(this is a blog about death.)

LYDIA WASTES NO TIME in getting to her feet and excitedly grabbing her friend’s hand, eyes sparkling with a mix of   teenage rebellion & excited impulsiveness.   There’s nothing as fun as disobeying rules, Betelgeuse showed her that. Does that make him a bad influence? Lydia doesn’t really care. With a wide grin, she speaks.

“BEETLEJUICE ——”     As if on cue, thunder claps. The atmosphere builds, almost electrifying.     “—— BEETLEJUICE ——”   Wind, from seemingly nowhere, starts up, whipping Lydia’s curls around, ready to style it into something brand new.     “—— BEETLEJUICE!”

    toothy  grin  crosses  over  his  face  as  he  feels  immense  power  fill him  :   it was  like  someone  coloring  in the  lines,   or  getting  struck  by  lightning,   those  three  words!    no  longer  invisible,  powerful  --  and  all because  lydia  liked  goofing  around  with him!   satisfaction   rolls  over  him  like a   tidal  wave,   and,  cracking  his  neck  and  stretching his  lanky  arms   out  over  his  head,    he  exclaims:    “    --   now   that’s  the  ticket,   kid!   “    and  then  he  made  a  little  gun cracking  noise  with his  mouth,    pointing  a  finger  gun  in  the  direction  of  the  walls  of the house.   slowly,  everything  began to  fall and  crumble  away,  wallpaper  peeling  and  picture frames with  family  photos  cracking and  making  ghastly  expressions!       luckily,   it was all  an  illusion,   or else  delia  would  surely  have a   fit.    just a  side  effect  of  betelguese’s  foul  presence,    like the  physical  world  couldn’t  bear him,   the  neitherworld  rising  from  below  to  encapsulate the two of them!

DEMONIC CACKLING fills the room as Betelgeuse takes not of Adam’s distaste, and it only serves to encourage him further. “Don’t be shy,” he says, “get closer.” But his attention quickly moves to trying to hold his pen in the same way Adam does: it takes a second for him to get it right, but Betelgeuse decides that it’s a lot more comfortable then grabbing the pen with his fist. World’s Most Vanilla Ghost was right about something — who’d have thought??

“B - A - R - B … A - R … A - R - A. Wait, no.”   He looks down at the card for a moment, brow furrowed, before taking his pen and scribbling out the last two letters. “BARBARA! Nailed it. First try. No help needed. I’m such a sexy genius.”

     being  around  betelguese  really  did remind  adam  of  being around  his sister’s  three - year - old :   he’ll  stop  misbehaving  if you  just  dangle  some plastic  keys  in front of his  face or  something!     quickly  adam’s  attention,  itself,  is  caught  as  he  watches  betelguese’s   process  towards successful  penmanship  ...    mouth  falls  open,   brows  raise,   heart  sits  in  his  throat!   who  knew  that  adam  would  be  so  invested  in  the  simple  task of watching someone write his  wife’s  name?   but  don’t  blame him.  it was very few  times  that  he was  around a  beetlejuice  who was doing something that  wasn’t  vulgar  --  and he was  toeing the line,   even now.       are we bonding? 

delia’s  gaze  lingered  blankly  on  the  demon  for a  second  before  slowly  she  nodded   and  held  up  the  jar  in  her  hand.    “   um,   okay,   well,   thanks for  letting  me  know.     but  i  summoned  you here because  i can’t seem  to  get  this  damn   jar  of  strawberry  jam  open,  and    my toast  is going to  get  cold,   so.  “       a moment  later,   delia  helpfully  supplied:     “ this  --  wasn’t a  booty  call.   did   i  make  that  clear  enough?    you.    smell  really  bad,   and  i’m  engaged.  “     savage. 

NO omg sorry darling,  this blog is  EXTREMELY  low maintenance mostly because i’m always hopping around on about 1000 blogs,  and i  know pretty much everyone  here!   but  if you want a rules  page,  here is my rules from my other  blog! 

LYDIA LETS HIM GO ON HIS TIRADE, the beginnings of a smile growing on her lips. He’s so animated, even when he’s angry it’s hard not to smile around him. That’s what Lydia likes about Betelgeuse —— she doesn’t smile this much around anyone else. Soon enough she’s laughing, shoving him away as she attempts to avoid the onslaught of crocodile tears, lest one bite her. “Okay, Betelgeuse, you’ve made your point!” She looks back to the puzzle, scrunching her face up for a second before she swipes her arm over the table & pushes it all to the ground.

“You know, I don’t think my parents would object to you helping me with homework.” A sly smile, mischief in her eyes, a kind of look that says   plausible deniability.   If they’re only doing things to help with her education, then Lydia can absolutely feign innocence. “I have a few history reports to do … I’m sure I’d get a much better grade if I could ask dead guys about their lives directly.”      Are you picking up what she’s putting down, BJ ??

   “ — i have ? “    betelguese asked in a babylike whimper,    waving  away the little chompy alligator tears and shaking his hand in order to get one off that has latched onto his middle finger. delight,   however,    quickly replaces the look on his face as he watches lydia destroy the picture they’d been working on.     “ oh, lyds, you’re not going to regret that! “    bj said gleefully, pulling his arm away in order to clasp his hands together at his chest.

for a second, a sneer comes to his lips    —    homework?!     what made her think he wanted to help with that kid stuff?   he’d never entered a classroom to learn and he certainly wasn’t going to start today !! — but once again, realization dawns and a look of certain mischief comes to his face.     “ — you’re directly stealing the plot of this thread from bill and ted’s excellent adventure and i dig it, “      he tells her with a loud laugh, pretending to look at his nails as if he wasn’t eager for another adventure.     “ just say the magic words,    babe,    and i don’t mean please and thank you ! “

“ i don’t think that’s greedy,   i mean … that’s kind of    your whole deal. “   the rooftop   :    an undiscussed   meeting ground for the two of them,    the place where they had met under truly drastic circumstances.    knees curled, feet dangling off the edge of the slotted roof, looking off at the little town down the hill.    it seemed so far away, that concept of normalcy when compared to the haunted house that bj and the maitlands had accidentally created.

tucking a dark strand behind her ear and squinting at the sunset,    lydia reasoned:    “ i mean … it must suck. having to ask someone to make you seeable. it makes me feel lucky. “     she turned, smiling a small, snarky smile at betelguese.    “ sorry i teased you      —    when we first met.       i’d be ripping out my hair waiting for somebody to just make me visible.     —     and i’m sorry i pushed you off the roof.     but in my defense, you were kind of acting like an asshole,     and i wasn’t having a good day. “     lydia chuckled.   /  @otherguide

BETELGEUSE FROWNS, squinting at the words in front of him & trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong. Somehow it’s like the letters have switched around when he wasn’t looking, things are all mixed up, and god he has a headache. “Like what?” He side eyes Adam as if unsure if he’s trying to trick him or not   ( how else are you supposed to hold a pen? )   but eventually relents pulls a fresh piece of paper towards him. “Ugh, never mind, just tell me what to do.” And, because he absolutely cannot resist   ——   “I love it when you order me around, babe.”

    a  kind,  relaxed  face  quickly  turns  into  a  scowl,  and  adam can   only  roll his eyes a little   before  pushing his glasses up  his  nose,  relenting,   and  scooting  only  an  inch  closer  ( wary of being  grabbed,    as  if  remembering  he had  to  keep  his  guard up around the demon!  )   “   see --    see how  i hold  it?  “  adam  replies,  picking  up  a  marker  from  the  floor  and  poising  it  in his  left  hand.    brow  creasing,   he  looked  down  at  the  paper  and  wrote the  words   happy  birthday  in  neat  penmanship,   and  then  leaned  back  again,   nodding  to  betelguese.     “  okay,   now  you  try.   just  write  barbara  --   b - a - r - b - a - r - a. “

“ ALIVE ? ” that caught him off-guard. an eyebrow raises up and he waits for the punchline – oh shit she’s serious. he adjusts his jacket and rolls his shoulders and plants his hands on his knees.

“ no – no. never been alive. that was my first time. ”  BJ nods to himself, sliding a hand through the air as if to try and firmly plant and that’s the end of it, but it probably wasn’t.  “ i was chillin’ in yer house fer… a while. y’see, i wander the world aimlessly and unseen,  LITERALLY  a lost spirit. came across this old place and thought i’d find… somethin’. dunno what. ”

another shrug, and his awkwardly twists his neck to the side.  “ found you two, hung around a bit, and i just KNEW somethin’ was bound to happen, and i thought, hey finally someone dies while i’m around! i can TALK to someone! ‘cause, ya see, ghosts don’t hang around – everyone goes right to the Netherworld and they don’t come back – i couldn’t have that. yada yada. but nah i hung around fer like, a couple months like you guys were a christian white sitcom. ”

the demon shifts, tilting his head.  “ where i’m FROM – that’s tricky. i dunno. i guess i was born – y’see demons aren’t normally born either, i was a special case. demons just – ARE. i was born, a baby in hell, and i had to grow up an’ stuff. i was a tiny lil’ fucker too. never knew my dad and mom just tossed me into the nether-abyss until i came crawling back eventually and she was PISSED about that got into the drinking and the yelling and the beating and the yada yada yada, ”  he rolls his hands as he speaks like it wasn’t a big deal, jerking his shoulders to adjust his jacket sleeves.

“an’ that’s really the gist, nothin’ special. ‘cept that i wasn’t like any other demon and for some reason had to grow up like a human and i never knew my dad because demons don’t really have parents and – eh, yeah. ”

    tucking  her  knees  together  and  folding  her hands in her  lap,  barbara  nodded her  head  and  listened  attentively,  her  face  canted  in  betelguese’s  direction.   she had  no  control  over the  undeniably  sympathetic  expression that was  beginning  to  paint  her  visage,     her  brows  creased  with  a hint of  sadness.    she  couldn’t  imagine  being  so  alone  for so  long ...  no wonder such a  life  death  had  borne  such a  desperate,   crude  person!   “   that  sounds  like  fate   to  me.   i  mean  ...   to  hang  around  just  when  adam and  i  ... “   barb  makes a  vague   gesture,  still awkward  in  grappling  with  the  truth  and  finality  of that  reality.    

 she  let out a  short  breath,  looking  down.  “  you  know,   i’m  glad  you  kept  us  from  going to the  netherworld.    i ... “    she  giggles  somewhat  nervously,  shaking  her  head.    “ i don’t  know  how to  describe  it,   but  living  in  the  house  like  this ...  with  lydia,  the deetzes,  you know  ...   adam,   and  even  you  ...   “   barbara lifts her eyes,  a joyful  glow  within  them.    “  i feel  more  alive  than i think i ever did.   i  guess i can  thank you  for  that?  “

“ no, honey   … don’t say that. “   when barbara,   a woman who is quite dead, brings lydia in close to her chest and holds her there, one quite - lifeless hand moving to stroke back chopped inky locks …   it’s almost enough to make barbara,   herself,  cry !    she was trying to teach herself to not mourn the daughter she could have had in life, the motherhood she could have experienced had her time not been cut short , but appreciate this daughter that was right in front of her , the motherhood she still had an opportunity to act out through this youngest deetz  !     and  what a  privilege  it  was,   to be given a second  chance  in death!

     a  brow  quirks  upward  curiously  in response to  betelguese’s  comment,  shifting  on  hands  and  knees  to  look  at  the  paper   he  was  holding  up  for  his  own  inspection.    yes,   maybe  it  was a  waste  of  bj’s  powers  to  summon him just  to  help  adam  put up  some  decorations  to  celebrate  barbara’s  birthday,   but  hey,   lydia  was  busy  with  homework  and  adam would  take  who  he could  get !    on  the  cardstock  paper  was  written ‘ hapy  bitrhda y’   in  scrawl  that  looked  like  betelguese  had  clutched the  marker  in  his  fist  when  he’d  written  it.   adam  couldn’t  help  but  chuckle  in  a kind way ,  relaxing  back  on his  toes  and  sitting  with  his  knees  in front of him beside the  other. 

immediately in response to lydia’s loud,   terrified scream   and pointing finger, betelguese shrieks by instinct,    quite literally JUMPING into lydia’s arms bridal - style and clinging — funny how tall he was yet how cartoonishly lighthe managed to be! —   trembling like a dead leaf! eyes shut tight, betelguese cried:     “ BABES,   IF WE GET EATEN,   I’M SORRY FOR USING YOUR TOOTHBRUSH TO CLEAR OUT MY SINK DRAIN!!! “     /   @strcngeunusual

OH! THAT’S A SURPRISE ——– Betelgeuse hadn’t even considered the fact he should be thanked for that, as valiant & heroic as it may have been. He manages to hide his surprise with a loud, relieved sigh. “It’s about time you thanked me for that, babes! Really, it took you that long to recognise my heroism? I deserve a medal!” He’s unwilling to move too much lest Lydia get shaken of his shoulder, so she’s treated to the odd sight of him expressing himself using only half of his body. “Washed up? Stop grabbing his butt? Who do you take me for, Lydia?!” He’s gasping in mock offence now, one hand on his chest in feigned shock. “I shouldn’t have to change for a man’s attention.”

Then he settles down, and after a few seconds he starts talking with more solemness in his voice than before, which is a little unsuited to him. “Seriously though Lyds, savin’ your life wasn’t a big deal. I mean, you gave me the gift of life! ‘S only fair that I return it, right? Plus since you killed me, it means I’m allowed to kill you and not get into trouble for it.”

     lydia  giggles  fully  and  genuinely,   eyes  fluttering  shut  for  a  moment  --  the  last  glaze  of  tears  leaving  her  eyes  as  she felt  her  spirits  lift.   betelguese  was  good at  that,  and  he  made  it  look  so  easy.    “  maybe  you should  go  after  someone  who  isn’t  married,  then,  “   she  teased before  faking  contemplation.    “ how about  jacques?   or the monster  across the  street?   they  seem  like  they  tolerate  you.   i  bet  you  i could  set you  up  on the  most  romantic  date  of your  life.  “   lydia  half - joked,  playfully  driving  her  index  finger  into  his  side.