Saltyphilosophercat

I was hoping it would be different this time around. 

I was hoping I could get to celebrate Christmas with my loved ones. 

I see Christmas lights wherever I go but somehow I can’t find any warmth for this Christmas. 

I thought I got used to not celebrating Christmas with them but I felt it more this time. The absence of Family. 

Oh how I wish I could turn back time because slowly, I am forgetting the happy times I had with my family. 

Happy times forgotten, Sad days being remembered. 

When can I feel that Christmas feeling again? 

How do you get out of a place you have been in for a long time?

How do you get ahold of yourself when slowly you are taken away by a force that you do not understand?

Have you ever felt so lost that you think the path you are taking today is the path that is meant for you?

Because there is no other path that you could think of?

Or you are afraid to take something or experience something new? Because of the uncertainty it brings.

You think you got better every day, but the truth is you got comfortable and got used to the same place you are in.

Have you ever felt like you have never laughed the same way after it happened?

Somehow, that experience have taken something away from you and that you were never the same person after.

People say that you need to move on or else you will be lonely for eternity.

But I ask, how do you move on?

They say give love and you will never lose love.

But I ask, how do I give love if there is no love left in me?

They tell you to let love through and it will grow.

I say how do I do that if my heart is already stone cold?

How do you move on from something that is so painful you can still remember every detail of it?

Once there was a cat living in the bushes beside a house in a busy street.

She has lived there ever since she was born.

She witnessed her mother got hit by a car and she felt the most painful feeling there is in the world.

She was left all alone and hungry after that.

Some cats would pass by and would just look at her.

In order to survive, she must rummage through the garbage and look for leftovers.

She did the same thing every day. She felt the same feelings all the time.

One rainy day, another cat passed by her shed and looked at her.

She stared back, blankly.

This time, the other cat walked towards her and she was surprised.

“Are you okay?” the other cat said. But she just stared at him.

“I’m going to stay here for a while, I don’t want to get wet.” Again, she did not respond.

And so, he stayed beside her. They were not talking to each other, but she felt comfortable. Like home.

He kept visiting her after that and she started talking a little bit more each day.

One thing he noticed was she never smiled.

“Do you ever smile?” he asked one day.

“I guess I did, but I forgot.” She answered.

He felt sad. He cannot make her smile. He felt that she was apathetic and difficult to handle.

The next day, she saw him passed the streets with another cat going into the bushes. They looked happy.

She did not know why but she felt sad at what she saw. And her eyes were brimming with tears.

“I tried hard to remember how to smile last night, I thought I figured it out.” she thought and then smiled sadly.