you. "You could’ve gotten in trouble. If something went wrong, you would’ve been blamed. You should've been careful (Y/n)." His voice came out more quiet. Which encouraged you to take half a step closer to him.

"I don’t care about trouble or being careful. I care about you."

He inhaled sharply, like you hit him. "Why would you risk your job for me?"

You took a breath, voice trembling –you weren’t planning to say this today.

You looked down, "Because you matter to me." You looked back at him, "More than you should." He stepped closer, both of your knees touching the chair now.

Anger drained out of him, replaced with something warmer, far more dangerous.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah." You nodded, feeling the vibes in the room completely change.

None of you said anything for a moment. "And I don't get why me signing a few papers made you this angry."

His gaze softened. "I wasn’t angry because you signed the papers… I was angry because the thought of you taking the fall for something I caused- I can’t handle that.”

You blinked, stunned. You knew you had to say something. You were not going to let this conversation die. Not when the both of you half-excepted to care for each other.

"Why? Why do you care so much?”

His jaw clenched. His eyes dropped to your lips before he catched himself.

"Don’t make me say it."

"Say it."

He shook his head, gripping the chair tighter making his knuckles turn white. "(Y/n), I can't. We can't."

Your body was completely flaming for him, your breath hitched. There was no going back for you. Neither for him, but he just needed you to step out first.

So you did.

"Then show it." You said as the darkness of the night gave you the courage.

A knit appeared between his brows. His mouth fell open. "Wha-" his voice coming out half a breath.

"You heard me. If you can't say it then show it."

He closed the last distance there was between you two and cupped your cheeks, pulling you into a hard, messy and a hurried kiss.

You kissed each other as if to say everything that had been unsaid for months. Your hands traveled all around each others bodies as if to make up for every time your fingers accidentally touched but couldn't linger. He pushed you up to the desk as if to show you just how much he wanted you.

"Conrad," you gasped when you felt the press of him. "This is so wrong." Your voice just above a breath.

"Oh, I know." He said but none of you pulled away. You kept on kissing each other.

And as the kiss got deepen and his half-hard cock became almost fully hard between your thighs your hands went to his jacket and you took it away with such rush that made him chuckle.

"Shut up." You said as he pulled your shirt over your head leaving you with your bra. "I didn't say anything." He murmured against your jaw. "Your laugh did." You pulled at his hair. "Well you cause that. You are needy."

"Needy?" You pulled away a little, getting annoyed from his teasing. "I can stop right now, you know."

He looked at you for a second, searching your face to see if you actually meant what you just said. Then he kissed you again, biting your bottom lip. You let out a quiet moan. "Well, too bad because I fucking can't. I want you too much."

Your eyes rolled back at his words. He started to play with you nipple from your bra. The feeling was so overwhelming that you were sure that your lips going to be bruised from trying to hold your moans back.

"Then shut up and get on business."

He hummed against your collarbone and his hands went to your pants immediately as yours went to his.

You pulled his pants and boxers down at the same time. You swallowed, thickly when you saw his erection. He was utterly and completely ready for you.

He pulled your pants down to your ankles. None of you had any second more to wait so he just pushed your underwear to left, letting his fingers linger at your clit. When you let out a moan of frustration he smirked and took a finger to his mouth. Tasting you arousal.

He groaned lightly as he licked his fingers clean. "I'm gonna taste you better one day." He said looking down at your cunt. You didn't even get to form a thought when you felt his head at your entrance.

He pushed himself in you deeply, gripping both of your thighs tightly as he did so. You both exhaled loudly. He pressed your foreheads together and he started to move against you.

He stretched you out with the best way possible. He held you close by your waist and you held him by his shoulders tightly. You needed something to hold on to very deeply.

He was quick and deep with his thrusts. Both of you were quite tired and sexually frustrated to be lasting longer than five minutes. Also there were still people walking around the hospital so you had to be as quick as possible.

The idea of getting caught was even hotter and thrilling than you could ever imagine it to be. And you were not even using a condom which made everything even more exciting.

You had an IUD but Conrad didn't know that and the fact that the man who had a reputation for hating uncertainty even more than you did not caring to use birth control was... hot.

As you were thinking about those your moans grew louder and Conrad put his hand in your mouth trying to mute them. Which was a big relief, not trying to control them and just be as loud as you want as Conrad's big hand covered the half of your face and as his watch tickled your jaw.

You felt the knot in your stomach tighten even further when Conrad's other hand went down to your clit.

You pulled him even closer from his back and lost yourself in the pleasure he was giving you.

He had been saying some –probably– pretty dirty things to you as he drove into you but you couldn't even catch some of them. "I can feel how you clench around me."

"Fuck, if only I knew how good you felt before."

"So fucking- oh fuck- fuck!"

His movements became messy.

Your vision blurred as you reached your high. Your legs shaking, your nails digging even further on his back. This was one of the best orgasms you had in a while.

As you were still clenching around him, he buried his head in your neck groaning, deep and heavy against your ear. You felt him spilling inside you and you hummed. Stroking the back of his neck as he also rode out his high.

He stilled in you for a while. Neither of you said anything and just hugged each other.

Then he slowly reached for a napkin and pulled out of you. He pecked your lips when he saw you whine as you felt the emptiness of him.

Your lips curled up. He cleaned the both of you with the napkin then tossed it to the trash.

"(Y/n)?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

You half-laughed. "Conrad, you have nothing to be sorry for. You were good."

He shook his head and laughed "No, silly. I'm sorry for yelling. Not that." He pulled his pants back up.

You jumped down from the desk. "I know. I'm just kidding." You said as you also pulled your pants up. "And don't be sorry I shouldn't have finished your work for you. Especially not without letting you notice."

He shrugged. "Maybe we both shouldn't have done what we did."

"I promise that I will not be repeating this as long as you promise to not devour yourself within work." You said and went to search for your shirt.

"I don't know if I can control that." He said looking at you as you put your shirt back on across the room.

You tilted your head, frowning. "Conrad."

"(Y/n)." He answered with the same tone as he walked closer to you.

"I meant what I said when I said I cared for you. And it hurts me to see you like this." You cupped his cheek, brushing your thumb against his cheek bone. He immediately leaned in against it.

"Okay. I'll try." He said sounding honest and exhausted.

"Good."

"Is there something do you want to do?"

"Well yes. But you need sleep so it can wait till the morning. Just go home."

He leaned in to kiss you claimingly. His lips soft against yours like a fever touch.

"I need you to know that this wasn't just a one time thing for me. I also care for you. A lot."

"It wasn't a one time thing for me too. C'mon let's just go. I already finsihed everything anyway."

He shook his head, laughing to himself. "Okay."

July 10th 2025

5.45 am

As the first rays of sunlight began to spread through the window my eyes flickered open. I smiled when I remembered everything that had happened last night and I shifted lightly to look up at the boy who was sleeping underneath me with his arms around my body, Conrad.

Just as I was about to reach his face, a pain sheltterd my head, the hangover hitting me like a fucking hard labor. The hard labor of what I have done last night.

I regretted it immediately.

Not what happened between me and Conrad -I could never regret that. I regretted my fourth glass of wine, even the third one.

Just because you weren't drunk it didn't mean that you had to keep on drinking. I told myself

My hand went to my forehead and I tried to keep silent, not wanting to wake Conrad up. The pain wasn't quite sharp, so I managed that pretty nicely.

I slowly rise my head to look at the clock on the bedside table. 5.46 Okay, good. Wait- not good. Why am I awake this early?

Then I remembered what Conrad said to me in one of his geeky-talk moments.

It's what your body does to you. You fall a sleep faster and you wake up earlier than usual. It's all because of the amount of adrenaline and cortisol your body secretes.

Remembering that made my heart warm. Sweet nerdy boy. And I just lay there, listening to the sound of Conrad's heartbeat, looking at his handsome face, studying every single one of his micro-mimics.

After a moment later I couldn't take it anymore, so I leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth, hoping that he wouldn't wake up. I didn't know the exact reason why I didn't want him to wake up to me kissing him. But deep down I knew, I was still not completely comfortable with us. He still had secrets and even though I gave him a month to tell them to me, there was nothing more I wanted to do than learn what they were.

Not because I was nosy. But because I was madly in love with him. And I wanted nothing more than to be there for him and actually be able to help him. Didn't matter if he wanted it or not. He never wanted anyone's help.. but he needed it.

I shook my head slipping away from my darkening thoughts. I was in my room with Conrad. And that was mattered right now.

All of the other problems and the worries that I had and the questions we were gonna get when we told everyone that we were dating now –I know crazy– didn't matter in this very second.

After a while of watching him in his peaceful state, I started to feel fatigue creep it's way back up and I let my eyes close again.

6.01 am

"Izzy, wake up," I heard Conrad say as he pressed a kiss to my temple, I whined, instinctively hugging him even tighter "ssh,"

"Hey, don't sush me. You are the one who wanted me to wake you up." Conrad said, his voice still deep from his sleep.

He was right, but my headache was finally lessening and I didn't want to let go of my bed nor him. "Conrad, just," I yawned and didn't continue.

He sighed heavily and he turned us to our sides. "Just, what?"

"I forgot."

"God, you're such a baby when you wake up." He said under his breath. "I heard that." I mumbled without opening my eyes. He started to ran his hand up and down on my back. "What if, I went to get the muffins and when I come back we all have breakfast here?" He whispered. Making the hair on my neck stand as I felt his warm breath on it.

I wanted to go with him, I really did but the need for sleep took over and I nodded. "Okay, but be careful as you leave." My voice came out low. I wasn't even sure if he heard all of that.

"Okay, honey," he pecked my nose and slowly let go of me. "Do you want anything other than blueberries?" He remembers my favorite.

"Coffee cake too."

"Will do." He slowly stepped out of the room.

8.30 am

I quickly stepped down the stairs and headed straight to the kitchen. It had been around half an hour since I've woken up and by that time all I could think about was how I was going to explain everything to everyone. And honestly it was really overwhelming to think about.

I entered the kitchen. Everyone was already sitting on the table, but their plates weren't touched meaning that I was right on time. There was only one person who wasn't sitting and I saw that person right when I turned my head towards right.

"Morning!" Conrad said looking all excited to see me. "Morning, Con." A warm smile spread through my face.

"Want some?" He waved the milk bottle he was holding towards me. "Yeah," I nodded and went to sit at the table. After I kissed Leo's cheek my eyes immediately went to Susannah. I was determined to find out whatever the reason was that made her and my mom go to the hospital in the middle of the night.

"So, how are you feeling?" I asked to Susannah. My tone enough to make her realize how suspicious I was. She swallowed before she answered, "Good, honey. Thanks for asking."

"Of course, so what was the reason you had to rush to the emergency room?" I added to my question. "Um, didn't Laurel tell you? I hurt my ankle." She answered with an undertone of nervousness. I hummed. It was funny that, this was the same reason my mother told me when she took Susannah to hospital just a few weeks ago.

Right when I was about to confront them about it and say, You should work on your story before you say it. And who the heck even goes to the hospital for a twisted ankle anyway? my mom spoke.

"I think I should be the one who asks the questions young lady." Oh Fuck.

"About?" I asked, trying to look nonchalant as Conrad came to sit down next to me.

"About the wine you had last night. Are you out of your mind? You are turning seventeen you shouldn't be drinking when you are not with me." She warned, her tone came out quite demanding.

"Mom, I know, I'm sorry. But it's not like I was drinking at a party with strangers or something. We were at a really safe place and I didn't think a glass would be such a bad idea."

I saw Conrad trying to hold back a smile bursting out when I said a glass. We both knew damn well that it wasn't just a glass. But my mom definitely didn't need to know all of that.

Just as my mother was about to answer Susannah cut her off. "Oh, come on Laurel give her some break. She said she was sorry."

"Yeah, and she wasn't even drunk. She was fine, trust me, I was there." Conrad added, making my chest warm.

I always loved his defensive side when it came to me. It was one of the reasons why I loved him. He didn't knew it, not just yet. But it was fine we had almost two more months that was waiting for us in the same house. The house that I believe is magical.

I mouthed a silent thank you to Conrad. His hand held mine under the table giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Oh, I forgot to thank you for that Conrad. It was really nice of you to pick Izzy up." My mom thanked to Conrad.

"Anytime." He said without breaking his intense gaze from me which I appreciated but given that we haven't told them about we started to date or even we made up as friends.. I don't think they did.

When I looked at them, I accepted to see confused faces but all I saw was knowing looks that our mom's shared. Then I looked at my brother who was clueless and was busy with eating one of the blueberry muffins Conrad bought for us.

I felt relieved and started my breakfast, appreciating that we were all together –except for Jeremiah who was still not back from his weekend in Boston– in the same table without any tension for the first time in a while.

July 14th 2025

7.31 pm

Conrad and I were laying on the beach, holding each other's hands, soaking up the last remnants of the sun.

The sky looked like it had been dipped in honey and blush, orange bleeding into pink until you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. The waves rolled in quietly, brushing over the sand with a sound that felt almost like breathing.

We were laying on our towels, giving each other stolen glances, his warmth mixing with the cool breeze coming off the water. One earbud hung in my ear, the other in his, and Lost by Frank Ocean filled the space between us like something sacred.

Everything about this moment felt like a honeymoon. Actually everything about the last days felt like a honeymoon. We spent the last days all over each other, all loving and affectionate.

On the first day of our dating, I suggested to not tell any of our family members that we were together for a week. When he asked why, I said that it might be fun to sneak around. And when he gave me a knowing look and asked me why again, I told him that I wanted a week so that we would make sure that this was real. He told me that he was already sure but was okay with the excitement of sneaking around.

So, we tried to keep it cool and just spent the day with our family. We kissed in the hallway just as he was going back to his house to sleep.

The second day, we played volleyball at the beach with copule of our friends. Where I saw all of the girls from the sleepover and filled them in with everything. I got thumbs up and Conrad got some death threats. In the night we went to a bonfire that Jeremiah convinced us to go saying it'll be just an hour and begged me to be his sober driver. I leaned to kiss Conrad who was on the passenger seat when I saw Jeremiah passed out in the back of the car. –this time we weren't interrupted.

The third and fourth day, he went out sailing with that Cleveland guy that I was sure had something going on with my mother. I barely saw Conrad in those last two days. Except for, in late evening he came to see me before he even went inside his house.

I waited him in my backyard by the pool for two nights straight and we made out on the launch chairs and last night right after we pulled away from the kiss because we heard footsteps, he promised to take me out on our first real date.

And now we were here, after our perfect first date. We went shopping early in the morning for the picnic we planned, prepped our snacks together in the kitchen, then headed to one of the quietest spots on the beach.

All of it felt perfect.. except for two minor problems that we had.

One, given that we haven't told anyone in the house about us, all of our affection for each other was only happening behind closed doors or outside where no one could see.

Two, we haven't gone any further than us making out while I was on his lap for like a minute or two –so not honeymoon vibes.

I didn't wanna put too much thought into it so I told myself that it was because of we didn't get to find any alone time, and this was a four day old relationship. This was normal, right?

I didn't had any other relationship to compare this one to. I only had a few situationships with the guys I barely known.

I knew that not going to that further with someone in the first week of dating was normal but I also knew that he wasn't just someone. We've known each other our entire lives and that's completely different from starting something with someone you've known just for a month. It's different with us, with him. He is Conrad. My, Conrad.

I finally got the boy and I had every right to want him. I was thrilled to get to call him my boyfriend and that was enough. It really was.

Except that it wasn't.

I never felt this much of a desire for anyone ever before. And I know that the reason why I wanted him this much was because the love I had for him and I wanted nothing more than express it.

I wanted to consume him with my love. I wanted to make him feel loved as much as he made me, even more. But I didn't know how to start it or say it. He had secrets that he couldn't tell me which was a little bit of a turn off. Also, I didn't even know if he also wanted me as much.

As I was thinking about those I barely realized, his thumb tracing lazy circles on my hand in rhythm with the beat. I caught him looking at me instead of the horizon, I forgot how to breathe properly.

Then he shifted, just a little closer, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered there, soft and trembling, and he whispered, "You know, I don’t think sunsets were meant to be watched alone."

Before I could even think of what to say back, he leaned in, and it wasn’t one of those sudden, movie-like moments. It was slower, quieter. The kind of kiss that feels like it’s been waiting for the right song, the right light, the right everything. And as the sky melted into deeper shades of gold, he kissed me in a way that stopped time.

And Frank Ocean was right when he sang;

Girl, you know you're lost. Lost in the thrill of it all.

I really was lost in thrill of it all and him. And the ease of that kiss let me to made a decision; I was going to let everything just be.

July 17th 2025

4.35 pm

The backyard smelled faintly of chlorine and sunscreen, the pool catching the late afternoon light like scattered glass. Everyone was lounging around, laughing, eating, playing music from someone’s phone.

We were having a little get together with our friends. I invited, Emma, Haley, and Sarah.

(Grace had a first date with this German guy that she was quite excited about so she couldn't make it.)

Conrad and Jeremiah invited, Clay and Andy. Their closest friends who were available for a last minute invite that was sent with a text message.

Earlier today, I overheard Jeremiah asking Conrad that he was going to ask James to come over too. But Conrad's expression changed, he immediately said no and he didn't want to see him. When Jeremiah asked the reason for it he shrugged it off and left the room, leaving Jeremiah clueless.

But I wasn't clueless. I knew the exact reason why he didn't want him. He was still carrying that jealousy that he was filled with when he saw him trying to make a move on me during that party earlier this summer.

I loved to see that jealous side of him even though he tried not to show it to me when I found him in the kitchen right after his talk with Jeremiah.

His face was focused onto the apples that he was slicing like it was the most important task of his life. His jaw tight as I walked over to his side. I asked if something had bugged him but of course he declined, making me want to slap his face and kiss him until his lips were bruised all at the same time.

And now as he lay on the lounge chair next to mine, talking to Clay Bertolet about the latest Red Sox game, he didn't seem to care about what he was feeling earlier today at all.

When Emma left to use the bathroom I saw Clay checking her out. I rolled my eyes at his action behind my sunglasses. Conrad doesn't even like him that much why the fuck is he here?

"Hey, Izzy, what's Emma's deal?" Clay asked. I looked at Conrad before answering, we shared a knowing look. "What do you mean, what's her deal?"

"You know.. is she single?" He asked again. "Uh, that? No. No way." I shook my head.

She was my best friend and there was no way that I was gonna let her get near with a guy who has made drinking Corona beer his whole personality.

"Why? I'm single and if she's too, there should be a way."

I took off my sunglasses and looked at him dead in the eyes. "Ew, Clay, no. I'm not gonna set my best friend up with someone who literally smells like he has been bathed in Polo Smart Perfume." I waved my finger at him as a no.

He laughed, "Fine." He said then took a sip from his drink. I heard him mumble, "Your girl is really tough, Fisher."

I smiled to myself –your girl. I wasn't even sure if Conrad told him about us yet but Clay must've picked up.

07.15 pm

Our afternoon went on with ease. Me and the girls were kind of in our own bubble. Talking about anything –except for me and Conrad, I was still holding on that let's not tell everyone thing.

But my eyes that were drafting to him constantly were probably giving our cover away, anyway.

He was sitting across the pool, shirt damp from the water, hair a little messy in a way that looked too perfect to be accidental. Every time he looked at me, it felt like my pulse jumped a little. And when he smiled –not the polite one he used around other people, but the one that reached his eyes. I felt it, right in my chest.

At some point, he walked over, water still dripping from his skin, and dropped down beside me on the lounge chair. His arm brushed mine, just barely, and even that small touch sent heat straight to my face. "You having fun, babe?" he teased, his voice soft but laced with something that made my stomach flip.

That word –babe– still didn’t feel real. It had only been a short while since we’d started dating, and every time he said it, it was like a quiet reminder that yes, this was actually happening.

I laughed, trying to sound casual, but the smile wouldn’t leave my face. He noticed, of course –he always did. And leaned in just enough for me to feel the warmth radiating off his skin.

For a while, we just sat there, pretending to watch the others splash around. But our eyes kept finding each other’s, again and again, like some unspoken rhythm we both fell into. The music, the laughter, the sound of the water –it all blurred together, and the only thing that felt sharp, real, alive was him.

And now, everyone had left except for Sarah who was waiting for her boyfriend Louis to pick her up for their date.

When Louis came he asked if he could use the bathroom.

"Why don't you guys come with us? As a double date." Sarah asked. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure what would Conrad think about having a double date.

Would he think that is cringe? Was my first thought. We were 6 days into dating and I didn't even knew if he would want it. Is it to soon?

Because that would make us official right? We would be showing everyone that we were a we. I was okay with it. I loved the restaurant Sarah and Louis were going and I would love nothing more than spend time with Conrad as an actual couple.

I looked at Conrad, trying to hide the apprehension to appear from my face. He didn't say anything dor a second, and his hand went to back of his neck. That was what he always did when he was feeling nervous. "I don't know, Sarah. I guess Conrad has that thing early in the morning.. Um, with.. Cleveland."

Conrad looked at me, with a knit in between his brows. He shook his head. "No, I don't have a thing tomorrow. And if I had I would still want to go." He sounded confused and seemed like he was trying to figure out why did I came up with an excuse that wasn't even the truth.

"Great, then. We are going on a date." Sarah said as she held my hand. "Let's get you out of this swimsuit."

I put on a blue tulle crop top with a thin drawstring tie at the neck and cream-colored linen pants. All Sarah approved.

After I put on a few jewelry I turned to her, "So, what do we think?"

"About the outfit? Gorgeous. Your tits look amazing." I chuckled. She wasn't wrong though my period was about a week away and it was evident from the way my breasts were swelling. "But about what you did downstairs? I don't even know what to think about that. What the fuck was that?"

"I don't know either. I just felt like maybe he wouldn't want to-" She cut me off. "Hang out with the three people he has known for almost his entire life?"

I drop myself onto my bed, putting my hands on my face. "I still can't fully trust him about.. about how sure he is about me."

Sarah sighed, "Izzy, I get it. He still has secrets and that's totally normal, what you're going through." She sat down next to me carefully. "But you need to remember that, you were the one giving him shit about shutting you out and not communicating." She put a hand on my leg.

"Yeah, I get the message. I'll talk to him about it."

"Okay, great! Now you just focus on having fun. And, get your ass of this bed because your pants are perfectly ironed and you are ruining them."

I laughed and stood up immediately, checking myself out in the mirror for any sign of wrinkled clothes. When I saw none, we head it back downstairs.

The dinner was going.. a lot easier than I thought.

We were at this restaurant called Amelia's. It was sat right by the beach, the kind of place that looked like it was built for summer memories; open walls that let in the sea breeze, fairy lights strung above like lazy constellations, and the faint hum of waves folding against the shore. The air smelled like salt and grilled fish.

And right now, we were sitting across from another couple, pretending to be just as comfortable, just as sure of each other, was making my chest tighten a little. I couldn’t tell if his smiles were real or he was still thinking about his big secrets in the back of his mind.

But every minute that went by, he seemed more at ease. Cracking jokes, making everyone laugh, his hand finding mine under the table as if it had always belonged there.

I hadn't seen him making jokes back to back this whole summer. And it was really really nice to see a glimpse of old Conrad. I still could feel deep in my chest that there was something.. not quite complete.

But I tried to shake that feeling off. For me and for him. Every so often, he was glancing at me, quick but deliberate –probably to check on me after being so awkard earlier this evening.

And something about the way he looked at me made it hard to stay guarded. His thumb brushed over my knuckles, gentle and grounding, and I could almost believe the warmth in his touch was enough to drown out the doubt.

I smiled when he leaned closer to whisper something stupidly funny about the people who were sitting a few tables away, the kind of line that wasn’t even that good, but it made me laugh anyway. That was our thing; whispering anything that came to mind to each other's ear and laughing stupidly at them.

Maybe it was seen as a childish act but we didn't care for it.

When we were ordering desserts I saw that there was peach cheesecake on the menu. I used to love that dessert whenever my aunt who lived in Italy made them when we visited her. So I ordered it without hesitation.

But then I saw Sarah and Louis ordering one dessert to share. I thought about asking Conrad who was still looking at the menu to share too.

My first thought was, if it would be too much my second thought was.. he's allergic to peaches.

How could I forget that? You claim that you love him then you go and forget what he's allergic to? Wtf Izzy?

I was still in disbelief of how much my weird insecurities and doubts about him made me forget to actually care for him, when I felt Conrad's hand on my thigh, he gave it a light squeeze.

"Izzy?" I pulled my eyes from the spot they were locked into and turned my head to him. His expression held worry. I probably couldn't hide my thoughts peeking through because he genuinely looked worried.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice low enough only for me to hear. I nodded, "Yeah, um.. it's my stomach. I've probably went over my limits. I shouldn't have finished that plate. You know me with Mackerel. I-"

He cut my yapping of. "I get it. If you say its your stomach then it is. I was just wondering if something was wrong." He gave me genunie smile, patted my thigh and turned back. His hand was still on my mid thigh, making me relax a bit more.

Get it together.

When the three desserts arrived, we were talking about the buzz cut Louis wanted to get but Sarah wasn't allowing.

"Sarah, if he wants to do it just let him otherwise he won't stop talking about it." I told her knowing how Louis can be a pain in the ass about the things he wants.

"Yeah and it's summer too. The worst case scenario you wear hats for a while." Conrad added.

"Ugh, fine, do whatever you want. They are right. I'll buy you a hat." Sarah said to Louis. Allowing but still clearly mocking him.

"I don't know whether to thank you guys for convincing her or hate you guys for making her assume I'll look bad in it." Louis said to me.

"Bro, I think she was already assuming that." Conrad said as he took his fork to his mouth, smirking while eating his brownie. We all laughed at his joke.

"Well, fuck you Conrad." He said between laughs.

"Hey, don't swear at him he literally convinced Sarah for you." I said jokingly.

"Great, now they are back to being a team." Louis complained, but he couldn't hide the amusement in his voice.

I knew how close him and Conrad were and I also knew how much he missed seeing Conrad happy. Even though it meant him being sassy as fuck.

"Well, it's better than seeing both of them in agonizing pain." Sarah said as he waved her finger toward us, then she turned to Louis. "Babe, you have no idea how hard it was watching them avoiding their feelings for each other all of those years." She said.

Conrad and I looked at each other, our smiles bittersweet. I take his hand that was on my leg and squeezed it.

"Honey are you forgetting that I was also here every summer?" Louis asked to Sarah, raising his brows.

"No, but you were at football camp most of the summer and I was here listening to every update every day."

Conrad's gaze turned to her. "Every update?"

Oh fuck.

"Oh, c'mon like you don't know her." She shrugged.

"Oh, I do.. I do. Just didn't knew how much she cared about me." He looked back at me.

I immediately blushed. "Okay, enough of that. This dessert is awesome and I'll like to focus on it."

Conrad realized how uncomfortable I was getting and he leaned into my ear to whisper something.

"You know, I would love to find more about this topic but right now I'm gonna be a good boyfriend and let you focus on whatever you want."

His voice sent electric shuts down my spine. Making me squeeze my legs together instinctively. I could feel his hand going upwards my thigh. The discomfort that I was feeling left it self into a completely different discomfort.

I looked at him from the corner of my eye and when I saw the cocky expression on his face I swallowed sharply. I opened my mouth to say something as cocky as him or.. anything. But nothing came out and his smirk grew wider and he turned back to his plate.

After about a half an hour we left the restaurant and said our goodbyes to Sarah and Louis. When they said they had so much fun we agreed. Then we went to Conrad's Range Rover.

As we hit the road I could feel that it was time for us to talk. I didn't know exactly about what to talk about or how to start a conversation. But I knew that once we opened up it would be all fine and we would get through whatever it was that was going on.

Maybe he will tell me about the secrets of his.

I turned to him and we spoke at the same time. "Izzy-"

"Con, I-"

"You go first."

You were wearing Katherine's look from "Masquerade" the seventh episode of season two.

Your dress was almost the same as hers, a short, fitted black lace dress that hugged your figure just right, the scalloped edges brushing lightly against your thighs. Your hair fell straight and sleek over your shoulders, contrasting with the intricate black mask that framed your eyes; delicate, mysterious, almost dangerous. A silver necklace with a deep sapphire pendant rested against your collarbone, which you found from Amazon.

You asked Conrad to wear Stefan's outfit from that same episode. A very charming tuxedo with a mask that's quite similar to yours. But he didn't really feel like wearing a tuxedo for Halloween. He said it was too formal and prom-like.

So he choose one of Stefan's casual but outstanding outfits. A short sleeve plain white t-shirt and washed out denim pants with a black leather jacket that fit him so perfect that made you wanna ditch the whole plan you planned for the night and spend the night here in his small dorm. But you kept cool –debatable.

"You, look..." Conrad started but the words caught in his throat.

"Hot?"

"No- I mean not no. Of course you do look hot. Ridiculously hot. I was just gonna say beautiful." He trembled the words out. You laughed at his silliness. He was not expecting you to look this hot. You really out did yourself with this outfit.

Especially with the makeup, he was used to seeing you with no makeup or just with some concealer and mascara. So seeing you with this dark eyeshadow, red lip look was making his knees weak.

He walked closer to you and pinned you against the door. "Really beautiful." He whispered against your mouth and pulled you into a rough kiss. You kissed him back immediately but after about a minute later you pulled back. He didn't seem happy about it. "Conrad, I love where this is going but I put so much effort into this costume so we have to get going."

"I know we have to.. but I really wanna pin you against this door and fuck you.. a lot." He said against your ear, his voice went right down your spine, making you shiver.

You swallowed with a gulp. "That is a tempting offer but I also have one offer for you." You said and cupped his face, making him look at you as you talk. "What if we go to the party and if you last till midnight without trying to get me out of there, I'll let you do whatever you wanna do to me. As a reward."

He took one shaky deep breath. His mind went to a really dark place that he didn't get to go very often. "A reward system huh?" He asked, his tone low and mischievous.

"Yes. And, As long as and how many times as you want." You answered. Your tone matching his.

He closed his eyes trying to calm himself down for the reward he was promised to get for the night. "Okay, deal." His tone came out even darker than before.

He stepped back looking at his watch on his wrist. "8.55, I just have to wait three hours. Easy." He tried to convince himself.

When you walked into the party the party had already started and a Lady Gaga song was playing.

In the first hour, everything was easier for the both of you. You talked with your friends, they absolutely adored your couple outfits.

"I just hope that you don't end up like them. You know, him sacrificing himself so that he can kill you with the knife and hellfire and everything." Agnes joked, making all of you burst out laughing.

"Well, if I get to die by her side.. then," Conrad said scratching the back of his neck. You kissed his cheek. Kissing him was a lot easier when you were in heels.

You usually didn't wear heels. But this outfit would not be complete without red bottom stilettos.

By the time second hour arrived, things were getting harder for the both of you. Most people were dancing. And Conrad and you were dancing too. Well, it was mostly you grinding him as you danced and he usually held you by your waist, encouraging your movements but letting you have the control.

He did dance along with you if a song he liked was playing. Which happened a few times when; Somebody's watching, Umbrella, Gimme More, or any Michael Jackson and The Weekend song played.

The couple of drinks that he had and the excitement for the night give him the courage to do all of this dancing.

Everyone else was kind of in their own bubble. There were couples making out in every corner. But you tried not to care. The Playlist of the party and the booze was quite a match with your taste so you focused on your own fun.

But as much as Conrad was also having fun his eyes were only on you, except for every a few minutes they were going to his watch.

Psycho Killer started playing and you immediately cheered. You loved that song so Conrad had to love it to. "Oh my God, Conrad. Remember this song was on the show too?"

He politely nodded at you trying to look as excited as you. He did remembered the tvd episode where this song played but he truly didn't care for it. Not right now. Not when you were swaying your hips to the song matching the rhythm perfectly.

He looked at his watch, "11.01" okay that's good right? Not even an hour.

Supermassive Black Hole started to play, and you could see a couple who dressed up as Bella And Edward. You cheered them on as they danced.

Conrad looked at his watch, "11.25" oh, God.

Then, Voulez-Vous started playing. Conrad genuinely did love that song so the next five minutes were gonna be easier for him.

But when you turned to him, putting your hands on his shoulders as you sang the French part of the song; La question c'est voulez-vous, while giving him a mischievous look behind your mask. Everything got even harder for him.

You were incredibly happy about the power you had over him. Your sex life was usually under his control. He knew exactly what you wanted so you didn't even needed to take the control most of the times. But you had to admit that sometimes there was nothing you wanted more than just take the control and see his needy and desperate side just for you.

But when Feel So Close started to play things took a wild turn. You immediately remembered what happened the last time you listened song.

It was at another party, not too long ago and you two were so sexually frustrated that you pulled him into a public bathroom and dry humped him.

Of course, Conrad also remembered that summer night and he used as an advantage. He turned you around pressed your back on his chest. You didn't want to give up your control over him so you positioned your hips right against him. You could feel him getting hard even throughout your clothes as the song went on.

He looked at his watch one last time. 11.45, I need a miracle.

And then the miracle he had been waiting for came through. You turned to him and pressed your lips onto his in a hungry kiss.

As I Don't Wanna Live Forever started playing, you broke the kiss. "Let's go." You said without opening your eyes, forehead pressed to his. "There's still ten minutes till midnight." Conrad reminded.

"I don't fucking care. Just take me to your dorm."

His lips were back on yours the second you entered his dorm. He pulled away to say, "So the first thing I have in mind for this long night is.."

His lips went lower to your neck, "I want to," he then went lower and sank to his knees. "eat you out while still wearing our costumes." The sight and thought of him on his knees still fully clothed, about to give you a head was enough for you to come.

He started to kiss your inner thighs with open mouthed, wet kisses. You let out a moan when his lips met your clothed cunt, he licked your heat. "Oh, baby, this underwear is soaked. You might have to throw this away." His voice send vibrations right to your heat. "Conrad, please." You whined.

He smirked and pulled your underwear down and put it in his back pocket. Hot. He instantly started his business by sucking on your clit. The immediate act made your knees weak and you wished to have something to held or lean into but all you had was Conrad and his shoulders.

His first plan was to make you cum as soon as possible so he slipped a finger into you. "Oh, Fuck!" You exclaimed. The hand that wasn't on your leg to ground you went to your left breast. He started to massaging it over the dress.

Your hips started to move against his face without you realizing and that earned you a groan from him. The whole sound fanned the flame you had inside. You reached your orgasm with his name in your mouth. He helped you ride it with slow but deep movements.

He licked his finger clean, then kissed your inner thighs like he did a few minutes ago but this time with more slow and gentle kisses. "You did so good, riding my face like that."

When he was sure your aftershocks were over he stand on his feet and started to undress the both of you.

You helped him unbuckle his belt as he took your mask off and just when you were about to reach your dress he stopped you.

"I wanna do it."

You couldn't help but smile and nod. He took your dress of and the minute he saw your lace bra that left so little to the imagination he stopped. He realized that the bra was matching with your underwear that was now stuffed in his back pocket.

"You wore matching lingerie." He said as he went to unhook your bra. You nodded, "Yeah, I know you love it when I wear a set. So I did."

"You.." he bit his bottom lip. He didn't finish his sentence. He grabbed you from your hips and you directly wrapped your legs around his bare waist. He was only in his boxers and you were hectic about taking them off.

He throw you to the bed and didn't break eye contact eye contact as he pulled his boxers off and throw them to join the pile of clothes on the floor.

He was fully hard and there was some pre-cum dripping from his reddening tip. He positioned himself between your legs and spread them wide open, holding your knees.

You instinctively reached over to him and took some of his pre-cum to your fingers and spread it all the way across his length as you kept on looking at him. He shivered, and his cock twitched in your palm.

Then you took your fingers to your mouth, sucking them clean. Conrad let out a growl, "You are gonna be the death of me."

You licked your lips clean too, "Please don't die till you fuck me."

"I'll try." He said and reached over to his drawer. You instantly grabbed his arm. "I don't wanna use a condom."

"But-" You cut him off. "I'm on the pill again." You said raising your brows at him.

He let out a shaky breath and kissed you. He positioned himself in your entrance. He started with small but deep thrusts. He then picked his pace up. You were still sensitive from your last orgasm so every single one of his movements were getting you closer to your edge even faster.

Conrad on the other hand, had been dreaming of having you beneath him for the last three hours so he was determined to last as long as possible. But it wasn't going to be easy though. -Cause again, he had been dreaming about this for the last three hours.

"Deeper," a plea left your mouth in between your moans. Conrad obeyed your plea and throw your right leg over his shoulder. He started to hit your sweet spot the second he did so.

"Fuck, you feel so good." He leaned in closer and cupped your face. "Oh, Conrad! I'm so-" you cum before you could even finish your sentence. Conrad slowed down his movements and kissed you to muffle your moans.

He pulled out from you, still hard. "Conrad, you haven't even-" you were breathless as you spoke. "I know sweetheart, can you please turn around and give me one more? This is my last ask of the night."

You smiled and turned around. Arching your back to give him a better access and a view.

He slide into you with ease. At first he started to pound into you delicately knowing how sensitive you might be but you knew how much he needed to come so you started to push back against him, urging him.

He picked up his pace and started to thrust into spots he couldn't reach before. He leaned into you and started toy with your nipple with one hand and your clit with the other.

"Oh my- yes. Conrad, yes! Right there, harder!" You asked him to be harder even though you knew you were going to be sour tomorrow but the feeling was just so...

"You feel incredible, like magic," Conrad managed to say in between his groans. His dirty talk made you feel even more closer to the edge.

Not even a minute had passed and both of you reached your climax seconds after each other.

He spilled inside of you, then collapsed onto you. Usually he would stay on top of you for minutes but today he knew better. He didn't want you to be feeling overwhelmed.

So he pulled out of you, took some deep breaths. He reached for some napkins. Cleaning you both up while leaving tender kisses all over your body. You turned around to lay on your back.

You were feeling so good but exhausted at the same time so you asked him to bring you a makeup wipe.

He put on his sleeping shorts and helped you wear one of his t-shirts. Just as you were about to take the makeup wipe he brought from him, he insisted to do it himself and you let him.

"Just make sure to leave nothing." You said throwing your head back onto the pillows and he cleaned your makeup. Some of your eye shadow stayed but that was always inevitable.

He then lay on the bed, next to you. "Thank you," he whispered as he kissed your hair. "For what?" You asked.

"For being a great partner. I love you."

"I love you too."

July 10th 2025

12.25 am

It had been a few minutes since we got into the car. None of us had said any word since I stumbled trying to tie the lace of my sandal and he instinctively grabbed me from my waist teasing me about how drunk I was.

I didn't tease him back given that I literally could feel the girls watching us. Also my brain still hadn't processed everything that we talked about tonight.

Were the girls right? Did he actually have feelings for me? What did my mom and Susannah hide from all of us? Was it all of us? Or did I just happen to be the only one that didn't know what they were hiding? Did Conrad know? How much did he know?

So now here we were sitting in the car, both of us looking at everywhere and nowhere at once.

But I knew that I had to ask him about what happened to Susannah. And why did he came to pick me up instead of my mother.

These were the only none deep things that I allowed myself to ask him, at least for now.

I just had to figure out which one to ask first.

I turned my head towards him. His eyes were focused on the road, like we weren't on one of the emptiest roads on Cosuins that did not require this much of his focus.

His left hand was on the steering wheel and his right hand was right above his knee, keeping a rhythm –he was probably humming one of his comfort songs in his head as he did so. He always did that when he was feeling uncomfortable. It was my advice to him.

I smiled to myself, he looked absolutely adorable.

"Conrad?" My voice came out softer than I thought.

He trembled slightly, like he just came out of the trance he was in. "Yeah?"

"Why did my mom sent you to pick me up?"

He looked down, smiling to himself. "Uh.." he shook his head, then looked at me. "Because I offered it to her."

I raised my brows. "Oh, why?"

"Well, they were in a rush.. also I'm pretty sure I saw them having wine earlier.. I guess like mother like daughter."

We both chuckled. "Rude." I tried to sound offended.

He rolled his eyes. "What? Am I lying?"

"Yeah," I said, turning to him and leaning against the window that was half open.

"So you didn't drink anything tonight?"

"No, I have. That's just not what you're lying about."

He slowed the car a little, looking back at me again. "What am I lying about?" He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. How ironic.

I could feel the tension between us starting to build up like it always does when we spent more than five minutes alone together.

I could also feel the residual hangover after drinking alcohol begin to fade, replaced by a rising sense of self-confidence.

"You're lying about why did you come here to pick me up." I said with a daring tone and searching his face for any kind of reaction that would declare how right I was. "Okay," he started

"Maybe, I just wanted to see you." He admitted.

I rolled my eyes. "God. I hate it when you do this."

"Do what?"

"Lie and hide until someone pushes you.. I don't get why can't you just be honest." Last three words came out as more of a plea than a demand.

He didn't say anything back and it made me feel like the needy girl that I was so scared to become. I turned back to my previous position.

He stopped the car and for a second I thought we were in the middle of the road but when I lifted my head first time in minutes I saw that we were in the driveway of my house. I unbuckled my seat belt quickly, reaching for my bag ready to leave the car as soon as possible.

"You know there are reasons for that," he exhaled sharply, "Why, I can't be honest. For most of the time at least."

I swallowed sharply, trying to look at him and not make this any awkward than it is. "What are they? I mean your reasons." I asked.

"They.. they are just not on me to say."

I took deep breaths. I didn't want to screw this moment up by getting angry. "Conrad, are you forgetting that we've known each other for our entire lives? Because to me it looks like you do. You used to tell me everything."

"I still do tell you everything.. Well I did, until you told me to fuck off." He chuckled. "Izzy, look.. The reason why I came to pick you up was because I wanted to see you and be alone with you and.. I missed you."

It genuinely looked like there really was a reason for everything that had happened and he wasn't this jerk that I thought he was–which was a huge relief for me to acknowledge.

He was opening up for the first time in a while and I didn't want to let the night die yet.

"Conrad, do you wanna come home with me?" I asked feeling completely sure for the first time in a while.

He looked at me with eyes that were filled with surprise and warmness. "I would love that."

After I checked Leo who was sleeping like an angel I went to Conrad's side. He was waiting for me at the dock with two mugs by his side.

I smiled and sat next to him. "When did you make these?" I asked.

"When you were checking on Leo.. How's he by the way?" He asked.

"Sleeping like an angel." I answered.

"Like sister like brother." He said under his breath. "Conrad," I sighed. Feeling my heart warm and tighten from his words. It was just what he did to me, without even trying. He always made me feel multiple things at a time.

"I'm sorry, I- shouldn't have said that." He looked away from me, looking all shy and small in front of me.

"No, no, not that. I- it's nice to hear you say that." I swallowed. I tried to find the exact right words to escape any kind of misunderstanding. "I just.. don't know if I can go through this again."

He looked like he was trying to gather his thoughts. I could only imagine how many of them –how many unnecessary ones– he had in his head.

"Do you hate me now?" his voice shook.

Did he actually think that I hate him? How could he even think that was possible?

He looked away again. The lack of eye contact was getting achingly more and I hated it. I hated that he couldn't even look at me longer than five seconds. Why didn't he look at me the way he used to?

Was it because he didn't want to see my face that held too many emotions? Or was it because he didn't want me to see his face that held to many emotions? Was it both?

His gaze stayed on the ocean in those two seconds that I thought about that. But then turned back to me when I spoke.

"Who could ever hate you?"

I asked him, being all honest. I figured if I wanted him to be honest with me then I also should be honest with him.

He chuckled under his breath, a kind of chuckle that I might have missed if I wasn't looking at him.

"What? Don't laugh. I'm being honest." I playfully bumped his shoulder, taking a sip from the tea he prepared for us.

He grinned, probably for the first –hopefully not the last– time for the night. He shook his head lightly.

"Isabella, you don't know the effect you have on people."

"Effect on people? I don't know what you're-"

"Yeah, you do."

Did I? Did I actually know what he meant by that? Was it what I thought it is?

The most intimate thing he has ever said to me. The most romantic and heartfelt sentence I ever heard him say. Did he actually meant what I thought he meant?

We sat there for a moment. Listening to the sound of our breaths and the sound of the waves crashing.

Then I stood up, walking over to the edge of the dock, sucking the air in.

For the first time since that late November night –where we kissed at the end of it– our silence felt like the way it used to. Like there was only the two of us in the world.

I loved and missed our comfortable silences and now that I had them back it felt like a day from the old days. But this time we were talking and communicating about us.

Old me would be really proud.

He walked over to my side and broke the silence. "You should know I'm really really sorry. I never wanted to make you feel–"

"Like you used my feelings." I cut him off out of instinct.

"I- yes. I'm genuinely sorry."

There was something in the way he looked at me right then, almost like begging for me to understand him.

Did he hear my thoughts about him not looking at me?

If he did, he must have decided to listen to them. Because right now, the way his gaze is incredibly sharp on me is something that I don't think I could ever recover from.

"Okay." I said, my voice breaking as I couldn't hide the pain that I felt from thinking about everything that happened between us –no matter how much I was effected by him in this moment.

"I don't wanna sound selfish but hearing you say okay with that tone is killing me inside. Please just say something else. Doesn't have to be good."

I swear I could see his eyes starting to water when he said that last sentence.

"What else I can say if I don't know the reason why you shut me out after.. after..."

"After we almost kissed." he helped me finished my words.

"Yes.." I nodded, pressing my lips together.

"There are so many reasons for that.. for everything but now that I think about it". He shifted and turned to me fully. "Now that I look at you". He took one step closer, his hand went to play with the hair that was falling over my shoulder, hesitating. "Now that I feel you, your warmth.. I can't bring myself to think of any of them."

My breath hitched. "What can you think about?"

"That I want to apologize to you everyday from now on. That I don't ever wanna shut you out again. That those last weeks without talking to you hurt me like hell. That I know in my heart that I want to be honest with you till the day I die."

My heart skipped a beat with his words. "Conrad, that's really nice of you but I think in order for you to be honest with me you have to be honest with yourself. About what you feel and want."

He nodded. "I know.. you're right." His other hand slowly went down to my forearm, still hesitant. "I know what I feel and what I want. I want you. I want to be with you, to hold your hand," his hand went lower and he cupped my hand, making it dissappear in his.

I smiled as I felt warmness travel my entire body. I intertwined our fingers and we held hands for the first time in our lives. We did held each other hands before but not like this.

"Conrad, Is there something else you want to say to me?" Just spill the beans, please.

"Yes." He bit his bottom lip looking at the ocean, then back to me. The wind and the moonlight hitting his face. "Its just they are not on me to tell and I don't want to drag you along with all of those and.. me."

I could tell what it was that he couldn't tell me about. But I wasn't going to force him to tell me. Not yet. I knew that he would eventually.

That was the way it was with Conrad. If there was something that I wanted him to say there were two solutions for that. One, push him until he has no other choice to break his walls. Two, just give it time. And right now, I knew that the second option was the healthiest.

"I get it. It's fine. But I need you to promise me a few things."

He nodded.

"You are never gonna shut me out again." I started my speech,

"Whatever it is that you can't tell me yet, you are going to talk to the person that it's related to because I can literally see it eating you alive and it sucks. And after you talk to them, you are going to talk to me. And you are never ever going to say that you're dragging me with you."

He nodded between my words. I could see that he liked this side of me from the way he was biting his lower lip to keep a straight face.

"And since when feeling sad and going through hardship become dragging someone with you?" I knitted my brows. "Also, I'm not a kid. I can walk away from something if I feel like it's hurting me with the ways it shouldn't." –but I'll never walk away from you no matter what.

I took a deep breath. "Okay?"

"Okay". He smiled and nodded. "Was that all?"

"You have time to do all of those before the summer ends. Wait– I change my mind, one month."

"One month?" It looked like he was calculating when to talk to his mother –yes I'm pretty sure it's about her.

Then his smirk that I haven't seen in soooo long came back to his face. "Does that mean I have to wait a whole month to kiss you?"

And when he asked that the whole vibe between us changed. All of the things that happened just seem to not matter anymore.

I licked my lips. "Not if you fulfill your first promise now.

He crossed his eyebrows. "Which one was the first one again?" He teased.

I smirked. "The one that you promise that you are not gonna shut me out again. Ever."

"Oh, that one. Easy." He took one more step closer. "I give you my word that I'll never shut you out again."

He looked at my lips and I nodded. His hands went to my waist, holding me claimingly.

My hands went to his broad shoulders and our lips collided with a kiss.

A kiss that meant everything. A kiss that felt like a promise, a relief, a beginning.

His lips were achingly soft against mine, making my head turn as I sucked on his bottom lip, earning a groan from him that sent vibrations down to my spine.

I felt like my soul was out of my body. His effect on me was something so beautiful and perfect that I couldn't even gather any thoughts and just lost myself in the moment as one of my hands went higher, tracing my fingers in between his soft locks as the other one went lower and I pulled him closer to me from his waist.

His hands on my waist grew tighter and he pinned me against the closest railing of the dock. We both gasped, neither of us expecting him to do that.

I felt his tongue on my lower lip, asking for permission. I opened my mouth slightly as hesitated the tiniest amount. I had never went that far with a makeout session with anyone before. Which wasn't a bad thing but it certainly wasn't something that was going to help me in this situation.

But I couldn't bring myself to care longer then two seconds. I was kissing Conrad Beck Fisher. The first boy that I ever imagined of kissing and that was all that mattered right now. Or ever.

And from the sounds that escape him that he probably didn't even realize he was making and from the press of his growing hardness that I started to feel pressing on my stomach it didn't feel like he cared for my inexperience.

I instinctively pulled him even closer –if possible. And that seem to bring him back to reality. He pulled away just slightly, stroking my cheek and pressing his forehead against mine. We both breathed heavily.

"Hey, that's too much." He whispered. He looked like he was about to pull apart and he was keeping himself from it.

I knitted my brows, "Too much?" I was out of breath as I asked.

We both were out of breath as we talked and it was.. hot. I couldn't decide what was hotter though. His cheeks that were flushed along with his swollen lips or his breaths that I could feel all over my face and neck.

"Yeah, I don't wanna lose control, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." I agreed and pulled my body back just a little. He pressed a kiss to my cheek. "But just out of curiosity what would happen if you did?"

"Good things, really good things. Just things that can't happen now. Not like this." He said as he caressed my cheek with one of his large hands.

"Why?" Yep he knows you're a virgin. I thought

"Beacuse l– I care about you enough to not to let things get any further before I even ask you out on a date." He said then pecked my nose.

I grinned at him. "That's sounds nice."

He pulled me into a hug. We soaked in the moment as long as possible. "Do you wanna come upstairs? To sleep." I asked as I rested my head in his chest.

I felt the vibrations from his chest from his chuckle. "I would love that."

After I get ready for bed I changed to what I was wearing when I was still at the –long forgotten– sleepover and hoped into the bed, waiting for Conrad to come out of the bathroom.

I thought about giving Conrad one of the extremely oversized t-shirts that I had but then I remembered he was already in a really comfortable outfit that he was wearing to bed before he heard our moms voices and decided to pick me up. Best decision ever.

About a minute later I heard a knock on the door. "Come in." He opened the door with a grin look on his face. "What's with the smile?"

"Just happy to be here, you know in your room, bout to sleep on your bed."

"Well, forgive me for not being used to seeing you smile." I said as he walked over to my bed, "Also, who said that you were about to sleep on my bed?" I joked.

"You did, down there." He protested and waved his finger towards the window.

"I did? No, Connie. I only asked you to come to my room not to my bed." I absolutely loved teasing him especially after I hadn't had the chance to do it in a really long time. But also seeing him hovering at the foot of my bed looking at me with an amused look on his face was kind of making it harder for me to continue.

For a moment none of us spoke, just looking at each other trying to force back our smiles.

Then he gave in, "Honey, you want me to beg or what?" he tilted his head. Honey? HONEY?

"No, I don't want you to beg. Not yet. But a please would be nice." I saw something in his expression change when I said Not yet.

"Hmm. Alright. Would you give me the honors to sleep on your bed for the night?"

I felt heat rushing to my cheeks as he spoke. "Yes, I would." I patted the side that I have saved for him. But he didn't step right in, making me confused.

"Thank you. But first I have something I have to ask you first."

"What is it?"

He sat on the bed. "I know most guys barely do this anymore but I want to show you that I'm not like them. And I also wanna do this right with you." He took my hands in his.

"Isabella, I've had feeling for you way before I even realised I had them. And when I realised I had them, they scared me. I don't know if it was because just how much I cared for you or because I thought that I wouldn't be enough to deserve you. But everyday that've passed I've understood that those thoughts were.. bullshit. We both chuckled. "So right now, for the first time ever I'm embracing my feelings for you and I feel completely certain as I ask you this," he took one deep breath.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

His fingers were warm around mine, but I could feel how they trembled. The way he looked at me like he was standing on the edge of something made my chest ache. I heard the tiny crack in his voice when he asked the question and suddenly it felt like the air in the room shifted. My heart was thudding so loud I was sure he could hear it. Tears pricked behind my eyes before I even understood why. Maybe it was because I had imagined this moment so many times, or maybe because now that it was real, it felt almost too fragile to breathe in.

"Conrad, I- yes, Yes!" I immediately hugged him, breathing his scent in, trying to do everything to memorize everything about this moment. When we become official.

After a long and tight hug he spoke, "Hey, look at me." I pulled away to look at him, never tearing my arms from him.

"I want to make this right."

"Me too." I said back.

I kissed him, boldly, happily and assuringly. He gently pushed me to lay down on my back, not aparting his lips from mine.

We kissed for what felt like hours, neither of us not wanting to stop. But as the minutes went by I couldn't keep my yawn in any longer. "God, I hate to this but I really have to sleep." I said towards his lips.

"Okay, it's fine. We'll have plenty of time to continue this." He lay on his back and pulled me to his chest.

Usually I spent at least ten minutes to find a way to sleep in a position I felt comfortable in but now. With my head on his chest and his hands around me felt like the piece of me that had been missing since I was born. I wondered if he also felt the same.

"Are you comfortable?" He asked, as he looked down at me. "Very."

"Good."

"I still can't believe it. If you told me this morning that we would be dating by tonight I would have laughed in your face."

"Huh. What if I told you we would be dating in three weeks advance and you would ask me to come up to your room the night you literally kicked me out from here."

We started to laugh and when it became louder he hushed me.

"Let's not wake your brother up."

"Come on he wouldn't wake to the sound of us laughing. He's not like me he doesn't wake up to the sound of a door cracking." I said then kissed his cheek.

"Oh, that puts so much pressure on me." He whined.

"Why?"

"How am I gonna sneak out without waking you in the morning?" He said, making me confused.

"Why would you wanna sneak out?"

"So that your mom wouldn't barge in the room and see us cuddled up on your bed." He answered.

"Huh, I get it. But you can just wake me up and we could go and get muffins."

"I would love that."

A/n: This is a long and a precious one.

July 7th

The last days went by really quick without anything major happening. I went out with my friends, finished the book I had been reading, painted by the pool early in the morning, and just did anything I could think of to clear my mind.

I was tired from trying so hard and not getting anything back in return.

I still loved Conrad with everything in me. But I was sick of love consuming me, and only me, so I decided to pull away and enjoy my own company and life.

I know that my feelings were gonna stay with me as I did so, and it wasn't like I wanted them to go away, I just didn't want to be the one who tried so hard, not anymore.

And I stuck with my decision whenever I saw him this past week.

I can't say I ignored him exactly, but I also can't say that I didn't. I just acted nonchalant, even though it wasn't that easy at first, but every time I wanted to act like I used to act –like a love-sick girl– I reminded myself what he had said to me:

"Why are you being like this? Is it really only because I didn't wanna have a relationship with you?"

And it worked very well. It reminded me of how easy it was for him to break my heart and act like I was a brat who wanted to have a relationship so bad that when I didn't get what I wanted, I just lashed out.

But every time I reminded myself of the things that he had said, some voice in the back of my head said, he didn't mean it, you can see it from his face. It's not the Conrad you know.

I shot that voice down every single time. Telling myself that i was trying to justify his actions because of how much I loved him.

And it was really hard not to think that when he acted like regretted what he had done. Actually, it wasn't just the way he acted. It was mostly his face that showed the regret.

I have known him since I was born, and I have loved him since I was ten, so it was pretty easy for me to read his face. Even when I didn't directly look at him, just a glimpse with the corner of my eye was enough.

Past Week

The day after the 4th, I was still thinking about what he wanted to say to me the night before. One side of me was thinking maybe he was just going to apologise and tell me that he just rashed out but my other side was thinking that he would never do such a thing because he doesn't even care about me.

As I was lost in my thoughts I felt water splashing onto me and I screamed, my whole body shivered. "Hello? World to Izzy?"

"Oh my God, Grace!"

The girls –Emma, Sarah, and Grace– laughed at my reaction. I also would've laughed if I wasn't in shock. "What? You were totally spaced out. I had no other choice."

I tilted my head, "Really? No other choice? You couldn't just tap my shoulder or something?"

"I could've but this was more fun. Plus your feet are already in the pool I didn't think you would get this bitchy." This time all four of us started to laugh.

"Bitchy? Huh? I'll show you bitchy." I stand up and pushed her into the pool, Emma followed my lead and pushed Sarah.

Two seconds later all of us were in the pool and we were splashing water against each other, laughing diabolicaly.

The first time in a while I finally felt at ease. Like all of my problems were gone and the summer just felt like summer again.

That didn't last for too long when Emma leaned into my ear and told me that she could literally see Conrad looking at us –me, to be clear.

I looked over at his house. The second we made eye contact he turned back to what he was doing. He had a bowl in his hand and he was cleaning up crumbs from the table He looked just as broody as he had the night before the only difference was that his hair wasn't a mess. At least he felt good enough to put some care into his appearance.

How cute I thought but then shook my head and reminded myself about what he has done.

When I turned to face the girls again I saw their eyes flickering between me and Conrad. How long did I look at him?

I wouldn't mind them noticing if there were only Sarah and Emma. They already knew almost everything that had happened over the years. They were even there for most parts.

But Grace... she didn't knew anything about what went down between me and him. So I knew that I had to fill her in at one point.

And now, I was in my living room reading a book after dinner. I was alone in the house, with my mother and brother at the Fisher house.

As I was enjoying the silence, I heard someone talking and footsteps along with it. When I turned my head, I saw everyone coming inside the house from the backyard. Before I got a chance to decide on what to do, Jeremiah spoke,

"Here is my favorite introvert of the summer. What's up, girl?" His tone sounding overly enthusiastic as always. They all settled in the living room, Jere sat beside me on the couch.

"What do you mean? I'm not an introvert." I opposed. "Yeah, you weren't but you became one. I mean you literally chose reading a book alone instead of hanging out with us." He raised his brows.

I tried to come up with a way to defend myself. "Well, the only reason I'm reading alone is because no one reads with me." I said.

"Honey, don't listen to him he's just saying that cause he misses having you around," Susannah said as she came to my side sitting on the armrest of the couch, rubbing my back.

"Well, there are better ways to say that without being a bitch." I heard Conrad and Susannah chuckle.

I leaned against her touch, feeling comfortable. "Fine, I'll also read with you then." Jere said, taking my book from my hand. I felt thankful for putting a bookmark on before.

"Jere don't take her book!" Susannah said, still resting her hand on my back. "Alright, I'll find myself a new book," he got up, "where was the bookshelf?" he looked around.

"It's right behind you." Conrad said nonchalantly. "But there's also two more upstairs too." He sounded like it was his house. But it actually wasn't a surprise for him to know given that we used to spent every summer reading all kinds of books and talking about them, suggesting them to each other.

"Waow, Connie you know my house better than me." My mom said with a warm smile on her face.

"I don't know about that." He ran his hand through his hair, looking down.

Jere walked towards the bookshelf, searching for something to read to prove his point.

"Beck, I think it's time for the wine." My mom said to Susannah, and they left the room. Leaving two sets of siblings on their own.

I walked to Jeremiah's side, "So did you find something?" He turned to me, shaking his head, "Nope."

I held back a smile. "You know what? Why won't you bring your own book tomorrow, huh? And we all can have a reading time." I waved my finger at Leo.

"Or, I can just look into the other shelves Conrad told about." It looked like my plan of spending the night in peace was derailed, and the reason was Conrad's not shutting up. "Jere, no- why?" He left the room without listening.

I exhaled heavily, biting my tongue. "Thank you for that." I went back to where I was sitting. "I didn't– I– I'm sorry," Conrad said nervously.

"Don't apologize," I said without looking at him.

"Did you not want him upstairs? I can go and get him if you want." He said, hesitating.

"I didn't want anyone upstairs or here." The words came out of my mouth without me thinking. I felt a tiny amount of regret when I saw Conrad's reaction.

Without another word, he left the room. I sighed heavily and sat down next to my brother. "I think he is hurt," Leo said. I looked at him, furrowing my brows. "You serious?" My voice sounded higher than I intended.

"Yep, you should apologize," I couldn't believe that an actual seven-year-old just casually warned me.

I opened my mouth, trying to say something in defense but there was no use. My brother was right. I shook my head in disbelief of what I was about to do.

I went upstairs to find him, not sure of what I was gonna say. I saw him in front of the bookshelf, talking with Jeremiah. Before I could even try to eavesdrop Conrad's gaze turned to me. "Oh, shit, I–"

"It's fine. Did you find what you were looking for Jere?" I walked closer to them. "Yeah," he showed me the book. Sherlock Holmes. I raised my brows, "Huh, you've never read Sherlock Holmes before?" I said, teasing him a bit.

"So?" He said as he walked past me. Conrad tried to follow his lead but I stepped in front of him. "Can we talk?" I asked. He looked up at me, looking surprised. "Yeah."

We both took a deep breath, syncing without even trying.

"I didn't mean what I said. You are always welcome in this house. You know that right?"

"Really, after everything?" He muttered. "Conrad, what happened between us will never affect anyone but just us."

He exhaled, shoulders tight. "Okay, good to know."

We stood there, not knowing what to say. I looked at the bookshelf, seeing that Jere had replaced a few books. I mumbled, grabbing one and trying to find the exact place that it was at. "I can't believe him."

"What? Who?" Conrad asked.

"Your brother. He put Little Women in the sci-fic sec– you know what? Never mind, it's.. geeky."

"Hey, I know we haven't talked in a while but don't forget who you are talking to." He said.

And the way he said it felt like something was shifting in between us, in a good way.

Like.. it was all back to normal for a second. "Well, who am I talking to?" I said with sass, crossing my arms.

"The guy who invented the word geek." He said as he took the book from my hand and put it in the right place.

"That's actually so... true." We both started to laugh.

Then, he stopped. "You know, sectioning your book according to genre is not geeky at all actually."

"Yeah, I know." I admitted.

After we fixed the other couple of books we went back to the living room and enjoyed the night all of us together. I still kept my distance from him but this time it didn't feel as aggravating as it was.

July 8th 2025

09.05 am

I woke up with the sound of my door opening. My mom walked into the room, "Wakey wakey," she caressed my back. I hummed, trying to adjust to the sunlight radiating throughout the windows.

"Morning," I mumbled. "You too. C'mon, we have plans for the day."

My eyes flickered. "What? What plan?"

"Beck, insisted that we go shopping before your birthday." She took my hair out of my face.

"But my birthday isn't for another three weeks." The idea of going out for shopping was making me feel exhausted already.

"Bean, don't act like you don't know Beck. She started planning your birthday the moment we stepped into July."

I chuckled "Yeah, I love her," I frowned as a thought appeared in my head, "Wait it's only the three of us right?"

"Yeah, just as always.. But you can ask the girls to come too if you would like."

I thought about it for a second. But I already had plans with them the next day and also, I'd rather go with just Sussannah and my mom anyway.

"No, they have plans."

I missed spending time with them, just the three of us.

12.03 pm

I stepped out of the dressing room, trying another dress Susannah wanted me to try, and she said that it would look really pretty on me.

When I finished putting the dress on, I looked at myself in the mirror.

The dress had a deep burgundy-to-red ombré that shimmered like starlight. It's halter neckline and ruched bodice hugged my figure beautifully, while the soft draping of the skirt gave it a graceful, almost magical elegance —it looked like something meant to be remembered.

I stepped out, turning to my mother and Sussanah,

"So what do we think?" I asked.

They gave me a look that they didn't give me with the other dresses.

"Honey, you look gorgeous," Susannah said putting her hand against her heart. "I agree, this is my favorite." My mother added.

"Really?" I turned to the mirror. "Isn't it like... a little short?" I tried to pull the loose skirt down.

Sussanah walked behind me, looking at me in the mirror. "So what? This is your 17th birthday. You are about to start college." She turned to my mother for approval.

"I mean yeah, it's not that short and Beck is right you are going to wear it on your birthday. All that matters is if you feel good in it or not." She gave me a warm smile then turned back to folding the other dresses that we picked.

I looked at myself in the mirror, thinking how much this dress looked like the dress I wanted to wear at prom but couldn't find anywhere.

"Yeah, let's buy this."

Sussanah clapped her hands. "Great! After you try those out we will be ready to go." She handed me some skirts and blouses.

"I thought we were done with four dresses and two shoes," I whined.

"Well, you thought wrong. Chop chop!"

"Mom, help!"

July 9th 2025

10.17 pm

We were at Emma's house with our matching pajamas–same set with different colors. Baby blue for me, light pink for Emma, pastel yellow for Sarah, and jade green for Grace.

We had already filled in Grace about most of the things that went down between me and Conrad over the years.

And talking about it felt... somehow relaxing. Not burying what I was feeling inside me was working I know shocker.

I had already told Taylor –my best friend from home– everything but talking about something over the phone was not the same. Also I briefly described most of the stuff.

I just was not the type to talk about my emotions that deeply especially when it came to him. How ironic that he was the only person that I could talk about my emotions without feeling awkward. Well I used to.

I loved my friends, I genuinely did. But there was something about opening up that I always find hard and exhausting. So I usually choose not to.

But tonight was a little different. Maybe It was because that I finally was growing up enough to embrace my feelings.

Or just the booze.

Emma's parents were out of town for the week but their liquor wasn't. "3rd round?" Emma walked in the living room with a wine bottle in her hand.

I raised my hand instinctively, "Me, please!" Yep it was definitely the booze.

She poured all four of us our 3rd rounds.

As the night moved on, we talked about how Sarah's boyfriend can be a pain in the ass sometimes, how hard it was for Grace to maintain her morning jogs when her dog gets tired faster than her, and how much Emma hated that girl from volleyball camp.

We laughed, danced, filmed some TikTok videos. And just as I thought that the conversation wouldn't turn back to me it did.

And I was stuck with talking about my feelings because it was supposed to help me figure out what to do.

"I don't need to figure anything out. I'm just not going to be that close to him ever again and that will be it." I tried to convince them and myself.

"Really? Really?" Emma asked.

I frowned. "Yeah, Emma Really. What? You think I can't?"

"No, we all know that you can." She waved her finger to all of us. "But we also know that you wouldn't wanna do it."

I opened my mouth trying to find something to say, but Sarah spoke before me. "Izzy, just be honest please. I hate seeing you like this."

"Like what?" I asked.

"In denial."

As soon as I heard her say that I felt a lump in my throat. I couldn't believe how much the word denial affected me.

I shook my head trying to put my walls back up. But there was no escape they were right. There was no world that I was gonna be away from Conrad.

"Fine. You're right. I'm denying." I finally admitted. And it felt good. Not so good that all of the weight in my shoulders was gone but good enough to feel half of them were gone.

"I'm denying because the idea of the boy that I have loved since I was ten kissing me, giving me hope, looking at me with those beautiful sea glass eyes like he also could feel something for me," I took a shaky breath, "then pulling it all away and acting like everything was... in my head is tearing me apart and killing me inside." I sniffed, looking down on my hands. "It's just so much easier to push it down." My voice creak.

"Wow, that was.. that was really honest." Emma said.

I sniffed again, "Yeah I guess I don't have any middle. Black or white."

We laughed under our breaths.

"Look, It might sound like I'm just saying this to make you feel better but I think the girls would also agree with me when I say I think he really has some feelings for you too." Sarah said and the girls nodded.

"And if you ask how? I can see it from the way he looks at you. The way his whole expression softness when he sees you or how he always tries to make you laugh, and how easily he does it because he knows basically everything about you. And there are like least ten more things I can name but I think you get the idea." Emma said.

Oh my God.

"You know normally guys ask girls for gift ideas but with you guys, it's me who asks for advice on what to buy you for your birthday. And in my defense I don't always do that." Sarah spoke.

"Yeah but Izzy always likes the one he chooses better." Emma added, making all of us laugh again.

Then Grace spoke, "I know I'm new to the party but now that I think about it... it's true he is different around you."

"Good different?" I asked.

They laughed. "Yes, good different."

"Okay I have two questions. If he really also has feelings for me then why he said he doesn't want to have a relationship. And why the fuck you two never said anything about the way he changes around me and all that stuff."

"Well, because I didn't wanna say something you probably wouldn't even believe. You see him as this prince charming that you'll never have." Sarah said.

I rolled my eyes. "That's not... nevermind I still haven't got an answer for my first question."

Emma jumped in, "I can answer it. From what you told me he never said he didn't have feelings for you. He just said he doesn't wanna have a relationship and maybe there is a reason for that."

"What on earth could be a reason for someone not wanting to date the person they have feelings for?" I protested her answer. "I actually have an idea. And let's say that he has feelings," I took a deep breath. "Then, they are not strong enough to forget about whatever reason he has and just go for them."

"Maybe he doesn't think he's worthy of you.. or he just has something really big in his plate and he's being all Conrad again." Emma said.

"Being all Conrad?" Grace asked.

"That's the term we use when Conrad hides something to himself, thinking that he can handle it by he's own." I said.

"Huh. If he's being all Conrad again then maybe you can just try to get through him. I think you would be really successful with that."

I thought about it for a second, she was kind of right. I could really get through him of I wanted to. But this time it was different. This time I would be forcing to talk about his feelings for me. And the idea of that was making me feel needy, even pathetic. Like I needed his attention so bad that I would be begging for it.

I sighed heavily. "Maybe, but I don't wanna seem needy."

"I think he knows you well enough that you would never be needy." Emma said.

"Also, you were the one who told him not to interact with you." Sarah added. Making all of us laugh again.

As I took my last sip from my 4th glass, I was thankful that this was a sleepover. There was no way that any of us could drive back to home. I was feeling really really tipsy.

But my gratitude didn't last long when I got a call from my mother telling me that she and Susannah had to go to the hospital for some emergency that I didn't even get a chance to ask what it was.

She asked if I could come home to watch Leo and my mind just stopped. There was no way that I could go back home without someone driving me.

I looked around to see if I could find at least one person that didn't look as much of a mess as the other but no use... we all were down bad.

And I was never going to tell my mother that.

I suggested Jeremiah to watch him but she reminded me that he still wasn't back from visiting colleges with his dad for the weekend.

Then I suggested Conrad. She thought about it for a second, but refused it murmuring that he was sleeping or something.

It almost felt like she didn't want him to know they were going to hospital.

So right now I felt like I had no other choice but to be honest. "Umm.. mom, We all tried a glass of wine.. so.."

I could almost hear the disappointment in her voice but her panic covered it. "Oh my God. Okay we will talk about this tomorrow," she took a shaky breath. "I'll come pick you up. Get ready."

I turned to the girls that were looking at me with wonder. And I told them about what happened.

"So she just didn't tell you why they had to go the hospital." Grace asked.

I shook my head, taking off my t-shirt and putting on something that was more fitting to wear outside.

"This kind of sounds like the first day you come here this summer. You know, where she didn't tell you the reason why Susannah was at the hospital. Just like now." Grace said.

"I totally forgot about that." I knitted my brows.

"Well, anyone would but given that you just told me about what has happened since the day you arrived."

"Grace is right. Why is she not telling you about why they have go to hospital in the middle of the night." Sarah said.

I was getting more confused and more sober by every second I thought about every suspicious thing that has happened in the last weeks, months actually.

Suddenly I felt dizzy and drop myself on the couch. Emma came to my side, running her hand on my back. I could see that she was giving a look to the girls from the corner of my eye.

"Let's not do this right now." She kissed my cheek.

"Do you wanna go to the bathroom and wash your face? And I'm sure that girls will finish getting your bag ready." Emma said and we went to the bathroom.

She helped me wash my face and brush my teeth to get the scent of the alcohol out. I looked at her with a warm smile, "You know, I love you so much right?"

She smiled at me with the same way, "Of course, and I love you more."

We hugged tightly.

"I'm sure that they didn't say anything because you didn't ask." She looked at me reassuringly.

"But it's not just that. Now that I think about it they had been acting weird for almost a year now." Then something inside in my brain clicked.

My eyes widened. "And it's not just the two of them. Conrad also had been different."

She got confused. "So you think the three of them are hiding something?"

I shrugged, "Maybe, or–"

The doorbell rang. I heard the girls opening the door. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. Trying to look as put together as possible for my mom.

"Um, Izzy Conrad's here." Sarah yelled from the door.

Both of our jaws literally drop to the floor. "Conrad? What. The. FUCK?" I half-whispered half-yelled.

"Your mom must of sent him to pick you up." She said as she hesitatingly opened the door.

I took a few deep breaths.

"Oh my God, help me." I said looking up and leaving the bathroom.

Conrad was talking with the girls as we walked to the door.

He looked at me with such intense gaze, like I was the only one in the room. And despite my confused expression, in the back of my mind I knew that I had given him the same look back.

"Hi,"

"Oh, it smells so nice." You stick your head out. It had just rained and the fresh smell of grass was radiating. You put your elbows on the marble, taking the fresh air into your lungs. He stood and moved closer to you, hugging your back tightly.

You relaxed at his touch and put your arms over his. "Yeah, it does," Conrad said and buried his head in the crook of your neck, breathing you in. Then he started to kiss your neck.

"Conrad, behave."

Goosebumps appeared on your skin from his touch and the cold weather. And he could feel them.

You closed the window and leaned on it as you faced Conrad. You could see his pupils grow as he looked you up and down.

He leaned into you, and your noses brushed each other. You pecked his lips and looked at him as you bit your lip, trying to push your smile from widening.

"I should be the one who does that." He playfully said. You furrowed your brows. "Wha–" he started to kiss you, soft at first but then a little firmer. He gripped your waist tighter under your shirt and bit your bottom lip.

You moaned into the kiss lightly but you pulled back knowing where this was going and you didn't want your first time with him to happen in his dorm.

Yes, even though you have been dating since the summer you two never went that far. It wasn't that either of you didn't want it. God knows just how much both of you wanted it. And you even tried to couple of times but every time something came up and you just got divided.

And the more you waited the more you wanted it to be perfect because as the time went by both of you realized how much you were actually in love with one another. Even though you didn't say the words out loud.

He whined when you pull away. "You know... I have an idea." You whispered.

"Hmm, what is it?"

"Remember when," you pecked his lips, "I lost that bet," you referred to the bet where you told him that you would beat him in a swimming competition on the last day of summer –which you lost, blaming his long arms that stroke better and faster than you– "And, I promised you a date,"

"A date?"

"Yes," you grinned. Then you pulled away from him, "Meet me in ten at the campus gate." You walked through the door.

"Wait," he rushed to your side, "do we have to go on it like... right now?" He asked. You pursed your lips, "Why did you have something else to do?"

He held your waist again, kissing your collar bone, "something, someone..."

His breath on your skin made you feel butterflies, "Conrad," you cupped his cheeks, making him look at you. "(Y/n),"

You gave him a look that said everything that you were thinking and he understood, like he always did. He just got you.

He shooked his head, snapping himself into reality. "Yes, yes, you're right. I was just caught up in the moment." You pecked his lips as a thank you and left the room.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

You changed into a rust colored sweater and a light blue baggy jeans. You didn't feel the need to put too much makeup so you just curled your lashes, concealed your under eyes, and moisturized your lips with your usual cherry chapstick, which you were sure was Conrad's favorite.

Right when you were putting on your leather jacket you heard a knock on the door. You first thought it was your roommate's boyfriend whom she had just fought with. So you stayed quiet not wanting to mess with their drama.

After a moment of silence, the person on the other side of the door spoke. "(Y/n), honey you there?"

You gasped when you realized whose voice that was. It was Conrad. Was he actually here to pick you up for your date? This was normal to everyone else but not for you.

The few amount of dates that you had with Conrad usually happened casually or you just went to where you were going together given that you had lived in the same house by the time you started dating then lived in the same campus.

You rushed to the door and opened it. He was standing in front of you with an outfit that was quite similar to yours. Except that his sweater was forest green, the color made him look even hotter.

"Wow, you look really pretty," he said scratching the back of his neck. "Aw, so do you," you closed the door, "c'mon let's go." You grabbed his hand and you started to walk down the stairs.

"I thought we were gonna meet at the gate."

"Well, I wanted to be a gentleman."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

As you were about to leave the campus you ran into some of your friends.

"Conrad, hey!" A couple came to your side. They looked familiar but you couldn't figure out who they were, so you just stood quietly.

"Hey, guys!" He said then looked at you, "This is my girlfriend,"

You said your name to them, smiling. "Oh, we know who you are. Conrad does not stop talking about you." The guy said

"Really?" You asked. "Yes, you are like a legend."

You raised your brows, looking up at Conrad's blushing face. "A legend?"

You normally wouldn't be surprised that your boyfriend was talking about you to his friends but you knew all of the close friends he had in the past month so this was –actually romantic.

Four of you talked for a while.

"Okay, man see you later. I don't want any of our girls to get cold." The guy said jokingly.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

You walked down Thayer Street. You wanted to find a place that didn't involve too many familiar faces and also a place that was romantic enough for a cozy little autumn date that you had in mind.

But neither of you didn't knew much about this street or the city actually.

It had been around 6 weeks since you moved into your dorms and started to live in Providence. All you could do during this time was learn about college and how everything works in it.

So any place that was outside of your campus was quite foreign to you.

As you were walking he looked down at you, "I don’t know what it is about fall. Everything’s dying, but it feels like starting over." he gestured to the leaves on the ground.

"That might be because we notice the beauty right before it’s gone." You said quietly.

He looked at you for a long moment, the corners of his mouth tilting into that small, knowing smile of his.

"Maybe that’s the trick," he said. "The world teaches us to love things even as they fade."

Something about the way he said it made the air feel heavier — not sad, just full. You watched another leaf drift down between the two of you and thought how easily beauty slipped away, and how, somehow, that made it sweeter.

"You really are the poetic type, huh?" You asked, scrunching your nose.

"Only when I’m cold and happy at the same time."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

After walking for a little more you ran into this cute coffee shop called Sydney Cafe.

It didn't match up with the image that you had in your head that much but it was close enough. It was either this place or Nero which you have already walked past.

And funny enough, the bricks of the building where the cafe was located were the same color as your sweater, green and rust.

Realizing that sort of helped you to be okay with this cafe.

You turned your head to Conrad, studying his face, trying to understand if he was okay with this place too.

And he was okay with it. He would be okay with a dumpster if it meant that he was going to be there with you.

"So, what do you think?" You asked, pressing your lips together.

"I think whatever you think."

You giggled, "Okay, then let's go." You pulled him inside with you, not letting his hand go.

Sometimes it was still a little hard to believe that you were holding his hand. This gorgeous, tall, and kind man whom you had a crush on for a while was actually your boyfriend. And you were taking him to a date while holding his hand and he looked so cute with his hand over yours too.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Both of you ordered your coffees. You ordered a pumpkin latte and he said he'll have the same as you. It felt odd that Conrad was asking for a pumpkin-flavored drink. He didn't like anything that involved too much sugar and it was like the first week of October so it wasn't usual for many people to ask for that flavor either.

"Really? Pumpkin latte?" You mocked him. "What? What's wrong with it?" He said with a high voice.

"It's October 3rd."

"So?" He asked. "So, it's just... weird that you want a pumpkin latte when it's barely the first week of October. And I'm also sure that I've never seen you drink a pumpkin latte." You said, smirking.

"First of all Halloween is right around the corner–"

"More than three weeks." You cut him off. "Don't cut me off, I'm making a statement." He warned, jokingly.

"Sorry,"

"Second of all, just because I haven't drank it before doesn't mean that I can not try it, for you."

"For me?" You asked, understanding the reason why he ordered that latte. It was because he wanted to have the same thing as you.

He blushed as you looked at him all knowingly. "Shut up."

You raised your hands, "Didn't say anything." He chuckled. "Your eyes did."

"Huh, okay," you closed your eyes with your left hand. "we can continue the date like this if you want. So tell me, how are you?"

▪︎▪︎▪︎

After you left the cafe you decided to take a walk in the park. His hand was back on yours the minute you paid the check –as promised.

After walking for around ten minutes you were at the park. You couldn't belive how beautiful it looked.

The park looked golden in the fading light, the sky melting from orange to rose. A cool breeze carried the scent of dry leaves and distant woodsmoke, brushing against your face just enough to make you wish you'd brought a scarf.

You picked the bench with the best view and sat on it. Watching the sunset has always been one of your favorite things to do in life and now getting to do it with your boyfriend as you rested your head on his shoulder and he rested his hand on your waist was just spectacular.

He set down your shared paper bag — two cookies, still warm.)

"I told you the extra cookie wasn’t necessary." He said. "And I told you I don’t share cookies with people who say things like not necessary." You mimicked his tone.

He bumped your arm. "That’s a bold policy."

"I’m a woman of principles, Connie Baby." You shrugged.

He laughed and broke one cookie in half, and handed it to you. You took it, biting. "You’ve got crumbs on your sweater." He pointed.

"Maybe I’m saving them for later." You defended.

"Or, maybe you're just clumsy." He mocked. You opened your mouth and tried to come up with something to say.

"Don't act like you don't love that about me." Both of you laughed. Still seeing your breath flowing in the air, and loving it.

"Yeah, biblically true." He mumbled.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

You sat there and kept on watching the view.

"Have you talked to your mom?" He asked you breaking the silence you were in. She always called you on your free day asking about how everything was going, if you were okay, and of course if Conrad was also okay.

"Yeah, she called me as I was getting ready."

"And, what did you talk about?" He asked. You furrowed your brows at his question. It was normal for him to ask about your conversation with your mother but you sensed something else was going on.

"Well, we talked about my classes, and how my week went." You answered.

"Huh, that's it?" He asked again and this time you were sure that something was actually up. "Spill the beans, Conrad." You looked up at him.

"I may or may not have asked her about your plans for this weekend." He looks at you wondering if you would think that this was too far.

"And?" you ask. "And, I've learned that she was going to be out of town."

"Okay, I'm still not getting this."

"I mean... she's not waiting for you to come home. My mom would definitely survive a week without seeing me if I had told her it was about class. So,"

"Huh, so you're saying that we just spend the weekend here."

"That, or,"

You tilted your head, looking at his eyes, trying to build some sort of telepathy. "I can just take you to Cousins."

"Conrad! Oh my– Oh my God! Cousins!? Just you and me?" You exclaimed.

He totally was expecting you to get excited but not this much. "(Y/n), Babe, calm down. It’s not like it had been years since we went there."

You exhaled and calmed yourself down –tried to, at least– You took both of his hands in yours. "Con, you might not know about this but... In all of those years we've spent back in Cousins I always tried to find a way to be alone in the same room as you. And when it happened I was so excited about it I didn't even get to enjoy your company properly."

You gave him a downward smile. You were glad to finally let him about those little details about you. He squeezed your hand and looked at you in a way that melted your heart.

He didn't say anything for a second. He was just mesmerized by you and the way you loved him. And knowing that he also loved you with the exact same way made him forget about everything else.

"I love you." He let out as he looked at you with eyes that were tearing. He had known that for a while and felt it way before he even realized. He just didn't want to say it so early in the relationship, fearing that it might put you under pressure.

And it was the same for you as well.

You put one of your hands on his face and caressed his left cheek. "I love you too." You said effectively.

He pulled you into a kiss, a very soft one. This kiss wasn't like any of the kisses any of you had before.

Admitting your love for each other was the reason for that.

After a while, you pulled away and looked at each other, giggling, still surprised at what had happened just now. You had no idea that your normal, cozy fall date evening would turn out to be this unforgettable day.

You put your head back on his shoulder, watching the last hints of sunshine disappear as the leaves drifted down like slow-motion confetti. Everything about it made you feel– warm.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"I think we gotta go and pack."

He looked at his watch on his wrist, "Oh, yeah, let's go."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

It was around 9 pm when you got into the car, you tossed your bags in the back, and buckled your seat belt.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

July 4th 2025

I was in the kitchen mixing the cake batter as I was lost in my thoughts.

I was forced to help my mom with the preparations for the celebration we were gonna have. She and Susannah had been celebrating the Fourth with each other for decades. And I've never had a Fourth nor a birthday without the Fisher's in it.

I used to love it, but now with everything that happened since the day we got here was making me feel like this day was not gonna be like the old ones.

We usually had a blast whenever there was a celebration. I loved to just wander around the kitchen as my mom and Susannah did all of our favorite snacks and foods. And when I got bored with their boring adult conversations, I would just go and hang out with Jere and Conrad.

I absolutely loved watching Conrad and Mr. Fisher playing American football or listening to their conversations about sailing.

Mr. Fisher wasn't in the Cousins too often due to his work, just like my dad. I can't say any of us cared for it, actually.

Cousins belonged to us. Just the five of us.

Until my brother was born, of course. I remember the first summer when we were here with him. He was only a few months old. Everyone had his attention on him. It was a hard summer given that we were dealing with an infant but it was the summer I realised how lucky we were as a family to have another family next door who loved us like we were bounded by blood.

Susannah basically spent the summer at our house that year. And she helped with everything. Conrad was 11, and Jeremiah and I were 10. "You guys are still my babies, but I have to be there for Laurel, too." Was what Susannah told her children when Jeremiah said he was feeling left out because she didn't pay full attention to his firework show while helping my mother clean the puke from her t-shirt.

She also told my mother that the little Leonardo looked just like Connie when he was first born. She always kept on telling that throughout the years. She always said they were almost identical if it weren't for Leo's lighter hair.

I didn't quite agree with that, but she wasn't wrong, tho. I sometimes could see the resemblance that they had.

"Good job, honey." I was startled when I heard my mother's voice. I didn't even realize she was in the kitchen. "Mom, you scared me." She rolled her eyes. "Huh, I guess I caught you in one of your space out moments, didn't I ?" I nodded as I kept on mixing the batter. "Izzy," she took a deep breath before continuing, "you started to become more absent-minded lately and I–"

"No, no, I'm just really focused on leaving no lumps in the batter." I said, trying to reassure her. "Okay, if you say so," She knew that I was not going to open up so didn't force me. She moved to the other side of the kitchen island and sat across from me. "And by the way, the batter looks perfectly fine it's time to put it in the oven."

I saw my mom looking at her phone, and before I could pre-heat the oven, she stopped me and said, "Wait, it's already noon. Why don't we just bake the cake at Beck's house?" And then I remembered it was Susannah's turn to host the Fourth.

I usually didn't mind having to go next door, but this time it was something that I minded, big time. I literally kicked Conrad out of my house and told him never to interact with me, just so that I could go over to his house.

And it wasn't like just for an hour or two. We were gonna spend the whole evening there. I started to feel nauseous just by thinking about how bad it was going to be. But I knew that I had to hide it. "Oh, this year was her turn? I completely forgot."

"Yes, bean, it is. Come on, go and get ready.. Also, don't forget to put on the dress Susannah got for you, okay?"

After I finished my makeup and curled my hair, I was standing in front of my bed, looking at the dress. It was one of the many presents that Susannah bought for my graduation. She loved to give presents to people and especially to me.

Susannah said that as soon as she saw the dress, she thought of me and how good I would look in it. I smiled as I took the dress into my hands and looked at myself in the mirror.

The dress had a square neckline, braided straps with soft ribbon ties draping over the shoulders, and a light blue fabric painted with cloud-like shades and delicate floral textures, giving it a gentle, romantic aura that felt timeless.

A mixture of Susannah's taste and mine.

After I put the dress on, it was time for the shoes. I wanted to go with something simple but not too simple. The shoes that I picked had thin straps, a slingback design, and a small heel in ivory. And lastly, I put on some jewelry to complete the look.

I couldn't believe how beautiful I looked and felt. It was a little hard to believe how much better I was feeling. I guess putting effort into my looks was more helpful than I thought.

"Izzy! You're wearing the dress." Susannah said as she took my hands in hers and looked at me up and down. "You look gorgeous." Her eyes were sparkling as she looked at me. "Susannah, stop, you're making me shy."

"Well, I can't help it." her gaze went to my brother, "And look at you, all dressed up matching your sister." She referred to his blue linen shirt. "They are matching cause I forced them to." My mom said, looking at us smiling.

"Okay, let's go to the kitchen. We have so much to do."

After everything was ready, Susannah and my mom were trying to set the table in the best way possible for their Instagram posts, and Leo and Jere were talking by the pool. And I was standing in front of the oven in the kitchen, with three minutes left to get the cake out. But my mind wasn't fully focused on it. It was focused on Conrad. I haven't seen him since I got here. At this point, I wasn't even sure if he was even in the house.

As I was tapping my fingers onto the counter with one hand on my waist, I heard my mom and Susannah, they were talking in front of the door that opened to the backyard. And I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"Laurel, I'm telling you he has been acting even worse in these last few days." Susannah said. "How could he get any worse?" My mom said.

"That's what I was telling myself.. But he barely leaves his room anymore, and when he does, he goes out to help Cleveland with sailing."

Wait, Cleveland? As in the guy that my mom was talking about non-stop? I guess now he was Conrad's sailing buddy.

Then my mom talked, "This is literally what I'm going through with Izzy," she paused. "Wait, do you think they had a fight or something?"

I couldn't listen to any further as I heard footsteps inside the house coming towards my way. It was Conrad. As soon as we looked at each other, I could feel the tension in my veins build up. He had dark circles around his under eyes, was still in his pajamas, and his hair was an absolute mess.

Seeing him like this was not something that I was used to. It ached my heart, and all I wanted to do was to help him and be by his side, but I didn't, I couldn't.

I don't know how long we looked at each other, but when the timer of the oven went off, I was the first to break the eye contact. I started looking in the drawers to find an oven mitt. But I couldn't find one.

"Here." Conrad handed me the mitt. I took it from him without looking or saying anything. Then Susannah and Jere walked in. They both looked at us with a questioning look on their face.

"Connie, why don't you get changed, honey?" Susannah said with a calm voice. "Mom," Conrad whined. "Please." She demanded but still kept calm. It was as if she was walking on eggshells around him, I could understand that after hearing what she just said.

"Izzy, that cake smells so nice." Jere said as he smiled, trying to break the tension in the room. Which I appreciated. "Aw, thanks. You want a piece?"

"Sure."

As the day went by, we took pictures, listened to music, and listened to our mother's college memories, basically just old holiday stuff that we did every year.

Now we were all sitting at the table and eating dinner. Conrad was sitting across from me. We used to always sit next to each other.

And now not sitting side by side with him, and not whispering jokes to each other's ear or not poking each other's knees when we were trying not to laugh when someone said something to cringe us out, like we always did, was making me feel empty.

I catch him looking at me a few times throughout the dinner. But that was it. Nothing else happened.

Just as I told him to.

"No, Laurel, I'm totally right. And you know that." Susannah said as she was claiming that Leo looked exactly like Conrad's childhood.

"Beck, you said the same things when Isabella was born."

"Yeah, so what? They also looked alike when they were younger. I mean, look at their eyes. I know Connie has more blue in it, but still. I wasn't wrong when I said that." She pointed at both of us. I shifted uncomfortably. Her saying that about us create a knot in my stomach.

"You know what? I'm taking out the albums."

"Oh my God, mom, are we really doing this again." Jeremiah said as he took his face into his hands.

"What? We all know that those albums were gonna come up eventually. And now I have an excuse for it."

"Fine, but let's just clean up the table first." My mom said, knowing that there was no escape from Susannah's stubbornness.

Albums and some pictures we took from inside of them were spread all around the table.

"Here, look at this one." Susannah said as she showed us a picture of Conrad when he first started primary school, he was wearing a light green t-shirt that made his eye colour stand out and was holding onto the straps of his backpack. He looked so happy and innocent. "Well, they do look a little bit alike in this one. I'll give you that." My mother said.

"Thank you. Connie, what do you think?"

Conrad looked up at his mother. It was so obvious that he was not paying any attention. "Yeah, I agree with you." His lips curled up a tiny amount.

"That's my boy." She said and took a sip from her wine.

"Oh, is this Christmas 2023?" My mom said as she pointed at the picture. I couldn't see the picture, but I could see the back of it and what was written there.

"Me and my Bella, entering 2023."

It was Conrad's handwriting.

I had no idea that he wrote that in the back. And the fact that he wrote,

"My Bella."

He was the only one who called me that. And it wasn't even that often. I felt something inside of me spark. But I tried to suppress it down.

Susannah stood up and went to Conrad's side, "look honey, it's you and Izzy. You guys look so cute." She caressed his shoulder.

I kept my eyes on Conrad and studied his actions. He looked nervous, which wasn't a surprise. It was becoming his thing. He slightly nodded, then looked at me.

I started to feel short of breath. He looked at me in a way that I had just found a big secret that he was keeping from me. Maybe he realized that I saw what was written in the back.

"Izzy, love, come look." Susannah said. So I did. I stand behind her and right next to Conrad.

It was a picture of me and Conrad hugging and smiling at the camera. Well, I was smiling at the camera. He was looking at me, his eyes sparkling.

It was the first night that I've ever drank alcohol so I barely remember the moment when the picture was taken. "Oh, that's pretty,"

"I mean my cardigan.. I should wear that in this winter also as well." For a second, I thought about showing the back to everyone else to see what Conrad would do. But even in anger, I couldn't. I couldn't intentionally make him feel bad.

I went back to my seat.

After I spent the night in the backyard with everyone, watching fireworks, and drinking two glasses of wine - it was the amount my mom let me have - I went inside to grab myself a shawl.

Susannah told me to go to her room and grab whichever one I liked the most.

I picked a blue colored one to match my dress, guessing that we weren't done with the pictures. Before I was about to head down, I took a moment for myself to watch the view from her room.

I always adored her view. It had a way to help me relax and take the ocean breeze in.

But at this moment I couldn't relax. I was thinking about what Conrad has written. Him saying, "My Bella" might not be important to the others, but it was quite important to me. He was the only one person who had ever called me that. Except for the a few times my mother and father said it, but they are my parents they don't count.

And I haven't heard him call me Bella for so long it has actually brought back some memories. The kind of ones that had so much hold on me.

June 2017

One of the oldest times he had said that to me was when we were watching Beauty and the Beast. "You are like my Belle. Well, Bella, actually.. I know your names aren't the exact same, but still."

July 2019

It was noted on the birthday present he bought for me,

"I bought this for you as a thank you for bringing light into my world. Happy Birthday, Bella. Love –Conrad."

February 2021

We were at their house for the weekend, and he argued with Jeremiah about not using enough sterilizer or something. It looked like it was a normal brotherly fight, but it somehow affected Conrad more than usual. And I was sitting by his side, comforting him, telling him how much of a thoughtful person he is, and if the others couldn't see it, it was their fault, not his.

"Do you remember when I called you my Belle?" He asked as if he didn't know the answer. "Yeah, I do. Why?"

"Did you know the reason for it?" He asked. "Is it because I wear too much yellow?" I laughed nervously, not knowing what he was going to say. He half-laughed. "No, it's because you always see the good in me, even when I don't."

I fell in love with him a little more that night.

It wasn't just those 3 times, but remembering even just a few was already enough to make me dizzy. Even after everything, the love that I had for him didn't lessen. Not even a bit.

I shook my head and wrapped she shawl around my shoulders.

When I finally went downstairs, I saw Conrad sitting by himself in the living room. He was playing with his hands. I could see how anxious he was. Then I did something without thinking and just acted on impulse. "Aren't you gonna come outside?" Even when I was asking the question, I couldn't believe myself. I didn't feel like the same person who told him not to interact with me ever again.

Remembering our memories was making it hard to suppress the soft spot that I had for him.

He looked surprised, like really surprised. "Oh, I- I thought- you wouldn't want me to." He shifted in his seat, biting his bottom lip.

"Well, yeah. But it's the fourth, and it's your house. So..." I tilted my head, wearing an expression that said it all—duh.

I knew why I did this. I was never capable of not caring when it came to him. And today, seeing him this messed up and this anxious around me was making me feel bad about him.

And whenever I felt bad about him, my first thought had historically been, "How do I fix this? How do I make him feel better?"

He smiled slightly. "Okay, Iet's go."

I walked out faster than him, without saying another word. I wasn't ready for that. Yet.

The night went on better than I expected it to be. I didn't even care when I had to stand next to Conrad in the pictures.

Now everyone was saying their goodbyes like we were not gonna see each other in the morning.

After hugging Jere and saying goodnight to him, I saw Conrad looking at us in the distance with his hands in his pockets. I thought about saying goodnight to him also as well. But I didn't want him to think that I forgot about what he said, and we can just go back to how things used to be.

So I just started walking to my mom's side. But then something that I didn't expect happened. Conrad walked towards me and slightly touched my arm, making me turn back to him. I thought about a million different things he could've said to me right now. And most of them were about last night. "Can I tell you something?" He asked, his tone wavering.

I sucked in a ragged breath, "If you're going to do it to ease your conscience, don't." I tried to look certain. "Well, it's not the main reason.. But–"

"Okay, so you're not telling me whatever it was." My words trembled out quickly. I calmy took his hand from my arm. He nodded, avoiding my eyes. I swiveled on my heels and started walking. After a few steps, I heard him saying something,

"Goodnight, Bella."

A/n: Hey guys, I want to quickly explain why I don’t use Y/n in this story. For me, giving the character an actual name adds more depth and purpose to the storytelling. The name Isabella itself carries meaning—it comes from Hebrew origins, meaning “devoted to God.” Beyond that, the nickname Bella means “beautiful” in Italian and Spanish.

You've spent the last three days describing your daughter's smile –that happened for the first time– and talking about how magical it was. Conrad was bittersweet the first time he heard that you made her smile, but now, with you bragging about it none stop was kind of getting on his nerves.

It wasn't just because he missed it, it was because of how much you bragged. You always loved to get on his nerves, without crossing any line of course, and he let you. Because he also loved to see you looking all bubbly and competitive when you tried to mock him.

But this was something else. This was about his little girl whom he loved more than anything in this world, and he would do anything to see her smile. And he had some plans about it too.

"Conrad, I'm telling you, Iris smiled at me. Just accept the loss, dude." You said playfully, mocking him.

"I'm not saying I don't believe you." He shrugged his shoulders. "I just need to see it for myself too." He said as he poured the coffee you prepared for him into his mug. "Yeah, good luck with that." You said, still mocking him.

"I wouldn't need the good luck if you had taken a picture of it."

"Well, I'm a first-time mother so forgive me for being focused on seeing my child smile for the first ever time, that–" he stopped you, "that you forgot to capture the moment for the father of the baby. Who's also a first-time father by the way."

Well, he was right. His longing to see his daughter smiling for the first time was more than normal. You walked closer to him, hugging his body that was leaning against the counter. "You're right. I should've taken a picture. I apologize." He hugged you back, kissing your head. "Don't. It's fine."

"Is the coffee good?" You asked him, hoping that the caffeine would help him stay awake and spend some time with you after his long shift. "It's great."

You tilted your head slightly, looking up at him. "Con,"

"Yeah?" He said. "What do you wanna do tonight?" You asked. "I don't know. Do you have something in mind?" You nodded, "wait here, I'll be back in five." He got confused but before he found a chance to say something you left the kitchen and went upstairs.

You took your camera from the wall it was hanging on, then went to your daughter's room to pick some of her toys and her up, making sure that she wouldn't wake.

You went to the living room, laid a blanket on the floor along with some pillows and Iris's favorite toys, and set the camera with one hand while still holding your baby in the other.

When everything was ready you walked to the kitchen. Conrad was on the phone talking to someone, he was turned against the window so he didn't see you. You guessed it was someone from work given what Conrad was saying. You didn't want to interrupt so you just waited until he was done with his call, leaning against the door, stroking your daughter's head.

She was now awake but thankfully quite peaceful, probably because you were playing with her little hair strands that were getting longer by each day. You couldn't believe how much she looked like Conrad's mother, Susannah. She had her hair and eye color and she was just as beautiful as she was, maybe even prettier.

You didn't even realize Conrad until you saw him kissing your daughter's head. "Hey," he said, warm and quiet. "I missed you, bean."

You admired him as a father. He was the greatest you have ever seen and you were more than thankful to have him as a father to your child, maybe children one day. You could've just stay in this moment forever, watching him talk to her with his pure voice he only saved for you two. But you had a plan that was waiting for you in the living room.

"Let's go to the living room." You said and he nodded.

"What's all that?" He asked walking closer to your setup in front of the bookshelf. "That, my Connie, is, Plan: Make our little bean laugh." You went to his side, putting your daughter in between the pillows, carefully. He laughed, "Plan what?"

You also laughed, "We are going to work our asses off to make her laugh tonight. I'm talking, fun toys, goofy faces, weird sounds, and if they won't work," you put your hand over your heart, like you were taking an oath, "I myself promise to you that I'll sing 'Baby Got Back' just like Ross did to Emma."

He shook his head, grinning. "God, I love you." You send him an air kiss and started the camera.

You both knelt and started the plan.

You took her to your lap, given that she was only a few months old, and was not capable of sitting. You faced her against your husband so that he could directly see any facial expression she was about to make and also made sure that the camera would also see it all.

You and Conrad looked at each other, "So... what should we start with?" He asked. "Just go by instinct." He nodded.

He started with the good old trick, peekaboo. He did it a few times, with major excitement but no use, she stayed still.

Then he started to make funny faces, he crossed his eyes, puffed out his cheeks along with weird sounds. "Honey, look at Dada. Isn't he hilarious?" You said, trying to help him out. You wanted nothing more than to make your husband and daughter smile. A genuine one.

"Don't think she agrees," Conrad said, starting to get a little disappointed. "Well, she has to." You and Conrad started to tickle her slightly.

He kissed her stomach, blew raspberries, but instead of laughing she looked like she was judging you.

Even tho you loved seeing Conrad make a fool of himself for your daughter you were starting to get frustrated. "Connie," you sighed.

He looked at you, knowing what you were about to say. He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No,"

"There are no other options, we tried everything, Con." He leaned over, grabbing some of her toys. "We still have those." He put his weight on his elbows and he started to wave them against her, making the junior mint speak.

"Hey, Miss. Fisher, can you just smile? For once?" She didn't. "Please?" She kept the judgy look. Conrad exhaled sharply, his head fell forward.

You frowned as you stroked his hair. He looked up at you a moment later. You both nodded at each other. "Baby Got Back?" He asked.

"Baby Got Back."

He looked at her and kissed her cheeks. "I'm sorry, bean."

You both got up, and he picked her up from you. You started with the rhythm, "We can not show this part of the video to anyone." You said before starting to sing.

After a few minutes of singing and doing a little dance choreography, she was still looking at you like you were the most boring human being on earth. "Honey, come on. Even your dad, the freakin Dr. Conrad Beck Fisher sang along. Why won't you smile so we can move on with our night, huh?"

"Y/n is fine. We can try it out again tomorrow." Conrad caressed your shoulder. "No, no," you shook your head.

"It's happening. Tonight. And you know what?" You waved your finger at your daughter, playfully. "No more mommy's boobs for you. Did you hear that, Iris Susannah Fisher?"

Conrad laughed at your joke. And it almost looked like she was about to laugh too. "Conrad, look!" You exclaimed. He looked at her face, his eyes widening.

Her face had this weird expression that neither of you could figure out. And then, all of a sudden.

She spit-up. The tiny amount of vomit got onto Conrad's shirt. "Oh my Fu–" you held yourself back from saying a curse word, taking your head in your hands.

"I guess she really said 'fine' to that no milk thing," Conrad said under his breath. He thought that you wouldn't hear him or if you had you would've brushed it off. But you didn't brush it off. Your eyes that were already tearing with disappointment and frustration started to tear even harder. You tried wipe them off before Conrad could see.

You took Iris from his arms as he took his shirt off. He didn't notice you crying until he heard your sniffles. "Hey, hey, it's fine. Please don't cry."

"I can't help it." He pulled you into a hug, stroking your hair reassuringly. "We know that she is gonna smile eventually. Y/n, she's half you, it's inevitable." You both chuckled.

You playfully slapped his bare chest, "Con,"

He held you in his arms, and hearing his steady heartbeat helped you calm down. There was something about lingering on the touch of your husband, the love of your life while carrying your child did something to you, something that filled your heart with love, something that you couldn't even describe with words.

You looked up at your husband, with your starry eyes, smiling. "What?" He whispered.

You stand on your tiptoes. "Just, love." Both of you leaned closer to each other and your lips collided with a kiss. The kiss was warm, genuine, and loving.

You realized how much you missed kissing him like this. You both didn't have the time for it in a while. Conrad had a busy week at work and even tho you were on maternity leave you were dealing with an infant. So any moment that you had with each other in these past months was more than wonderful.

Suddenly, you heard a chuckle. A kind of chuckle that couldn't have been from any of you. You both pulled away from each other and when you looked down, you saw Iris looking up at you.

Neither of you could believe your eyes.

After everything that you tried tonight, you didn't think you would see her smile, at least for a while. But now she was in your arms and chuckling while watching her parents kiss.

Conrad took her and held her the way they did in The Lion King. "Iris, you're laughing." He said, his eyes watering with happiness.

And in that moment you knew, you knew that the most important thing in this life for your daughter was to make her feel safe and happy, without any urgency or any force whatsoever.

When you looked at Conrad, you could see that he also knew it.

And you both made a promise to yourselves that you were gonna keep her safe for the rest of your lives.

Everything that has happened lately has pushed you to this moment. To this breakdown.

Everything that you've tried to ignore and suppress has passed the surface. Giving you no choice but to cry in front of the man you love.

Giving you no choice but to cry like an infant. You were left without any faith. You had to talk about things that you didn't even let yourself think about.

You usually sat in your room, looking up at the sky, trying to regain the hope you had lost. Begging God to change whatever it is that was written for you.

You didn't want much, you wanted to have company. And not just a fake company. You wanted people like you, people who were as much as genuine as you.

You wanted reassurance, maybe some sign to show you that everything was gonna be alright. You wanted it to be you. At least once.

"I don't know what's wrong with me?" You said, as the tears were falling from your eyes, you tried to wipe some of them but they kept coming. He looked at you with such apprehension in his eyes that you doubted if you should be opening up right now.

But when he sat beside you, you couldn't help it.

"Everything that's happening in my life is so... wrong." Your voice was breaking with every word that came out of your mouth. He pressed his lips together, trying to find something to calm you down say without making you build your walls up. "Hey," he put his hand on your back, caressing.

"Talk with me. I'm right here."

"I don't even know what to say or think. I don't know anything, Conrad." You put your head in your hands, feeling the tears coming harder.

"Nothing is going on the way I planned it to be. Everything is just a mess." You flinched at the idea of him thinking that he was one of the wrong things in your life but there was no going back now. You were gonna put your heart out. There were no other options. You've had enough, of everything.

"Tell me what's not going with the way you planned. Tell me that so I can help you fix it." He said. His voice was also starting to break. He hated to see you like that. He hated that you didn't know your own value.

"There's nothing you can do to fix– me. I'm the problem. I ruin everything and I'll continue to do so. That's who I am: a girl who fuckes it all."

"No, you are not. You are the most thoughtful and sincere person I have ever known and I admire that about you." He started to stroke your hair gently, reassuringly.

"God, you have no idea how much I want to be the greater woman you see me as," you shook your head, looking at him for the first time in minutes.

"But I am not. You know what I am? I am like the last drop of an ink pen. Just– no good use." You started to pinch your legs as a result of frustration.

Your anxiety hitting.

"I fucked my relationship with my family, my friends. And that's not even the worst part. I did this so many times, some of them with the same people some of them not." You were sobbing now, your hiccups making you dizzy.

He pulled you into his arms and you obeyed. You hugged him as you cried your heart out, trying to form the thoughts you held back for the longest time into words. "I even ruined my academic career." You were now saying everything that has come to your mind.

"I don't think that one is on you."

"Yeah, it's because of my shitty father who always claimed he never believed in me to be good enough." Thinking about your relationship with your father made you even worse even tho you knew that you weren't the one who screwed that up. It was all him. He had been a shitty person since the beginning of time.

"Yes, it's his fault. Not yours. You–" Conrad spoke but you stopped him. "Please, enough with the comfort words. I know they are hard to find."

He pulled away from you a little, grabbing your shoulders gently, looking deep into your eyes. His devoted eyes made you feel a little better.

"I'm not just saying words to comfort you. They came from here." He touched his heart. "If I didn't believe a single thing that I have said to you, I would have never said them."

He leaned closer to kiss your face. Wiping the last drops of tears with his thumbs.

"I love you but I don't agree with anything you said tonight. You didn't fucked up your relationship with your mother. She ruined her and your life by marrying a monster. And about your 'friends' they did you wrong. And you are not in the wrong for trusting and caring for people with your whole heart." He was now touching your heart.

"You're still keeping your heart pure, and it's so beautiful." A single tear drop fell from his eye.

You sighed deeply, " I just want to be understood. Don't blame me for wanting this."

"I'm not,"

"Conrad, I always tried so hard to have everything figured out, without any uncertainty whatsoever, and basically have a life that was perfect on paper but– I failed every fucking time. Sometimes I think this is my fate, just trying and trying and trying," you stopped, taking a deep and shaky breath, "just to fail and start over with a heart that's even more broken."

You licked your lips, they were salty and dry from your tears. "I think this is punishment from God. I'm just– cursed."

"No," he shook his head. You frowned. "No, what?" You asked him, wandering.

"No, it's not your fate. No, you are not cursed. And no you don't just start with a broken heart. You start with a soul who's infinitely more mature."

He was right and you knew it. It didn't matter what the wrong people did to you. Yes, you had flaws too but at least you were learning from them. You felt your tight chest unraveling.

"A soul of a hundred years old." You half-laughed. For the first time in a while, your laugh was genuine.

You swallowed, feeling your hiccups lessening. He kept on giving quick kisses to your cheeks, forehead, basically your whole face.

"I know life has been rough to you, but I won't. I'm here for you. My heart is open for you just like yours is open for me. I'm here as your best friend as your boyfriend as someone who has seen you fight with every hardship that has ever come your way. And I love you for that. I love you for being so strong."

Your tears faded and you nodded. "Thank you." He smiled, "you are welcome. But just one more thing, please don't go this hard on yourself, you are so young and have a whole life ahead of you, and seeing you act like you blew the whole world just because some cruel people don't see your value is devastating."

"You're right." You whispered.

You kissed his lips with tenderness, and he kissed you back with reassurance. And in that moment you realized everything that happened to you that made you think that your life was hell actually brought you to this exact moment and made you who you are.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked hesitating a bit. You smiled gently, caressing his face. "Much better." He pecked your lips. "You don't think you are cursed anymore?"

You shook your head slightly. "No, I actually think I am blessed."

He hummed, twirling your hair in his fingers. "How's that so?"

"Because I'm with the best man to ever exist. I guess my howling at the moon like a wolf trick paid off."

"That makes two of us." He said before he stood up and offered his hand to you.

"Come on let's go to bed."