vent blog

man i’m so tired of being such a fuckup

im so sorry for being me

i want to talk about how i’ve been feeling but i just can’t bring myself to because i don’t want to seem like i want attention or bring him down

not being able to recognize my tone of voice is the worst thing that’s ever fucking happened to me and is genuinely ruining my life

sometimes i wish i could just mask all the time again. id rather be guilty for things i can control like being a prick than feel so bothersome and guilty and disgusting for my behaviors and quirks i can’t control

i did everything i was supposed to go feel good today why do i still feel so terrible

how do i express im struggling without having to express it

worried

i don’t think i’ve felt this bad since i was like 14 and my pathetic attempts at asking for help are so muddy that they’re not understood as what i intend for them to be and i’m so frustrated with myself for not being able to articulate what i want or need bc ig i don’t even know and now i’m paranoid that he’s not going to want to have to deal w me or put up w me feeling *this* bad

pov a netflix show has u questioning everything abt ur current life n thinking maybe everyone in ur life would be happier if you were just a 10x better version of urself w/o all the negative bullshit

feeling guilty makes me feel disgusting and makes my stomach hurt so bad and i feel so terrible i literally would rather die than keep messing up like i have been

i love ruining everything it’s my favorite pass time and i’m really good at it yay

i don’t understand why she has to be so mean to me just because she doesn’t feel well, as if i feel any better

why am i the worst lol

i just wanna be held and told it’s okay instead of have to wallow in my own tears and horrible fucking thoughts but i can’t even ask for support when i need it the most so i guess it’s my fault i don’t get what i want at the end of the day