さへいじ

i want to kill myself

i’ve been thinking about it again

i almost cant take it anymore

i really really cant take it anymore

it’s been a long time 

idk if it’s because i’ve had a crush on someone for so long that i just don’t realize it’s there anymore like a smell you get used to or 

or what

.

are they feelings i take for granted or do they not actually exist

what the hell 

my chest feels heavy like i want to cry but i don’t even know or understand if i actually have these feelings

i don’t know 

i just feel like i’m dying alone and that no one will ever love me

and i’ll never meet anyone

and even though i get upset about it i don’t go looking either

i’m just afraid maybe

that’s why i’m upset that once this all goes well i really

won’t be needed anywhere anymore

i don’t know

maybe that’d be okay

or maybe i could just quietly disappear after

and finally just be someone else 

yeah.......

i’ll go to grad school