Salty Chef/Enjoyer of Frogs @saltingthecookingwine - Tumblr Blog

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?

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gay-lotus

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i tried to microwave a popsicle

gay-lotus

31 hours deep into the insomniac’s gambit and i posted on the wrong blog again

gay-lotus

saltingthecookingwine

My personal problem with the Insomniac’s Gambit is not that it does not work, no. The problem is that is works very occasionally, super low percentage, BUT it does sometimes magically fix my sleep schedule for a bit.

It is the ultimate high risk, high reward, chuck the dice in the face of the gods and cackle move. You might get to sleep blissfully and wake at the hour of your choice, but you’ll probably be smote with hysteria and poor internet based purchasing decisions, or even rage quit a job or a relationship if you are truly cursed.

#insomnia #the insomniacs gambit #sleep

breadandm

somebody posted this Calvin and Hobbes strip and i cannot overstate just how topical this fuckin thing is

#did apollo nail bill watterson with a dodge ball or fucking what #calvin and hobbes #adulthood

oneheadtoanother

It says you're winning the argument and they want to pivot away from the subject. BLOOD IN THE WATER 🩸🩸🩸 you know what to do 🦈

saltingthecookingwine

Ok but what does it mean if my mother, a lawyer, said this to me as a child repeatedly?

Like, was she acknowledging my nascent verbal prowess or just calling me argumentative? Full disclosure: i received an early childhood Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnosis so that may have informed her parenting…

And is that a secret super power for lawyers? I am not one.

#childhood #lawyers #you’d make a great lawyer #parents #oppositional defiant disorder

mariopowertennis

YOU HAVE ENTERED

RADICAL SATURDAY

cynical-werewolf

Today’s Friday, though.

sketchlock

midnight-spectrum-again

I see this post every Friday and I’m convinced that ya’ll are queueing this

insidiousclouds-2

I’ve lost track of time this is the only way I know its Friday please keep queueing this

insidiousclouds-2

I can’t believe after practically a year later people are still queuing this. Thank you. It is Friday.

midnight-spectrum-again

YOU DID THIS TO ME

gaymoods

IM QUEUEING THIS EVERY FRIDAY

saltingthecookingwine

The plastic dinosaur IRRELEVANT reaction image is a triumph, plus this post reminded me that today is indeed Friday. Excellent work on the whole post, team

#radical saturday #friday #irrelevant

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sodorz

thinking abt how fucked up steam engine boiler explosions can look. theyre just pipes under there

gives me the idea of a ghost/monster engine that looks normal, albeit a bit battered, only to swing their smokebox door open and a myriad of pipes come bursting out like fucked up tentacles

marlynnofmany

I didn’t know a train could be an eldritch horror, but here we are.

siphersaysstuff

The Call of C'thchoochoo.

#holy shit exploded train!#also killer Cthulhu pun #trains #explosions #transportation gore #steam engine

todays-xkcd

All discussions of daylight saving time policy are doomed by a mix of contradictory, inconsistent, and impossible preferences, which is why I think the only thing we can really hope to do is to make it worse.

Time Change [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

saltingthecookingwine

So fully fuck daylight savings time. It does not do anything to help the vast majority of modern Americans (this post is for the USA, and our dumb state level patchwork of laws about official local time). Instead, Daylight Savings Time literally kills a statistically significant amount of people every time we change the clocks in the spring.

Increases in automobile accidents, workplace accidents, air traffic control issues, emergency room admits are all the symptoms of forcing the whole population to fuck up their sleep for no reason. And people die. Dozens each year at least.

Fuck that shit. I’m down for the well-rested chaos spiral if we just want to do away with the spring and not the fall one. Better than our current dumb bullshit

#daylight savings #daylight savings time #fuck springing forward #xkcd #time change #death #statistics

fandaniel

#today’s mood #annihilation #I am moving house and fuck boxes #why do I have so much shit?#I just threw it all away also why is there all this left?

word-for-today

Word for today: swarf

What sawdust is to wood, swarf is to stone, metal, and other materials; not sure how far this goes. Plastic? Bone? Cheese?

saltingthecookingwine

Swarfed cheese is not ok. No.

Ok maybe only the dusty Parmesan but you’re pushing it. Swarf.

#swarf #vocabulary #cheese

nitewrighter

Couple + Sibling/relative third wheel is honestly an S-tier trio dynamic and I wish we saw more of this in media.

"You are my soulmate. We are forged together by battle and tears and love. Also my brother's coming along."

"Yo."

nitewrighter

Bonus points if the non-related half of the couple is just as committed to keeping the third wheel around as the related half.

"Isn't it weird that your brother in law is always hanging around?"

"You've got a problem with Andrew?"

notebooks-and-laptops

saltingthecookingwine

I have a deep and abiding love for the 1999 masterpiece of film The Mummy. The sequel is just alright.

#the mummy #film masterpiece #third wheeling

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segamascott

otteroflore

alright everyone is being sassy but nobody has brought up the actual reason why scientists are interested in the titanic in the notes

Per wikipedia:

The Titanic was made of steel, presumably to resist corrosion (i mean. thats why boats are made of steel i assume) but even when iron/steel rusts people did not expect to find like. decomposition. bacteria are EATING the titanic.

and there's wood furniture from the titanic that isn't decaying. hell, there are wood ships at the bottom of the ocean that archaeologists study. so the expectation people have for the titanic is not that the steel would decompose at the bottom of the ocean. Even in 100 years, since there are much more ancient preserved wooden ships iirc.

(im not particularly knowledgeable about ships, i just had heard about the science going on around the titanic so i wanted to clarify that on this post for people)

shoresoftheshadowlands

sailor-arashi

The Titanic is an exceptionally weird whalefall basically.

claraschaos

Not a marine biologist but biologist enough to weigh in on this. The reason we have iron eating bacteria but not wood eating bacteria at the bottom of the ocean is simple. Hydrothermal vents release a cocktail of different mineral ores into the ocean. And bacteria and other organisms evolved alongside those so they evolved to digest these, like iron or other metal ores

Wood however does not exist at the bottom of the ocean since it basically never sinks down, even when logs are flushed out into the ocean they basically never end up at the ocean floor. So there's no bacteria that evolved to decompose lignin, which is already complex enough to decompose on the surface. And that's why wooden ships or the furniture on the Titanic stay intact for hundreds of years or longer.

lobo-cansado-de-ojos-rojos

Okay, but I remember reading a magazine stating that the titanic would basically be gone by now because of the rust eating the ship.

The sister ship HMHS Britannic is still perfectly preserved because of the way it sank, and partly in due to the coral that has grown around it keeping the structure in tact I believe was the reason.

theminingdwarf

Coral acting like a living fossil specifically for sunken ships is the coolest thing I've ever heard

kyraneko

So lemme get this straight, the Titanic is a whalefall, the Britannic is a biological mummy, and all the wood ships that sink into the deep ocean are preserved incorrupt because nothing can eat them.

Zombie, mummy, lich, respectively.

#shipwrecks #rust eating bacteria #history #sea life #whalefall #the titanic #the brittanic #zombie #mummy #lich #the deep #the deep sea #deep sea

oh-frederik-what-a-day-its-been

headspace-hotel

Was I the one scrolling this post like "surely this is going to be the last one"

lucidseduction

Simulacra and Simulation

#get this post to a philosophy 101 class stat

all-pacas

i have a lot of feelings and thoughts about coelacanths today

all-pacas

like… they’re blue

you have this mysterious fish that no one really cared about, because everyone assumed they’d gone extinct with the dinosaurs. an interesting footnote, but one of many, many fossil species.

and later the coelacanth gets some fame as a so-called “missing link” species, a theory which is now outdated (and not accurate for coelacanths) but was really influential at the time. because they have some weird biological quirks – bones in fins! – people were like “oh, they must be a missing link.” so the coelacanth was launched into some fame with the theory of evolution. it got brought up a lot. drawn in old textbooks as proof.

and then a fisherman finds a weird fish off the coast of south africa and calls a local fish expert who had let it be known she was interested in weird finds, and he brings her the (unfortunately badly rotted) corpse and she’s like “well, this is sure weird,” and sends off the bones to other experts, who start to quietly freak out, and rush to south africa, and rewards are offered for another one, any other one, and a few years later one is caught and frozen before rotting.

and it’s this incredible discovery, this extinct creature come to life (the prehistoric coelacanth lived in swamps and marshes in south america; these now are deep ocean fish in and around the indian ocean, but it’s still recognizably the same species)!

but it’s also blue.

not like, muddy blue, or tumblr-default-background blue.

proper shimmering sapphire blue and white. almost turquoise in some lights. this like… muddy, fossil creature. always drawn in dinosaur browns and grays. and it’s alive and it’s blue. just imagine being the scientist who opened that crate to this creature for the first time. you’re already excited, you’ve known about this fish for decades, you thought it was a story, you know it’s in this box. you expect to see the weird fins and the strange tail. you know it’s large and odd looking. and you open it up and it’s this beautiful, shining blue, you know?

all-pacas

[img described: a coelacanth. it is blue.]

#it’s blue #coelacanth #fish #history of science #sea life #paleontology

miraclemaya

living in one of those free use public sex kinda hentai but no one wants to have sex with me so i mostly just stay home and post. i look outside and sigh wistfully at the sight of a woman getting eaten out so hard she somehow cums twice in one moment and then close my blinds so i can focus on cookie clicker

str8aura-no-not-that-one

Charles guiteau

communistrainbowdash

The man who assassinated James Garfield??????

str8aura-no-not-that-one

prime89

I will always love how you can learn things that your history class failed to teach you from shitposts on this site. Never change.

comicgeekscomicgeek

You don’t get knowledge delivered like this on other webbed sites and apps.

saltingthecookingwine

And the Oneida free love collective that made tableware to pay the bills eventually ran its course, and transitioned into a tableware company called Oneida.

#sex cult #sorta #tableware #Charles giteau

dragon-in-a-fez

you know what really helps you locate any small paper cuts you might have forgotten you have? putting your hand in a bucket of acid. cool things I learned today

goldenleopard34335

Why. If I may ask. Why would you Do That

dragon-in-a-fez

I buy citric acid crystals in bulk and mix them with water to make a bath for cleaning aquarium equipment. and then sometimes I reach in with my bare hand to take things out because I am fundamentally the kind of person who would do that

the-knight-was-actually-hollow

You have. The. Dream job

dragon-in-a-fez

this is not my job, I just have an aquarium

goldenleopard34335

DO YOU HAVE FISH????

dragon-in-a-fez

yes that is who lives in the aquarium

madeofclothandlove

this has the energy of a world heritage post

dragon-in-a-fez

do I come to your blog and curse your bloodline

saltingthecookingwine

I really, truly, in my heart of hearts was convinced that this was going to be another good service worker who had had the great joy of plunging their hand into a container full of any pickled item, only to realize that they have an open wound because it is now on fire. Bonus points if it’s something spicy.

#aquarium upkeep #not foodservice #fucking disaster either way #aquarium #ouch #ouch ouch ouch

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byjove

“I’m afraid of getting cancer from the cadmium in my painting supplies” I’m not 😌 I love you cadmium yellow. I love you vermillion red. I love you uranium orange, haven’t worked with you but I love you nevertheless. Most of all I love you arsenic green.

byjove

This dress could kill you but I completely understand why people in the late 19th century were willing to take that risk.

byjove

Here is uranium orange fiestaware, proving that beauty truly is pain.

byjove

just found out about London purple 🤤

bundibird

I was wondering what was involved with London purple so as to merit its inclusion alongside such stars as arsenic green and uranium orange, and --

Ah, cool, gotcha

unashamedly-enthusiastic

Do you like the color of the poison?

english-history-trip

You know what was used as yellow dye for almost thirty years between its discovery and its current use?

TNT.

saltingthecookingwine

That green dress… I get it

#color theory #fiestaware #London purple #uranium Orange #arsenic and old lace

blankpointdankmemes

matt-ruins-your-shit

spaceshipoftheseus

Look, this is my litmus test: I pretend I am the original Earl of Sandwich. I have asked for non-bread foods to be brought to me inside bread, that I might more easily consume them one-handed while gambling.

This does not enable my wretched regency habits. This is not what I asked for. I do not deign to grace it with the name of my house.

dirkbolero

This is the most important addition to the sandwich discourse I have ever read.

#somebody gets it #sandwiches #the sandwich #the earl of sandwich #the definition of a sandwich

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