Salamander-Hours

Because everyone keeps asking about it.

These Bastards are available as prints, cards and postcards over on RedBubble.

I’ve had a go at making stickers out of these and it’s bloody horrendous. So I hope you all can suffice with prints for now.

Ravenclaw, crying: please stop

Gryffindor: wait no, they’ve got a point

Slytherin: wait if mY SPINE WAS A SNAP BRACELET-

Hufflepuff: ...continue

Slytherin: YOU COULD LEGALLY FOLD ME AND ROLL ME DOWN A HILL AND IT-

Gryffindor: it would bE AMAZING RAVEN CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE THE SPELL

Slytherin: PLEASE

Ravenclaw: no-

Hufflepuff, with puppy eyes: please

Professor: “There’s a book sitting in front of you. In it contains all the bad things people have said about you behind your back. Would you open it?”

Gryffindor: “Hell Ya”

Hufflepuff: “Read it so you can find out what people really have to say about you and how you can change your character to be a better person.”

Slytherin: “Read it so you know what order to murder people in.”

Slytherin: Wow, someone didn’t get much attention as a kid, yeah?

Well everyone’s OTP is Slytherin×Hufflepuff and i’m one of those people but hear me out please

You’re stereotyped as the villain and the hero, well guess what ? Opposites attract .

Grryfindor would die for their Slytherin, Sly would kill for them .

Adrenaline ? Illegal ? Fun ? Risk ? Bet ? Well you’re both in .

You’d constantly make fun of each other without getting butthurt, but you wouldn’t tolerate any person making a mean comment about them .

No one would dare come after your lover because then they would have you to answer to and most people are afraid of you let’s face it .

You most likely have a favorite song and whenever it comes on the radio or tv in public, you’d sing very loudly that you get annoyed stares .

You would do whatever you want whenever you want because fuck you people no one will tell us what to do .

Sly would help Grryf make a 5 years plan and stick to it because Grryf tend to have dreams rather than goals but sly would help them make their most wild dreams a reality .

Sly’s always very busy and concentrated on their studies and work because one day they’re gonna make it big you just sit there and watch; but sometimes anxiety and stress might kick in and make them forget how to live a little, and who’s more lively than a Gryff , who’s more capable of getting Sly to forget about work just tonight and have fun ?

You both tend to be very good role models when you want to be so if you’re ever willing to have kids, it’s parentship at its finest .

You don’t like to be seen as warm and cute , but you secretly are . You probably have pet names fo each other and you show affection in public, you bring out that part in each other and no one would dare to say a word .

You’re both stubborn and fiery but you always try to find a solution that works for the both of you .

You’d encourage each other to pursue your dreams because you’re both convinced that you have to find meaning for your lives .

People are always wondering how in the world you two got to be together, but that’s the fun part about the whole relationship , getting to confuse the hell out of others .

ADVENTURES, lots and lots of them .

Stupid bets all the time .

Movie nights, you probably both like horror movies .

You’d wear each other’s clothes all the time that you almost forget “is that shirt mine or yours ? ” “does it really matter ? ”

If you ever tried to cook dinner together you’d probably keep laughing over stupid things and forget it in the oven so it burns and you’ll end up fighting over who forgot it but you’ll order a pizza and watch a movie and everything will be fine .

Dirty jokes crack the both of you .

Too much laughter that your guts hurt .

You’re so different yet so alike, is that even possible ?

Road trips with no destination and very loud music.

Parties just for the both of you.

You’re both young at heart no matter how old you get .

Ravenclaw: Go over there and flirt with them. Just say a cheesy pick up line, or something.

Slytherin: Okay

Slytherin, walking up to Gryffindor: I like my partners like I like my intrusive thoughts

Gryffindor: ???

Slytherin: Fucking me over in the middle of the night

Gryffindor: has a competition on who can find the most hand sanitizer

Ravenclaw: washes hands like a rational person

Hufflepuff: stocks up on food and makes sure everyone stays inside and safe

Alexander: Not now Eliza, I'm having an important meeting.

Eliza: Oh Okay, sorry. *Leaves the doorway*

Alexander: Now Sir, Please continue.

Toddler Philip: *Cute Baby Babbles*

Alexander: Interesting, Do go on...

Toddler Philip: *More Cute Baby Babbles*

Gryffindor:[screams louder to establish dominance]

Hufflepuff: should we do something?

slytherin: still lacking elegance i see, ravenclaw. how crude.

ravenclaw, doing a pirouette and landing on their toes:

bitch

Slytherin: I say we demand change

Hufflepuff: Wow these puns caught my interest

Ravenclaw: nope

Slytherin: what why not?!