SadQueerMess

here's the thing. "ace people can still have sex" and "aro people can still be in relationships" are objectively true statements. this is because people can do whatever the fuck they want forever regardless of their label/orientation. however some of you have GOT to get your shit together and stop using those statements to undermine larger conversations about aspec identity. following up "ace people don't owe you sex in a relationship" with "ace people can still have sex in a relationship though!" is not fucking helpful! yes it's true. yes it's a reality for many people. however if we used our fucking brains for a second and thought about how following up "people don't have to conform to societal expectation" with "but people can still conform!! don't worry they can still conform!!!!" is counterproductive and very frustrating for a lot of people then we could get back to the actual point which is not "aspec people can still have sex/be in relationships" but "aspec people can do whatever they want with their relationships and their bodies". which they can, by the way. they can do whatever they want forever. and you should give them 200 dollars every time you see them for dealing with this shit

I‘m aspec, demi- and reciposexual to be specific. I am able to have sex, and I am even able to feel sexual attraction in certain circumstances. I am sex indifferent. I can do it if I choose to, and I willingly chose not to. If I talk about that, allo people act like I‘m crazy, because why should I choose something like that? I‘ll tell you why: because I don‘t want to. It‘s my choice not to fuck somebody just because I could. Many people then believe that‘s because of my boyfriend, because he is completely sex repulsed, but that‘s not true, it was like that before we got together too. I did have sex in the past, and I enjoyed it (sometimes more, sometimes less), but it‘s not something I actively want in my life. It was a big shocker for my cishet best friend when I came out to him as ace, it was so difficult for him to believe that anybody wouldn‘t feel any sexual attraction at all, and when he found out that I am sex indifferent he couldn‘t understand why I choose not to have sex. I think for many people it‘s not just conforming to the societal norm (but it‘s definitely a big part of it), it‘s the fact that they feel romantic/sexual attraction and therefore don‘t understand how it feels to be ace/aro. The problem here is that they expect ace and aro people to understand how they feel because we are just a minority while they are the norm. When I asked him why he craved sexual relationships he couldn‘t understand at all why I asked that, while he expected me to explain why I DIDN’T crave something like this. A lot of Aphobia comes from not understanding why people don‘t necessarily crave something that they really enjoy. I don‘t wanna excuse aphobia with that, I just wanna say that we need more GOOD ace representation (not dehumanized and infantilized characters).