Edited to add: also probably too fat to fit comfortably in the airline seats, hashtag my hips are the truthiest of non-liars.

Half of a sweet potato micro’d, pecans, greek yogurt, cinnamon, and ghee for breakfast; steamed veg, chicken dressed in olive oil and ranch dressing seasoning for lunch. 

The current one says, “if you did your best today, there’s no need to worry about slow progress.” Which suggests you did your best; and that you’re making progress. All good. 

I like this one because while I am trying to eat better, exercise daily, and keep from driving off a bridge*/spending my whole lunch break crying** at the state of American healthcare, I am also trying to break into a completely new career path with no experience. And by “trying” I mean studying, prepping resumes, doing practice interviews, and adding shit to my portfolio.

So maybe I don’t do my whole workout every day; but I don’t get daily severe headaches anymore, my butterflies are outta sight, and my masseuse only gave me 8/10 pain when she elbowed me in the ass, so...progress.

*metaphorically

I’ve been doing some hip mobility stuff as a result, and I shit you not goyles and boils, I am able to do a butterfly a solid 6″ closer to my crotch than I was able to do two days ago. 

I moved to Texas, which was the best decision I could have made financially, even if not emotionally or professionally - maybe more on that later. 

I paid off my student loans, then bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, bought a HOUSE. As a SINGLE WOMANwithanadultsisterwhohelpswithrentandyardworkBUTSTILL.

I got covid, and I got really sick; and I haven’t bounced back. I’m still (mostly) alive (on the outside), I have all my fingers and toes, I am grateful for being at 99% instead of so many others who aren’t so lucky; but my mental and physical health have severely suffered. See hints above re: Texas. 

The biggest one is that I am moving on from my current occupation. Four years of college, two years of grad school, ten years as a healthcare professional, and I am battle weary of the capitalist swamp of institutionalized cruelty. I am outie, and I’m taking the dog with me. 

To Connecticut. Literally. We’re moving this fall. 

I’ve gained a lot of weight and lost a lot of self-esteem. The worst is not realizing that with weight gain, I drained my bank of social capital - more on that later, too - which has, hopefully temporarily, firebombed my social abilities.

I’m not the same person I was nine years ago when I started this blog. I’ve gotten new cavities, new health problems including medical diagnoses. 

But today's workout was mostly geared toward preventing loss of muscle tone, since I work p much every day and don't have time or energy for a full workout:

Formula is max # reps at that specific difficulty level or 20 reps, whichever happens first. This is M. Then followed by three sets of M/2 reps, with 15 second rest between all sets.

Warmup: walking the dog around the block so he could do his 💩

Squat and OH press 5# M20

Pushup off the couch (so about 35* incline) M8 (WOOF)

Lateral raise 5# M20 (yess)

Donkey kicks no resistance M20 (omfg)

Straight leg deadlifts 20# total M20

Tfw you are so deconditioned, strength exercises get your heart rate to 150 and you're dripping with sweat, lol.

I hate being on this edge of having enough energy to do my FT job AND part time jobs, but not exercise or cook.

It's so frustrating. I'm trying to save up for FIRE etc; but I'm so so tired. And being so fat, and pain related to the extra weight, makes that worse. Fuck.