ONE GIRL SIX BLADES

my birthday is on saturday im turning 17 then next year ADULT LIFE HAHA KILL ME HAHA

cant sleep my mind wont stop eating away at me how am i supposed to control negative thoughts how am i supposed to change my way of thinking when all you can do is just feel destructive everything is okay i am loved i keep telling myself but how many times for it to be engraved into my skull i just want to be normal without a dissatisfaction in my head for the things i dont even know that are real sometimes i believe its the only thing ill ever know to over think my own reality up my own fears become my life ever since i found myself on this spiritual path in my life ive thought i came across answers of finding myself true calling but the melancholy inside of me has to tell me you arent good enough youre still lost you never found anything im too stupid to think that ive found something thatll help with the hell inside my head nothing works nothing fits nothing can make you feel whole again but destruction, destruction is something thatll always be here for me, pain is the only coping method that ill truly know but i really do have a chance to change that now.. makes me realize how powerful that my negative thinking is but also how even more powerful my positive thinking is that i can go back think of the times i have been genuinely happy and oh god its the best its just so rare i forget about it the pain covers it all up i just want to find a small piece of that happiness and i always can i can change but i never know how possibly in the darkest of times the light appears as they say its the darkest before the dawn; in the end thats what has to be engraved into my head.

THE DEVIL MOTIVATE ME BITCH I SEE HIM EVERYDAY UP IN THE MIRROR